Roll to Me

AN: This fic is super-duper special, because it is a collaboration between myself and Amaronith!  We're having a lot of fun working on it together.  For added fun while reading, see if you can guess which one of us wrote what parts!

Characters: Belong to Naughty Dog, Inc. and not to us.

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Jak was bored. Really, that was all there was to it. He was bored and he was without Daxter, and the others had already talked him out of killing Rayn three times—mostly because he didn't have an in with the government here, unlike in Haven, where he probably could kill someone and Torn and Ashelin would get him out of the prison sentence.

'Go ahead Dax, go back with Torn and Ashelin,' he had told Daxter. 'Spend some time with Tess, you deserve it,' he said. 'I'll be fine on my own,' he said.

What a load of yakow shit.



Torn and Ashelin had gone back to Haven to rescue their city from the rule of their personal assistants; a mercy for the city in Torn's case. His PA ruled with an iron fist—she had to, to make sure Torn didn't do something stupid like go through four days on nothing but terrible coffee and no sleep.  And Sig had gone back to Spargus to take care of things there. This left Jak alone in Kras City with Keira, who was practically drooling over the mechanics scene, and Samos, who was sticking to Keira's side like glue to make sure none of the more unsavory characters in the city tried anything with his baby girl. Not that either of them could help Jak with his boredom anyway, since they tended to frown on going out and killing metal heads because it was just plain fun.  And he would probably get arrested if he went out and picked a fight.



Not that that stopped him from going back to the Bloody Hook for a drink.



He walked into the bar, his eyes already narrowed when he saw who was there.  Cutter, Shiv and Edje. Jak's scowl deepened.  Where was Razer? He walked over to the bar and ordered his drink. “Hello, boys.”



Shiv glanced at the other two. “Uh...”



“I'm not here for a fight.” Lie. “I'm just wondering where your boss is. I didn't see him after that last race.”



Shiv, Edje and Cutter glanced at each other, looking uncomfortable.

“He's in the hospital. Mizo busted him up really bad after he lost that last race,” Edje said. “And the whole city's in a bad way until everything settles from Rayn's takeover...”



Jak sipped his drink. “Which is why you three are sitting in a bar instead of waiting to see if Razer's alright.”

“What if Rayn decides to have him whacked? We ain't going near him until we know it's safe!” Cutter said, pointing at Jak with his glass.

“What's to stop her from having the rest of you whacked anyway? Razer is useful, at least.” Jak drained his glass and set it down on the bar. “Have a good night, boys.” Jak turned and walked out of the bar, leaving Shiv, Edje and Cutter to look around nervously for some invisible assassin sent by Rayn to kill them.



'Not as fun as beating the shit out of them would have been, but close enough,' Jak thought, looking up at the smoggy sky. '… Maybe I'll go see how Razer's doing.'

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“Friend or family?” the nurse at the front desk asked.

“Um… colleague?” Jak answered hopefully.  He didn’t want to be turned away after coming all the way out to the hospital.  Plus, it was kind of true.

“Sign in, please.  Your friend is in the first room down the hall to your left.”

Jak did and wandered down the corridor.  Part of him, the part that remembered all those bombs and rockets and dirty tricks on the track, hoped he’d find Razer in a body cast.  The other part of him, the part that grudgingly admired the guy’s confidence and tenacity, hoped the gangster would be a little bit better off.  Well enough to hold a decent conversation, anyway.

“Whoa!”  He couldn’t help the exclamation as he stepped in the open door without knocking.  “I didn’t think Blitz had it in him to rough you up so bad.  Guess he’s not as much of a drama queen as I thought…”

Razer, sporting a cast on his right arm and another on his left leg, glanced up with a start.  He stared at Jak for a moment, eyes wide, before swiftly regaining his cool and replying haughtily.  “Pfft.  Come now, you honestly believe that Mizo is strong enough to do this to me himself?  He keeps thugs for more than racing, you know.”  He glared at Jak out the corner of one green eye.  “I suppose you are here to laugh at your defeated rival?”

“Actually, I came to see you because… well, I don’t really have anything else to do.”  Jak wandered further in, scoping the room.  “What are you up to?”

Razer’s eyes narrowed.  “As you can plainly see, I was playing jump-rope.”  He snorted in annoyance.  “Get out of here, you insolent upstart brat.  I’m not your entertainment!”

Jak ignored him completely.  It was fun acting like Daxter for a change.  He noticed the untouched tray of hospital food on a rolling stand next to the bed and steered toward that.  “I interrupted your lunch, huh?”

“That slop is not fit to be called lunch.  Will you please leave?”

“Oh, come on.  You’re never going to heal right if you don’t eat.”  Jak picked up a spoon and scooped something that might have been mashed potatoes onto it. 

“As you can see, green eco did an excellent job healing my more superficial bruises and scrapes.  I’m very sure that with a few more treatments of it my broken bones will—what are you doing with that?”

The green-blonde moved closer, spoon held in front of him.  “You’re right-handed, huh?  It must be hard to eat with your left hand.  Here, I’ll help you.”

“Get away from me!” Razer pulled back as far as he was able, turning his head away.  

“Come on, Razer.  Open the garage door so the race car can pull in!  Vroom vroom!”  Jak was laughing so hard he could barely make sound effects.  This was too priceless, having the posh racer at his mercy. 

“Nurse!” Razer screamed, reaching futilely for the call button with his bound arm.

Jak snickered. “Oh, come on, you big baby. If you don't eat they'll just bother you until you do. It's not like it's made of kangarats and leaper meat.”



Razer stared at him. “What…?”



“Have you ever been in Spargus outside of the racing scene with no mobile garage? It's not exactly the hub of lush greenery and farmsteads.” Jak shook his head. “Yeah, there's trade and stuff, but anything beyond fruits and veggies is rare.”



“So you make meals out of vermin?” Razer looked utterly horrified.



Jak rolled his eyes. “Leapers aren't vermin. The ones that are no good for riding are raised as food. It's actually pretty good, but it's no yakow steak.”



“You ride animals?” Razer shuddered. “How utterly barbaric.”



“It's the wasteland, Razer.” Jak held up the spoon expectantly. “Eat at least a little of this, and if I don't want to kill you by the end of today I'll sneak you in some food from the outside world tomorrow.”



“You're planning to come back?”



Jak tilted his head. “Why not? Your little cronies are afraid to come near you because Rayn might have you ‘whacked,’ to use their term. Rayn knows that if she even tries to do anything to me, I’ll rip out her spine and beat her with it.”



Razer wrinkled his nose. “That mental imagery is not exactly helping my appetite.”



Jak wiggled the spoon again. “Eat.”



Razer sighed and opened his mouth obediently, allowing Jak to feed him most of the mashed potatoes with minimal cringing before he shook his head. “Uhg, I can't. That is absolutely foul and doesn't deserve to be called edible.”



“Oh, fine.” Jak set down the spoon and frowned at Razer. “Have you always been such a huge whiner? You're worse than Daxter!”



Razer glanced at Jak from the corner of his eye. “Speaking of, where is your little rodent? If I remember correctly, you're never seen apart.”



Jak shrugged a shoulder. “He's with his girlfriend back in Haven City.”



“… he has a girlfriend?”



“Yeah.  Another ottsel named Tess.”  He conveniently skipped the part about how she, and Daxter, for that matter, had once been human.  “I figured it would be good for him to see her after being poisoned and all.”



“Poisoned?” Razer's eyebrows shot up. “Someone poisoned your little rat?”

“We all were, actually. Everyone on my racing team, I mean.” Jak shifted in his seat. “We had to race to get the antidote.”

“Which does explain why you never backed down from the challenge.” Razer tilted his head. “Though something tells me you wouldn't have anyway.”

“Yeah, I sort of have a reputation for that.  In all three cities I’ve lived in.”  Before the conversation could go further, Jak grabbed up the spoon again.  “Alright, no more changing the subject.  Time for your meatloaf.”

The black-haired racer looked terrified.  “No!  There’s no knowing what’s in that—that concoction.  It could be your desert-rodent and lizard meat!  Be humane!”

“Did being rich and famous and idolized spoil you that much?  If you were ever hungry enough I guarantee you’d punch a baby for this meatloaf.  Now eat.”

Only the timely arrival of a nurse saved Razer from a headlock and force-feeding.  She knocked at the inside of the open door with a frown, making both men turn to look.  “I’m sorry, Mister Razer, but your friend will have to go now.  It’s time for your next green eco treatment.”

“Thank gods!”

Jak smirked.  “Okay, I’m out.  See you tomorrow.”  Before Razer could comment, he threw a low blow.  “Unless you don’t want me to bring you a burger.  Oh, yeah, and I bet you’re dying for a—?”  With his back safely to the nurse, he mimed puffing a cigarette.

Razer’s righteous indignation smoothed away in an instant at the mention of smokes, only to be replaced by the haunted look of a parched traveler hunting an oasis.  “Of course, dear boy,” he said silkily.  “Please do call again tomorrow.  I’m sure I’ll be feeling more hospitable after another dose of eco.”

Jak laughed himself all the way down the hall and into the elevator.  If nothing else, he had found a new source of entertainment for the remainder of his stay in Kras.

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To be continued.

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Robin's Note: I feel like a traitor to my OTP!  Hogod, I have to work on something Jaxter, quick!!  Uh, anyway. We hope you enjoy our silly little romp, and there will be more along soon :3

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