Fleeting

“He’s got my freckles!” Azurelle held her son close to her as she finally had a chance to look at him, “I can’t believe he’s real…” Nazeera sat on the bed with her and leant over to stroke the newborn’s cheek, Malik stood close by simply enjoying the moment, he was relieved that all had gone well despite the small hiccup. As promised, Altaïr had waited for the girl to regain consciousness before letting anyone else hold the baby, he sat patiently on her other side, fingers twitching – wanting to hold his new son.

They were intruded upon by the woman who had delivered the boy, “You must rest for the next few days, nothing strenuous at all!” the midwife warned after she’d spoken with the doctor, “he is a very healthy seven pounds, how you hefted him around is beyond me!”

Azurelle nodded dumbly, how did she carry him around all day? She saw that the woman was tired and used the weakness to ask, “Do I have to stay down here?”

“…you would be more comfortable in your own room…a few hours down here and you can move but after that you must stay in bed.” The woman smiled lightly, the girl wasn’t listening, she was far too interested in the baby. Too tired to be angry the woman retired back to her bed for some well deserved rest.

Azurelle turned to Altaïr and smiled sheepishly, he had been waiting so patiently to hold their son and she was keeping him all to herself. She lifted the baby slightly and Altaïr took him as if he were handling something so very fragile, his son was sleeping, eyelashes resting gently over the barely freckled cheeks, his hair was fine and the darker brown of his hair as opposed to Azurelle’s lighter shade and he was healthy. No adverse effects from the almost miscarriage months ago, no illness or weakness because of Azurelle’s persisting fever – what a troublesome child.

Malik peered down at the baby over Altaïr’s shoulder before commenting, “All this trouble because of this tiny thing? I have seen bigger books!”

“I know.” Altaïr agreed, “She made all that fuss over something so small…just wanted attention.” Azurelle dropped her jaw, how dare they say such a thing! They should try it if they thought it was so easy! She shook her head and pursed her lips, they were fools! Nazeera pinched her arm to distract her from the idiots.

“Men know absolutely nothing! How do you feel though? I personally, am exhausted from watching you!”

“I want to sleep for a thousand years!” she exclaimed and then lowered her voice, cheeks turning pink, “everything hurts! Especially certain places, even if I weren’t banished to bed rest I doubt I’d be up and about.” She was dreading having to stand up and walk later, it would be worth it though to be in her own room with her son nearby, “oh…wait, what if he cries? Will I be allowed to get up and go to him?” Turning her head to speak to Altaïr she couldn’t help a giggle escaping her, Nazeera followed her eyes and laughed. Altaïr sat, quite proud of himself, watching Malik produce quite possibly the funniest face any of them had ever seen; the older Assassin had somehow found himself with an armful of baby – he looked angry, worried, strangely affectionate and downright terrified all at the same time. “What’s wrong, uncle Malik?”

“He is looking at me…” the Dai said with slight panic in his voice, “take him back.” He was terrified of dropping the little one and now that he was awake he might wriggle. Altaïr chuckled as he took the boy back and Malik breathed a sigh of relief, “have you thought of a name?”

“Shahin.” Azurelle and Altaïr said at once, a whine punctuating the name as the tiny baby moved impatiently and began to cry loudly, “what do I do?!” Azurelle asked as the noise rung in her ears.

Malik began retreating to the door, “you feed him, to which I am leaving – some things an uncle does not wish to see.”

00

Altaïr shook his head, in the study he and Malik shared was Nakim, Abdul and a bundle of gifts strewn over the desk. “Gifts for your new son and your first son. We thought the outfit was adorable…your Maria thinks we’re mean!”

“You think this is bloody adorable?” her voice came from behind Altaïr and he turned to look at the woman and then the child. Hannan had a replica outfit of the Brotherhood’s robes on, despite the tone the woman had used she seemed amused, “I left him, in this man’s care for a second and my son becomes a – which outfit is this?”

The man’s eyes crinkled in wicked glee, “the grey mostly symbolises a novice, it took my wife forever to make.” Hannan pulled the tip of his hood and the material slipped down past his eyes causing him to squeal unhappily, Altaïr pulled the hood back and rolled his eyes at the boy’s tearless crying. “She made one for the new arrival, I told her you had plenty for the two but you know my wife! And Abdul’s sister joined in too!”

“It was very kind of them, I see you have some very girlie colours mixed in too.” Maria rested Hannan on her hip, her left hand sifting through the various gifts, “just in case he was a she?”

“Maybe master Malik will have a girl?” Abdul said quietly before addressing Altaïr, “did all go well? Is Azurelle alright?”

“Everything is well. Thank your sister for me and Nakim – ask your wife if she can make little Assassin boots for him.” He snatched the baby from her and lifted him in the air to better look at the little outfit.

Maria threw an exasperated look his way, “Altaïr!” she reached for Hannan and then a sour look made its way onto her face, “did he just call you baba?” the Assassin nodded and let her take him, “you little traitor! And I thought you only loved me, I’m hurt little one.”

“Well, I need to teach this novice how to handle a short sword. Safety and peace.”

“Safety and peace, my brothers,” he retreated to the high-backed chair in the corner and sat heavily once they were gone, Maria put Hannan on his knee and sat on the arm of the chair. “Have you rested? It must have been a long journey here…if you need me to watch him for a while…”

“I have bathed and had a short nap, I am fine, Altaïr but you look tired! You should rest now that all is well. Your baby is healthy and Azurelle is – ”

“She nearly bled to death; she was unconscious for hours and has only just come to.” He felt the woman’s hands begin to rub the tension from his shoulders, a groan fell from his lips and he leaned into the touch. “…thank you, Maria. You have been wonderful with Azurelle…”

“I tried to hate her…she’s a crafty little thing and I found it impossible! I know there was nothing truly serious between you two, I was wrong to get so angry…besides, she is the mother of Hannan’s little brother.” She found a particular knot and worked it with her fingers, “I knew she would get on better if you were there” Altaïr felt a pang of guilt wash over him, Maria trusted him and he did not fully deserve it and his son staring up at him blithely made him feel worse. “What does he look like? What did he weigh?”

He glanced up at her, her eyes holding genuine interest, “seven pounds.” She winced, Hannan had only been five pounds after birth and she had thought that had been painful, “his eyes are too dark to see the colour, freckles – poor boy. Otherwise he just looks like a wrinkly, red thing.” She laughed at the description, men never understood that all babies were wrinkly red things at first; they always looked so disappointed when looking at them, “was this one so ugly when he was born?”

“Altaïr! You can’t say that! Give him a day or so and he won’t look like that!”

“You should go down and see her.”

“…Nazeera will be there and I know she will not appreciate my presence.”

“Azurelle will appreciate it – she seems to like you.” He took hold of her hand on his shoulder, giving her something close to a pleading look, “at least see her when she moves back to her room.” She heaved a sigh and nodded reluctantly.

00

Fourteen years ago

Nazeera frowned; her little sister was doing it again! Every time Azurelle had dance practice she whined and cried, the four year old was complaining over practice again. Gyani’s wife, Rani, was trying to placate the girl but was having very little luck, “oh, my darling! What is wrong now…don’t you want to learn to dance with your sister?”

“No! I want to fly! I want to fly like the boys!” she stamped her foot and kicked off her dance shoes, “I don’t like dancing!” Rani ran a hand through her long black hair and shrugged in defeat as Nazeera gave her a questioning glance.

“no more crying, my darling…I will talk to Gyani and see if he will let you try the acrobatics…if he says no you must continue dance lessons.” She stroked the short brown hair of the girl and asked her to stop crying.
The next day, Azurelle began training with the boys, it was harder than dance and Gyani was not a soft or forgiving man and the training was difficult – many times she would hurt herself, but it never stopped her. She wanted to fly!

0

Eleven years ago

“Stop crying Nikeel! You aren’t a baby and Gyani will be angry if you don’t learn this new trick!” she dragged the younger boy up by his arm, “get up and be a man!”

The boy continued to cry, his eyes hidden in his arm as he wept loudly, “I want to go home! I miss my sister! I don’t want to be a performer!” why would his father sell him off? Why couldn’t he go with his sister? This wasn’t fair!

“I’m your sister now!” Azurelle huffed angrily, “I’ll look after you but you have to stop crying and be a man!” the girl wrapped her arms around him in a firm hug. She always wanted to be like Nazeera – she wanted to be a big sister and look after everyone! She decided that she would be Nikeel’s big sister and look after him no matter what. She would look after those she loved, even if it meant she went without some things.

0

Nine years ago

The troupe stood over the grave they had buried Rani in; she had died so suddenly that most of them were still in shock. They had never seen Gyani cry over anything, to watch him breakdown over his wife’s grave was heartbreaking and they were lost without the woman who had mothered them all. Nazeera hugged Azurelle to her, both leaning against each other as they sobbed brokenly; the woman they had so greatly admired was gone. “There was…there was so much she wanted to do!”

“She wouldn’t have wanted us to cry!” Azurelle snivelled sadly; pulling Nikeel into their hug and tried to smile at the twins, “Rani always said…um…” she choked on a sob and tried desperately to remember.

“Live life with no regrets – die being able to say, I have lived with no regrets.”

The Troupe looked at Gyani and each nodded at the message, they would remember Rani and know her as the woman with no regrets.

00

Present

She sat up gingerly, hissing as her body ached, someone was with her and pushed her pillows up so she could sit comfortably. A cup was handed to her and the brunette drank the contents gratefully before looking at her surroundings. She was in her room, she didn’t remember moving herself and guessed that Altaïr must have carried her up as she slept. “Where is Shahin?”

“Asleep in his crib. Is he what you expected?” Maria asked as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“He’s perfect! I never thought I’d get him out though!” Azurelle smiled gently at the woman, she was glad Maria had come back as promised and even though she never thought the woman would abandon her baby, the brunette had worried. “Thank you for lending Altaïr to me, I don’t know why but just him being there helped – it didn’t seem so damn hopeless anymore. Actually thank you for everything, without you it would have been so frightening.”

The older woman shook her head, “I did nothing…I just told you the truth instead of exaggerating like most of the women here. If it weren’t for you I would have left the day I came and I would not have Altaïr at all.”

“If it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have been angry with Altaïr in the first place!” they stayed silent after that, there was nothing much to say on the subject. Azurelle pulled on her cover absently before deciding to break the silence, “I just had a dream about my past…the day I learnt my first somersault, the day I became a big sister…the day I lost the only woman I loved more than my sister. It was rather strange, maybe it’s the fuzziness from the blood I lost? I was actually terrified when my vision got blurry after I had Shahin, I thought I was dying and I was scared for the people I care about…”

“Not for yourself?”

“Not really. I thought who will take care of my sister if I am gone? I don’t want her to be alone…I want her to have someone she can talk to – I know she has Malik but he’s her husband, Nazeera isn’t complete without a sister! And then there was Malik, who will protect him when she gets mad at him? I would miss walking with him, learning many new things from him and to watch them raise their child. I would miss my nephew or niece being born, growing up.” She let her eyes wander to the door, “what upset me the most was that I would never get to hold him, my baby was so close to me but I could not have him in my arms, I would miss him growing up, crawling, talking, walking, skimming his knees and the rest…and just before I couldn’t stay awake – who’s going to punch Altaïr when he’s being a dick?”

Maria laughed at the last thought, “you worried for nothing, here you are and you are alive. Maybe you are remembering your past because you have a new future ahead of you? Or you just dreamed for no reason at all.”

“I suppose I’m reading too far into it…could you…do you think you could get Shahin for me? I just have this urge to hold him.”

It was not Maria who returned with her baby but Nazeera. Maria had to feed Hannan and the older sister volunteered to bring the baby in, Azurelle took him and cradled him in her arms, the boy hardly awake snuggled against her and gave a great yawn. Nazeera smiled fondly at her nephew and her little sister; everything seemed so perfect at this exact moment. “I’m so proud of you.” Azurelle smiled at the woman, not knowing what to say and content to watch her son. “Somehow you always turn something hopeless into a little miracle; you always come out on top in the end.”

“If it weren’t for you I would have died the day I was born – everything I am is thanks to you…with you around I know I won’t fail this little one.”

Nazeera kissed her forehead, content with their time alone, “We’ll raise him together then? You and me – together – until we are grey and old.”

0

Malik came by to see her before he went to bed, it was getting late and he’d had a long day. “I will not tell Altaïr that you have been back and forth to the nursery all afternoon if you promise to rest from now on.”

“But Malik!” she whined, “Every time I get him someone takes him away again! I have waited nine months for him and I want him with me…”

“You have tomorrow! And the day after that – Azurelle, you have the rest of your life to hold him.” He pulled her covers up and tucked her in the best he could before perching on the bed, “you had a scare earlier, I know you want to get up and be a mother but please rest – for me.”

She nodded, “anything for you, Malik.”

“Good girl.” He leant down planting a kiss in her hair, “I will see you in the morning, little sister.”

00

Sixteen months ago – Jerusalem

Azurelle finished patching up Altaïr’s wound, they were hidden in a roof garden and she had been explaining to him how she was helping the Brotherhood along with her sister. She blushed the entire time, he was strong, handsome, he had a voice that carried through her and made her melt. She had never really been attracted to anyone physically before but this Assassin with his fiery eyes and dangerous aura around him made her body heat up in unknown ways! Despite his seemingly cool façade she could see a lingering sadness hidden deep in his eyes – he was a wounded eagle and she wanted to help him. “There we are…you should be alright now, Malik has no reason to yell at you now…um…”

“Altaïr.”

Azurelle grinned at him, “I’m Azurelle!”

Altaïr regarded her for a long moment, “that is not a real name.”

“Yes…I know.” She blushed and looked away sheepishly, “everyone says that.”

00

Present

“Another one…” Azurelle sat up and put her feet down onto the cold floor, how many dreams of her past was she going to have to endure? She padded over to her little desk in the corner and had just enough light from the half moon light through her window to quill down something on a piece of paper. It was just a phrase floating around in her head and she thought it might be important enough to take note of. Despite the soreness of her body, the girl wanted to look in on Shahin, he might want feeding, or attention and even if he didn’t she just wanted to fuss over him. Her door opened silently for her and she slipped into the dark hallway, her toes curling on the cold floor as she moved slowly toward the nursery, her body protesting to the movement. Her night dress hindered her as it insisted on sticking to the skin of her legs. “strange.” She muttered and reached down to remove the material.

“You should be in bed.” Altaïr’s voice distracted her from her task and she straightened up. The Assassin was coming out of the nursery, she could just about make him out in the dim light, “what are you doing out here, Azurelle, it is cold and you need rest.” He moved toward her silently and took his night robe off, wrapping it around her small frame. “Why are you out here?”

Azurelle leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, he responded by completing their embrace and she hummed happily, “I just want to check on Shahin, then I will go straight back to bed, I promise.” She felt him sigh and for a moment she worried he would make her leave.

“Alright. I can not blame you for that.” He sounded exhausted, he had not slept since she had begun labour and during the day he had found himself busy, “I have not thanked you, you have given me so many precious things and not once have I shown my gratitude…if I believed in them I would say you were an angel sent for me. As it stands I am just incredibly fortunate to have met you. You have given me all that you are and more – I will look after you properly from now on, that I promise – I will find a way to thank you.”

Azurelle tightened her arms around him, he was so warm and wonderful she never wanted to let go, “you owe me nothing, Altaïr…I have a precious little child, a secure future and I have learnt so much these last few months.” She reached up and cupped his cheek, “I have gained a wonderful friend – who I know will always look after me.” Altaïr kissed the top of her head before reluctantly letting go of her, “I will be quick. Good night Altaïr.”

“…I’ll see you in the morning.”

She nodded and he left her to make her way into the nursery. With his robe wrapped around her the floor didn’t seem so cold. She looked in on Hannan and the baby was just settling back to sleep, no doubt Altaïr had just tended to him, she leaned over the railings and stroked his tummy, “can I ask you something?” he gurgled at her and she took that as a good sign, “will you be a good big brother to Shahin? He’s going to need you, because older siblings are very important and I want him to have a good big brother…you’ll help him, won’t you? No, I know you’ll be his best friend…I’m silly for asking.” Hannan yawned at her and his eyes drifted shut as he fell asleep. Her own son was looking at her when she leaned over his crib, she picked him up and cradled him so that his head rested upon her shoulder and she could drop kisses along his cheek. “Hello, Shahin.”

Azurelle lowered herself into the rocking chair that was in the room, she would have to ask for something to dull the pain in the morning, “you should be sleeping little one.” She stroked his hair and back softly as she spoke to him, she told him all about her days with the Troupe, about meeting his father, the time when she had thought Bosque had kidnapped her. As she rocked, Shahin fell asleep, his thumb hanging loosely in his mouth as he slumbered peacefully against his mother, she continued to whisper to him, she told him everything she could think of and then she told him what she would do with him as he grew until eventually she had planned his wedding for him. “you have so many that will love you, uncle Malik, aunt Nazeera, Maria will look after you too I’m sure! And your father will adore you, you will be spoilt…I’ll tell you a secret.” She murmured against his skin as she watched the dawn begin to break across the Masyaf sky, “no one will ever love you as much as I do – not in a thousand years!” he seemed to wriggle closer to her in his sleep and Azurelle grinned, she was truly happy – happier than she’d been in her whole life. Her eyes drifted shut as fatigue finally won over.

Tomorrow she could start all over again.

00

Sixteen months ago – Jerusalem

“Just our own pleasure…no attachments, no real meaning, and we can stop whenever we please.” Azurelle repeated Altaïr’s ground rules; she understood and accepted every single one. He had her crushed against his body, his mouth sucking gently along her throat, his hands caressing her body sweetly. “Just a fleeting affair.”

“You won’t regret it.” He whispered against her skin, his mouth finding hers and claiming it in a deep kiss that promised an unknown world of delights for the acrobat. She had his strong arms around her and his lips against hers, slanted over hers and dominating her so perfectly was all she thought she could ever want. This dangerous Assassin was hers for now – for a fleeting moment he was hers alone.

00

Present

Altaïr stretched languidly as he stood from his bed, the sun had lit the sky but it was still so very early, Maria moaned in her sleep and rolled into the warm patch he’d left in the bed, it was nice to have her by his side again, even if she was not allowing him to become intimate still. He searched for his blue robe around the room, frowning when he could not find it, “where…” his sleep fogged mind provided him with an image of Azurelle, of course, she was wearing it. Dressed only in his sleeping trousers, Altaïr made his way to the nursery; he noticed Azurelle’s door was ajar, was she up again?! Grumbling under his breathe, the Assassin continued down the hall, his foot slipping on something sticky and mostly dried on the stone floor, looking down his hazel eyes widened in horror – blood.

Dark, almost black blood pooled just outside the nursery, he saw that there were drops starting at the ajar door, Altaïr went back to the door and opened it, the trail led to the bed and he paled at the red sheets, Azurelle was not in her bed. Dreading what he might find he followed the trail back to the nursery door; he stood in front of the wood for a long time – frightened. After a long time he pushed the door open and stepped through the doorway. He could see that Hannan was sound asleep, safely tucked away and that Shahin’s crib was empty. Walking in he slowly turned his head to the right, Azurelle appeared to be sleeping. Shahin was rested against her shoulder, his eyes moving under his lids as he dreamed, Azurelle had the most serene expression, a smile, a genuinely happy, contented smile sat on her lips and she looked perfect in the light that streamed from the window. His blue robe was wrapped around her and his son and if not for the blood staining her white night dress he would have thought her to be asleep – he wished she was only asleep.

Creeping over, each step heavier than the last, Altaïr took Shahin from her hands and placed him back in his crib, his knuckles turned white as he gripped the edge tightly, he didn’t want to look. Perhaps she was just sleeping, a doctor could be called and she’d be fine! Feeling a lump stick in his throat Altaïr went back to her side, he knelt down on his knees and took her hand into both of his, her little fingers being swallowed by his, “Azurelle…” he whispered, she was not cold, “Azurelle, please…please, wake up.” He could feel his throat burning and his eyes stung the longer she remained quiet. Altaïr reached for her face, terrified at the lack of response he knew he would get, he was an Assassin, he had seen and caused death his entire life – so why was this so hard?!
His thumb traced her smile with a feather light touch, afraid to make it disappear, “Azurelle!” he said a little louder, he jumped at the sound of his own choked sob, he had never heard the noise before and at first he wondered where the gasping breaths and the barely audible whimpers were coming from. His face was wet; he took his hand from her cheek and felt his own – since when did the Grande Master cry? “Wake up! Please, Azurelle!” he tried to swallow the lump in his throat but it wouldn’t budge, his eyes wouldn’t stop burning either.

He held her tiny hand again and let his head drop against her knee – sobs wracked through his body so hard it was painful and no matter how much he wanted he couldn’t stop. Even when a door creaked open and a curse was let out, Malik was always an early riser, he had seen the blood on the floor and heard the unfamiliar sound from the nursery, it sounded as if someone were choking, someone in great pain and it concerned him. Malik walked through the open door and stopped dead, the noise was Altaïr. The man was crying convulsively, his whole frame shook violently and his voice occasionally broke through – pleading, no – begging for the girl to open her eyes. Somehow he found himself standing over the young Assassin and the smiling girl, his own lamenting for the brunette prevented him from speaking; all he could do was grip the man’s shoulder as his own tears sliced down his skin. “M-Malik…she…she will not…” Altaïr could not speak through his tears or the broken noises that escaped his tightened throat.

Kneeling down beside him the Dai leant his head against the others, the man’s sobs moving him, making his body tremble against the movements, he whispered, afraid to even breathe it out, “she is gone…”

0

In her room, on the desk; a note sat innocently upon the page of a book with the meanings for a single word –

Fleeting
Definition: brief, transient
Synonyms: cursory, ephemeral, evanescent, fading, flash in the pan, flitting, flying, fugacious, fugitive, impermanent, meteoric, momentary, passing, short, short-lived, sudden, temporary, transitory, vanishing, volatile


The note she had scribbled the night before still wet,

It is impossible to live a life without a single regret,
But:
I’d do it all again with a smile on my lips.


000

There will be an epilogue chapter up…but for now. The end.