A Crossover So Stupid It's Actually Funny

Wesker stood with his back to Slenderman as he watched the coming storm from the height of his tower. He dared not look at him, lest he be drawn in by the lean appeal of his body that seemed to reach ever upwards into the heavens. Wesker had worked with the ominous presence that was the Slenderman for quite some time, reveling in the way reality cracked and shifted whenever the two were near.

"Oh, if only I could gaze upon you as I truly wish to, my dear sweet Slendy," Wesker sighed.

He bowed his head and resolved that once he had completed his work, he would give into the temptation that he had denied for so long.

"Tonight, years of planning and hard work, countless failures and one too many late night guilt binges, your work and mine, our dreams will finally be realized. For we have recreated the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the unstoppable..." Wesker's voice had dropped an octave when he spoke again, "Hiitleeerrr..."

Lightning flashed across the sky and was immediately followed by a clap of thunder.

"Hurry, my love! The storm draws near; we must move the Führer onto the table!"

The crackling and sounds of distortion momentarily grew louder, then faded again.

"Yes, my darling. You have always supported me, Slendy," a breathy sigh escaped the madman's lips.

Wesker wheeled a cart carrying an indistinct shrouded figure to the table that faced the moon roof of the tower. He heaved the figure clad in the white of peace onto the table and strapped him in, a belt each across his chest, his abdomen, his knees, and an iron band around each ankle and wrist, which now protruded from beneath the loose white garb. Across the figure's chest, he arranged an assortment of copper wires feeding to an antenna. All at once, a window shattered, bringing in a gust of wind and water. Wesker quickly drew into the shadows, his hand on a switch that would extend the antenna beyond the open moon roof.

"Live, my darling, LIVE! The world will know terror like never before! Together, we'll rise!" were his last words before he pulled the switch, causing chaos and lightning to explode all around him.

--

When Wesker came to, the storm had passed and quiet had returned. A heavy and oppressing silence was now all around him.

"Slender, my love! Adolf! Where have you gone?" He scurried to the table where the monstrosity of his own making had lain only a short time ago. In the place of his creation, now only the blackened ashes of the shroud and a sloppily scrawled note remained.

"Albert, I have no idea how to say this kindly, so I'll just say it the only way I know how: You suck, your corporation sucks, this “complete global saturation” thing sucks.

As such, I will be taking little Addie to spend some time away from you. Do not look for your son. Certainly, do not look for me. You know how that might turn out.

Not Yours, The Slendy."

A terrible rage enveloped Wesker. His creation, his son, his soul, had been taken right from beneath him! It wasn't like that lying whore stealing away to Edonia to with his unborn child wasn't enough. Now, his dream had been stolen again.

Alone, utterly alone in the world.

No, not quite. He still had Umbrella. Wesker would be a father no matter what others thought of his parenting skills. He vowed to be the best daddy ever and take the Umbrella Corporation on as many dark and evil adventures as he possibly could.

One day, they would find the ones who had hurt him. Together.