Tomb Raider Forever

Tomb Raider Forever: Sucks to Save the World


Lara and Duke arrived at the base of a towering mountain just as the sun began to dip beneath the trees behind them. Lara unrolled her sleeping bag beneath a small outcropping of rock that would shelter against the possible rain she could smell in the air.

“I don’t suppose you have a tent in your back pocket.” Lara raised an eyebrow as she watched Duke sit down on an old log nearby.

“Nope. When I rough it, I really rough it.” Duke said casually.

Lara looked at him for a long moment and then slipped off her boots and climbed into the sleeping bag.

“I’m not going to have you catching cold tonight, Mr. Nukem.” Lara sighed, telling herself she was simply being practical. “There’s room enough in here for two.”

“You sure?” Duke asked, looking genuinely surprised. “I’ve been hiking through the jungle all day, and I probably smell worse than the alien carcasses we left back at the pyramid.”

“I’ll manage.” Lara sighed. “Now get in here before I have a change of heart.”

Duke kicked off his boots and crawled underneath the warm fabric of the sleeping bag, setting his shotgun next to them. Lara had somewhat exaggerated the available room, and they had to press tight against each other in order to fasten the zipper.

“Quite snug.” Lara grimaced when Duke’s shoulder knocked against her jaw.

“My bad.” Duke apologized, wincing as Lara’s elbow poked into his ribs.

“Here, roll onto your side, facing me.” Lara instructed. She turned over onto her right side and Duke rolled onto his left, bringing them face to face. “There, that’s less painful.”

“Yeah, but my left arm is gonna go to sleep before I do.” Duke fidgeted as he lay on his arm. “That’s my cocking arm too.”

“Must you be so vulgar?” Lara admonished him.

“Shotgun, Lara. Cocking my shotgun.” Duke chuckled. “Geez, baby, you do have a dirty mind!”

“All right, well… perhaps if you put your left arm under my head? Here…” Lara lifted her head, allowing Duke to stiffly stretch his arm out from underneath his body. She let her head come to a rest on Duke’s massive bicep. “Much better, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yeah.” Duke said slowly, staring at Lara’s smiling face. Her warm cheek pressed snugly against his heavily muscled arm, and he felt a strange sensation in his stomach. It was something Duke Nukem had never felt before.

“Something wrong, Duke?” Lara asked, yawning. “Aren’t you going to take off your sunglasses?”

“Huh?” Duke blinked behind his shades, wondering what was causing his stomach to do so many flips. “No, no I’m good.”

“Well then… good night, Mr. Nukem.” Lara said as her eyes fluttered closed and her breathing became soft and deep. And as he watched her serene face, Duke Nukem knew what he was feeling.

For the first time in his life, Duke Nukem was frightened.


* * *


Crouching low in the dense foliage, the alien scout snorted derisively. The two humans were even more foolish than he had assumed. To allow themselves both to fall unconscious together in a contained space made them easy prey. He could approach and slit both their throats before either knew he was there. His clawed hand gripped a long serrated dagger.

Unfortunately, his masters had other plans for these two filthy mammals. His claws relaxed and released the dagger’s hilt. He would have to bide his time.


* * *


“Duke? Duke, wake up.” Lara’s smooth voice called to him from far away, piercing the murky darkness around him.

Duke Nukem blinked his eyes open and instantly saw Lara’s face grinning down at him. An errant strand of her brown hair hung over her left eye. Duke knew he could get used to waking up to such a sight.

“You are one heavy sleeper.” Lara slapped him lightly on the chest before unzipping the sleeping bag and getting to her feet. She grabbed her boots and had them on and fastened by the time Duke managed to sit up.

They had the sleeping bag stowed and were on their way minutes before the sun crept over the horizon. Lara once again took the lead, stepping catlike through the bush while Duke tromped along behind. They hiked along the base of the mountain, looking for a good place to begin their ascent.

“Any clue where the next pyramid is?” Duke asked.

“Not at all.” Lara shook her head as she slipped between two tree trunks. “Not yet.”

“Great.” Duke huffed.

“We’ll get a good view of the entire area from the top of this mountain. Hopefully we’ll spot all four of the remaining pyramids from up there.” Lara pointed up at the looming mountain. “And I think here is as good a spot as any to start our climb.”

They started up the mountainside, walking for the first few hundred feet, but soon the angle increased to the point that they were forced to begin searching for footholds. Foliage became sparse as they rose ever higher. Eventually they were crawling up what Duke assumed was a practically vertical surface of jagged rock.

Lara moved up the mountainside with elegant ease, springing from rocky outcroppings like a Billy goat. Duke struggled to keep up, hoisting himself up after Lara, nearly losing his grip several times. Duke much preferred flat, level ground over such vertical terrain. He glanced down once, seeing the jungle disappearing into the mist below, and he did not look down again.

The sun reached its zenith, and at last they reached the summit. Lara flipped herself up over the crest of the mountaintop effortlessly and offered Duke a hand as he hauled himself up after her. They stood and looked out over the jungle as it stretched out thousands of feet below them as far as the eye could see.

“Do you see anything?” Lara asked breathlessly, scanning the horizon for any sign of the next pyramid.

“Well, I guess that’s the one we’ve already been to.” Duke pointed at a seemingly tiny triangle in the distance.

“Yes.” Lara nodded. “Damn! Where are the others? How far apart are these bloody things?”

“I just see more mountains.” Duke shrugged. “Looks like a volcano to the south.”

“Lovely.” Lara hissed under her breath. “Now what do we do?”

Duke sighed and turned around, trying to think. He walked back from the edge of the mountain top and sat down on a smooth slab of rock a few yards away from where Lara stood, stubbornly surveying the surrounding land once more.

“That first pyramid was plain out in the open.” Duke shook his head in thought. “Why would they hide the other ones? Seems like a dick move to me.”

“Archeology is rarely ever straight-forward, Duke.” Lara turned and gave him a wry smile. “We can’t expect to just stumble…onto…”

“What?” Duke asked as he saw Lara’s eyes go wide with surprise.

“You found it!” Lara gasped excitedly.

“I did?” Duke blinked behind his shades. “Mind telling me where I found it?”

“You’re sitting on it! It’s right there!” Lara clapped her hands together.

Duke looked down and it suddenly struck him how smooth the stone slab beneath him was. It was also unnaturally symmetrical. His eye suddenly caught a series of carvings around the edge of what he now realized was obviously another altar.

“Lara, check these out!” Duke waved her over.

“It isn’t even worn down.” Lara marveled as she attempted to decipher the hieroglyphs. “The elements must be extraordinarily harsh up here, but these etchings are like new! These pyramids really might be indestructible.”

“I don’t see a pyramid, baby.” Duke scratched his head. “Just a stupid altar on top of a mountain.”

“Perhaps the altar’s elevation is all that is important.” Lara considered as her eyes scanned the hieroglyphs. “Or perhaps the pyramid is contained within the mountain. Regardless, we’ve found it!”

“Uh-huh, great…” Duke cleared his throat, eyeing Lara’s butt as she leaned over the altar. “You’re on top this time, right?”

“As I said, be careful what you wish…for…” Lara’s smile faded as she reached the end of the inscription. “Oh dear.”

“What’s the matter?” Duke asked, walking forward and looking at the last carving.

In the hieroglyph, a man sat upright at the edge of the altar. A woman knelt before him, her head buried in the man’s lap.

“Oh.” Duke said simply. “That.”

A long moment passed in silence. Duke turned around, looking out across the rainforest canopy far below, and scratched the back of his head absently as Lara continued staring at the last hieroglyph. Finally he cleared his throat.

“Listen, baby, if you aren’t cool with--”

“Lower your trousers, Duke.” Lara’s voice was steady and full of authority. “Take a seat so we can do this correctly.”

“Y-yeah.” Duke nodded, uncertain how he felt about the steely look in Lara’s eyes. He walked over to the altar, reaching down to unfasten his belt. With a firm tug, he pulled his pants and underwear down around his boots. He decided to leave them there, in case they needed to make a quick exit he could just pull his pants back up in a few seconds. Duke sat down on the worn stone altar and flinched. “YEOW! Damn, that’s cold!”

Lara shrugged off her backpack and reached a hand inside, searching for something. She pulled out glass bottle. She unscrewed the top and walked over to Duke, getting down on her knees in front of him.

“Is that booze?” Duke asked excitedly.

“Scotch.” Lara nodded. “And it’s not for you, not exactly.”

Lara reached out suddenly, pouring the whisky over Duke’s groin.

“Woah! Woah! Damn, girl!” Duke jumped as his manhood was doused with the cold liquid. “What was that for?”

“Sanitation.” Lara shrugged and then took a swig from the bottle.

“And that?” Duke asked, looking longingly at the scotch as Lara wiped her mouth and set the bottle down next to her.

“Motivation.” Lara ran her wrist long her lips and eyed Duke’s loins warily. “Seems I’ll have to warm you up anyway.”

“It’s cold up here.” Duke grouched defensively. “Doesn’t make getting it up easy.”

Lara took off her gloves, setting them down next to the bottle of scotch, and took hold of Duke’s flaccid member. She began stroking him gently while her other hand reached down and cupped his sac, rolling his testicles in her warm palm.

“Yeah…that, uh…that should help.” Duke took a deep breath, already feeling the blood begin rushing down to his loins. He looked at Lara and saw a grim, determined look on her face. “You know, I bet the next time I’ll be goin’ down on you…”

“It’s been a long time since I did this.” Lara sighed, watching as Duke’s manhood rose up in her hands. “And the last time wasn’t exactly by choice.”

“What the hell happened?” Duke asked.

“Group of mercs caught me a few years back in Bolivia.” Lara’s eyes grew distant even as her hands continued massaging Duke’s loins. “They were going to kill me, but the leader wanted to have a little fun first.”

“Did…did they…” Duke paused, trying to contain his rage.

“No… no, they didn’t get the chance. But the leader got his blowjob.” Lara almost smiled. “The idiot still had his pistol holstered on his belt. While I was… down there, I grabbed it and shot them all. The end.”

“Damn, Lara.” Duke sighed. “If you don’t wanna do this…”

“No, no, I’m fine.” Lara shook her head, her hand beginning to twist around Duke’s hard length. “This is different. This is my choice. And you aren’t him.”

“Lara…” Duke’s eyes softened behind his shades. Then Lara leaned in and she trailed her soft tongue up from the base of his cock to the very tip. “Oh….DAMN! That’s….Hell yeah!”

Lara began lapping the scotch from Duke’s loins, letting her hand wrap around the top of his twitching cock. She circled her thumb around the head of his erect shaft, sending shivers running down Duke’s spine. Lara moved lower, covering Duke’s left testicle with her full, lush lips.

“Uh-huh! Uuuuunnnghhhh!” Duke’s head tilted back as he moaned. He could feel Lara’s slick tongue roll his sensitive sphere around inside her warm, wet mouth. Pleasure rolled up from his groin, both from Lara’s mouth and her hand teasing the tip of his cock. He shuddered as Lara began alternating between his testicles, gently trailing her teeth against his sac as she moved from one to the other.

“Mmmmm…” Lara hummed pleasantly into Duke’s loins. She heard him groan in ecstasy and she smiled inwardly. This was turning out to be far less painful than she had feared. She leaned back, and there was a distinct “pop” as her lips released Duke’s testicle. Lara regarded Duke’s throbbing cock for a long moment. “No reason to beat around the bush.”

“Take your time, baby.” Duke sucked down air, sweat beading on his brow as he looked down at Lara between his legs. “Don’t push yourself too…hard….YES! Holy…CRAP!!!”

Lara’s luscious lips descended over Duke’s rod. Duke watched in awe as she consumed inch after inch, taking in his length of hard flesh. Then Lara moaned, her voice reverberating through Duke’s cock.

“Aaaahh! Lara, yes!” Duke hollered, clenching his teeth while desperately resisting the urge to begin thrusting inside her mouth. “So…damn…GOOD! Nnnnghhh!!!”

Lara twirled her tongue around the massive shaft inside her mouth. She could feel the beat of Duke’s heart in the hard shaft. It was truly enormous, but she felt an overwhelming sense of victory, and Lara wished to share the feeling. She began bobbing her head, sucking hard on Duke’s raging cock.

“Oohhhh! Yeah, Lara! Do it!” Duke whooped, watching Lara’s ponytail waggle wildly as her head became a blur between his legs. “Oh, BABY! Go baby! Damn! That’s the way! Nnnghhhaaa!!!”

Lara’s hands moved up over Duke’s massive thighs, feeling the pure muscle flex as he bore down against the pleasure she was giving him. She felt an intoxicating sense of power, knowing that she was in total control of the pleasure that was making Duke Nukem, a fearless warrior, shake in uncontrollable ecstasy.

Duke laid back, staring up into the blue sky while Lara continued ravishing his cock. His instincts took over, and he reached down and grasped Lara’s head in his hands. With a lustful roar, Duke pumped Lara’s head onto his shaft.

Lara moaned passionately, savoring the knowledge that Duke was desperate for more. Her hands slipped from Duke’s thighs to his outstretched arms, feeling the contours of his massive biceps. She let her teeth lightly graze the hard cock in her mouth, forcing a pleasured shout from Duke’s lungs.

“Oh yeah! Aaaargh! I’m gonna come, baby!” Duke looked down over his chiseled pectorals at Lara’s bobbing head. “That’s so good, baby! Yeah! Rrrraaaghh!”

Digging her fingers into Duke’s forearms, Lara fastened her lips down tightly over the base of his pulsating rod. Her tongue slid around the hard member, driving him over the edge.

“Yeah…yeah…AAAARRGHHHH!!!” Duke roared his release, arching his back up off the cold stone altar. His fingers dug into Lara’s silky hair while his loins erupted in orgasm. Pleasure flooded his entire body, sending his immense muscles into spasms. His hips bucked uncontrollably as his seed shot from his convulsing cock.

“Mmmmmnnn!!!” Lara moaned a moment before Duke’s hot essence flooded into her mouth. She drank greedily, sucking hard on his cock as it poured forth his seed.

“Nnnghh….aaaahhh!....Unnnghhh….” Duke growled low in his throat, his neck muscles bulging. Sweat poured down over his face, his teeth clenched tightly while his entire body strained with the power of his orgasm. His deep voice moaned as Lara’s warm, wet mouth suckled him, consuming every last drop from his dazzled manhood.

Finally Duke could take no more. His eyes rolled back behind his shades and he dropped back down onto his back. Lara’s lips released his cock, and she allowed herself to savor the moment, smacking her lips in satisfaction.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad after all.” Lara smiled. “I trust you enjoyed yourself, Duke?”

When he did not respond, Lara tapped him on the leg.

“Duke?” She asked, frowning. “Duke, you still with me? Duke!?”

Lara climbed up onto the altar, straddling Duke’s torso. She reached down to his neck and found a steady pulse. Sighing with relief, Lara slapped him hard across the cheek. Duke came to with a start, shaking his head to clear it.

“You almost had me worried there.” Lara gave him an admonishing wave of her index finger. “I never would have thought you couldn’t handle a little head.”

“Baby, that was intense!” Duke took a deep breath, still seeing stars.

“I’m afraid the altar doesn’t seem to be activating.” Lara frowned. The stone platform remained motionless. “I don’t understand; we did precisely what—OHHH!!!”

Lara gasped as Duke’s powerful arms lifted her up and spun her around to lie on top of him, her breasts pressed against his chiseled abs. His hard shaft twitched expectantly in front of her face.

“I’m not opposed to trying again, Duke.” Lara sighed. “But perhaps you should ask before just…oh….oh, my!”

She trailed off as Duke’s hands moved up over her toned buttocks, pulling down her shorts before kneading her glutes. His thick fingers moved down, gently caressing her inner thighs. Duke raised his head and gently blew warm air over the tender folds between Lara’s legs. The adventuress inhaled sharply, feeling her body respond immediately to the simple yet powerful sensation. Then she felt Duke’s tongue trail over her slit. She shivered pleasurably.

“Oh, Duke. That’s nice…that’s very…mmmm…” Lara’s murmurs became incoherent as she lost her train of thought when Duke reached his goal. The pleasant roughness of his tongue finally reached Lara’s clit, teasing her with just the tip, tickling the hard nub. Lara’s breath left her in a long moan. She gazed lustfully at Duke’s shaft standing at attention in front of her. Her hands wrapped around his massive cock and she lowered her lips over the organ’s engorged tip, sliding her tongue around the tapered edge of its head.

Duke groaned appreciatively, sinking his tongue deeper in Lara’s tight vessel. He began licking in earnest, lapping between her nether lips, tasting her intoxicating flavor. He reached up, gripping Lara’s toned butt in his strong hands, digging his fingers into the pure muscle. He could feel Lara’s aroused nipples poke against his abs even through both their shirts as she gasped delightedly.

Confident that she could handle it, Lara sank her head down, consuming Duke’s hard length into her warm, moist mouth. Her slender fingers wrapped around his sac, massaging his testicles while she sucked and licked his pulsating cock.

For now, all worries were gone. There was no altar, no threat of alien invasion. The world melted away around them, leaving just one man and one woman pleasuring each other. Hours passed by, the sun crossed across the sky above them, and they continued on ceaselessly. They each approached orgasm dozens of times. Each time Lara began to feel Duke’s testicles begin to clench in her hands she would release his cock from her mouth and simply massage his muscled thighs until he settled down. Each time Duke sensed Lara’s oncoming climax, he would move his mouth to Lara’s thighs, leisurely kissing her silky skin, waiting patiently for her breathing to steady.

There were no words exchanged between them, only passionate moans and occasional gasps of pleasure mostly muffled into each other’s bodies, yet as the western sky turned red with the setting sun, basking the jungle far below in a fiery glow, they both knew the time had come at last.

Lara’s fingers aggressively groped Duke’s testicles, her lips fastened tightly around the base of his throbbing cock. Duke’s mouth opened wide and went wild between Lara’s legs, his lips covering her tender folds while his tongue lashed mercilessly against Lara’s clit. His hands squeezed down on Lara’s butt, pulling her tighter against his hungry mouth. They both moaned loudly, their voices sending glorious vibrations through each other’s most erogenous zones.

Duke’s testicles leapt in Lara’s hands, and her own arousal drenched Duke’s eager tongue. Duke’s hips bucked up as he came, his cock flooding Lara’s mouth with his hot seed. She moaned, drinking him in even as her own orgasm rocked her body. Duke lapped at her gushing womanhood, his tongue delving deep into her constricting sheath. Their perfect bodies shook together, muscles flexing, dripping with sweat as they came.

Lara’s toes curled as she felt Duke’s lips and tongue ravish her even as she convulsed atop him in orgasm. She sucked hard on Duke’s erupting cock, devouring every last drop. Duke’s eyes began to roll back yet again, threatening unconsciousness, but he fought back, unwilling to miss even a moment of ecstasy.

Suddenly the altar began sinking into the mountain. Duke and Lara rolled off together, gasping for breath in the wake of their orgasm. Duke laid on his back and Lara crawled on top of him, her breasts pressing pleasantly against his chest, and he wrapped an arm around her bare shoulders.

Several minutes passed in silence before Lara reached beside them and grabbed the bottle of scotch and a washcloth from her pack. She soaked the cloth with the whiskey and began wiping Duke’s lips clean, somewhat embarrassed. She could not see his eyes behind his shades, but she could feel him looking back at her. She finished and gave her own lips a quick pass before tossing the washcloth back in her pack.

“Well…” Lara spoke after a long moment.

“Yeah.” Duke grinned, gently stroking Lara’s bare back.

“Looks like it worked.” Lara nodded toward the altar. The stone platform had sunk level with the mountain peak. “I just don’t understand why it did not activate when you came.”

“Baby, come on.” Duke chuckled. “You think some ancient super-weapon is really gonna have the instructions just carved on it?”

“What do you mean?” Lara blinked.

“Any girl could give a guy head and make him come.” Duke shrugged. “That’s no test.”

“You’re saying that the designers of this altar actually expected us to… um…continue like we did?” Lara asked with dawning understanding. “If only a truly intimate couple were meant to activate these altars, the misleading hieroglyph would certainly stump the unworthy.”

“Maybe. But who knows?” Duke grinned. “So, you think we’re a couple?”

“Duke…” Lara blushed fiercely, but a smile lit up her beautiful face. “What do you think?”

“I think we should find the next altar.” Duke returned her smile.

“You’re right.” Lara nodded, laughing. “The world’s at stake, right?”

“Let’s kick some alien ass!” Duke whooped. “And then we’ll pick out curtains.”

“What?” Lara’s eyes went wide.

“Just kidding, baby.” Duke laughed a little too late. He reached down and slapped her butt playfully before getting to his feet and pulling up his pants.

“Yeah.” Lara nodded slowly, watching him carefully. She felt a hundred emotions churning in her gut, and she had no idea why part of her felt like crying. She got to her feet and pulled up her shorts, buckling them securely. “Let’s get going.”

Just kidding? Lara Croft was not so sure.