Mother’s 101 on ‘Relationships for Dummies’
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Adult +
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Category:
+A through F › Disgaea
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
6,141
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Disgaea, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Mother’s 101 on ‘Relationships for Dummies’
Author’s Notes: Adell’s mom is bat-shit crazy and I absolutely adore her! So while this may be an Adell x Rozy fic, it was his mom that actually inspired me to write it.
Chapter 1 – The Odd Couple
No luck. Again, there was no luck in hunting down Overlord Zenon. Adell was beginning to think that the odds were seriously trying to stack themselves against him. Even tricking Etna into giving them part of her personal effects to do another summoning, it seemed that everything was destined to backfire. It didn’t help matters that Rozalin was becoming more obstinate about her “seekrit cuh-nex-shion” to her father.
“So,” his mother bounced in a chipper manner as the group of them sauntered into the house, “Kill Overlord Zenon yet?” The facial reaction elicited from him and his siblings was a clear sign that the answer was a “no.” Her mood soured as well, which was a clear sign for Dad to side-step into the shadows to avoid her wrath. “Wow, I have such an incompetent son.”
“It’s not like that,” Adell protested as he lurched back into one of the kitchen chairs, “Rozalin just doesn’t have a clue where Overlord Zeno-“
“-I resent that!” the stuck-up princess screeched over him with indignant bitchiness, “Just because you don’t know where you’re going doesn’t mean I don’t know where my father is!”
“Wha?! What kind of blond logic forced you to come to that conclusion? Why don’t you just admit you don’t have any ‘ZOMG SEEKRIT CUH-NEX-SHION’ to your father and help me find a more reasonable way of finding him!?”
Red with fury, Rozalin puffed up her cheeks and marched herself straight into his face, “How dare you!” This only proceeded to fan the flames as he suddenly stood up, forcing Rozy to realize the differences in height and stature, and got in her face as well, “How dare I?! How dare you!”
By now the entire family sat back and watched in delight as the two began slinging insults at each other. “A peon human dares to speak to me in such a reprehensible manner!”
“Little prissy princess hasn’t got a clue as to where she’s going and yet she still insists on lying about it.”
By now a little fat flying frog came twittering into the argument, his body ablaze in scarlet to match his master’s heated rage, “How dare you zpeak to ze’ princez like ‘dat!” His stubby limbs flailed mercilessly about Adell’s face as he pops the boys a good one in the nose, “I shall flatten you to piecez you mongering ape! You redneck toad! You black hole for brainz! You-“
“-Get lost!” the red-head shouted back as he creamed the crazy frog with a fist to Tink’s poor body. Again, his family’s eyes traveled around the kitchen while the tubby servant ping-ponged off rafters, countertops, pans before landing in a dusty corner unconscious to the world. This episode of delicious drama was appearing to be quite amusing to everyone and eventually Mom blurted out, “They should get married. I’ll bet the make-up sex after these tiffs would be stupendous!” Silence befell the odd couple as they stared blankly at each other, their cheeks stained pink. Adell couldn’t believe his mother had just said that, and Rozalin was equally as embarrassed because the irony of the statement was overwhelming. What broke the silence was the demonic face on Dad’s chest shouting, “BOOBIES!” shortly thereafter.
“Wow, Adell,” Hanako replied with a rift of jealousy in her tone, “Don’t tell me Mom is right. You like Rozy, doncha?”
“I do not like her, Hanako!” he shouted back defensively. Meanwhile the princess was currently going through her own mental monologue to contemplate the whole marriage comment. But it wasn’t long until she bucked up her tone and folded her arms, turning on her heel to walk away, “Don’t be ridiculous! To even think I’d ever marry this mentally challenged brute is an insult to my dignity as royalty. Even if he was a demon, which he isn’t, he’s nothing more than a pauper. Neither I nor my daddy would ever sanction such an asinine suggestion!” Each word seemed to stab into Adell’s ego bit by bit, and soon he was turning his attention back to her practically snarling, “I don’t even like girls!”
Her voice lightly jingled with a scoff as she put a hand up to her mouth in a gossiping manner, “Thank the Overlord to that! No woman in her right mind would ever want an obtuse animal like you for a husband. You’ll remain a pathetic virgin for the rest of your meager existence.” To this there was a mocking laughter that chimed happily as she began heading to her temporary hovel of a room that Adell’s family provided her. He turned around and shouted, “Mom!” but he was regarded by his family with little concern. Mom only shrugged and replied, “What do you expect? She’s right, y’know. You’ll never get a wife if you keep acting like that.”
“Yeah, Adell,” Taro piped in, “You have to be nicer to Rozy.”
“But she’s the one always insulting me! Why is everyone always giving her the benefit of the doubt!?”
“Because she’s way cooler than you’ll ever be,” came Hanako as she smiled without a care to hurting her brother’s feelings, “Of course, you’ll always be my brother, Adell…but Rozy is a super special princess and Overlord Zenon’s daughter.”
“See?” said Mom with a happy smile, “You’re completely clueless about everything. If you can’t maintain a good relationship with Rozalin you might as well kiss your chances of finding Overlord Zenon goodbye.” Her face turned grim as a pitch black aura enveloped the house and she loomed over her son with intensity, “And if you fail in finding Overlord Zenon, you are useless to me as a son and I will roast you and feed you to the rest of the family!”
The impending feeling of doom promptly subsided after that and everyone went back to their normal business. Adell, however, was still pissed off and marched himself upstairs to wash up while the kids dispersed, taking the unconscious Tink with them. Hananko said something about playing doctor with the frog in joyful glee before taking a verbal pot-shot at Tardo for his low constitution of the sight of blood. Meanwhile Mom sighed with a bit of worry in her voice, “That boy is never going to have a girlfriend if he keeps this up.” She said this as she began putting dinner together. A butcher knife in hand, she began slicing carrots for the Spicy Prinny Cajon Stir-fry dish she was planning on making.
“Maybe he’s just a late bloomer, hunny,” the Dad replied as he sat down by the table to read a paper, “You know how guys are.” He gulped when he heard the sound of the knife stick into the cutting board as his wife’s eyes were ablaze. Sweating profusely, he scooted back in his chair, “S-something w-wrong, h-hunny?”
“He’s seventeen…” she began to reply, the aura around her darkened once more and the lights flickered on and off. Her hand gripped firmly around the handle of the giant cleaving blade. Dad could feel himself sink into the abyss of her psychotic rage, and with that weapon in her hand he didn’t know what she would do. It didn’t help that the demon on his chest screamed out his thoughts, “Don’t Bobbitt my pee-pee!”
“His voice cracked, his [*CAR HORN*] dropped, he’s been growing ample amounts of [*HALLELUIAH!*] around his [*THINK OF THE CHILDREN!*]…” even though mothers tend to know everything that’s physically changing with their kids, it was still disturbing to hear it so graphically described, “Nature’s taken care of all the bodily functions already. So what’s wrong!?”
“Erm…well…” Dad scratched his head and tried to feign ignorance on the matter, but the chest-demon blurted out, “He must be gay!” The reward for this statement was gruesome. Several minutes later Dad was crying in pain with laundry clips clinging to face. The stinging menthol she rubbed around his eyelids was causing him to get all teary as the vapors burned his retinas with amazing intensity. Now that Mom had blown off enough steam through spousal abuse, she smiled radiantly and began to ponder ideas aloud. “Adell’s such a square that I don’t think he understands all the facets of how great erotic play can be. If we can get the two to become an item then perhaps Rozy will finally show him the way to Overlord Zenon’s place. Then Adell can kick his ass and the spell will be broken!” It sounded logical enough to her, “But the question is how can I dupe that girl into having sex with him? Her high-and-mighty ways are certainly endearing, but they won’t do me any good if she refuses to man-handle him a bit.”
“Um, darling-“ Dad tried to interject, but Mom just cut him off, “-Maybe if I could convince her that he’d be a great sex slave.”
“Hunny-?”
Totally ignoring him at this point, she continues to think out loud, “But she’s still a ripe cherry too…at least that’s what it seems. How will she know how great a friend-with-benefits can be if she’s never shacked up with any men before? With two virgins at the helm things are bound to get ugly.”
“Dear-?”
Still talking over him, “Guess there’s no choice. I will have to coach her!” In this marriage, the wife was certainly not the weaker of the two sexes. Never once did she even bother to pay attention to what her husband wanted to interject on. Besides, nothing he could say would have been any good in her eyes. She quickly focused on him now that she decided to acknowledge his desire to speak and curtly stated, “I blame you for this. It’s your job as the father to teach him about the birds and the bees. Now he’s seventeen and practically a mental asexual eunuch.”
Life was officially over for Dad as he sobbed in a corner from the potshot she took at his role as a father. However she paid no attention to his melancholy as she began devising a most insidious plot within her demonic mind. The aura radiating from her was now a fiery orange as she cackled all the way through her meal preparations. “My dearest son...Tonight I shall make sure you are deflowered in the most ungentlemanly way imaginable! That way you will be able to see Overlord Zenon and defeat him!” Her maniacal laughter ended up echoing down the halls but Rozalin was in the shower and never heard it. Meanwhile Adell couldn’t make heads or tails of the words but figured that his mother was up to something mischievous as usual. Unfortunately for him, he hadn’t a clue as to how far this new trickery would actually go. Unlike the other attempts, this one would harbor a lot more consequences.
Chapter 1 – The Odd Couple
No luck. Again, there was no luck in hunting down Overlord Zenon. Adell was beginning to think that the odds were seriously trying to stack themselves against him. Even tricking Etna into giving them part of her personal effects to do another summoning, it seemed that everything was destined to backfire. It didn’t help matters that Rozalin was becoming more obstinate about her “seekrit cuh-nex-shion” to her father.
“So,” his mother bounced in a chipper manner as the group of them sauntered into the house, “Kill Overlord Zenon yet?” The facial reaction elicited from him and his siblings was a clear sign that the answer was a “no.” Her mood soured as well, which was a clear sign for Dad to side-step into the shadows to avoid her wrath. “Wow, I have such an incompetent son.”
“It’s not like that,” Adell protested as he lurched back into one of the kitchen chairs, “Rozalin just doesn’t have a clue where Overlord Zeno-“
“-I resent that!” the stuck-up princess screeched over him with indignant bitchiness, “Just because you don’t know where you’re going doesn’t mean I don’t know where my father is!”
“Wha?! What kind of blond logic forced you to come to that conclusion? Why don’t you just admit you don’t have any ‘ZOMG SEEKRIT CUH-NEX-SHION’ to your father and help me find a more reasonable way of finding him!?”
Red with fury, Rozalin puffed up her cheeks and marched herself straight into his face, “How dare you!” This only proceeded to fan the flames as he suddenly stood up, forcing Rozy to realize the differences in height and stature, and got in her face as well, “How dare I?! How dare you!”
By now the entire family sat back and watched in delight as the two began slinging insults at each other. “A peon human dares to speak to me in such a reprehensible manner!”
“Little prissy princess hasn’t got a clue as to where she’s going and yet she still insists on lying about it.”
By now a little fat flying frog came twittering into the argument, his body ablaze in scarlet to match his master’s heated rage, “How dare you zpeak to ze’ princez like ‘dat!” His stubby limbs flailed mercilessly about Adell’s face as he pops the boys a good one in the nose, “I shall flatten you to piecez you mongering ape! You redneck toad! You black hole for brainz! You-“
“-Get lost!” the red-head shouted back as he creamed the crazy frog with a fist to Tink’s poor body. Again, his family’s eyes traveled around the kitchen while the tubby servant ping-ponged off rafters, countertops, pans before landing in a dusty corner unconscious to the world. This episode of delicious drama was appearing to be quite amusing to everyone and eventually Mom blurted out, “They should get married. I’ll bet the make-up sex after these tiffs would be stupendous!” Silence befell the odd couple as they stared blankly at each other, their cheeks stained pink. Adell couldn’t believe his mother had just said that, and Rozalin was equally as embarrassed because the irony of the statement was overwhelming. What broke the silence was the demonic face on Dad’s chest shouting, “BOOBIES!” shortly thereafter.
“Wow, Adell,” Hanako replied with a rift of jealousy in her tone, “Don’t tell me Mom is right. You like Rozy, doncha?”
“I do not like her, Hanako!” he shouted back defensively. Meanwhile the princess was currently going through her own mental monologue to contemplate the whole marriage comment. But it wasn’t long until she bucked up her tone and folded her arms, turning on her heel to walk away, “Don’t be ridiculous! To even think I’d ever marry this mentally challenged brute is an insult to my dignity as royalty. Even if he was a demon, which he isn’t, he’s nothing more than a pauper. Neither I nor my daddy would ever sanction such an asinine suggestion!” Each word seemed to stab into Adell’s ego bit by bit, and soon he was turning his attention back to her practically snarling, “I don’t even like girls!”
Her voice lightly jingled with a scoff as she put a hand up to her mouth in a gossiping manner, “Thank the Overlord to that! No woman in her right mind would ever want an obtuse animal like you for a husband. You’ll remain a pathetic virgin for the rest of your meager existence.” To this there was a mocking laughter that chimed happily as she began heading to her temporary hovel of a room that Adell’s family provided her. He turned around and shouted, “Mom!” but he was regarded by his family with little concern. Mom only shrugged and replied, “What do you expect? She’s right, y’know. You’ll never get a wife if you keep acting like that.”
“Yeah, Adell,” Taro piped in, “You have to be nicer to Rozy.”
“But she’s the one always insulting me! Why is everyone always giving her the benefit of the doubt!?”
“Because she’s way cooler than you’ll ever be,” came Hanako as she smiled without a care to hurting her brother’s feelings, “Of course, you’ll always be my brother, Adell…but Rozy is a super special princess and Overlord Zenon’s daughter.”
“See?” said Mom with a happy smile, “You’re completely clueless about everything. If you can’t maintain a good relationship with Rozalin you might as well kiss your chances of finding Overlord Zenon goodbye.” Her face turned grim as a pitch black aura enveloped the house and she loomed over her son with intensity, “And if you fail in finding Overlord Zenon, you are useless to me as a son and I will roast you and feed you to the rest of the family!”
The impending feeling of doom promptly subsided after that and everyone went back to their normal business. Adell, however, was still pissed off and marched himself upstairs to wash up while the kids dispersed, taking the unconscious Tink with them. Hananko said something about playing doctor with the frog in joyful glee before taking a verbal pot-shot at Tardo for his low constitution of the sight of blood. Meanwhile Mom sighed with a bit of worry in her voice, “That boy is never going to have a girlfriend if he keeps this up.” She said this as she began putting dinner together. A butcher knife in hand, she began slicing carrots for the Spicy Prinny Cajon Stir-fry dish she was planning on making.
“Maybe he’s just a late bloomer, hunny,” the Dad replied as he sat down by the table to read a paper, “You know how guys are.” He gulped when he heard the sound of the knife stick into the cutting board as his wife’s eyes were ablaze. Sweating profusely, he scooted back in his chair, “S-something w-wrong, h-hunny?”
“He’s seventeen…” she began to reply, the aura around her darkened once more and the lights flickered on and off. Her hand gripped firmly around the handle of the giant cleaving blade. Dad could feel himself sink into the abyss of her psychotic rage, and with that weapon in her hand he didn’t know what she would do. It didn’t help that the demon on his chest screamed out his thoughts, “Don’t Bobbitt my pee-pee!”
“His voice cracked, his [*CAR HORN*] dropped, he’s been growing ample amounts of [*HALLELUIAH!*] around his [*THINK OF THE CHILDREN!*]…” even though mothers tend to know everything that’s physically changing with their kids, it was still disturbing to hear it so graphically described, “Nature’s taken care of all the bodily functions already. So what’s wrong!?”
“Erm…well…” Dad scratched his head and tried to feign ignorance on the matter, but the chest-demon blurted out, “He must be gay!” The reward for this statement was gruesome. Several minutes later Dad was crying in pain with laundry clips clinging to face. The stinging menthol she rubbed around his eyelids was causing him to get all teary as the vapors burned his retinas with amazing intensity. Now that Mom had blown off enough steam through spousal abuse, she smiled radiantly and began to ponder ideas aloud. “Adell’s such a square that I don’t think he understands all the facets of how great erotic play can be. If we can get the two to become an item then perhaps Rozy will finally show him the way to Overlord Zenon’s place. Then Adell can kick his ass and the spell will be broken!” It sounded logical enough to her, “But the question is how can I dupe that girl into having sex with him? Her high-and-mighty ways are certainly endearing, but they won’t do me any good if she refuses to man-handle him a bit.”
“Um, darling-“ Dad tried to interject, but Mom just cut him off, “-Maybe if I could convince her that he’d be a great sex slave.”
“Hunny-?”
Totally ignoring him at this point, she continues to think out loud, “But she’s still a ripe cherry too…at least that’s what it seems. How will she know how great a friend-with-benefits can be if she’s never shacked up with any men before? With two virgins at the helm things are bound to get ugly.”
“Dear-?”
Still talking over him, “Guess there’s no choice. I will have to coach her!” In this marriage, the wife was certainly not the weaker of the two sexes. Never once did she even bother to pay attention to what her husband wanted to interject on. Besides, nothing he could say would have been any good in her eyes. She quickly focused on him now that she decided to acknowledge his desire to speak and curtly stated, “I blame you for this. It’s your job as the father to teach him about the birds and the bees. Now he’s seventeen and practically a mental asexual eunuch.”
Life was officially over for Dad as he sobbed in a corner from the potshot she took at his role as a father. However she paid no attention to his melancholy as she began devising a most insidious plot within her demonic mind. The aura radiating from her was now a fiery orange as she cackled all the way through her meal preparations. “My dearest son...Tonight I shall make sure you are deflowered in the most ungentlemanly way imaginable! That way you will be able to see Overlord Zenon and defeat him!” Her maniacal laughter ended up echoing down the halls but Rozalin was in the shower and never heard it. Meanwhile Adell couldn’t make heads or tails of the words but figured that his mother was up to something mischievous as usual. Unfortunately for him, he hadn’t a clue as to how far this new trickery would actually go. Unlike the other attempts, this one would harbor a lot more consequences.