schedule
December 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oh my god! That was so fucking sexy xP and so cute as well :3
I simply love it! The way things ended was nice too =]
Ahh! Very very nice! Keep on!~
Just as curiosity, are you a boy or a girl?
Congrats :]~
I simply love it! The way things ended was nice too =]
Ahh! Very very nice! Keep on!~
Just as curiosity, are you a boy or a girl?
Congrats :]~
schedule
July 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Really well done. It seems like you're leaving it open for another chapter, so update soon. ^^
schedule
July 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's pretty decent, especially for a first fic. Short, though. I can understand the struggle with length, but do try to keep it in mind.
One more serious thing I want to mention: you switch perspectives often and sometimes suddenly. I'm personally not a big fan of this since it kind of makes it more obvious that the reader is just an outside observer. I can also get confusing if it's not instantly made clear that the perspective has shifted and you don't realise the thoughts and emotions you're reading about do not belong to who you think they belong to (if that makes sense). That's just my opinion, though.
One more serious thing I want to mention: you switch perspectives often and sometimes suddenly. I'm personally not a big fan of this since it kind of makes it more obvious that the reader is just an outside observer. I can also get confusing if it's not instantly made clear that the perspective has shifted and you don't realise the thoughts and emotions you're reading about do not belong to who you think they belong to (if that makes sense). That's just my opinion, though.