Fleeting

Malik,
I do not understand your meaning.
What has happened to Azurelle? Is she safe?
What have I done to offend you?
Altaïr.

Altaïr,
You truly are a fool at times,
She has been broken by guilt,
She can not face betraying Maria and longer.
How can you be so selfish?
Malik.

Malik,
I did not think she would break,
She seemed happy when I left!
I am returning to Masyaf.
Altaïr.

Malik screwed up the note and threw it aside, the man was an idiot! The eagle flapped his wings impatiently and found himself rewarded by his owner. The past few days had consisted of messages back and forth between the two leaders, at some point Altaïr had sent a separate note to someone who could take over his mission to Damascus so the man could return. Azurelle was under the midwife’s constant watch, she still refused to talk to anyone and the simplest of things would cause her to cry. Nazeera had tried to see the girl as often as possible but was often refused admission by her sister, why had every thing gotten so complicated – he preferred it when his wife had ignored Maria. The bruises on each of the women were testament to how violently they clashed when they met. He was sick of hearing from someone that they were fighting like cats once again! With any luck the Assassin would arrive by the next day if he rode desperately and by the way his handwriting was so hard to read he was desperate.

00

He stalked through the halls of the fortress, he was exhausted from riding non stop, even through the night but his anxious heart would not have let him rest even if he had wanted, the first message had panicked him and then every message after had instilled more fear. Azurelle would not sleep unless forced by medicine, she had to be bullied into eating, she wouldn’t stop crying and she was having to be put into a lucid state. She had been fine when he’d left her, yes, he had noticed she wasn’t entirely happy about going behind Maria’s back but not to such an extent! He only stopped when he reached the bottom of the stone stairway, Maria was stood at the top with his son and he only took a second to register her bruised lip and the healing scab over her lip, “who did that?!”

“Nazeera, don’t worry, she has a matching mark. The silly cow should not get into a fist fight without at least a little bit of training.” She was more than embarrassed that the woman had given her a split lip. “She will listen to no one but you, Altaïr…I am actually worried about the girl.” She watched him climb the stairs and stop by her side, he stroked his son’s head and the boy burbled happily at his father’s attention of him, “we’ve done this to her.”

“No. I have!” he passed her and opened the door to the acrobat’s room, the woman inside frowned in disapproval at his abrupt entrance; he always had been an impertinent boy! “how is she?” he looked at her carefully, she was asleep, the skin around her eyes was dark and red blotches covered the puffy skin, she looked so pale and even in her sleep she looked distraught, “what exactly has happened?”

“She will not tell a soul, her sister is the only one who knows what ails this girl and she won’t say a word either. She keeps saying that she’s a terrible person, a snake, she’s wicked and mean and horrible. Whatever it is she has done…she can’t cope with it. I’m doing all I can but she can’t spend the rest of her pregnancy in this state. You would think she had killed someone the way she goes on when she’s awake.” The woman sighed heavily, she hadn’t planned on baby sitting the girl for the last week and a half, she had hoped it was a one off emotional break down and the girl would get over it – she hadn’t.

Altaïr listened unhappily to the woman; he knelt down beside the bed and reached out to run the back of his hand along her face, “she has a fever.” The woman nodded, she knew though it was nothing to be alarmed over yet. He swore under his breath, he thought she was stronger than this, looking at her in such a state made his gut twist painfully, he had asked too much of her this time and she had broken from the pressure he’d put on her little shoulders – seeing her like this reminded him just how young she was, how much she wanted to please the people around her with no regard to herself. He was selfish and Malik had been right in his accusations of him returning to his old ways, he thought he’d learned his lesson. Why did others always pay the price for his failures? “You look tired, old lady…perhaps you should rest for a little while.”

“Perhaps I ought to beat you round the head!” she stood up and left, eager to have fresh air and a less depressing atmosphere smothering her, “do not agitate her.” His brow creased in annoyance, just because the woman had clipped his ear when he had been a teenager didn’t mean she could continue treating him in such a way! Small hands found the one on her face and the Assassin hesitated to turn and face her, when her fingers curled around his hand he could no longer resist, she wanted his attention.
Seeing her eyes nearly made him choke, how he had not seen the sad, guilty and self loathing in her usually bright eyes before was baffling to him. This wasn’t something that had happened overnight, it must have been festering inside her since he’d forced her to him. She had never wanted to hurt anyone and he had made her do it for his own desires.

“Altaïr…” the sound of her voice stung his ears, it was so quiet and cracked he wasn’t even sure it was her talking at all, “I…I want to stop. I can’t share you…I don’t mean to disappoint you but…I can’t hurt my friends. Not even for you.” She was apologising to him? How, even now, how did she manage to blame this on herself! How stupidly naïve could she be?! “I know – you…you said you needed me but…please, can we stop…I want to stop,” he watched the tears fall from her eyes, amazed that she had any left, “we agreed…you said all I had to do was say the word.” Altaïr closed his hazel eyes – he couldn’t look at her any longer, even though the image of her had been burnt into his minds eye he wanted to escape it, he wanted to run from the room and not face what his selfish act had done to her. He had destroyed her.

It was easier to pull her to him and crush her frail little body against his chest, he couldn’t see her then, “I will not make you do anything you do not want to do. I will not make you sneak around in the shadows or force you into anything anymore. You have not disappointed me! I took too much from you, I piled you high with worry and expectations, I expected you to do things you knew were wrong but did anyway just to please me. I was stupid, selfish and it is my entire fault, not a single blame can touch you, Azurelle, this is not guilt you should carry!” he could feel her shaking her head in denial, even now she would not allow him to take responsibility and it was infuriating, “damn it, Azurelle! Why must you always be so stubborn! Just accept that I am to blame!”

“No!” she pushed at his chest and glared at him furiously, “I have a mind of my own! I made the decision to do this thing because I wanted you all for myself! My whole life people keep telling me that things aren’t my fault and I’m sick of being treated like a child! I can say no!” Altaïr’s eyes widened at her little outburst, he could see some of the fire return to her eyes and her determination was right behind it. “I chose to sleep with you; I was stupid enough not to think that I could end up pregnant! I decided to keep my baby, I chose to get on that horse and come here! And I chose not to say no to you! How can you say I’m guiltless?”

A few more pushes and Altaïr could only hope he would break her self induced misery, “is your pity party over now? Was all this just so I would return and you could yell at me because you feel bad?” up until that point he had been perched on the edge of her bed – he honestly hadn’t seen the right hook coming and it threw him to the floor in a heap of white cloth. It looked like her enforced guilt trip had broken – possibly along with his jaw.

“You are a complete arsehole! Why do I have to fall for such a…a complete and utter bastard! Stop with your almighty Assassin act and grow a pair! Make a fucking decision and put me out of my misery! I can’t live with myself if I have to betray people I care about! I’m falling apart because I’m too weak willed to be selfish!” even though she was panting with the exertion her tantrum had brought her and her lungs struggled for air in hard gasps the brunette’s face was an angry veil across usually gentle features, “you helped me do this so now you can help me by making up your stupid, idiotic, pea brained, horribly tempting, moronic mind up!” she sniffled into her cover and flopped back down into her nest of pillows and pulled it over her head. She hated being pregnant! She didn’t know whether to cry or hit him again!

Altaïr rubbed his jaw gingerly, how could she pack such a powerful punch, “azure – ”

“Piss off!”

00

“How do you turn a sobbing mess into an angry sobbing mess?!” Altaïr stretched the muscles of his jaw, wincing in pain as the skin ached at the movement, “we wanted you to help her not infuriate her to the point where she has to be sedated for other people’s safety!” Malik spun on his heal to glare at the other, “have you nothing to say, Altaïr!”

“Pregnant women are frightening – please do not get Nazeera pregnant.”

“Altaïr!” Malik hissed unamused, “did you do this on purpose, were you aiming to make her angry?!”

“Not at first but when I tried to tell her it was not her fault and she became infuriated, some life sparked within her and it seemed the only way to snap her out of it.” He could cope with her anger, he could cope with her being so rage filled that she lashed out and called him names and swore worse than any man he’d known – her sadness, her cold, dead eyes were not something he could face, the sight made him want to gag, “this reprieve will not last and I know I must choose, I just can not face hurting her again.”

“You want Maria then. You have wanted her from the start, Altaïr; I can not understand why you had to have Azurelle as well when you had already chosen one! Why would you even ask even ask Azurelle to do such a thing? You degraded her to nothing but your own personal whore!” he went to argue put Malik silenced him, “I am talking, shut up or you are going swimming! Simply because you can…do you get some sort of thrill from being able to command someone who will not say no? Is this a game to you – to see how far you can stretch her before she breaks? I think you have proven that she breaks quite easily!” he could lecture the man all day but he knew Altaïr had understood what he had done the moment he laid eyes on the girl earlier. He knew that image would haunt the hazel eyed man for the rest of his life. “I am sick of having to break up fights between Maria and Nazeera; I do not want to have to restrain a girl who barely reaches my neck in height because she is trying to kick someone’s teeth in.”

“I will do it now.” Altaïr stood heavily to his feet, “surely it is better to do it now than make her upset after she has calmed down…”

00

He would go to Maria first; he had not seen her since before he’d gone to Azurelle. He found her in her room – packing. She was leaving? Alarmed at the sight, Altaïr marched into the room and stopped her from putting anything more into her pack, “what are you doing?!”
Maria was taken aback by the tremor of fear in the man’s voice that matched his expression, she tried to pull her wrist from his too tight grip and failed when this seemed to scare the man more, “Maria? Why are you packing your things?”

“Relax, I’m not leaving you again!” this did nothing to reassure him and she saw him trying to think of ways to stop her from abandoning him again, “Altaïr, listen to me. Bosque has asked me to help him oversee the take over of Jerusalem, no one who knows me as your ally is alive and as far as everyone there is concerned I have knowledge of where Assassins would hide in a city like that…it will take two months at the most – he has valuable information that can’t be passed on by pigeon or messenger, I would be perfect to take what he has learnt and bring it back…” he didn’t fully believe her and she sighed in exasperation, “I will come back, this is not the sort of journey I can take our son and he will be staying here.”

That seemed to calm the Assassin the tiniest bits, surely she would not abandon her child and the reason for her journey seemed legitimate. So far Bosque had sent many letters in all forms of disguises to the fortress – detailed reports of what was going on, how some people had been executed for their association with the Brotherhood. The Templers frustration at being unable to find a single Assassin in the city as even the bureau still remained unfound. “He can manage without you, Maria…why are you really going? Why are you leaving me – leaving your child? What purpose does it have?” his arms snaked around her body and she allowed him to hold her in a possessive grip. Was he really so frightened she would not come back? “Hannan barely knows me; he will not be content without you here, Maria! I will not be content!”

In truth she had been thinking about what Malik’s nasty little woman had said to her, it would be better if she went away, just until after Azurelle had given birth, she could come back when the girl didn’t need Altaïr so much and she would not feel so frightened to ask the Assassin for help for fear of causing a rift between herself and the man.
The girl needed him more than anyone right now and the improvement – violence was surely better than continuous sobbing and misery – Azurelle’s fire had seemed to be burning again just because Altaïr had been there. Maria remembered wanting the man so desperately to be there when she was carrying Hannan, she would pray that he would just find her and she wouldn’t feel so scared of what was to come, she had had people around her, friends and people with experience but she had wanted the father of her baby to be there and tell her it would be alright. It would pain her to leave her baby here but Altaïr would care for him better than anyone, she trusted him with the life of their baby and knew Hannan would come to no harm under the Assassin's watchful gaze.

“It is very hard to be with you when another needs you so much, I’m a woman, Altaïr and I will get jealous every time she is near you. Now I can make myself useful in Jerusalem and Bosque was the one who let me stay at his residence while I carried Hannan. I would like to repay him somehow and this seems ideal – I get to relive some of my glory days, the Brotherhood gets valuable knowledge, Azurelle will not have to suffer like she has because of my presence, Nazeera will be able to preen and you will not feel hindered when the girl needs you. Oh, and you will have plenty of opportunity to bond with your first child.” She returned his embrace and kissed him chastely, “I love you. And I swear I will never throw your heart away again. I will not abandon my baby and it will be agony being away but I need to do this.”

So that was it, “you are doing this for Azurelle.”

“she helped me see how wrong I was to hurt you and if I can help by not being here for a few months then that is what I will do – but if Malik’s bitch asks, I was forced away because of duty.” He chuckled, how did he know Maria and Nazeera would not get along? “So let me go and I will return…just think, while I’m bashing skulls you will be cleaning up baby sick!”

00

“So I wrote down everything I could remember about the last few months of my pregnancy, nosebleeds, cramps, fatigue, more morning sickness and there may be a good thing or two but you’ll have to look hard!” The girl gave a small smile and hugged the diary Maria had made for her close to her chest.

Azurelle felt awkward sitting with the woman, her anger had abated as guilt had ebbed in at the older woman’s presence, “thank you…say hello to Friedrich for me, I miss our strange little meetings.” Maria had to go away; she was going on a mission of sorts and the brunette held some admiration for her bravery. “Be safe…and I’ll check on Hannan everyday!” she would say her goodbyes now for she knew she would be in a deep sleep by the time Maria left in the morning, the midwife had been mixing something vile looking to help her rest and she’d soon have to swallow the concoction.

“That will make me feel better and I’m sure Friedrich will be delighted to hear from you.” She made to leave and turned at the last moment, “I never expected we’d become friends…I thank you for all the help you have given me, I hope you will have an easy birth.” Azurelle smiled through her grimace; that had felt like a knife through her. She still felt great sorrow that she had gone behind her back, no amount of anger could erase what a wicked person she was – if only Maria knew.

“M-Maria!” the dark haired woman glanced over her shoulder, “tell Altaïr that if he even thinks about coming in here I will cut his throat and feed him in pieces to the pigeons.”

Maria turned her head to the left as she was in the doorway, “did you hear that, Assassin?” he was stood just outside the door to the side, “she told you to bugger off.”

000

I drew a picture of Nazeera and Azurelle today in modern clothing. It was fun.
Ta ra!