Hello!
Can I just start this off by saying I created an account for this website JUST so I could drop you a review/message, because wow this story is amazing.
I know this story is pretty old by now (last updated 2012?) but can I just say I would absolutely LOVE to see an epilogue or a sequel series of some sort, especially one that delves deeper into Duke and Lara’s relationship.
Ok, let me unpack for a second: I'm a relatively younger viewer (still 20+ though) and I'd never heard of this website, I just happened upon this story while randomly googling Lara/Duke content for the millionth time in my life, not expecting to find anything yet again because wow not only is this a surprisingly rare ship but also I'd never seen ANYONE share my idea of the characters' characterizations before. Anyway somehow, even though I’ve been a fan of this couple for years and years, I finally stumbled upon this fic and let me say not only did it make my night but also probably my entire year.
First of all I can’t believe how well you wrote them!!! It makes me so happy! I HIGHLY disagree with some of these other comments you’ve gotten, asking for more assholish behavior from the pair, because let’s be honest while Duke and Lara have always been over the top figures, they’ve also always had hearts. Big hearts. And the way you’ve written them falling for each other feels so natural and so nice! I was almost expecting her to finally take off his glasses at the end and return the “I love you”. Absolutely amazing stuff. I love how you didn’t write Duke as an overly stupid brick wall of a person.
I ESPECIALLY love how well you handled their dynamic during the sex scenes. And what amazing sex scenes they were! I was completely invested in the plot (what a perfect setting! Porn WITH plot!), and there was actual tension that had me on the edge of my seat. I love how you foreshadowed things like Lara figuring out the altars probably wanted them to climax at the same time, which is why I immediately knew the blowjob wouldn’t work. Speaking of which, I really really love how you had Lara take charge, especially in scenes like that. Throughout the whole thing, Lara was never degraded, never made to feel lesser, and I really appreciate that! I know that’s not too high of a bar to clear, but with what else I’d seen of this couple I had my hopes pretty low. But you went above and beyond! Lara would absolutely be the top in the dynamic, and I’m so glad you went that way! Let’s be fair, there’s no one who drinks respect women juice more than Duke freaking Nukem.
Some other highlights off the top of my head that also deserve praise… Duke passing out! Lara disinfecting everything! The “but there was only one bed” trope! Them drinking together! (oh they would ABSOLUTELY be drinking buddies) Just them being buddies in general! It felt like a good, healthy relationship! Also the end when they fight WHILE fucking and swap who tops depending on reloading??? ICONIC.
Anyway I hope this sudden 2020 note doesn’t overwhelm you or anything, I was just really happy to finally see these characters together AND also so in character! (or at least, what I consider in character)
As a final note, would you ever maybe consider posting this work and similar ones to AO3? It's an amazing site for fanfiction, and I'd love to keep this story bookmarked there! But if not that's completely understandable.
I hope this reaches you and I hope you have a nice day!
If there is more to come with this story, great, if not I'm glad we got this chapter and if it ends here, this was as good of an ending as any.
The story had amazing potential that I think it failed to realize. The highlight was the waterfall scene, and it was precisely at that point that I got hooked. However, later on it turned out this isn't my story at all. Of course it's not, it's your story. You also got enough praise for it already, so let me say what I didn't like.
Lara is not sexual enough. Having her looks and attitude, she is in all likelihood fully aware of her own body and psychology--and how to use them. She is seductive, definitely far from shy, and she is probably quite experienced in the art of sex. Your Lara isn't any of these things. Never done doggy style before? Really?
Mushy. At some point things start getting mushy and it goes downhill from there. But if that's your thing, that's your thing. I think it would have been better if Lara just used Duke for sex, and to help her get what she wants and escape. And that's it. But I guess you wanted to wed those two. This is fail in my book, but again, this is your book.
Variety. The sex, while creative, is basically just intercourse. Yes, there is some oral thrown in there, even some titfucking (which was great btw, I salute you there), but mostly, it's just vanilla sex. I don't know what you have planned for next, but with a woman like Lara there are so many possibilities. Then again, your portrayal of her doesn't really allow for what I have in mind. Extensive oral sex, dirty talk, anal, rough sex, humiliation role play, and so on. A sexual Lara would be down with that, especially with the likes of Duke Nukem. But you choose the mushy path for your story, which is fine. Not if you look at CD Lara of course, since she is a *very* seductive woman and there is no mushiness there, just pure sex.
One more objective criticism would be name usage. Lara said this, Duke said that, Lara said, Duke said. How about 'said Lara'? Even better, how about some variety? Try 'the tomb raider' instead of Lara, 'the adventuress', 'the brunette', and for Duke, 'the big man', 'the muscle man', whatever. You don't have to add who said or asked what after every quotation mark, either. Sometimes just a simple line with nothing else works better. And adjectives. I don't know how many times I encountered 'massive' and 'enormous' and wished you would have used 'colossal' or 'humongous' or any number of synonymous adjectives to make your vocabulary more varied. Use a thesaurus if you must.
Other than that, congratulations on your story. It's a good effort, and it certainly has its appeal.