Roll to Me

AN: I tried to forget that this poor thing existed.  But it exists. And I have to take responsibility for it, I suppose.

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Franko:  Razer is indeed a sly devil.  Sorry if you were stalking for an update this whole time! lol

Kuromei:  Yeah… about that one more chapter thing… Looks like there’s going to be more than one.  A couple maybe. A few.  I need to quit estimating how many chapters are left in things.  I’m tired of making myself look derp.

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Characters: Belong to Naughty Dog, Inc.

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Jak snapped awake when he heard the sound of oddly shuffling footsteps and muttered curses.  Automatically he reached for the gun under his pillow—that wasn't there. It took him a moment after that to remember where he was and, more importantly, why he was here.

"Razer?" Jak sat up and glanced back in the direction the shuffling was coming from.

"Go back to sleep," Razer grumbled, leaning heavily against the wall as he shuffled his way toward the bathroom.



"Do you need help?" Jak asked.



"No." Razer continued to inch his way along the wall toward the bathroom.  It took a few moments, but he did finally manage to reach his goal.  He sent Jak a smug smirk as he grabbed the door handle.  “There.  Perfectly fine, as you can see.”  Then the door suddenly swung open under the extra weight pressed against it.  Razer promptly lost his balance and crashed into the wall, bad arm first. "Whoa—ow ow ow ow ow—!"



Jak was on his feet in an instant, running to catch Razer before he could hit the ground. "Again with the making poor life choices? Really?"

"Shut up. I'm not even awake yet, leave me alone," Razer growled, but he did allow the younger man to help him sit on the toilet seat.



"It's cute how you think you're the slightest bit threatening," Jak chuckled.  He ran a hand through his hair as he tried not to pay too close attention to the fact that they were standing (or sitting, in Razer’s case) in nothing but their boxers, and Razer looked far sexier than he had any right to with bed hair.



Razer smirked up at him. "It's cute how you think I'm trying to threaten you."  He snapped the waistband of Jak's boxers, making the green-blonde jerk back with a startled noise—he refused to even entertain the idea that it was a squeak—and press his back against the wall. "Are you going to help me with my shower, Jak?"



Jak eyed the older racer as though he were a poisonous snake. "Do you promise to keep your hands to yourself?"



"Of course," Razer said with a wicked smirk. "Do you?"



Jak scowled at him, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes."



Razer grinned wider. "Really? Something tells me that's not true."



"I am not a lying pervert." Jak uncrossed his arms and leaned over to turn on the water, letting it run warm before he returned his attention to the minor threat at hand. "Come on."



Razer slowly got to his feet, leaning against Jak as he shimmied out of his boxers and stepped into the shower. "Aren't you coming in with me?"



Jak flushed, keeping his eyes firmly on Razer's face. "I—what?"



"You have to make sure I don't fall, don't you? It's awfully slippery in here..."

Jak flushed, and moved to step into the shower with Razer.

An ebony brow rose.  "You're going to shower in your boxers?"



Jak's ears were on fire as he shoved down his boxers and kicked them aside before stalking into the shower.  Really, with as much as he had been teased by Jinx over the years, he would have thought he would have grown used to this kind of teasing by now.  Apparently not.  "I swear, if you do anything weird, I'm decking you."



"Weird?" Razer gave Jak a slow once over. "Define weird."



Jak fought the urge to cover himself with Razer's bright red bath poof, it being the nearest thing to hand, and instead just stepped in behind him with a scowl. "You're pushing it right now, Razer."



Razer smirked at Jak over his shoulder. "So I'm not allowed to flirt with you? You seemed so open to the idea last night."



Which part of last night?  The part where you kissed me brainless or the part where I jerked off on your couch? Much to his relief, Jak managed to catch himself before he actually said any of that out loud. "That was because I was drunk,” he said matter-of-factly, trying his hardest to believe himself.  “It’s not like I go around randomly making out with people when I’m sober."



Razer smirked and turned.  He took a mincing step forward on his bad leg, then a much surer one on his good one.  "So you're saying I should get you drunk more often?"

"No!" Jak shivered despite himself as his back pressed up against cold tile.  Damn it, he shouldn’t be this nervous.  Razer was still hurt, for Precursor’s sake.  He could totally take this guy if he had to.  "I—"



"You seem to be the master of mixed signals, boy, so I’ll simply as you point blank.  Do you want me to kiss you again?"



"Yes.”  Oh, shit, why the hell had he said that?!  “I mean, no!" At Razer's skeptical look, Jak flushed even darker. "Shut up! Just take your damn shower!"



Razer just chuckled and leaned in for a kiss.

Jak prided himself on the fact that he did not whimper when Razer kissed him.  The steam from the water curled up around them and added a pleasant contrast to the chill of the tile at his back, and the almost electric heat of Razer's mouth. “You said you'd keep your hands to yourself....” he finally managed when the contact broke, the protest even weaker in his own ears than it must have been to Razer.



“I never said anything about my mouth, did I?” Razer murmured against Jak's mouth.  “Psssh.  You kiss like a virgin.”  He kissed his way along Jak's jaw, apparently enjoying the stubble.



“Maybe that’s because I am a virgin,” Jak muttered, even as he finally quit trying to kid himself and tipped his head to the side. Would doing this with Razer really be such a bad thing? And maybe, when he recovered a little more...



Razer pulled black, blinking. “You're a virgin?”



“Yes.” Jak nodded absently. “Why?”



“You're joking with me, surely.”

Jak frowned at Razer's skeptical look. “No.  Why would I joke about something like that?  I haven't exactly had the time to fool around. Or wanted to, really.”



“But you had a girlfriend.”



“Only sort of. Keira and I kissed once or twice, but... well, she's more attracted to vehicles than people, I think.” Jak shrugged a shoulder.  That’s just the way things were.  He had long since accepted that about her and moved on.



Razer sighed heavily.  There was an undisguised pout on his face that didn’t suit his gangster reputation in the slightest.  “Well, I'm certainly not about to ravish a virgin in the shower when I'm not at my best.”



Jak let out a half nervous laugh before gingerly patting his so-called new friend on the shoulder.  Maybe this was for the best after all.  “I'm not really the type for one-time hook ups anyway. Why don’t you just finish your shower?  Then, maybe, we can find someplace to get breakfast.”



“What's the matter, Jak? Don't cook?”



Jak rolled his eyes as Razer thrust the bottle of body wash at him. Apparently he was going to be helping with more than balance.  “I burn everything. Even water.”  Resignedly he grabbed the bath poof and began to lather.



“That's not hard for me to believe.”



“Do you cook?” Jak asked pointedly as he ran the stupid girly poof over Razer's back and shoulders, doing his level best to not look any lower.



The older man snorted. “I can make toast and coffee.”



The bath poof paused. “So.  Is there a place the delivers breakfast?”



“Yes.” Razer looked over his shoulder, amused, as Jak passed him the poof in clear refusal to go any further. “Don't worry, little croca-pup—I'll make sure you get fed.”



“Bite me.”



“Maybe after our shower, hm?”



Jak rolled his eyes, thankful Razer couldn't see his blush. “Weirdo.”



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For taking a shower with an attractive young man that didn't end in sex so hot it warped the tiles, it had been a surprisingly pleasant experience—if not intimate in strange ways. Like, for instance, Jak washing his back for him. Razer didn't even do that for people he did have sex in the shower with, and Jak had just done it as though it was most natural thing in the world, without a second thought or show of hesitation. 

Though, on second thought, that could've been more for the need to have something to do with his hands rather than Jak thinking things through. But his touch had been surprisingly gentle when he washed Razer's hair for him, clearly practiced on how not to get soap in someone's eyes when washing hair that wasn't his own. Experience that he had probably gained washing that little rodent of his.



What a surprise the ugly feeling of jealousy that had reared up at that stray thought was. Razer had never thought of himself as petty, had never had a reason to be jealous of anyone or anything since he was small, and yet the very idea of Jak's hands on that smug little rodent made his blood boil.



This was probably not a good sign. Razer blew out a plume of smoke as he watched Jak order food over the comm. He had only really known the boy for a scant few days, not including the time during the championship when they had swapped missiles and insults as easily as they had swapped spit in the shower that morning. Plus, the boy didn’t even seem to know what he himself wanted.  He was a ticking time bomb of inexperience.  To get attached so quickly was foolish.

And yet…

Razer sipped his coffee and stewed in his thoughts.  After a time the door buzzer sounded.  He glanced up with an amused smirk as Jak’s ears flew vertical.  “There’s your breakfast, pup.  Run along and fetch it, now, there’s a good boy.”

Jak glared, but did grab the small stack of bills that Razer had laid aside for the purpose.  When he returned to the small kitchenette shortly after he came bearing two paper sacks.  The overwhelming aroma of bacon immediately began to fill the air. 

“Good lord, boy, just how much of what did you order?”

The green-blonde looked up from his bag innocently.  “I got us scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage links, home fries, and orange slices.  You said you can make toast, right?”

Razer looked on in horror as the sacks were unloaded onto his tiny table.  “Mother of Mar!  You’re actually going to eat all of that?”

“Well, yeah.  I thought this would be just about right for two people.  You don’t think so?”

“I think you’re rather sadly mistaken.  I myself do not eat much for breakfast.  Toast and the coffee will do nicely for me, thank you.”

Jak frowned.  “Oh, come on.  You’ve got to eat more than that.”

“No, I don’t think I—what are you doing?  Get out of my cabinets!”

Resolutely Jak pulled down two plates.  “Just be quiet and make the toast, alright?”  He pulled the lid off a container of piping hot scrambled eggs and began to pile them onto both plates.  “If you don’t eat you won’t heal right.  Your body needs food to make up for all the energy it’s expending mending your bones.  Even I know that.”

Razer, caught between outrage and amusement, managed a startled laugh.  “Well, aren’t you simply the most proficient little wife?  Are you going to spoon feed it to me as well?”

“Don’t push it,” Jak growled.

But he was on a roll, now.  “Suddenly I fear I’ve been terribly negligent.  You are being such a gem and I have not provided.  Do I need to go dig my mother’s pearls out of the safety deposit box?” 

“Razer.”

“I’m sure they would look quite fetching on you.”

“I’m serious, knock it off!”

“Mother always did hope I would give them to some sweet young thing, I suppose—”

“Okay, that’s it.”  And it was.  Jak had a spoon in hand faster than the eye could track, the spoon into the eggs, and a projectile of fluffy yellow arcing across the table half a moment afterward to splatter across the front of Razer’s designer house coat.

The older racer’s eye twitched sharply.  And here he had almost managed to forget that the boy was barely half his age.  However, that didn’t mean he would be allowed such trespasses with impunity.  Quick as lightning Razer seized the newspaper off the table and belted Jak between the ears with it.  “Never mind.  I’ve divorced you.  You have been demoted back to croca-pup.”

“Seriously?” Jak snipped, rubbing at his head.  “We went from me being a pet, to us being married, to being divorced, and back to me being a pet in less than three minutes? Man, I knew things were different in Kras, but talk about a whirlwind romance.”



“Would you rather a slow seduction? Candlelit dinners at fancy restaurants?” Razer fetched the bread and set up three pieces of toast. “Dancing?” The idea of Jak actually wanting to go dancing was laughable, but the boy was full of surprises.



Jak made a face. “No. That stuff isn't really my thing.”

“Well, then, what is?”



“Hell, I don’t know!”  The green-blonde rolled his eyes in obvious annoyance.  “I told you I’m not good at this stuff.  How should I know what I want out of it?”

Razer paused to consider.  His ears flicked idly as the toast popped up with a ding.  If he proposed what he was seriously considering proposing, there would be no going back.  Because if he proposed it, he was going to make sure that it happened.  He glanced back at Jak, who had apparently moved on with life and was eating bacon like the food had gone out of style. 

The younger racer looked awfully cute like that.  It was remarkable how he managed to shift back and forth from strapping, sexy young man to sweet, blissfully ignorant boy in the span of a second.  In their short personal acquaintance Jak had proved himself to be inherently kind, tough as nails, and strangely innocent.  It was a heady blend.  And yet he claimed to have never known any kind of intimacy.

Well.  That settled it.  This was a charitable act, for gods’ sakes. 

Razer smoothly cleared his throat—or tried to.  Damn.  He needed a cigarette.  “There are ways to find out, you know.”

Jak looked up from his bacon.  “Huh?”

“I said, there are ways to find out what sort of ‘stuff’ you favor.”  At the blank look he received, Razer sighed.  He grabbed the toast plate and limped to the table.  “I’m talking about dating, you idiot boy.  Since you profess a theoretical dislike of one-time flings, dating is the obvious answer.  And as you have no experience in such, I suggest that you get with the program.”

“Oh, sure, I’ll get right on that.”  Jak scoffed around a piece of toast.  “I’m not going to just date some random person I don’t even know.”

Razer smiled smoothly at Jak’s answer.  It was impossible to miss how the boy specified ‘person’ over ‘woman,’ whether he consciously made the distinction or not.  There was indeed hope.  “It appears to be your lucky day, then, Jak.  For I hereby announce that you and I are henceforth dating.”

A massive roll of blue eyes greeted his announcement.  “Uh-huh.  Sure.  Good one, Razer.”

“What makes you think I’m joking?”

“Why would I believe that you’d ever date me?  Kind of a labor intensive way to get into my pants when the city’s full of people a hell of a lot looser than me.”

“Do not make me hit you with this again,” Razer threatened, waving the newspaper.  “I am choosing to ignore such slanderous remarks against my person for the time being.  Your smart attitude does nothing to change my mind.  We are now dating.  I suggest you cope.”

“And I suggest you eat some of this food before I make you eat it.”  Jak shoved the scrambled eggs closer.  “But we are not dating.  You didn’t ask me out.  You presumed.  And I wouldn’t have said yes even if you had asked me.”

Razer sighed deeply.  “Alright.  Alright.  I’m going to eat it.  Slave driver.”  He speared a fluffy cloud of egg and gingerly placed it in his mouth.  A moment later his ears lifted in surprise.  Not bad at all.  “Jak, dear boy, just go with the flow.”

The boy in question raised an eyebrow in obvious confusion and skepticism.

“Think of it like this.  You are an attractive young man and you have a grand total of zero experience in the art of dating.  I can help you fix that, so that when you do find someone you wish to woo, you will not look like a Lurker doing it.”  He held up a hand at Jak’s indignant exclamation.  “Shoosh.  You know it is true.  Let me help you, Jak.”

“Help me.  Right.”

“I help you learn romance.  You help me not fall on my face until I’m fully healed.  Consider it a return of favors.  Now!”  Without leaving room for argument, Razer flipped open the paper.  “Your first lesson is in polite conversation with your date over meals.  Look at this, now.  Here’s a lovely article about the changes to the racing circuit being made next season.  What do you think about that, Jak?”

For a moment, the younger racer looked completely floored.  His mouth hung open the slightest bit as his ears twitched cluelessly.  Then he laid them back and stared hard at Razer.  The blush starting to infuse his cheeks was obvious.  “If you suck at this dating thing, I’m dumping you.”

“Ah, so that’s a yes?”

“It’s a maybe.”

Razer sat back, smiled, and sipped his coffee.  He had always loved a challenge.

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To be continued.

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(2^nd) AN:  Yeah, we’re going to finish it.  And that other thing.  But in all honesty… after Room and Board is done, that might be the last thing I work on for this fandom.  Might be time to move on.  I dunno.

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