Roll to Me

AN:  No, we didn’t forget about it.  Robin just had a chaotic spell and Amaronith waited very kindly and patiently for it to pass.  Hope you enjoy the chapter!

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Kuromei: Jak and Razer really are pretty cute together.  In an insane, drug-trippy sort of way.  And no worries.  Room and Board will get finished no matter what, I promise.

Franko: An exceptionally long stalk.  I thin you deserve the bacon and eggs after that.

SpunkiSpirou: Poor Jak.  He’s just fated to be everyone’s sacrificial virgin.  Well, except in R&B.  He’s totally not a virgin there.  Probably about the furthest thing from virginal, actually. Lol

Reva: Robin mentioned stopping.  But that’s still in the future, if it happens.  I wouldn’t worry about it!

Dove_the_Unoriginal: Yeah, Keira doesn’t play a big part in this one.  I guess it’s kind of like an AU in that way, huh?  She does come in a little, so we didn’t kick her out totally, haha.  Thanks for the nice comments. And I hope you do post your stuff sometime when you’re ready!

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Characters: Copyright Naughty Dog, Inc.

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Jak did not consider himself a coward. He never ran from anything (except possibly Samos, but there was a slight difference between bravery and stupidity and he only needed to get hit with the walking stick once to learn how to dodge). Poison him, threaten to blow him up, send hundreds of soldiers and Metal Heads to try to kill him—he could handle it all.

Except, apparently, dating. Romance in general, really.  Which was why, after making Razer swear that he wouldn’t do anything stupid and setting him up with enough snacks, smokes, drinks, and entertainment to make sure it stayed that way, Jak went to visit the only other people he knew in Kras that he didn't want to hurt horribly: Samos and Keira.

After the Krew family’s support had ceased, daughter and father had rented out a small apartment in a nicer part of town.  It wasn’t too fancy, it wasn’t run down, and it was within walking distance of the garage that Keira did the majority of her work in.  Jak had only been there once before, when he and Daxter had helped the two to move in shortly before the ottsel returned to Haven with their other friends.  He made his way to the garage that afternoon, knowing full well it was where Keira would be.  He wasn’t disappointed.



“There you are, Jak!” Samos exclaimed as he ushered the green-blonde into the spacious garage bay.  “We've been worried about you.  When all that your last note said was that you were taking care of Razer, we thought the worst!”



Jak blinked. “The worst?”



“Well, there hasn’t been a story about his grisly murder on the nightly news yet, so now we're just confused, my boy.”



Jak frowned at the old Sage. “Wow. Way to be supportive, Samos.”



Keira rolled her eyes, looking up from the engine she had dismantled on the table in front of her. “Daddy, go water the plants in the office.” She shooed her father out of the room before hugging Jak, taking care not to get any oil on his clothes. “We were worried about you, though. How is Razer?”



“He's fine.  Just an idiot.  Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it.” Jak smiled at her as he rubbed the back of his neck. “But… hey, Keira?  Can I ask you something?”



“Sure, Jak, you can ask me anything.”



“It's about… dating.”



Keira's smile froze on her face. “Dating?”



Jak's ears drooped. “Razer wants to date me.”



She stared, smile morphing into an entirely confused expression. “... are you sure you want to talk about this with me? I mean, I'm batting zero for two on that front.”



Of which Jak was one. Shit. Maybe this was a terrible idea. “I don't really want to bug Daxter about it. He deserves a chance to just spend time with Tess, you know?”



“What about Torn? Or Ashelin?”



“Can you really imagine Torn giving advice about dating? Or Ashelin either, for that matter?”  Ashelin's dating advice probably involved whips and chains and tying someone down. Jak gave an involuntary shudder at the thought.  Definitely not his scene.



Keira bit her lip thoughtfully. “Right. Okay.  Just give me a sec to clean up a bit and we can go out to grab some lunch, okay?”



“Thanks, Keira.”

- // - // - // - // -

It took Keira less than half an hour to get ready to have lunch with him, which Jak thought was pretty good time, given how her hands and clothes had been stained with oil.  They ended up ordering in from a place that offered an array of South Kras style food.  Not surprisingly, this one delivered twenty-four hours a day, which was probably how Keira had found it.  They sat on a patch of relatively clean garage floor, cartons of food around them and a case of beer by their side.  A better picnic could not have been invented, Jak was positive.



“Okay,” Keira said after she had been regaled with the tale of Jak’s adventures with Razer hitherto.  She popped open two bottles and passed one to him. “So.  You’ve been willingly taking care of Razer since he left the hospital.  And now you need dating advice because Razer wants to date you. What kind of advice are we talking about here?”

Jak blinked at her, his face blank.

Keira buried her face in one hand as the other reached over to grab a carton and a plastic fork. “Jak, I can't help you if you don't know what you want.”



“That's the whole problem—I have no idea what I'm doing!” Jak took a swig of beer. “It's actually kind of an alarming idea that anyone wants me like that at all, much less someone like Razer.”



Keira arched an eyebrow. “I don't count?”



“No, you knew me before. We have that whole childhood friends thing.” Jak scowled at his beer. “And Razer is... urban. Very, very urban. Fast cars, fine food, beautiful people.  That sort of thing.”



Keira snorted. “And you don't like fast cars?”



“Well, what kind of idiot doesn't like fast cars?  But as for everything else… I think about people more than I think about their looks.”



Keira slurped up a mouthful of noodles. “And that's a big part of what makes you you, Jak.” She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand. “Listen, do you enjoy being around him?”



“Yeah, he's not so bad now that we don't have to kill each other.” Jak picked up his own carton of food—some sort of rib meat in a sticky sweet sauce, Keira swore up and down he would like it—and poked at it with his fork. “He's actually really funny.”



“Jak, if you really honestly enjoy being around him, then go for it! I mean, I know you're basically a social cripple, so it'll be good for you. And if he touches you in the no-no place without permission, I'm confident you know how to break bones." She snapped her fork in half as a demonstration before reaching over to grab a spare one from the take out bag.



Jak stared at her, fork paused in front of his mouth. “... my ‘no-no place’? Seriously, Keira?”



Keira smirked at him over the mouth of her beer bottle. “Do we need to find some dolls to demonstrate?”



Jak rolled his eyes and shoved a forkful of ribs in his mouth. Keira was right, they were pretty good. “No, we do not, thank you.”



“Are you sure?” she teased.  “Or would you rather have the full size, to scale adult model complete with full detail? I'm sure we can find pictures on the internet.”



He snorted. “I've already seen the real life version, Keira.”



She arched a brow knowingly. “I think you've gone a little past dating, then.”



Jak nearly choked on his beer. “In the shower!”  

Keira grinned at him.

“I mean, I was helping him in the shower!”

Her grin grew wider.

“Damn it, it wasn't like that!” She laughed at him and Jak scowled darkly at her. “You are an asshole, Keira. Why are all my friends assholes?”



“Do you want me answer that honestly?”



“No.”



She patted his knee. “Eat your ribs and don't worry about it. I'm sure Razer’s got plenty of experience.  He’ll show you the ropes if you don't know what you're doing. Everything else will work out.”



Jak smiled grudgingly at her. “Thanks.  But you're still an asshole.”



“And you're a douche bag, sometimes. It's why we're friends.”

“Point taken.  You gonna eat that teriyaki ducken?”

“Touch the ducken and lose a hand, hero boy.”

The remainder of their lunch passed in a kind of amiable companionship that Jak was sure they had never experienced together before.  Their friendship had certainly taken a rollercoaster since the days of flirtatious teenage tension back home in Sandover, but he almost liked this new camaraderie they had together better.  Halfway through their fortune cookies Samos returned and had his tea with them, chatting about this and that and how he planned to open up a horticulturist’s shop in the neighborhood if Keira decided that Kras was to become a permanent arrangement.  The only thing that could have made the afternoon better was having Daxter there, too, but Jak wasn’t as lonely as he had been.  Surprisingly, the thought of his smaller friend didn’t make him bitter or sad.

For the first time in a long while, Jak felt… almost normal.

Lunchtime turned into late afternoon before he decided that he really should get back to the apartment.  He was covered in grease from ears to boots, a byproduct of helping Keira with her current project.  His head felt clearer than it had since their last fateful race as he helped her wipe down the tools and store them away in her workspace.

“Do you really have to go so soon, my boy?” Samos asked.  “We have a sofa you’re more than welcome to camp on until you decide to head home to Haven.”

“No thanks, Samos.  I should probably head back uptown and make sure Razer’s not laying on the carpet with a re-broken leg.”  Jak rolled his eyes.  The scenario was far more likely than he wanted to admit.  “Knowing my luck he’ll fall against the stove and set the whole complex on fire.”

Keira laughed.  “Hey, at least you’re never bored.”  She gave him another hug, heedless of the engine oil smearing between them.  “Keep in touch, okay?  You can actually use that communicator I gave you, you know.  It won’t bite you if you touch it.  It won’t detonate if you flip it on.”

Jak picked her up in retaliation against the sass, her boots a good three inches off the concrete.  “I will.  If I have problems you’re the first one I’m calling.  I’ll make sure it’s in the exact middle of the night when I do.”

“Do it and I’ll drag you shopping with me.  I’ll make you carry my bags.  All the bags, Jak!”

“I’ll butt dial you when I’m making out with Razer on the couch.”

“Ewww, gross!”  She fought out of his grasp, laughing around fake gagging noises.  “Alright, that’s it, get out of here.  I’m totally calling Daxter to lecture him about leaving you on your own.  You’ve obviously gone into ottsel withdrawal and you’re starting to take on his role along with your own.”

With a final smirk and a wave, Jak departed.  Yeah.  It had been an unexpectedly good day. 

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Jak’s good mood lasted him all the way back to Razer’s apartment complex.  He didn’t have to fight the urge to throw a random citizen off their zoomer and commandeer it for his own even once.  He even managed not to scowl back when the doorman gave him a weird look that clearly screamed “riffraff!” as he walked into the lobby.

Up the elevator, down the hall, search for the spare key Razer had given him before he had headed out that afternoon.  Jak opened the door and stepped in quietly, almost afraid of what he might see. 

As it turned out, he needn’t have worried.  Razer was right where he had been left—on the couch, leg propped up on a pillow resting on the coffee table.  The older racer had probably made a trip or two to the kitchen and bathroom, but for the most part it looked like he had followed doctor’s orders to stay off his feet. 

“Ah, so you came back after all?” Razer asked casually as Jak stepped in.  He didn’t bother to look away from the telescreen.  “I was beginning to think my little crocapup had gotten lost.”

Jak huffed, shutting and locking the door behind him.  “Of course I came back.  I said I would.”  He glanced at Razer’s chosen program.  “Have you been watching the Speed Channel all day?”

“Yes.  It’s quite informative.  Also there is nothing else to watch that even remotely catches my interest.”

The part of Jak that had obviously been listening to Daxter’s smart mouth for far, far too long reared its head before he could put a lid on it.  “Really?  I had you pegged for a ‘Teen Mom’ kind of guy.  ‘Sixteen and Pregnant,’ maybe?”

Razer glanced back at him to glare, ears pinned back in an unamused slant.  Then he did a startled double take.  “Dear gods, you’re disgusting!  Why are you so dirty?!” 

“Huh?”  Jak glanced down at himself.  He had completely forgotten about his grungy state.  “Oh.  I went to see my friend Keira at her garage and stuck around to help out.  It’s been a couple weeks since I was under a hood, so it was actually kind of nice—”

“Stop walking on my carpet!  Take off your boots and go take a shower, you idiot.  And don’t touch anything on your way there.”

The green-blonde frowned.  “What’s the matter with you?  It’s just a little grease.  You act like you don’t work on your own cars.”

“Of course I work on my own vehicles,” Razer scoffed.  “I get as smeared up with grease as anyone.  However, I also have a very nice shower in my garage which I make a point to make use of before I return to my home.”  He made a shooing motion over the back of the couch.  “Now go. Clean.  You’re filthy.”

“You like me filthy,” Jak shot back. 

Razer looked startled, then smiled slowly.  “Well, well.  Since when are you the one to make jokes like that, boy?”

“Since we apparently started dating.  Get used to it,” Jak advised.  “If you’re really serious about this you’ll have to get used to being around Daxter a lot eventually.  I’m just making sure you’re prepared.”  Then he spun on his heel and headed for the bathroom, not missing the older racer’s indignant spluttering behind him. 

Oh yeah.  This might be fun after all.

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 To be continued.

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(2^nd)AN:  Still working, just very slowly >.> 

It totally did not even cross Razer’s mind that he might have to deal with Daxter at some point. Poor man doesn’t know the hell that awaits him.

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