Safe

“I don’t want to feel it anymore.”

“Fauxnel…” His back is turned, and I wonder if he is going to ask me to leave. “What don’t you want to feel?”

“Like…like I don’t deserve you. I keep getting this unsettling feeling that I’m going to betray you somehow. And I feel like I should tell you to stay away from me, because I’m going to hurt you…and I don’t know why.” He turns around to look at me, and I feel as if my heart’s about to stop.

It’s that gaze--that pure, straightforward, earnest gaze--that never fails to make me weak in the knees. I stupidly extend my hand, wanting to comfort him.

“I don’t want to do anything that will make you leave me,” he continues, so softly that I can barely hear him. “Lord Valmur…”

“I won’t,” I interrupt him, startled by the sound of my own voice.

“And I won’t hurt you,” he promised. Suddenly, he takes my outstretched hand in both of his, and the expression in his eyes changes from earnestness to pleading. “I…I swear I won’t!” I hear what sounds like a sob come from deep inside his throat, and he clutches my fingers so tightly they hurt.

“I believe you.” I feel an incredible amount of love for him right now. It’s something that seems to reach out from beyond my first memory…another time and place…

“I know I don’t deserve you.” He hangs his head, his voice almost a whisper. “I must have done something to hurt you in the past…something that would warrant your hatred of me for all eternity…”

His words make me shudder, and I embrace him tightly. “Don’t say that,” I beg as I run my hand through his soft blond curls. “Please don’t say that.”

“But you feel it, don’t you?” he whispers. “That you and I were enemies. That we died as enemies.” I feel tears against my neck and I hug him all the more tightly.

“I don’t think you were my enemy, Fauxnel.” I pause, searching the inside of my head for the right words. “I think…I think I left this world loving you, and wanting you to know that I loved you.” I brush my fingertips against his cheek. “Please don’t cry, Fauxnel. The fact that you and I are here together, right now, must mean that you’re forgiven.”

“What would you do, Lord Valmur…?” He stops and looks up at me, his eyes still wet with tears. “If I asked you to touch me?”

Instead of answering, I move my face closer to his. He does the same, and as he does so, his eyes begin to close. I close mine, and our lips meet.

My mind goes blank, and for a few moments, my existence consists of pure sensation. His lips are warm and soft, and they tremble as they come into contact with mine. I sense the rhythm of his breathing, the flow of his blood. Feelings of desperate intensity wash over me, over both of us as we melt into each other’s embrace. As my consciousness returns, I become increasingly aware of my desire to stay with him tonight, to stay with him every night.

I feel his lips part, and I gently slide my tongue between them. There is nothing extraordinary about the taste--it’s just flesh, after all. But the word sweet appears in my mind, and I can’t keep from moaning with relish. He whimpers softly in response, and the sound of his voice makes me want him all the more.

Finally, our lips pull apart. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes glazed. “Lord Valmur,” he sighs, “please stay with me tonight.”

“I will,” I whisper in his ear. “Tonight…” I kiss his ear gently. “…and every night after, if you want me to.”

Our clothes come off in a hurry. My gaze falls upon his beautiful, pale body. He’s slimmer than he looks, with all those frills and layers. He looks at the floor, suddenly shy. Without a word, he turns around and walks quickly to the bed. I follow him, secretly admiring the back of him as well.

He lies on his back, still refusing to look me in the eye. I lower my body onto his, then whisper his name. He finally looks up at me, and I begin to plant kisses all over his face--his lips, his cheeks, his forehead, even the tip of his nose.

“I love you,” I find myself murmuring over and over. “I love you so much.” I embrace him tightly, and I feel goose bumps on his skin.

Something in him seems to be shutting down. “Fauxnel?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you all right?” I stroke his cheek, marveling at the softness of his skin. I can’t help kissing him again.

“Yes.” He sighs and pulls me closer. “I just feel more relaxed than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.” His eyes close. “Safer.”

I’m moved by his trust in me. I trace those beautiful lips of his with my fingertips. He kisses them, slowly, softly, as though half asleep.

“Do you want to stop?” I ask. “You seem like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“No.” He opens his eyes again and shakes his head. “Forgive me, Lord Valmur. My mind seems to be elsewhere.” He shakes his head again. “No, that’s not it…I’m sorry. I cannot find the right words…”

“It’s all right.” I intertwine my fingers with his. “Just relax. Don’t worry about pleasing me just yet. Let me pleasure you.”

“Thank you.” The corners of his lips turn up slightly. “I’m…new to this kind of affection.”

I begin a trail of kisses down his neck and along his shoulder. As I do so, I feel his body tense and relax. I let go of his hand and run my fingers along his collarbone. I try to make them move agonizingly slowly, and when they approach one of his nipples, they start to circle it, coming closer each time, but never touching it. I hear a gasp, then a whimper.

I chuckle, then whisper in his ear, “Do you like this? Shall I touch you here?”

“…Lord Valmur…” he breathes as I gently nibble at his earlobe. “Please…”

“You’re adorable, Fauxnel.” I rub my thumb against his nipple, and I feel his body jump. His hips push insistently against mine. “You’re awfully impatient.”

I give each nipple a kiss before moving on. I start to make my way down his body, taking great delight in kissing along his stomach. His hands tightly grip mine.

Finally, I sit up, letting go of his hands so I can massage his thighs. They’re soft and plump, and I squeeze them gently. I lay on top of him again.

“My sweet Fauxnel,” I murmur with my lips against his ear. “You’re getting excited, aren’t you?” I reach down and very lightly brush my fingers against his penis. He’s fully aroused, and so am I.

It’s getting difficult to see him in the dying candlelight, but I can tell he’s embarrassed. I kiss him on the cheek.

“There’s nothing to be shy about. See? I’m excited, too.” I press my hips against his so he can feel my erection. I hear a small gasp.

For a moment, both of us are quiet. Then, I whisper, “I love you, Fauxnel, and I want you. I love seeing, hearing, and feeling your excitement. I long to be serenaded by the sighs that leak like nectar from your sweet lips. I want to lose myself in you, be enveloped by your heat, become part of your body. I want to melt into you so that I can flow through your veins and make every part of you quiver with maddening pleasure.”

With each word, his breathing gets heavier, his heart beats faster. He looks up at me and says, “Lord Valmur…will you love me?”

“Yes.” My voice is trembling with emotion. I look into those clear blue eyes of his and see that earnest look that I love so much. “Tell me what you want, Fauxnel. How do you want me to love you?”

He’s embarrassed again. He turns his head to the side, and I take the opportunity to kiss his neck some more. “I’ll do anything you want,” I prompt him.

“I…I want…” He stammers, as though trying to find the right words. “I want…I want…” He’s getting frustrated, trying to overcome his natural shyness so he can tell me his desires.

“I’ll never force myself on you, Fauxnel,” I murmur against his skin. “So you need to tell me what you want me to do to you.” I part his thighs and place one of my hands under his body. “Tell me…Fauxnel…”

He cries out as he feels my hand trace the curve of his backside. “I want to feel you inside me,” he gasps. “I want you to make love to me!”

I reward him with a very intense kiss. Slowly, he wraps his arms around my neck, moaning softly as I suck on his lower lip. We continue for a few more minutes, and then I ask him, “Do you have any lubricant?”

“Yes…ah…on my desk…” His flushed cheeks turn even redder from embarrassment. “I tell people it’s for the lamps.”

“Very clever.” I kiss his cheek and sit up. “I’ll get it.”

As I walk across the room, I feel Fauxnel’s eyes on my back. It makes me feel strangely self-conscious. I grab the lubricant and quickly return to the bed.

“Are you embarrassed?” A mischievous smile forms on Fauxnel’s face, and my heart begins to race again. “It’s kind of cute.”

I grin at him. “You’ve got me,” I admit. “I’m nervous, too. Surprised?”

“Not in the least.” He lies back, looking up at me expectantly. “You always were a poor liar, Lord Valmur.”

I pour some lubricant into my hand and began to apply it to my cock. As I do so, I begin to plant kisses along his belly, slowly moving lower. I hear him start to moan again.

“Ah…Lord Valmur…don’t tease me…”

I chuckle to myself before giving the head of his penis a kiss. “Forgive me,” I murmur. “I want to taste you.”

He starts to pant as I take him into my mouth. “Oh…Lord Valmur…ahhh…”

I lap at the fluid dripping from his cock, making sure he hears the wet sounds of my lips moving up and down his shaft. I moan appreciatively, letting him know how much I savor his most intimate taste.

“Lord…Val…” He gasps as I swirl my tongue around the head. “D…don’t you dare…don’t you dare make me…”

He’s frustrated. I can tell that he wants me to finish, but that he also wants to feel me inside of him. I sit up again and smile down at his pouting face.

“Ooooh…Lord Valmur…”

I touch his cheek. “Are you angry?”

“No…but I thought we were going to…” I interrupt him by kissing him again. As I do so, I press the head of my cock against his entrance.

“Is this what you’re waiting for?” I whisper. He cries out and turns his hips upward.

“Take me,” he begs. “Take me now!”

“Tell me if it hurts. We’ll move slowly, okay?” I start to slowly push into him, praying that I used enough lubricant. I feel his body tighten, and I kiss him on the cheek. “Relax. Listen to my voice. I love you, Fauxnel. I promise I’ll be gentle.” I take him into my arms and lower my mouth to his.

“Mmmm…” Our lips part, and he pants sweetly into my ear. “More…Give me more!”

As I make my way further into him, I marvel at how tight he is. “It doesn’t hurt?” I ask him. “You’re so tight.”

“No…doesn’t hurt…” His breathing is getting heavier. I feel his legs wrap around my waist. His arms hug me all the more tightly.

I lift my head--a difficult maneuver with him holding onto me like this--and look at his face.

His eyes are glazed over, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen, his mouth open…This is the Fauxnel I’ve dreamed of seeing. This is Fauxnel as he truly is, without all the play-acting, the flattery, or the carefully planned behavior. I wish I could see him this way more often.

“I’m moving now,” I whisper in his ear. “Tell me if it starts to hurt.”

Have you ever felt someone you love cling to you as if to let go would mean the end of life itself? That sensation is something I will always cherish. I feel his warm breath in my ear as I begin to thrust, and he answers that motion by pushing back.

“…lmur…”

“You feel amazing,” I tell him. “So nice and warm…”

“Valmur…” I love hearing my name on his lips. To hear it slip out of him, amidst all the adorable moans and sighs of pleasure, makes me feel as though my love for him is about to spill over. It’s incredible, this feeling--it’s like I’m going to burst from all the different sensations stimulating my body, my mind, my emotions, my very essence.

We’re so close that I can feel his cock sandwiched between our bodies. Every time he pushes up against me, I feel the head brush against my belly. I take this opportunity to tease him some more.

“I can feel how wet you are,” I whisper, referring to the fluid leaking from the tip of his cock. I purposefully place emphasis on the word wet.

“Don’t…don’t say that,” he gasps, even as his hips buck against mine. “It’s so…lewd…”

“And it’s making you even more excited, isn’t it?” I chuckle softly and reach down to tease the head of his penis with my fingertips.

“Ah…hahh…Valmur…Ahhhhh!” He lets out a pleasured cry as I coax more fluid from him.

“You’re so excited,” I sigh into his ear. “Doesn’t this feel good? Oh, Fauxnel…You’re close to coming, aren’t you?”

“N…no!” He shakes his head wildly. “Not yet…” His desperate shudders say otherwise. His brow is furrowed, his eyes shut, his pouting lips parted slightly. It’s an unbelievably erotic sight that causes me to reach my peak. I press my lips roughly against his and thrust into him harder than ever.

“Mmmmm….ah! Ahhhhh! Valmur, I…I can’t…” He cries out again, and I feel his hot seed splash against my stomach.

I kiss him again as I come inside of him, relishing the way he whimpers into my mouth. He’s already coming back down from his peak, and he sleepily kisses me back.

“I love you,” I tell him again. I pull out and roll over next to him, taking his hand in mine. “Do you still feel safe?”

“Yeah…” He snuggles up against me. “I don’t think I’m afraid anymore…”

As I drift off to sleep, still holding his hand, I think to myself that we’ve finally found peace together.

That’s right, Fauxnel. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.

END