2 Volus 1 Hanar

John Shepard was in near hysterics as he made his way through the SR-2. He went from room to room, snagging his squad from their usual duties with tears in his eyes and nearly trembling laughter as he failed to explain why he was doing so. Each question was met with his waving hands and a promise to show them in a minute, when he’d finished gathering them all up.

Of course, his quarters - no matter how vastly improved from the ones on the original Normandy - weren’t fit to handle twelve bodies beside his own, especially not around his desk.

Jack was standing to his right, half-leaning, half-sitting on the counter. Next to her was Zaeed, whose hand was settled on the desk, dangerously close to her ass. He’d been pushed into the corner by Garrus, who was looming over Shepard. Right behind his chair stood Tali. Being the shortest there, she’d been pushed up to the front when everyone squeezed in. Mordin and Miranda stood behind her. The Cerberus operative looked mighty annoyed at being pulled away from her work, her crossed arms veiling any spiked curiosity. Mordin was silent for once, his eyes half-lidded as he squinted into the screen. Jacob stood even farther in the back, next to Thane and Samara who both seemed completely nonplussed by the situation, though they were quiet about it.

“Okay, okay,” Shepard began, turning around in his chair to glance around the room from face to face. “So, I’ve brought you all here today to witness the pinnacle of galactic achievement in cinema.” His cheeks burned as he tried to fight the smile that threatened to pop out again. “Are you ready?”

“We’re all waiting,” Miranda chimed in. Was that amusement in her voice? He couldn’t believe it. Still, he didn’t have enough time to figure out if she was being serious or not. They had to see this.

With a flourish, Shepard spun back around in his chair and turned to the terminal. He slouched a little so everyone could see over him before pressing the play button on the video. His cabin was filled with the sound of soft, nearly whimsical piano music. “This is nice,” he heard Samara murmur to Thane, eliciting a nod from the drell. Of course it was. These things always started off “nice.”

Two volus met in an embrace on screen. The music swelled and ebbed as they held the other in their arms. Nothing short of d’aww-inspiring, which earned a snort of derision from Jack and a rumbling chuckle from Zaeed. Tali seemed nothing short of charmed by the image, though, and Shepard grinned evilly when he felt her six fingers tighten around the back of his chair and heard a quiet sigh through the filters of her helmet.

Enter a hanar. A brow shot high on Jacob’s forehead as Mordin gave a “hmm” of intrigue.

The two volus welcomed the many-tentacled pink jelly into their embrace. Two tentacles slid around their generously proportioned bodies, curling beneath their arms and pulling them closer together. Garrus’ mandibles flared as his eyes widened a little. Miranda shifted uncomfortably on her heels. Over the music, the sound of two zippers sliding downwards was heard, and the two volus’ responded in kind by beginning to grind against each other.

“The fuck is this, Shepard?” Jack asked, lips curled in something between disgust and confusion. He hadn’t dragged her all the way up here to watch some sick porn, had he? Figures. The Savior of the Galaxy was also the Biggest Pervert in the Terminus.

“Shut up, girl. Some of us are watching.”

Jack glared over her shoulder at Zaeed, who responded with nothing more than a silent nod towards the screen. Many of them had never seen a volus without its suit. Well, any rampant curiosities were sated as the hanar gently peeled off the panels of their pressure suits between their legs, leaving their breathing tubes and most of the suits intact. Sickly pale, fatty flesh; dimpled and jiggling as it was smacked by any number of hanar’s tentacles.

Shepard felt a surge of pride as Tali’s previous simpering was reduced to a quiet groan, one mirrored by Miranda not long after when the hanar pushed both of them onto their backs, thick, stumpy legs wiggling in protest. Of course, this gave them all a lovely view of the two volus’ gender. Females. None of the men in the room rejoiced. In fact, Garrus made a sound unlike anything he’d heard before - something between a gasp and a gag, poorly muffled by a hand to his mouth.

The commander glanced in Thane’s direction. If there was one of his crew he wanted to see squirm and gag or just walk out, it was him. The assassin was just too cool for his own good, and he wasn’t having that. Shepard would’ve been lying if he claimed that wasn’t most of the reason why he’d brought them all up to his quarters. However, Thane still looked collected. Hah, Shepard thought, turning back to the terminal just as one of the volus was rolling over onto its stomach, bearing its bottom to the camera, We’ll see how long that lasts.

“Good to see hanar knows of volus physiology,” Mordin breathed, trying his hardest to keep a strictly scientific view of what’s going on. He’d seen a lot in his life, but this? This was a bit much to think of on more than a physical level. “Keeping pressurized suits mostly intact wise. Their breathing will remain unhindered.”

“This is disgusting.”

Mordin looked to Miranda and gave a curt nod. He agreed. Quite disgusting.

The moment the hanar started “disrobing” the two volus, everyone in the room realized exactly what was going to happen. Music that at first sounded like a romantic tune suddenly harkened back to old Earth pornography, though it hadn’t actually changed since the beginning of the clip. The room they were in suddenly reeked of “cheap hotel,” though the lighting seemed softer before. But even though they’d all been mentally preparing themselves for this moment, none of them were really ready.

Both of the volus squirmed as slender, pink tentacles drove into their depths. “Right -” the volus on the left took a shallow breath, “there, hanar.” Shepard had never heard a female volus before, but her voice reminded him of an old lady who’d been smoking six packs a day since she was five and a half. The other volus gave something that sounded like a gasp, but it lost all its impact through the breather.

“By the Spirits,” Garrus murmured, mandibles almost completely flared as his hand came to rest on his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick. He was a regular subscriber to Fornax, but this… He was out of his depth. Had this been asari, he might’ve managed. Hell, he might’ve enjoyed it a little. But volus? They were sexualizing volus? And then it hit him, just as the hanar introduced another tentacle into one of the volus, he flailed a hand. “I - I can’t watch anymore of this.” The turian stumbled in the direction of Shepard’s en suite bathroom and the door hardly shut behind him before they heard the muffled sound of vomiting.

Samara’s large eyes bored into the screen. She wasn’t exactly sure what to think of this. Sure, she’d experienced much depravity in her life - some of it first hand, but she’d never seen anything like what she was viewing now. It was unsettling, and for the first time in a long time, she felt herself grow extremely uncomfortable.

On the screen, the two volus writhed and wriggled on the floor under the careful, yet swift ministrations of the hanar. The one on her stomach waggled her rear in the air, and the jelly awarded her with the entrance she desired. Tali wavered on her feet. “Oh, Keelah…”

Jack just gaped at the screen, mouth slack out of either shock or a near-fatal brain hemorrhage. Her partner in silence was none other than Jacob Taylor, whose lips parted to say something. No words left his throat. He closed his mouth. Opened it. Closed it. Good thing his reaction was clearly scribbled on his face, an obvious what the fuck?

Shepard looked smug. He’d already seen it once before and had the mental scarring to prove it, so this time he had the luxury of leaning back and enjoying the show. Well, not the video show, but the reactions of his squad. His eyes flashed to Zaeed to see the merc taking in the sights, though his attention was spliced between the video and the skin of Jack’s back. Garrus hadn’t yet emerged from the bathroom. Tali had been stunned into silence, though her grip on the chair had increased tenfold.

“I don’t see why this was nece --” Miranda was interrupted by a shrill sound emitted from one of the volus, followed by a few gasping pleas for the hanar to ‘put it in every orafice.’ “Oh, God.”

The hanar obliged, much to Samara’s distaste, and snaked two more tentacles into the volus’ entrances. These two were clearly experienced. Either that or volus naturally had gaping - ugh, she did not want to think about that. In fact, why she was even still there, she had no idea, being that she never really considered herself the owner of a ‘morbid curiosity.’

And through it all, Shepard noted, Krios remained annoyingly calm. His black eyes stared at the terminal without a hint of a flinch. While he wasn’t’ disgusted, he didn’t seem very curious either, not like the Professor, who was now half-leaning onto Tali, his eyes wide as he watched the spectacle. Thane just stood there, hands behind his back - observing. And it pissed Shepard the hell off.

Thankfully, this wasn’t all they had in store. There was more. There was much more.

The hanar retreated from the volus just far enough so its tentacles were completely removed. When the music quieted for a moment, the tell-tale sound of the hanars melodic voice filled the cabin. “This one requests the volus lovers come into contact with each other.”

Shepard grinned, steepling his index fingers against his chin as he slouched farther down in his chair.

Tali watched in horror as one of the volus stood and moved over to the other. She was stunned, finding it difficult to breathe, her throat coated with bile and her fingers digging even tighter into the back of Shepard’s chair. She shouldn’t be watching this. She really, really shouldn’t be watching this. Why was she watching this? She gasped, hands fling up to cover her faceplate, when the standing volus lowered herself onto the other and began grinding into her.

The door to the bathroom slid open and Garrus staggered out of it only to catch sight of the writhing volus’, leading him to mumble something about Shepard being cold-blooded before stumbling back towards the toilet.

“This gonna end sometime soon, Shepard?”

“I’m.” Breath. “Going to.” Breath. “Come, Vol-Clan.” Breath, breath, gasp.

Jacob winced at the sound of the volus nearing her orgasm. Did he really want to hear a volus orgasm? In his list of things to see and do in life, there was nothing to do with the short, pudgy, ammonia-breathing race on it. Nothing. As it was, watching volus on volus on hanar porn was currently being scribbled down on his list of things he’d never imagined doing, but wished to God he hadn’t.

Miranda glanced to Jacob. If he was going to stay for the whole clip, she wasn’t going to leave. Instead, she crossed her arms tighter over her chest, pushed out a hip, and worked her jaw. She’d seen worse. She’d survived a lot of shit in her life. Her pride wasn’t going to crumble over some ridiculous fetish clip off the extranet. Even if it was one of the most horrific things she’d ever seen.

“This one wishes to participate in the conclusion,” the hanar said, drifting forward towards the two volus. They parted willingly, their breathers working overtime as they gasped with pleasure. And just like that, they were pulled into a standing position by six of the hanar’s tentacles. The two volus embraced, the only thing separating their bellies the tentacles that swooped around their frames and between their stubby legs.

Tali had begun murmuring to herself as the two volus’ cries climbed to a fever pitch. Still, she couldn’t drown it out, and she garnered a “ssh” from the salarian doctor. Not that she listened. And Jack. Well, Jack was laughing, probably in a poor attempt to keep herself from crying. Either that or she really was amused. No one would’ve put it past her. Zaeed tried his best to shut her up, but nothing worked save for him actually putting a hand over her mouth. He was ballsy, but he wasn’t stupid.

Volus physiology wasn’t exactly a widely researched topic for those inside Shepard’s cabin. Even Mordin knew very little about them, having never worked with them before. So none of them were expecting that when the first volus reached the apex of her pleasure, a thick, a slimy excretion would come pouring out from between her legs, surging over the pink tentacles of the hanar.

Jack recoiled, her shoulders nearly flying back into Zaeed’s chest, who shuddered, but didn’t look away. He only murmured a quiet, “Fucking revolting.” Tali gave a shriek of terror before twirling around and hiding her faceplate in her hands. Mordin was torn between nausea and intrigue, his reaction completely juxtaposed by Miranda, who scowled, trying to keep herself from gagging.

Just when Jacob opened his mouth to say something, the other volus came, leaving their legs, the floor beneath them, and the hanar almost completely covered by the substance. “Jesus Christ, Shepard,” he finally choked out.

Shepard bit back a chuckle, turning to look at Krios. He could see the drell’s twisted expression of repulsion, hands clutching at his mouth as he tried not to scream. He did have that fancy eidetic memory, after all. Hah, he’d really screwed this guy over. But when his eyes reached Krios, he saw that he hadn’t even budged.

… the fuck?

And then, without another word or sound or note of music, the screen went black.

“Sooo,” Shepard began, turning back towards the terminal, “What did you guys think? Great, right?” Of course it was great. At first, anyone who watched it would double over in disgust, uttering cries of horror, but after, all they could think about it showing it to their friends and watching for their reactions. Evidently this had been happening for centuries.

“I…” He glanced toward Samara’s voice. “I am not sure what to make of it, Shepard. Nor do I see why our viewing it was necessary.”

Miranda scoffed, “Neither do I. What was the point, Shepard?”

“Oh, come on. It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was, Shepard,” Tali offered feebly.

“Who the hell sent you that shit?”

Shepard beamed a lopsided grin at Zaeed. “Who do you think? Didn’t you notice a certain missing krogan?”

One by one, the group departed from the cabin. Tali was the first to leave, solemnly shaking her head as she tried to keep the images from clouding up her focus. She was followed by Samara and Jacob, who both seemed too stunned to say another word. A few moments later, a shell-shocked Miranda helped Garrus out while the turian murmured something about never being able to eat again.

Jack and Zaeed were the next to depart. He could hear them talking in the short passage leading from his cabin to the elevator.

“Y’know, that reminds me of a story --”

“Ugh, shut the fuck up, old man.”

Shepard relaxed for the span of a heartbeat before he realized Thane was still standing there. He spun around so he was facing the drell, leaning against one of the arms of the chair and staring up at him. “I expected you to be more effected than that, Krios. Why didn’t you react?” Shepard said, clearly more than a little disappointed.

He could see a small smile curl at the corner of the assassin’s mouth.

“How do you suppose Grunt found it?”