Only By A Few Seconds

A/n: Almost caught up!


“Hookers and blow!” Shepard shouted as he stood on a mineral pile, his arms raised in victory.

Ash rolled her eyes at the Commander and snorted. It had taken a while for her to get used to his sense of humor. At first, she took exception at his lewd remarks but eventually was able to concede that Shepard was simply uncouth. To him, she was one of the guys. Ashley Williams could easily be a guy if the situation called for it.

“I’ll just take the money, thanks,” she replied, leaning against the Mako.

Shepard slid down the pile. A cloud of dust followed in his wake.

“Fine,” he held his hands up in mock exasperation, “no hookers or blow for you. I guess I’ll share with Alenko.”

“Negative on that, sir,” the Lieutenant replied, “I don’t see how crabs in my armor and increased migraines would be beneficial.”

Shepard paused and narrowed his eyes.

“I’m imagining space crabs,” he said, “I’m horrified.”

“It’s not pleasant,” Kaidan winced.

Ash looked at the Lieutenant, her eyes widening in horror. He had crabs? He didn’t seem like the random hook-up type. What else did he have? Her stomach lurched; this was so unsexy. Why, oh why did it have to be him?

“Dude, you’ve got to comb the field before you plow it,” Shepard clapped the Lieutenant on the back.

Kaidan glanced over at Ash. She looked really upset. He sighed, realizing that he needed to tell the crabs story. After getting them, it was on his medical record, so he had to at least let every doctor on board each ship he served know what happened. He was used to having to share this bit of information, but sometimes it got annoying to have to repeat the situation constantly.

“A few years back, I had to share a bunk with a guy that had crabs,” he explained, “so I ended up with them.”

The Lieutenant saw Williams visibly relax and briefly wondered if he should have just let her think he had a multitude of STDs. He shook his head. No, his honor was worth more than his discomfort at this crush the Chief seemed to have on him.

“How did you get rid of those? I’d imagine they’d come back since you were sharing a bunk,” Shepard mused, pondering an infinite circle of continually catching crabs.

“Luck was on my side, because I got promoted soon after that,” the Lieutenant said as he looked up at the hazy, brown sky.

“I’m guessing you had to trim the tree a little close, then,” Shepard laughed and opened the Mako’s door.

“More like ‘make threadbare’,” he murmured as he followed the Commander into the rover.

Shepard laughed outright and watched a red-faced Chief clumsily climb into the Mako. Undoubtedly, she was thinking about the Lieutenant’s pubes and what they were attached to. The awkwardness of the situation brought a smile to his face. The day was shaping out to be lovely.

“Ok, well now that our business is done in this system, let’s head to the Artemis Tau cluster and look for Dr. T’soni,” Shepard stated.

“Good plan,” the Lieutenant replied with a nod.

“I don’t want to question your decisions, but,” Ash interjected, “don’t you think we should go to the areas where there are known reports of geth? It’s just one asari…” The Chief trailed off, unsure of the Commander’s reaction.

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe we can seduce her to join our side,” Shepard got a far-off look in his eyes, “asari are so hot.”

“Mhm,” Kaidan nodded.

“But they’re blue…”Ash started.

“Some are purple,” Shepard murmured as if he took exception.

“They don’t have any hair!” the Chief found herself getting increasingly frustrated.

“Mmm… smooth,” Kaidan mumbled.

“Right on, man!” Shepard reached over Ash to fist-bump the Lieutenant.

“You can’t be serious!” the Gunnery Chief seethed, “you’re going after the asari because you want a piece of ass!” And here she had thought that Shepard had at least a shred of decency. On top of it, he was taking Kaidan down with him.

“Easy, Williams,” Shepard put his arm around her shoulder, “we’re doing this so that we can find out if we have another enemy to contend with. Every bit of information we can get is invaluable; she may know about the Conduit from her research.”

“I agree,” the Lieutenant nodded, “there’s no need to be so full of sound and fury.”

Ash sighed. Kaidan had inadvertently hit her sweet spot: literature.

“Ok,” she relented, “it’s just very hard to tell when you’re joking sometimes, Commander. Then you get LT involved, and everything goes downhill from there.”

“What? Are you saying that I’m a bad influence?” Shepard asked, batting his golden eyelashes in a ridiculous manner.

The trio laughed as they drove off to the pickup point.

---------------------------------------------

It took a while to find the correct planet; the Artemis Tau cluster was uncharted. Their joy at being correct, however, was severely dampened by Therum’s brutal climate.

“At least it’s a dry heat,” Kaidan supplied as a bead of sweat dripped off his brow.

“This sucks. Quit fooling yourself, LT,” Ash snorted. What few stray hairs sneaked out of her regulation bun lay plastered to her forehead. “I think my eyeballs are drying out.”

“Yeah, well,” Shepard shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “I’m working up a massive ball sweat.”

Kaidan nodded solemnly in agreement and checked the map. They were close to the underground signature. He looked up when he felt Ash stop the Mako.

The Chief stared at the small space in front of them, a determined fire in her eyes. She threw the Mako in reverse and backed up to the edge of the lava. Her eyes narrowed at the gap in between the rocks.

“Uh, Chief,” Kaidan stared in front of them, “sometimes things just don’t fit.”

“That’s what she said!” Shepard exclaimed, a look of triumph written across his features. The Lieutenant chuckled along with Shepard at his expert use of the phrase.

Ash ignored her superior officers and stomped the accelerator. Right before hitting the rocky passageway, the Chief turned sharply and activated the thrusters. The Mako scraped through the gap on its side then flipped back to its normal position.

“Almost anything can fit, Kaidan,” Ash sent the Lieutenant a smoldering look, “it’s a matter of movement.”

The Sentinel’s jaw dropped at her boldness. He should have been used to women hitting on him like this, but Ash was his subordinate. The situation could be summed up in one word: awkward.

“You could use a little bit of omni-gel to loosen things up, Chief,” Shepard supplied, “there’s no need to just ram things in there.”He turned to wink at the Lieutenant and nudge him on the arm.

“Medigel’s better because it tingles,” Kaidan said. Immediately his eyes went wide when he realized that he just officially fulfilled his foot-in-mouth quota for the day.

“Oh, nice,” Shepard murmured, “I’m going to have to try that.”

The Commander and Lieutenant glanced over at Ash, whose face turned a shade to match the red Therum. Shepard shook his head slowly.

“You know, Chief,” he leaned over and put his arm around her, “for someone who just flirted with your commanding officer, you’re sure blushing a lot. Care to share what you’re thinking about?”

Ash shook her head vehemently and refused to say a word. Kaidan’s words supplied the Chief’s mind with way more than she should have been imagining.

“Come on,” Shepard leaned in and rested his head on her shoulder, “you can whisper it in my ear.”

“With all due respect, Commander,” the Lieutenant interrupted, “I think you should just leave her be.”

Shepard sighed and leaned back in his seat. Kaidan was right.

“Fine, I’ll stop,” the Commander pouted. “For now,” he added and flashed a grin that would have made the Cheshire Cat nervous.


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Though it was cramped in the Mako, the ground team soon found themselves very grateful for its presence. Geth surrounded them; dealing with them on foot would have been possible but difficult. The rover’s canon roared as it fired directly into a cluster of synthetics, completely incinerating them in one blow. Merciless wheels mowed over a geth shock trooper and continued on unimpeded. When they were within twenty meters of the nearby mineshaft, Ash stopped the Mako.

“You know,” Shepard smiled, “that was a really nice trip.”

A geth armature dropped from the sky, along with a half dozen of assorted geth troopers.

“You were saying?” Kaidan huffed and crossed his arms at the small contingent of synthetics.

Shepard looked at the geth in front of the rover and cocked his head to the side. Though the armature had unfolded, it made no attempt to destroy the Mako and the organics within. The other geth simply stood at ease, their weapons unready for combat.

“Does the Mako have stealth systems like the Normandy?” Ash asked as she looked on in disbelief.

“Even if it did,” Kaidan said, “I think we’re close enough for a visual.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed at the odd situation in front of them.

“Alenko,” he motioned to the geth, “do you think this could be a glitch or something?”

“It’s hard to say, Commander,” the Lieutenant replied, “it may be possible, but I don’t know much about synthetics. Perhaps Tali would know something.”

Shepard nodded and silently reached over to the turret controls. The main canon’s crosshair lowered until it was centered on the crowd of geth. A thunderous shot rang out and only the armature remained, yet it didn’t move.

“This is slightly disturbing,” the Commander murmured. “Oh well!” he shrugged and fired again at the armature until it was dead.

Shepard turned to grunt at the Lieutenant; Kaidan glanced down at the radar and grunted an affirmative. The Sentinel unbuckled and opened the door, Shepard following close behind.

“Is it clear?” Ash asked.

“Yeah,” Shepard replied and motioned to the Lieutenant, “he just said it was.”

The Chief blinked at the men in front of her. She swore that she didn’t hear anyone say anything about the perimeter being clear. They just looked at each other and grunted.

Oh.

“I don’t speak grunt,” Ash rolled her eyes. She wondered how she’d fare in the future; the Commander and Lieutenant were now communicating in unintelligible monosyllables.

“I guess we’re just in tune with each other,” Kaidan shrugged.

“Yeah,” Shepard glanced over at the Chief, “get in tune with us, Williams.”

“I apologize,” she narrowed her eyes, “I’ll brush up on my manspeak.”

The trio looked up at the mineshaft and fell silent. There were so many geth on patrol and they wondered how many would be inside.

“Okay,” Shepard motioned toward the door, “either we will be rescuing a fair maiden from a horde of beasts or we’ll be killing a witch and her minions. Whichever happens, keep your guard up. The place is bound to be crawling with hostiles.”

“Aye, aye, sir,” came the unanimous reply.

Hopefully, Liara T’soni would be on their side.