Bayonsiders

                                         Bayonsiders (Bayonetta meets Darksiders)

 

Before the final battle with The Destroyer, War is riding around the landscape of the world on his horse named Ruin looking for anything that he might have missed before or didn't have the chance to get since he didn't have the right equipment the last time he came through. One day, while riding around on Ruin after exploring the Iron Canopy again, he decides to cross over the soul bridge that connects it to to the Ashlands instead of using a snakehole. As he rides over the soul bridge with Ruin, something strange happens. Around the middle of the bridge, he ends up getting pulled into some kind of alternate dimension where on one side there's one part of the Ashlands. The other side is greener and seems to be a lot less dreary and lifeless. Before he can try to contemplate what just happened to him, a purple circle with strange markings on it appears beside him. From it comes a tall black haired woman in what looks like a leather catsuit. Her hair is done up so that it adds to her height and she just happens to be wearing glasses. She also has guns strapped to her feet that act as stilettos and she also has guns in her hands as well. She ends up landing on her feet and with one hand on the ground. War watches this happening with confusion and puzzlement. The woman suddenly turns to look at War with an angry look on her face. War, feeling that the woman is about to try and attack him, reaches for his sword. In an instant, the woman has a gun pointed directly at War's forehead while War has his sword right next to her neck. After a long silence, War finally asks:

"Who, or what, are you?"

The woman, without taking her gun away from War's forehead replies:

"Some call me Bayonetta. Others call me Cereza. I don't care which I'm called, but I like the name Bayonetta more for some reason."

The woman then raises an eyebrow and asks with a smile:

"And you?"

War then says to her, without pulling the sword away from her neck:

"I am War, one of the four horsemen."

Bayonetta now says to him:

"Well, you sure don't look like any angel that I've seen before."

War replies:

"That's because I'm not an angel. I am on neither side. Along with my three brothers, I was charged with coming to Earth at the time of the apocalypse. That was before I was betrayed and started a mission of revenge to find and kill the one known as the Destroyer."

Bayonetta then takes her gun away from War's head and uses it to reposition her glasses as she says:

"I see."

War, feeling that Bayonetta no longer intended to harm him, brings his sword away from her neck. As War puts away his sword, Bayonetta starts to sexily walk around and asks:

"I don't suppose you know where we are, do you?"

War looks around and tells her:

"No. Though I'm certain that you are as confused as to what happened as I am."

Bayonetta then stops to look at him and says:

"You've got that right."

Bayonetta then continues walking around as she says:

"Maybe if we try to retrace our steps to before we ended up here, we can figure out what happened."

War, without looking away from Bayonetta says:

"The last thing I remember doing was riding over the soul bridge on my horse named Ruin towards the Ashlands. When I got to the middle of the bridge, I was somehow transported to this place. Before I could do anything, you appeared out of a circle with strange markings on it and pointed a gun at my head."

Bayonetta then starts to walk away from War as she says:

"Well, when I took a portal that would usually take me to the Gates of Hell,"

She stops and looks at War as she says:

"It's a place that I go to to buy all of the lovely toys that I play with,"

Bayonetta keeps on walking as she says:

"I got thrown through a purple circle that I usually use to see angels with and landed in this place. Wherever it is."

War now starts to walk around and say:

"It sounds as though we were both on our way to a place we needed to get to by way of something that needed some sort of magic in order to operate."

Bayonetta then turns to War and smiles at him as she says:

"Maybe that's it! Maybe you crossed that soul bridge thing at the exact same time that I was going to the Gates of Hell."

War now walks towards her and asks:

"So what you're saying is that perhaps the magic used to send you to your Gates of Hell and me to the Ashlands somehow caused a rift in time and space that dropped us here?"

Bayonetta smiles and says to War:

"That's exactly what I was thinking."

War then walks over to the greener side of the area and says:

"That still does not explain where we are. Or why one part of it is the place that I was meaning to get to and the other part looks like the world I knew before I was betrayed."

Bayonetta is now in the grayer side of the area as she asks War:

"Is revenge the only thing that you think about?"

War then looks at her and says:

"When you get blamed for being the reason that the world ended earlier than it was supposed to, you tend not to think of anything else."

Bayonetta then tilts her head to the sky with a thoughtful look on her face. She then looks at War and says:

"I think I can see where it is that you're coming from."

Bayonetta then notices that War seems to be looking at her entire body. She then strikes a pose and asks him:

"Speaking of coming, do you want to touch me?"

War then says to her:

"Now that you mention it, I get a strange feeling whenever I look at you for some reason."

Bayonetta then starts to sexily walk up to War and asks him with a smile:

"Really now? Could I wager a guess as to where you're getting this feeling from?"

Bayonetta then gets on her knees and looks up at War as she says with a smile:

"Perhaps down here?"

War looks down at her and asks with a straight face:

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

Bayonetta grabs onto the center of War's pants with both hands and says:

"Just checking to see if the hunch that I have is right or not."

Bayonetta then rips apart War's pants and an eight inch penis with a sizable circumference jumps out at her face. As this happens, Bayonetta pulls her head back and says with a look of shock:

"Oh my!"

Next screen has Bayonetta then close her eyes halfway and say to War's penis with a smile:

"When you told me that you rode a horse, I wasn't expecting you to be hung like one."

Bayonetta then grabs War's penis with both hands and looks up at him. She smiles as she asks him:

"Was this where you were getting that strange feeling from?"

War then says to her: "Yes it is. Though I must ask how you knew that."

Bayonetta then smiles at him and replies:

"I tend to get to get this reaction whenever I meet up with my Cheshire. Sometimes even from the angels that I kill."

War then asks Bayonetta:

"So what do you intend to do about my reaction to you?"

Bayonetta then closes her eyes and smiles as she says:

"What I always do whenever I'm faced with such a reaction."

Bayonetta then proceeds to cover the head of War's manhood with her mouth. War looks up with a grunt sound as he says:

"Now I am getting another strange feeling that I cannot explain."

Bayonetta then goes on to cover the entirety of War's eight inch long penis with her mouth. Needless to say, her neck shows a rather large bulge where War's penis went through as Bayonetta did this. She then continues to pull her mouth up to the head of War's penis and down to his balls. War closes his eyes and says:

"This strange feeling has me at a loss as to what to do."

Bayonetta opens one eye and looks up at War while sucking on his penis. She then grabs both of War's hands and puts them onto the back of her head. War sees what Bayonetta has done with his hands and without her saying anything, due to her having his penis in her mouth, he understands what she wants him to do. War then pulls on Bayonetta's head each time she deepthroats his penis. At the same time, Bayonetta, who has now closed the eye that she opened to look up at War, has now put her hands on War's back where she seems to be pulling him towards her. Suddenly, War lets out a loud grunt and says to Bayonetta:

"Ungh! Bayonetta, I do not know how you did it, but I feel as though some kind of liquid is about to leave my penis."

Bayonetta now hums the tune of "Fly Me To The Moon" as War's penis lets out a large load of sperm. Bayonetta of course gulps down all of the sperm that War's penis shoots down her throat. Bayonetta then takes her mouth off of War's penis and licks her lips with her tongue. War looks down at her and asks her:

"What was it that just came out of my penis just now?" Bayonetta stands up and looks War straight in the eye as she smiles and says:

"Mmmm... delicious!"

War then looks down and says:

"That makes even less sense than why I got that strange feeling when I looked at you."

War then looks up at Bayonetta and asks:

"You must tell me though, what is it that has you so infatuated with killing angels?"

Bayonetta smiles and walks back a little bit as she says:

"It's because:"

She then does a little dance as she says:

"I've got a fever, and the only cure is more dead angels."

War then says to her:

"The angels that I often come across do not seem to like me all that much. So the feeling is mutual."

Suddenly, fifteen angels appear on the greener side of the area that War and Bayonetta are standing in. Bayonetta then sighs and says:

"Not more angels. Not when I was about to have some real fun."

War then walks towards the angels and pulls out his sword as he says:

"These angels look weaker than the ones that I'm used to seeing. If you don't mind, I will take care of them."

Bayonetta then smiles and says to War as he's walking towards the angels:

"War, I didn't know that you were such a gentleman. In that case, I will watch what you can do."

Suddenly, the song "Mysterious Destiny" starts to play as the angels spot War coming towards them. War looks around and asks:

"Where is this upbeat music coming from?"

Bayonetta yells at War:

"Just let the music get you into a rhythm that lets you show me your moves."

War then lets out a sigh and dodges the angels' attacks as he tries to listen to the music that seems to be coming from somewhere. Finally, he feels that he's gotten the groove of the music down and decides to tear the angels that have been attacking him for the past two minutes a new one. War slashes at one angel with amazing force as blood spurts out of it. As an angel attacks him from behind, War whirls around and stabs this angel right in the general area where its chest would be. As War continues to kick their asses, he notices that what he first thought was skin was actually some kind of body armor. He then sees that what is underneath is even worse than what he saw before. This doesn't stop him from stabbing, slashing, maiming and straight up slicing and dicing them until they fall down dead. As War is kicking angel ass, Bayonetta has one hand down near her crotch as she says:

"Mmmm! The feeling I'm getting from watching you dismember those bloody angels is even better than the feeling I get from licking lollipops."

Bayonetta then pulls out a red spherical lollipop from somewhere with her other hand and smiles as she says:

"And I'm a woman who just loves to lick her lollipops."

She then puts the lollipop in her mouth and starts to rub herself down there as she hums to the song that's playing. Finally, War is cutting up the last angel that's there. He first cuts off both of it's wings. Then, he rams the sword into the chest of it as it lets out a cry of pain. Then, to finish off, War reverse moulinettes his sword and slams the last angel into the ground; killing it instantly. As the music stops, War walks towards Bayonetta and tells her:

"They were not as weak as I thought they were, but they are nothing compared to the angels that I've had to deal with."

Bayonetta pulls the stick that had the lollipop on it out of her mouth, which is now just a plain old white stick. She licks her lips and then smiles as she says to War:

"It was so satisfying watching you kill those angels that I finished my lollipop in record time."

War then turns away from Bayonetta and says:

"I wouldn't let my guard down just yet. Experience has taught me that when angels are near, demons are not far behind."

Suddenly, fifteen red circles appear on the grayer side of the area that War and Bayonetta are in. From them come fifteen mean looking demons who haven't noticed either of them yet. Bayonetta looks to War and asks:

"Are those the nasty little demons that you were talking about?"

War says to her:

"Yes. I will destroy them as I have the others of their kind that have hindered me at every turn."

Bayonetta then smiles and says to War:

"If you don't mind, I would like to take them on for you."

Bayonetta then sexily walks towards the demons as she says:

"Besides: you took care of my annoyance, so it's only fair that I care of yours."

War shakes his head as suddenly, the song “Empowered” starts to play from somewhere. Bayonetta then looks around and asks:

"Now where is that music coming from?"

War then says to her:

"Probably the same place that the music that played while I killed those angels came from."

 

Bayonetta then smiles and says:

"Well, it's not the kind of music that I'm used to hearing when I fight, but it has a nice little groove of its own that I can really get into."

The demons then spot Bayonetta and start to run towards her. At which point Bayonetta smiles, strikes a pose and says:

"Let's dance, boys!"

The demons have now surrounded her. One of them tries to hit her with his sword, only for Bayonetta to cartwheel herself out of the way. Suddenly, everything turns purple and a white hand on a clock appears. The demons have all slowed down while Bayonetta runs around them at lightning speed. She kills one with a flurry of punches and kicks. Suddenly, everything goes back to the original colour it was as the demons start to move at the same speed that they went at before and the white clock hand disappears. A demon attacks Bayonetta once more and she cartwheels herself away from the attack once more. The same thing that happened before happens now once again. She kills another one with punches kicks and finishes it with a .large clear fist that materializes from thin air and gives the finishing blow. She then gives another one a flurry of kicks this time and ends it with a clear giant stiletto appearing out of nowhere and finishing off that one. Everything goes back to normal again and a demon takes a stab at her. Bayonetta then cartwheels out of the way and everything turns purple again. She then jumps into the air and hits another demon with more punches and kicks; finishing off with shooting an absurd amount of bullets at its face. Needless to say, the demon went down with its face completely covered in bullet holes. From out of nowhere comes a large guillotine contraption that Bayonetta then grabs a demon and throws it onto. At this time, everything has gone back to normal. Bayonetta kicks the demon in the ass about ten times before snapping her fingers and letting the blade slice the demon's head clean off. The guillotine and the demon disappears and Bayonetta keeps on fighting the demons as if nothing had happened. On the side, War watches this with pretty much the same scowl that he always has, except that it looks slightly different from his usual scowl. He comments:

"I have to admit that watching what she's doing moves me in an odd way. So much so that I'm starting to get that strange feeling again."

We then see that an iron maiden has appeared out of nowhere. Bayonetta then kicks a demon into it and the door of the iron maiden closes with blood splattering everywhere. There are now five demons left, so Bayonetta decides to do something a little different. She jumps into the air and starts to spin around on her head while shooting bullets from the guns in her hands and the guns that are acting as her stilettos. Most of the bullets fly anywhere, everywhere and mostly miss their targets. The others hit all of the remaining demons at an amazing speed. After two minutes of this, All of the demons have been completely covered in bullet wounds and are on the ground dead. Without stopping, Bayonetta spins herself towards War who is watching this whole thing. As soon as she gets in front of War, she spins down into a lying down sexy pose. there's a shine that comes from her left eye and the sound of a camera taking a picture is heard. Bayonetta then stands up, pulls a photograph from her cleavage and kisses it. She then hands it to War and says to him:

"A little something to remember me by."

War takes the photograph, looks at it and says to Bayonetta:

"I'm not going to ask how you defeated those demons so easily or how you got this picture of us together. Mostly because I'm probably better off not knowing."

Bayonetta then smiles and asks War:

"So, are you ready to have some real fun now?"

War looks up at her and says:

"I would tell you, if only I knew what you meant by real fun."

Bayonetta then pulls out War's penis, which is fully erect again and says:

"If you thought that I had all the fun that I wanted with this, you haven't had the feeling of my other mouth yet."

War asks her with surprise:

"Other mouth?"

Bayonetta then says to War:

"Here, let me show you."

Bayonetta waves a hand over her crotch area and hundreds of little black hairs pull back into the rest of her suit to reveal her vagina; which, at the moment, is soaking wet. War looks at it and asks:

"That's your other mouth?"

Bayonetta looks at him with a smile and replies:

"Yes it is, and I would like to give you the same feeling you got when I was sucking off your manhood before, only with more passion behind it, if you don't mind."

War looks up at Bayonetta and says:

"I must admit that when you did that, the feeling I had from it was not an unpleasant one. So if you are asking me if you can give me the same kind of feeling again, you are welcome to it."

Bayonetta lowers herself, while still standing. onto War's penis. She then lets go of the ground as she lets War's penis ram itself into her vagina. She lets out a close mouthed moan of pleasure while War makes a very loud grunting noise. War then says to Bayonetta:

"This is the same kind of feeling as when you, as you put it, sucked off my manhood with your other mouth earlier."

Bayonetta then looks back towards War and says:

"It only gets better from here on."

Bayonetta then puts her feet on the ground and pulls herself up from War's penis. She then pushes down and pulls up for about thirty seconds with War grunting and Bayonetta moaning. Suddenly, as that's happening, the climax mix of the song "Fly Me To The Moon" starts to play from somewhere. War then grabs onto Bayonetta and says:

"Wait! There's music coming from somewhere again."

Bayonetta then looks at War and says:

"Well, it's my kind of music. So it probably means that some more angels have found their way here somehow."

Suddenly, about a hundred angels fly down from the sky and a hundred demons appear out of the ground in red circles. These angels and demons surround War and Bayonetta with the obvious intent of killing them both. War looks around at the angels and the demons and says:

"Well, that explains why that music started up."

Bayonetta then lets out a sigh and says:

"Really now, they just had to come and fight us when we're right in the middle of something. I want to kill more angels, but I don't want to stop this amazing feeling that we're getting."

Bayonetta then smiles as she gets an idea. She then looks at War and asks:

"Do you think you would be able to hold me with one hand and run around while killing these annoyances?"

War looks at Bayonetta and says:

"If you are thinking of doing what I think you're thinking of doing, then I will be able to not only do what you want, but fight them off with my sword as well."

Bayonetta then jumps her feet off of the ground and says:

"Well, you'd better think fast. Because here they come now!"

With a split second reaction, War grabs onto Bayonetta with one arm and pulls out his sword with the other. The angels and the demons have now started to attack War and Bayonetta. One of the angels attack Bayonetta and she cartwheels herself out of the way of the attack, taking War with her. This time, everything around them has turned purple and a white clock hand has appeared once more from somewhere. War asks:

“What is this that I saw you do once before, but was not affected by?”

Bayonetta then says to War:

“It's a little something I like to call witch time. It helps me out when I want to get rid of these pesky angels easier and faster. Since you are in me at the moment, you get the benefit of it as well.”

After a little while, everything goes back to normal and everything moves at the speed that it was once going. As Bayonetta fights the angels and demons with her punches, kicks and bullets, War is slicing up anything that gets behind them with his sword. Every so often, an attack would be dodged and they would go into witch time once again. While they are fighting off these angels and demons, War is holding onto Bayonetta's body with one arm and isn't letting go. As they are fighting, Bayonetta slides a little up off of War's penis and down on it. Each time this happens, War lets out a grunt and Bayonetta lets out a moan. Somehow, War and Bayonetta figure out a way to string together double combos where one hits an angel or a demon and the other finishes it off. It was as if they were playing a duet of some sort and they were making beautiful music together. Finally, after all of this fighting, finishing and grinding against each other at the same time, War gives a final slash to an angel and Bayonetta kicks the last demon into an iron maiden that appears out of nowhere again which closes in a splatter of blood. With all of the demons and angels on the ground dead, Bayonetta puts her feet back down onto the ground. In a strange turn of events, Bayonetta is now standing on the grayer side of the area that they're in and War is standing in the greener side of the area. War now takes his arm off of Bayonetta's body and holds onto either side of her with each hand as he grinds into her and she grinds herself onto him. Thirty seconds later, War lets out the loudest grunt he's ever made and Bayonetta lets out the loudest moan that she's made yet. War's penis then climaxes itself into Bayonetta's vagina with the utmost force. War then lets go of Bayonetta and War staggers back a little bit as Bayonetta staggers forward. Both of them are panting heavily from what just happened to them. When they finally catch their breaths, Bayonetta takes seven little white sticks from somewhere and sticks them into her vagina. She then pulls the sticks out and they have now turned into white spherical lollipops. War, looks at Bayonetta and says:

“Never have I ever had the sensation that I got from doing that.”

Bayonetta turns around and smiles as she says:

“Well, I don't know about you, but I thought that it was fun while it lasted.”

Somehow, the little hairs that went away to reveal Bayonetta's vagina have now covered over her crotch area and have become part of her leather catsuit again. Suddenly, dark red circles appear underneath War and Bayonetta. Before they can react to this, dark red hands appear from the circles and pull them down into the ground. War then wakes up with Ruin pushing its head against him. He discovers that he is now sitting down and leaning against a rock on the Ashlands side of the soul bridge. Suddenly, the Watcher comes out and says:

“There you are. One minute we were crossing over the soul bridge and the next minute you disappeared without a trace.”

Watcher then asks:

“Just where in the world did you go without me knowing?”

War gets up and says:

“Trust me, Watcher, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.”

Watcher then notices a photograph that War is holding onto. Watcher grabs the picture, looks at it and asks:

“Where does this come from?”

War says to Watcher:

“It was given to me by the woman in the picture that you see below me.”

Watcher then asks War:

“Do you think that I can hold onto it for a little while?”

War then says to Watcher:

“It is of no use to me. You can keep it for as long as you like. Just don't tell me what it is that you intend to do with it.”

Watcher lets out a sinister laugh and says:

“You've got yourself a deal.”

War then gets onto Ruin, Watcher disappears into War's arm and they continue on towards the Ashlands. Meanwhile, in the Gates of Hell, Bayonetta wakes up on one of the stools in front of the bar. Rodin is there and he says to her:

“It's about time you came back.”

Bayonetta then looks at Rodin with an annoyed face and asks him:

“Rodin, were you the cause of me getting thrown into a place that was devoid of time and space?”

Rodin smiles and says to her:

“You once told me that you were getting a little bored and wanted some excitement. From all of the halos that you've been giving me, I thought it was high time that I gave you a little store credit. I had to call in a lot of favors. Some were from friends I hadn't talked to in years. Though if you had as much excitement as I think you did, then I'm sure that it was worth it.”

Bayonetta then smiles and asks:

“So you were the one who played that music whenever those angels and those demons appeared?”

Rodin smiles and says:

“Yep. Everything else that happened was just you and that War guy you met up with.”

Bayonetta then asks:

“But how did you know when to stop the music?”

Rodin replies:

“I was given a counter that told me how many angels and how many demons were alive within that area that you got transported to. As soon as the counter went up from zero, that was my cue to start the music. When the counter dropped to zero, that was my cue to stop it.”

Bayonetta then smiles and says to Rodin:

“Well, you can tell those friends of yours that returned all of your favors that it was very much worth it.”

Bayonetta then pulls out a white spherical lollipop and sticks it into her mouth. She starts to walk towards the exit to the Gates of Hell when Rodin says to her:

“That's a colour of lollipop I've never seen you with before.”

Bayonetta then stops, turns towards Rodin and pulls out the lollipop from her mouth as she says:

“Oh this? It's a little souvenir from that excitement that you gave me. It's cream flavoured.”

Rodin asks:

“Cream flavoured, huh? What kind of cream is it?”

Bayonetta winks and smiles as she says:

“The good kind.”

Bayonetta then puts the lollipop back in her mouth and sexily walks towards the exit to the Gates of Hell. As she goes back up to the surface, Rodin shakes his head and chuckles to himself as he wipes down the bar that he's been taking care of for so long.

                                                                    THE END