Wanting To Be Loved
folder
+M through R › Metal Gear
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,692
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+M through R › Metal Gear
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,692
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
Snake, Otacon, Ocelot and all other stuff from Metal Gear belongs to Konami, not me. Also I am not getting paid for this, good god, who WOULD?!
Wanting To Be Loved
Snake noted that this mission was going badly wrong as he drew close to the torture room. Otacon had been captured, and they hadn’t been able to find evidence of the new Metal Gear anywhere. It had all been a trap to lure them out here. Snake wouldn’t have minded so much if this was the first time they’d been set up, but they’d fallen into a trap before, and were blamed for the tanker incident and the ensuing environmental disaster.
Snake slunk around the corner in perfect silence. He was close to where Otacon was being held, he was sure of it. He was just hoping that Otacon wasn’t being treated too badly…
*^*
Otacon whimpered. “Leave me alone!”
Ocelot laughed, “Why should I?” he said, “I have good things in store for you…”
Otacon suddenly felt very exposed. He was naked and bound to some kind of metal table, face down. He couldn’t see a thing, and that frightened him even more. He just wanted Snake to come and rescue him before something terrible happened.
“Oh, don’t worry…” Ocelot said wickedly, “You’ll enjoy this…”
Otacon felt something warm being pressed up against his ass, and wanted to scream when he figured out what it was. It thrust against him suddenly, and he cried out as searing pain shot through his body.
“NOOO!” Otacon screamed, “Get away from me!” He sobbed as Ocelot violated him. He’d always been used, abused, destroyed, and now Ocelot was taking the last piece of innocence he had left… the part he’d wanted to save for the man he’d loved all this time but had never been able to tell… Now, he had nothing left to offer anyone.
He was glad he was blindfolded, but he wished he wasn’t awake, either. The sound of Ocelot’s moans and the feeling of him pressing hard into Otacon was making him feel sick. He was crying, sobbing, unable to control his emotions. He wanted to wake up and discover this was some kind of sick nightmare, but he knew it wasn’t, the pain was too intense, the agony in his soul was too real.
He was so sore, he just wanted it to end, but it just got worse as Ocelot neared climax. He pushed into him harder and harder, and all Otacon could do was scream in agony and cry as Ocelot came inside him. Otacon wanted to be sick.
“FREEZE!” came a cry from the door. Ocelot withdrew from Otacon and turned around slowly, laughing wickedly as he zipped up his trousers. Snake glowered at him with a look of sheer disgust as he felt his blood boil inside of him at the realization of what Ocelot had done to Otacon.
Ocelot laughed. “You missed the show, Snake,” he said, “Your little friend here was very… good. A virgin too…!”
Snake let out a battle cry and shot Ocelot again and again, his face twisted into an expression of pure anger and hatred. However, the bullets flew past Ocelot harmlessly, because of his electromagnetic field.
“Shit!” Snake exclaimed. He stopped shooting in case he hit Otacon and put his gun away. He lunged forward and picked Ocelot off the floor, throwing him against the wall with all his strength. He followed, picked Ocelot up again, pinned him to the wall and punched him again and again furiously. The blood poured from Ocelot’s nose but Snake didn’t care, he was caught in a blind rush of fury.
Otacon cried out, “Snake…” he said. Snake heard him and dropped Ocelot, who was now unconscious, to the floor and rushed over to the table where Otacon lie sobbing. He cut his bonds loose and took off the blindfold. Blood poured down his legs from where Ocelot had roughly violated him. Snake wanted to shred Ocelot for what he had done, but right now, he realized he needed to get Otacon out of here.
Otacon barely managed to stand up, he was shaking and sobbing. Snake could do nothing but hold him, but the sobbing didn’t stop. Snake realized that they had to get out soon; there was no time for sympathy now. He lifted Otacon onto his shoulder, and ran like hell through the dark metallic halls of this death trap facility, until the air met his face again.
He put Otacon down, his naked form limply fell against the metal lining of the tunnel. He wasn’t responsive, but he was there, his eyes were open, but he didn’t speak, didn’t even look at Snake. Snake pulled out an enemy soldier’s uniform he’d been using for camouflage.
“Here,” he said, “Wear this.”
Otacon moved a little and looked up at Snake. Snake turned away out of respect, so the guy could at least get dressed in some kind of privacy. Even though Snake had seen everything by now, he hadn’t been looking in that way. It just wouldn’t have been right, after what Otacon had been through. Even if he did look beautiful naked… Snake forced the thought out of his mind. Right now, he needed to get Otacon home. This mission was over.
They walked through the rainy night together wordlessly. Snake wanted to tell Otacon how sorry he was that he didn’t get there sooner, but he knew whatever he said couldn’t take back what had happened. Otacon couldn’t even find any words to express what he was feeling. His tears mingled with the rain, pouring down his face and dripping off his chin to land in the puddles of water on the ground beneath him. They wandered through the vast cityscape of New York like they hadn’t just been looking for a Metal Gear in the pipes below the city, but more like they were coming home from a funeral.
*^*
Snake opened the door and let Otacon drag in after him. He locked the door behind him so that Otacon would feel safe; he had to know that Snake would never hurt him.
Otacon sat down on his bed, and gestured for Snake to come and sit next to him. Snake complied and they just sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, neither being able to say anything.
Snake was the first to speak, “Otacon, I…”
“Don’t… Snake. Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault.” Otacon said. More tears flowed down his face. Snake wanted to wipe them away, but he couldn’t, it wasn’t right, he’d probably never be able to tell Otacon now, not after what had happened…
“Snake…” Otacon said, “What if I’ve… caught something?”
Snake hadn’t thought of that. Of course, he didn’t know Ocelot’s history. God, he thought… what would he do if Otacon died? He’d always assumed FOXDIE would get him first, he’d never imagined that Otacon would…
Stop being so selfish, he thought. He embraced Otacon gently.
“Hal,” he said, “We’ll go and get you checked out tomorrow. Please don’t worry about it. Do you feel… okay?”
“Sore,” Otacon responded, “Sore and broken.”
“Go and take a shower… Maybe you’ll feel better.” Snake suggested.
“Nothing could ever make me feel better,” Otacon said, and he took himself off to the bathroom.
Snake lie down on the other bed. Of all the horrors on the battlefield… why did Otacon always have to be the one who suffered the most? He deserved such a good life, but all he’d ever had was torture after torture. Wolf and his sister dying, being raped by Ocelot… that wasn’t counting the things that had happened in his childhood. It was so unfair, he thought.
A long while past, and Snake began to worry. Otacon had been in the shower for a very long time now. Then the door opened, and he breathed a sigh of relief as Otacon emerged, towel wrapped around his body, looking a little more at peace than he had when he’d gone in there. But he still avoided Snake’s eyes and had his head bowed as he dried himself and slipped into the clean sheets of his bed naked. Snake looked over to him and whispered “Good night,” even though he knew that neither of them would sleep tonight.
They lay there a while in separate beds, saying nothing, lost in their own thoughts and pains. Snake wished there was something he could do for Otacon, he could hear him weeping into his pillow and felt so powerless.
“Snake…” Otacon’s voice came through the night, “Are you awake?”
“Yeah,” Snake replied, “I’m here.”
“Dave… I have a request…” Otacon said, “Hold me as I sleep tonight…”
Snake didn’t know what to say… he wanted to hold Otacon so much, but was it right? Would he be able to hold back his feelings? This really wasn’t the right time to be showing them, but he knew tonight Otacon needed some comfort, and he didn’t want him to suffer any more…
He climbed from his bed and into Otacon’s, taking the thin shaking figure into his strong arms. Otacon and him had been friends for so long and had been through so much together that it didn’t feel strange like Snake thought it might do. It just felt like a natural progression.
Otacon rested his head on Snake’s chest and listened to his heartbeat, he finally understood why E.E. used to like this so much; it was so soothing to feel the heart of another being close to you. He closed his eyes as the last of tonight’s tears dripped onto Snake’s chest; Snake put his hand through Otacon’s hair gently. They both closed their eyes, and drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
*^*
They woke early, Snake was up first, flicking through the phone book. He knew Hal should probably be doing this but he’d been through enough, the sooner he got tested and found he was clear, the sooner he could get on with coming to terms with his rape, and the quicker he would stop suffering. Snake hated watching him hurt, it somehow cut through his usually ice-cold heart and stung like a thousand bullet-wounds. He found the number for a clinic and called…
“Yes, I’d like to book in a Mr. Hal Emmerich for a test…”
Hal mumbled, he could hear Snake talking to someone in the background and knew he wanted to stop whatever it was, but his head felt fuzzy and it was going to be a few moments before it cleared.
“…and we’ll be there for 10:30. Okay, thank you, bye.” Snake said, and put the phone down.
“Snake.” Hal said firmly from behind him. Snake knew what was coming, he didn’t want to go, he’d rather not know… but he knew this was the only way Hal was ever going to be at peace.
“Otacon…” Snake started, but was cut off by Otacon.
“It’s okay, Snake. I’ll go… Thank you.” Otacon said. He got up and made his way to the bathroom.
“Thank you for holding me last night,” he said, as he disappeared into the bathroom.
*^*
They took a sample of blood from Otacon. Snake stood there feeling uncomfortable, everyone’s eyes seemed to be asking him the same question: is this your fault? Of course it wasn’t in the way they were thinking, Snake had never had the opportunity to make love to Otacon, and probably never would, but they weren’t to know that.
“Mr. Emmerich?” the nurse asked, “If you have any infections, do you know where you might have got them from? We’ll need to know so we can get them treated too.” She stared at Snake, who felt he was being really unfairly victimized.
Otacon saw this and was not amused at all. “I was raped,” he said, “so stop staring at Dave.”
Snake looked down… He didn’t have to say that, he thought.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Emmerich,” the nurse apologized, “Come back tomorrow for your results.”
Snake and Otacon left the clinic.
“Hal,” Snake said, once they were outside, “You didn’t have to tell them you were raped, you know.”
“I couldn’t stand the way they were staring at you,” he said, “like it was all your fault or something.”
Snake sighed. It is my fault, he thought. If I had just got there sooner…
*^*
Otacon couldn’t relax at all. He was pacing the apartment, staring out of the window, messing around on Internet games, but nothing seemed to grab his interest for long. All he could think about was if the test result would be all right or not.
Snake couldn’t relax either. Otacon noted he’d never seen Snake smoke so much in one day before. Usually he would have told him to take it outside, but today, he just didn’t want to be alone.
The night finally came, but neither of them could sleep. Otacon went and sat out on the small balcony and looked up at the moon. He didn’t even hear Snake follow him out.
“Hal,” Snake said, “It’s going to be okay…”
“If it’s not, Dave… I don’t want to live… I don’t want to get slowly sicker and sicker until I die. Ocelot would be laughing.” Otacon said.
“Ocelot doesn’t look too ill to me,” Snake said. He walked closer to the edge of the balcony and hung onto the rail. He looked across at Otacon. The moonlight illuminated the tears falling down his cheeks, the crystal droplets falling to the streets below. Otacon turned to face Snake.
“Why, Dave? Why did this have to happen to me?” Otacon cried.
The question cut into Snake like a million daggers, Snake wished it had been anyone else but Otacon. Even himself, FOXDIE was going to take him at any time anyway. Why had it been gentle Otacon who had to be tortured in such a way?
Snake brought his hands up and caressed Otacon’s cheeks, wiping the tears from his face and staring into his deep, sorrowful eyes. Otacon liked the feeling of Snake’s rough calloused hands gently rubbing his face and he smiled lightly as Snake clasped his face and didn’t let go. Snake drew closer and closer to him and Otacon felt the blood rushing through him, the want and the desire to kiss Snake becoming ever stronger as they drew closer. Their lips gently brushed together…
A bang and a screech broke the moment; Snake let go of Otacon, dived to the edge and looked over. An alley cat had knocked some metal dustbins flying, but it had been enough to spoil the moment. Snake turned around and went back inside, not knowing what to say without apologizing, and somehow it didn’t feel right to say sorry for loving him…
Otacon continued to look up at the moon.
“Snake… If only I could tell you…” he whispered.
*^*
The day finally came, the sun shone in through the doors of the apartment that led out onto the balcony. Snake and Otacon got up and got dressed, in casual jeans and t-shirts as usual when they weren’t on missions. Otacon didn’t eat; he said he just wanted to get it over and done with.
They walked to the clinic together, despite his treatment last time; Snake wasn’t going to leave Hal to face this on his own. The sat in the waiting room together nervously, not knowing what to say to one another.
“Mr. Emmerich?” the nurse asked Otacon. “Come this way.”
Otacon knew as soon as he entered the room that it wasn’t going to be good news by the way everyone grimly looked at him. He wanted to turn and run but he couldn’t, he needed to know so that he didn’t end up passing it on to Snake.
Snake saw the nurse’s grim face, his stomach tightened into a huge knot. He’d never felt the way he had in the past few days, never felt so many emotions. He’d always been cold, dark, cynical, but Otacon had melted the ice that covered his heart and exposed it to the world. Now, he felt everything.
“Mr. Emmerich…” The nurse began, “We have some bad news…”
Snake gritted his teeth. Please, no… he thought. Otacon sat with a stony look on his face but inside he was falling apart.
“You have the H.I.V. virus, I’m afraid… but there are many treatment options,” she followed up.
Snake closed his eyes, this couldn’t be happening… Otacon got up from his seat and rushed off, crying. Snake remembered what he had said the previous night…
“If it’s not, Dave… I don’t want to live… I don’t want to get slowly sicker and sicker until I die. Ocelot would be laughing.”
“HAL!” Snake cried, and rushed after him. He wasn’t going to let him do anything stupid. He ran as fast as his legs could take him, faster and more urgently than he had ever ran on any mission before. He saw Hal had gotten a head start, he knew exactly where he was heading: the George Washington Bridge. He was going to jump it…
Otacon didn’t even look behind him. He didn’t want to see how close Snake was to catching up to him, he couldn’t bear to look him in the face. All his dreams were shattered… he’d never be able to make love to Snake, never be able to do so much… He’d live his life in fear that he was going to end up passing the virus on to Snake, and he couldn’t bear that thought. He ran faster and faster, not caring if it hurt, he just knew he had to make it to that bridge before Snake did.
He made it and climbed the railings, getting over the safety defenses. Snake was catching up, quickly. He looked down and hesitated, he didn’t really want to die, but he was going to anyway, he may as well do so now, rather than make Snake go through so much more later on. He took one last look back at Snake as he was just a moment away from reaching him, and closing his eyes, and with the memory of Snake’s and his lips brushing, he jumped down to the sea below…
“HAAAAL!!!!!!!!!” Snake screamed. He dived over the barrier; he was a strong swimmer, there was a chance he could rescue Hal and if he didn’t… he didn’t want to think about that. He took a giant leap and dived, as he saw Hal’s figure hit the water.
Snake felt the water consume him from all sides as he plunged into its depths; he kicked his legs and gasped for air as he broke through the surface of the water. He looked around for Hal, hoping he’d regained his sense and decided to swim, but he couldn’t see him anywhere. The current was strong; it was trying to pull him under. He dived below the surface, but couldn’t see a thing. He dived back up again and almost wanted the current to drag him under… He’d failed… Hal was gone… He let the current carry him along until he reached a dirty beach like area, which he swam towards. He coughed the water out of his lungs as he climbed up the shore. He closed his eyes and beat his fists against the sand, wishing he could see Hal again, wishing he could tell him how he felt all this time, longing to explain to him that he didn’t care, he loved him no matter what, that he was dying anyway… but now he’d never get to tell him any of these things.
He wanted to give in, nothing mattered, nothing at all. Metal Gear… how could he defeat it without Hal? How could he live alone without Hal’s humor, the jokes in his anime cheering them both up? How could he live without those evenings where they’d just have takeaway and leave the boxes everywhere to be cleaned up in the morning while they watched all night movies? Hal had been the light in his life, keeping him cheerful even on the battlefield by ripping off Mei Ling’s quotes or telling him off for smoking. Then there was his deep side; those warm emotions and deep thoughtful conversations that always managed to keep his brain ticking with something he never would have thought of. Even though he’d been through so much sorrow, Hal had always been so cheerful… but this had been too much… If only he’d got there in time and stopped this happening…
Dave turned over and looked up at the bridge. He wasn’t Snake anymore… Snake was a hero… Snake managed to rescue the people that mattered… He’d saved Meryl, even though their relationship had never worked out. Why hadn’t he been able to protect the man he loved?
He looked across the urban beachscape, the gray sand blended with oil and litter stank. This was the face of the earth. He’d pretended to be a hero, fighting for what he believed in, but it was all a joke. He was just prolonging the inevitable, and he’d dragged Hal into his game too, his little fantasy, and look what had happened…
He sat up… It was all over now. He hoped FOXDIE would come and claim him soon, he wouldn’t be sad to leave this world. He’d never believed in a God or a heaven, but the thought of seeing Hal again somewhere was comforting.
Looking across the beach, he felt that he was at the end of the world. Everything went on around him, but here, everything was still as could be. The waves of the river gently splashed against the gray sand. Then, something caught his eye. A dark… figure?
Snake dived to his feet; all the while thinking that there was no way it could be Hal, until he reached the figure’s side. It was Hal.
Snake shook him… “Hal!” he cried, “Hal.” He kneeled over him and pressed his cheek close to his mouth. The warmth of his breath made Snake’s heart miss a beat. He was alive! He coughed, and moved his head to the side, where he coughed out river water as he came to.
“Snake…” he said, “Snake?” He fumbled around for his glasses, but he’d lost them in the river.
“I’m here,” Snake said, “I’m right here with you…”
He caressed Hal’s face, he was so overjoyed to see him alive again, hear him speak again. He leaned in close and kissed Hal passionately, nothing on Earth was going to keep them apart any more. Hal broke off the kiss.
“Dave, don’t… I’m gonna die…”
“I don’t care,” Snake said, “I’m going to be with you… until the end. You’re not the only one living on a death sentence.”
Hal moved his head up and captured Snake’s lips again, continuing the kiss. They rolled around on the beach just kissing and rubbing each other, moaning into each other’s kisses as they shared some of the passion and love that they’d kept hidden inside for so long.
*^*
Snake held Hal again that night, keeping him cradled in his warm arms.
“I wish that I could make love to you…” Hal said, “Life’s so cruel…”
Snake wanted him too. “Hal, just do it… I don’t care, I’m dying anyway…”
“No!” Hal said, “There’s a chance you’ll live a full life. There’s no way I’m going to let you die!” He cuddled up closer into Snake’s arms.
“Snake…” he said, “Why did you jump too? You could have died…”
“I didn’t care…” Snake responded, “I couldn’t let you die.”
Warm tears fell from Otacon’s eyes once again, dripping onto Snake’s chest. Snake had put his life on the line, not caring what happened… to save him… Even though he was dying anyway. Now, he was in the arms of the man he loved… and the rape, it seemed a million miles away.
Snake held him even tighter… “Don’t cry…” he said, not really knowing what to say. He was new to this emotion thing, and it still made him uncomfortable when Hal got all emotional on him.
*^*
Otacon was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. He leaned out to answer it.
“Emmerich residence,” he said, still half asleep, “Can I help you?”
“Yes, this is the clinic… We need you to come in as soon as possible… There seems to have been some error… Our records were hacked by somebody, we need to retest you.”
“I’ll be right in,” said Otacon, with renewed hope.
Otacon immediately woke Snake and told him.
“Hacked?” Snake said, “Did the Patriots want you to believe you were going to die?”
“Probably…” Otacon said, “It makes sense. I think I’m going to die, I stop being part of Philanthropy, we stop trashing Metal Gears, Patriots do what they want.”
“It doesn’t mean for sure that…” Snake started.
“I know, I may not be clear, but… We’ll just have to find out.” Otacon said, and they left for the clinic.
*^*
Hal waited for the results this time, he didn’t want to go back to the apartment and wait agonizingly. They’d taken several blood samples from him to double-check. He nearly dived on the doctors when they came back with the results.
“You’re all clear,” they announced.
Hal dived on Snake and kissed him passionately, Snake kissed back, not caring that they were in public, just wanting to express the joy and happiness he was feeling. Everyone stared at them.
Snake broke the kiss, “Have you never seen a gay person before?” he yelled at the onlookers. Hal giggled, and Snake turned back to him to resume their passionate kiss. The onlookers embarrassedly walked away, and Snake and Hal walked back to their apartment, the happiest two men in the world.
*^*
Night came; the air was tense between them, like a storm was brewing. They knew what they wanted, but neither dare broach the subject. They got into bed, and Snake felt his want overflowing, burning inside like an unquenchable fire. Hal too, wanted to do everything to Snake, his hands roaming all over Dave as he felt himself grow hard.
They rolled over and over, kissing each other in the hot sweaty night as the intensity between them built up more and more. Hal pressed his hardness against Snake’s to let him know he wanted him so much. They both moaned as they felt their most private parts touching and rubbing against each other. They got to a point where they were close to having sex, but Snake was hesitant, and they stopped.
“Dave,” Otacon said, “I have a request…”
“What is it?” Dave asked. He wanted to make love to Otacon but didn’t want to bring those memories back to him, didn’t want to spoil their lovemaking by bringing back such awful thoughts.
“Make love to me…” Otacon pleaded, “Every time I’ve had sex… it’s always been because someone took advantage of me or raped me… My stepmother… Ocelot… I’ve had sex… but I’ve never had the opportunity to make love… So please, give me my first time…”
Snake felt honored to have Hal say something like that to him, “Hal,” he said, “Hal, you make me feel so special… Are you sure… you’re ready?”
“Yes,” Otacon confirmed, “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”
Snake reached to his drawer where he kept lubricant and brought out a small tube.
“Snake, why do you have that?” Otacon asked.
“So I don’t hurt you…” he said.
“I meant… why do you have it?” Otacon laughed.
“Ah…” Snake blushed, “Well, I do like to indulge in a little… self pleasure… sometimes… and this helps…”
Otacon giggled at Snake’s confession, but then the atmosphere changed back to that of electricity and intensity.
Snake gently turned Hal over onto his back and inserted a finger covered in lubricant into his ass. He wasn’t going to hurt him like Ocelot had done. He put that thought out of his mind; it still made him so angry.
Hal moaned at Snake’s finger testing him… “More…” he cried.
Snake hurried a little, feeling Hal’s urgency. He put two fingers in and felt Hal shudder in pleasure below him as he moaned louder; he was ready.
Snake covered his cock in lubricant and gently pushed at Hal’s entrance. Hal moaned as he felt Snake sliding into him, Snake moaned too as he felt himself being wrapped in warm delight. He moved a little once he was sure Hal was accustomed to him being inside him. Hal arched his back and Snake reached below him and grasped his hardness in his hand, gently stroking it in time with his motions.
They lie there moaning, in pure heaven for what seemed like a beautiful eternity, but Snake knew it was soon going to end as he felt himself nearing climax. By the sound of Hal’s moans, he realized he was going to release soon, too. He moved faster and stroked him harder until Hal was crying out in pure ecstasy.
Snake came first, he couldn’t help it, the sound of Hal’s pleasured moans drove him over the edge and he released his seed into Hal’s ass. This drove Hal over the edge and he came into Snake’s hand, covering it in his warm, sticky seed.
They collapsed on top of each other, Snake gently withdrew from Hal and when he turned over and could see, he licked Hal’s seed off his hand until it was all gone.
Hal smiled and looked up at Snake with loving eyes. Snake wrapped his arm around Otacon and they lie there for a while, getting their breath back, Otacon listening to the sound of Snake’s excited heart beating wildly as he lay his head on his chest.
“Dave,” he said, “I love you so much… Thank you…”
“I love you too,” Snake said, words he realized he’d never said before to anybody. After all they’d been through together, he knew it was only natural.
They slept in each other’s arms, Hal looking finally peaceful as the sun came up over the horizon. The memory of what Ocelot had done to him would never go away, but at least Hal had learned that he could love, and be loved back.
Snake slunk around the corner in perfect silence. He was close to where Otacon was being held, he was sure of it. He was just hoping that Otacon wasn’t being treated too badly…
*^*
Otacon whimpered. “Leave me alone!”
Ocelot laughed, “Why should I?” he said, “I have good things in store for you…”
Otacon suddenly felt very exposed. He was naked and bound to some kind of metal table, face down. He couldn’t see a thing, and that frightened him even more. He just wanted Snake to come and rescue him before something terrible happened.
“Oh, don’t worry…” Ocelot said wickedly, “You’ll enjoy this…”
Otacon felt something warm being pressed up against his ass, and wanted to scream when he figured out what it was. It thrust against him suddenly, and he cried out as searing pain shot through his body.
“NOOO!” Otacon screamed, “Get away from me!” He sobbed as Ocelot violated him. He’d always been used, abused, destroyed, and now Ocelot was taking the last piece of innocence he had left… the part he’d wanted to save for the man he’d loved all this time but had never been able to tell… Now, he had nothing left to offer anyone.
He was glad he was blindfolded, but he wished he wasn’t awake, either. The sound of Ocelot’s moans and the feeling of him pressing hard into Otacon was making him feel sick. He was crying, sobbing, unable to control his emotions. He wanted to wake up and discover this was some kind of sick nightmare, but he knew it wasn’t, the pain was too intense, the agony in his soul was too real.
He was so sore, he just wanted it to end, but it just got worse as Ocelot neared climax. He pushed into him harder and harder, and all Otacon could do was scream in agony and cry as Ocelot came inside him. Otacon wanted to be sick.
“FREEZE!” came a cry from the door. Ocelot withdrew from Otacon and turned around slowly, laughing wickedly as he zipped up his trousers. Snake glowered at him with a look of sheer disgust as he felt his blood boil inside of him at the realization of what Ocelot had done to Otacon.
Ocelot laughed. “You missed the show, Snake,” he said, “Your little friend here was very… good. A virgin too…!”
Snake let out a battle cry and shot Ocelot again and again, his face twisted into an expression of pure anger and hatred. However, the bullets flew past Ocelot harmlessly, because of his electromagnetic field.
“Shit!” Snake exclaimed. He stopped shooting in case he hit Otacon and put his gun away. He lunged forward and picked Ocelot off the floor, throwing him against the wall with all his strength. He followed, picked Ocelot up again, pinned him to the wall and punched him again and again furiously. The blood poured from Ocelot’s nose but Snake didn’t care, he was caught in a blind rush of fury.
Otacon cried out, “Snake…” he said. Snake heard him and dropped Ocelot, who was now unconscious, to the floor and rushed over to the table where Otacon lie sobbing. He cut his bonds loose and took off the blindfold. Blood poured down his legs from where Ocelot had roughly violated him. Snake wanted to shred Ocelot for what he had done, but right now, he realized he needed to get Otacon out of here.
Otacon barely managed to stand up, he was shaking and sobbing. Snake could do nothing but hold him, but the sobbing didn’t stop. Snake realized that they had to get out soon; there was no time for sympathy now. He lifted Otacon onto his shoulder, and ran like hell through the dark metallic halls of this death trap facility, until the air met his face again.
He put Otacon down, his naked form limply fell against the metal lining of the tunnel. He wasn’t responsive, but he was there, his eyes were open, but he didn’t speak, didn’t even look at Snake. Snake pulled out an enemy soldier’s uniform he’d been using for camouflage.
“Here,” he said, “Wear this.”
Otacon moved a little and looked up at Snake. Snake turned away out of respect, so the guy could at least get dressed in some kind of privacy. Even though Snake had seen everything by now, he hadn’t been looking in that way. It just wouldn’t have been right, after what Otacon had been through. Even if he did look beautiful naked… Snake forced the thought out of his mind. Right now, he needed to get Otacon home. This mission was over.
They walked through the rainy night together wordlessly. Snake wanted to tell Otacon how sorry he was that he didn’t get there sooner, but he knew whatever he said couldn’t take back what had happened. Otacon couldn’t even find any words to express what he was feeling. His tears mingled with the rain, pouring down his face and dripping off his chin to land in the puddles of water on the ground beneath him. They wandered through the vast cityscape of New York like they hadn’t just been looking for a Metal Gear in the pipes below the city, but more like they were coming home from a funeral.
*^*
Snake opened the door and let Otacon drag in after him. He locked the door behind him so that Otacon would feel safe; he had to know that Snake would never hurt him.
Otacon sat down on his bed, and gestured for Snake to come and sit next to him. Snake complied and they just sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, neither being able to say anything.
Snake was the first to speak, “Otacon, I…”
“Don’t… Snake. Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault.” Otacon said. More tears flowed down his face. Snake wanted to wipe them away, but he couldn’t, it wasn’t right, he’d probably never be able to tell Otacon now, not after what had happened…
“Snake…” Otacon said, “What if I’ve… caught something?”
Snake hadn’t thought of that. Of course, he didn’t know Ocelot’s history. God, he thought… what would he do if Otacon died? He’d always assumed FOXDIE would get him first, he’d never imagined that Otacon would…
Stop being so selfish, he thought. He embraced Otacon gently.
“Hal,” he said, “We’ll go and get you checked out tomorrow. Please don’t worry about it. Do you feel… okay?”
“Sore,” Otacon responded, “Sore and broken.”
“Go and take a shower… Maybe you’ll feel better.” Snake suggested.
“Nothing could ever make me feel better,” Otacon said, and he took himself off to the bathroom.
Snake lie down on the other bed. Of all the horrors on the battlefield… why did Otacon always have to be the one who suffered the most? He deserved such a good life, but all he’d ever had was torture after torture. Wolf and his sister dying, being raped by Ocelot… that wasn’t counting the things that had happened in his childhood. It was so unfair, he thought.
A long while past, and Snake began to worry. Otacon had been in the shower for a very long time now. Then the door opened, and he breathed a sigh of relief as Otacon emerged, towel wrapped around his body, looking a little more at peace than he had when he’d gone in there. But he still avoided Snake’s eyes and had his head bowed as he dried himself and slipped into the clean sheets of his bed naked. Snake looked over to him and whispered “Good night,” even though he knew that neither of them would sleep tonight.
They lay there a while in separate beds, saying nothing, lost in their own thoughts and pains. Snake wished there was something he could do for Otacon, he could hear him weeping into his pillow and felt so powerless.
“Snake…” Otacon’s voice came through the night, “Are you awake?”
“Yeah,” Snake replied, “I’m here.”
“Dave… I have a request…” Otacon said, “Hold me as I sleep tonight…”
Snake didn’t know what to say… he wanted to hold Otacon so much, but was it right? Would he be able to hold back his feelings? This really wasn’t the right time to be showing them, but he knew tonight Otacon needed some comfort, and he didn’t want him to suffer any more…
He climbed from his bed and into Otacon’s, taking the thin shaking figure into his strong arms. Otacon and him had been friends for so long and had been through so much together that it didn’t feel strange like Snake thought it might do. It just felt like a natural progression.
Otacon rested his head on Snake’s chest and listened to his heartbeat, he finally understood why E.E. used to like this so much; it was so soothing to feel the heart of another being close to you. He closed his eyes as the last of tonight’s tears dripped onto Snake’s chest; Snake put his hand through Otacon’s hair gently. They both closed their eyes, and drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
*^*
They woke early, Snake was up first, flicking through the phone book. He knew Hal should probably be doing this but he’d been through enough, the sooner he got tested and found he was clear, the sooner he could get on with coming to terms with his rape, and the quicker he would stop suffering. Snake hated watching him hurt, it somehow cut through his usually ice-cold heart and stung like a thousand bullet-wounds. He found the number for a clinic and called…
“Yes, I’d like to book in a Mr. Hal Emmerich for a test…”
Hal mumbled, he could hear Snake talking to someone in the background and knew he wanted to stop whatever it was, but his head felt fuzzy and it was going to be a few moments before it cleared.
“…and we’ll be there for 10:30. Okay, thank you, bye.” Snake said, and put the phone down.
“Snake.” Hal said firmly from behind him. Snake knew what was coming, he didn’t want to go, he’d rather not know… but he knew this was the only way Hal was ever going to be at peace.
“Otacon…” Snake started, but was cut off by Otacon.
“It’s okay, Snake. I’ll go… Thank you.” Otacon said. He got up and made his way to the bathroom.
“Thank you for holding me last night,” he said, as he disappeared into the bathroom.
*^*
They took a sample of blood from Otacon. Snake stood there feeling uncomfortable, everyone’s eyes seemed to be asking him the same question: is this your fault? Of course it wasn’t in the way they were thinking, Snake had never had the opportunity to make love to Otacon, and probably never would, but they weren’t to know that.
“Mr. Emmerich?” the nurse asked, “If you have any infections, do you know where you might have got them from? We’ll need to know so we can get them treated too.” She stared at Snake, who felt he was being really unfairly victimized.
Otacon saw this and was not amused at all. “I was raped,” he said, “so stop staring at Dave.”
Snake looked down… He didn’t have to say that, he thought.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Emmerich,” the nurse apologized, “Come back tomorrow for your results.”
Snake and Otacon left the clinic.
“Hal,” Snake said, once they were outside, “You didn’t have to tell them you were raped, you know.”
“I couldn’t stand the way they were staring at you,” he said, “like it was all your fault or something.”
Snake sighed. It is my fault, he thought. If I had just got there sooner…
*^*
Otacon couldn’t relax at all. He was pacing the apartment, staring out of the window, messing around on Internet games, but nothing seemed to grab his interest for long. All he could think about was if the test result would be all right or not.
Snake couldn’t relax either. Otacon noted he’d never seen Snake smoke so much in one day before. Usually he would have told him to take it outside, but today, he just didn’t want to be alone.
The night finally came, but neither of them could sleep. Otacon went and sat out on the small balcony and looked up at the moon. He didn’t even hear Snake follow him out.
“Hal,” Snake said, “It’s going to be okay…”
“If it’s not, Dave… I don’t want to live… I don’t want to get slowly sicker and sicker until I die. Ocelot would be laughing.” Otacon said.
“Ocelot doesn’t look too ill to me,” Snake said. He walked closer to the edge of the balcony and hung onto the rail. He looked across at Otacon. The moonlight illuminated the tears falling down his cheeks, the crystal droplets falling to the streets below. Otacon turned to face Snake.
“Why, Dave? Why did this have to happen to me?” Otacon cried.
The question cut into Snake like a million daggers, Snake wished it had been anyone else but Otacon. Even himself, FOXDIE was going to take him at any time anyway. Why had it been gentle Otacon who had to be tortured in such a way?
Snake brought his hands up and caressed Otacon’s cheeks, wiping the tears from his face and staring into his deep, sorrowful eyes. Otacon liked the feeling of Snake’s rough calloused hands gently rubbing his face and he smiled lightly as Snake clasped his face and didn’t let go. Snake drew closer and closer to him and Otacon felt the blood rushing through him, the want and the desire to kiss Snake becoming ever stronger as they drew closer. Their lips gently brushed together…
A bang and a screech broke the moment; Snake let go of Otacon, dived to the edge and looked over. An alley cat had knocked some metal dustbins flying, but it had been enough to spoil the moment. Snake turned around and went back inside, not knowing what to say without apologizing, and somehow it didn’t feel right to say sorry for loving him…
Otacon continued to look up at the moon.
“Snake… If only I could tell you…” he whispered.
*^*
The day finally came, the sun shone in through the doors of the apartment that led out onto the balcony. Snake and Otacon got up and got dressed, in casual jeans and t-shirts as usual when they weren’t on missions. Otacon didn’t eat; he said he just wanted to get it over and done with.
They walked to the clinic together, despite his treatment last time; Snake wasn’t going to leave Hal to face this on his own. The sat in the waiting room together nervously, not knowing what to say to one another.
“Mr. Emmerich?” the nurse asked Otacon. “Come this way.”
Otacon knew as soon as he entered the room that it wasn’t going to be good news by the way everyone grimly looked at him. He wanted to turn and run but he couldn’t, he needed to know so that he didn’t end up passing it on to Snake.
Snake saw the nurse’s grim face, his stomach tightened into a huge knot. He’d never felt the way he had in the past few days, never felt so many emotions. He’d always been cold, dark, cynical, but Otacon had melted the ice that covered his heart and exposed it to the world. Now, he felt everything.
“Mr. Emmerich…” The nurse began, “We have some bad news…”
Snake gritted his teeth. Please, no… he thought. Otacon sat with a stony look on his face but inside he was falling apart.
“You have the H.I.V. virus, I’m afraid… but there are many treatment options,” she followed up.
Snake closed his eyes, this couldn’t be happening… Otacon got up from his seat and rushed off, crying. Snake remembered what he had said the previous night…
“If it’s not, Dave… I don’t want to live… I don’t want to get slowly sicker and sicker until I die. Ocelot would be laughing.”
“HAL!” Snake cried, and rushed after him. He wasn’t going to let him do anything stupid. He ran as fast as his legs could take him, faster and more urgently than he had ever ran on any mission before. He saw Hal had gotten a head start, he knew exactly where he was heading: the George Washington Bridge. He was going to jump it…
Otacon didn’t even look behind him. He didn’t want to see how close Snake was to catching up to him, he couldn’t bear to look him in the face. All his dreams were shattered… he’d never be able to make love to Snake, never be able to do so much… He’d live his life in fear that he was going to end up passing the virus on to Snake, and he couldn’t bear that thought. He ran faster and faster, not caring if it hurt, he just knew he had to make it to that bridge before Snake did.
He made it and climbed the railings, getting over the safety defenses. Snake was catching up, quickly. He looked down and hesitated, he didn’t really want to die, but he was going to anyway, he may as well do so now, rather than make Snake go through so much more later on. He took one last look back at Snake as he was just a moment away from reaching him, and closing his eyes, and with the memory of Snake’s and his lips brushing, he jumped down to the sea below…
“HAAAAL!!!!!!!!!” Snake screamed. He dived over the barrier; he was a strong swimmer, there was a chance he could rescue Hal and if he didn’t… he didn’t want to think about that. He took a giant leap and dived, as he saw Hal’s figure hit the water.
Snake felt the water consume him from all sides as he plunged into its depths; he kicked his legs and gasped for air as he broke through the surface of the water. He looked around for Hal, hoping he’d regained his sense and decided to swim, but he couldn’t see him anywhere. The current was strong; it was trying to pull him under. He dived below the surface, but couldn’t see a thing. He dived back up again and almost wanted the current to drag him under… He’d failed… Hal was gone… He let the current carry him along until he reached a dirty beach like area, which he swam towards. He coughed the water out of his lungs as he climbed up the shore. He closed his eyes and beat his fists against the sand, wishing he could see Hal again, wishing he could tell him how he felt all this time, longing to explain to him that he didn’t care, he loved him no matter what, that he was dying anyway… but now he’d never get to tell him any of these things.
He wanted to give in, nothing mattered, nothing at all. Metal Gear… how could he defeat it without Hal? How could he live alone without Hal’s humor, the jokes in his anime cheering them both up? How could he live without those evenings where they’d just have takeaway and leave the boxes everywhere to be cleaned up in the morning while they watched all night movies? Hal had been the light in his life, keeping him cheerful even on the battlefield by ripping off Mei Ling’s quotes or telling him off for smoking. Then there was his deep side; those warm emotions and deep thoughtful conversations that always managed to keep his brain ticking with something he never would have thought of. Even though he’d been through so much sorrow, Hal had always been so cheerful… but this had been too much… If only he’d got there in time and stopped this happening…
Dave turned over and looked up at the bridge. He wasn’t Snake anymore… Snake was a hero… Snake managed to rescue the people that mattered… He’d saved Meryl, even though their relationship had never worked out. Why hadn’t he been able to protect the man he loved?
He looked across the urban beachscape, the gray sand blended with oil and litter stank. This was the face of the earth. He’d pretended to be a hero, fighting for what he believed in, but it was all a joke. He was just prolonging the inevitable, and he’d dragged Hal into his game too, his little fantasy, and look what had happened…
He sat up… It was all over now. He hoped FOXDIE would come and claim him soon, he wouldn’t be sad to leave this world. He’d never believed in a God or a heaven, but the thought of seeing Hal again somewhere was comforting.
Looking across the beach, he felt that he was at the end of the world. Everything went on around him, but here, everything was still as could be. The waves of the river gently splashed against the gray sand. Then, something caught his eye. A dark… figure?
Snake dived to his feet; all the while thinking that there was no way it could be Hal, until he reached the figure’s side. It was Hal.
Snake shook him… “Hal!” he cried, “Hal.” He kneeled over him and pressed his cheek close to his mouth. The warmth of his breath made Snake’s heart miss a beat. He was alive! He coughed, and moved his head to the side, where he coughed out river water as he came to.
“Snake…” he said, “Snake?” He fumbled around for his glasses, but he’d lost them in the river.
“I’m here,” Snake said, “I’m right here with you…”
He caressed Hal’s face, he was so overjoyed to see him alive again, hear him speak again. He leaned in close and kissed Hal passionately, nothing on Earth was going to keep them apart any more. Hal broke off the kiss.
“Dave, don’t… I’m gonna die…”
“I don’t care,” Snake said, “I’m going to be with you… until the end. You’re not the only one living on a death sentence.”
Hal moved his head up and captured Snake’s lips again, continuing the kiss. They rolled around on the beach just kissing and rubbing each other, moaning into each other’s kisses as they shared some of the passion and love that they’d kept hidden inside for so long.
*^*
Snake held Hal again that night, keeping him cradled in his warm arms.
“I wish that I could make love to you…” Hal said, “Life’s so cruel…”
Snake wanted him too. “Hal, just do it… I don’t care, I’m dying anyway…”
“No!” Hal said, “There’s a chance you’ll live a full life. There’s no way I’m going to let you die!” He cuddled up closer into Snake’s arms.
“Snake…” he said, “Why did you jump too? You could have died…”
“I didn’t care…” Snake responded, “I couldn’t let you die.”
Warm tears fell from Otacon’s eyes once again, dripping onto Snake’s chest. Snake had put his life on the line, not caring what happened… to save him… Even though he was dying anyway. Now, he was in the arms of the man he loved… and the rape, it seemed a million miles away.
Snake held him even tighter… “Don’t cry…” he said, not really knowing what to say. He was new to this emotion thing, and it still made him uncomfortable when Hal got all emotional on him.
*^*
Otacon was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. He leaned out to answer it.
“Emmerich residence,” he said, still half asleep, “Can I help you?”
“Yes, this is the clinic… We need you to come in as soon as possible… There seems to have been some error… Our records were hacked by somebody, we need to retest you.”
“I’ll be right in,” said Otacon, with renewed hope.
Otacon immediately woke Snake and told him.
“Hacked?” Snake said, “Did the Patriots want you to believe you were going to die?”
“Probably…” Otacon said, “It makes sense. I think I’m going to die, I stop being part of Philanthropy, we stop trashing Metal Gears, Patriots do what they want.”
“It doesn’t mean for sure that…” Snake started.
“I know, I may not be clear, but… We’ll just have to find out.” Otacon said, and they left for the clinic.
*^*
Hal waited for the results this time, he didn’t want to go back to the apartment and wait agonizingly. They’d taken several blood samples from him to double-check. He nearly dived on the doctors when they came back with the results.
“You’re all clear,” they announced.
Hal dived on Snake and kissed him passionately, Snake kissed back, not caring that they were in public, just wanting to express the joy and happiness he was feeling. Everyone stared at them.
Snake broke the kiss, “Have you never seen a gay person before?” he yelled at the onlookers. Hal giggled, and Snake turned back to him to resume their passionate kiss. The onlookers embarrassedly walked away, and Snake and Hal walked back to their apartment, the happiest two men in the world.
*^*
Night came; the air was tense between them, like a storm was brewing. They knew what they wanted, but neither dare broach the subject. They got into bed, and Snake felt his want overflowing, burning inside like an unquenchable fire. Hal too, wanted to do everything to Snake, his hands roaming all over Dave as he felt himself grow hard.
They rolled over and over, kissing each other in the hot sweaty night as the intensity between them built up more and more. Hal pressed his hardness against Snake’s to let him know he wanted him so much. They both moaned as they felt their most private parts touching and rubbing against each other. They got to a point where they were close to having sex, but Snake was hesitant, and they stopped.
“Dave,” Otacon said, “I have a request…”
“What is it?” Dave asked. He wanted to make love to Otacon but didn’t want to bring those memories back to him, didn’t want to spoil their lovemaking by bringing back such awful thoughts.
“Make love to me…” Otacon pleaded, “Every time I’ve had sex… it’s always been because someone took advantage of me or raped me… My stepmother… Ocelot… I’ve had sex… but I’ve never had the opportunity to make love… So please, give me my first time…”
Snake felt honored to have Hal say something like that to him, “Hal,” he said, “Hal, you make me feel so special… Are you sure… you’re ready?”
“Yes,” Otacon confirmed, “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”
Snake reached to his drawer where he kept lubricant and brought out a small tube.
“Snake, why do you have that?” Otacon asked.
“So I don’t hurt you…” he said.
“I meant… why do you have it?” Otacon laughed.
“Ah…” Snake blushed, “Well, I do like to indulge in a little… self pleasure… sometimes… and this helps…”
Otacon giggled at Snake’s confession, but then the atmosphere changed back to that of electricity and intensity.
Snake gently turned Hal over onto his back and inserted a finger covered in lubricant into his ass. He wasn’t going to hurt him like Ocelot had done. He put that thought out of his mind; it still made him so angry.
Hal moaned at Snake’s finger testing him… “More…” he cried.
Snake hurried a little, feeling Hal’s urgency. He put two fingers in and felt Hal shudder in pleasure below him as he moaned louder; he was ready.
Snake covered his cock in lubricant and gently pushed at Hal’s entrance. Hal moaned as he felt Snake sliding into him, Snake moaned too as he felt himself being wrapped in warm delight. He moved a little once he was sure Hal was accustomed to him being inside him. Hal arched his back and Snake reached below him and grasped his hardness in his hand, gently stroking it in time with his motions.
They lie there moaning, in pure heaven for what seemed like a beautiful eternity, but Snake knew it was soon going to end as he felt himself nearing climax. By the sound of Hal’s moans, he realized he was going to release soon, too. He moved faster and stroked him harder until Hal was crying out in pure ecstasy.
Snake came first, he couldn’t help it, the sound of Hal’s pleasured moans drove him over the edge and he released his seed into Hal’s ass. This drove Hal over the edge and he came into Snake’s hand, covering it in his warm, sticky seed.
They collapsed on top of each other, Snake gently withdrew from Hal and when he turned over and could see, he licked Hal’s seed off his hand until it was all gone.
Hal smiled and looked up at Snake with loving eyes. Snake wrapped his arm around Otacon and they lie there for a while, getting their breath back, Otacon listening to the sound of Snake’s excited heart beating wildly as he lay his head on his chest.
“Dave,” he said, “I love you so much… Thank you…”
“I love you too,” Snake said, words he realized he’d never said before to anybody. After all they’d been through together, he knew it was only natural.
They slept in each other’s arms, Hal looking finally peaceful as the sun came up over the horizon. The memory of what Ocelot had done to him would never go away, but at least Hal had learned that he could love, and be loved back.