Arms of Another

Jaina Shepard pulled herself up on a crate in the Normandy’s cargo bay and try to compose herself. She felt a hot teardrop pooling in the corner of her eye and blinked it back, burying her forehead into her hands. Locks of her hair, clumped together with sweat stuck to the side of her face; she was bleeding from multiple cuts on her face, and her hands were shaking and calloused from the vibration of firing her smg through the collector base, going through hundreds of rounds. She knew making it back alive with at least some of her crew was a miracle- hell, it would have been asking too much to hope that all had made it through alive. She pulled herself together and stood before a row of two coffins, ready to address the shaken crew.
“I’m proud of what you all did today, you know that,” she started. “We knew that this was a suicide run going in, but don’t blame yourselves for the deaths of those we lost today.” I’ll be doing enough of that myself, she thought to herself. “What’s important is to remember that the collector threat is gone, the human reaper destroyed, and that you are all alive. We still have a lot to do, and without the help and trust of the council or the alliance, our job is even harder. I’ll expect everyone to stay on top of their game, but given what’s happened, I think we could all use some time to reflect and heal our wounds.” The ones on the inside, she thought, were the ones that she wasn’t sure would ever go away. Getting back into the fight would be a welcome relief from the depressing place her thoughts led her to. “Crew dismissed.”
Shepard was immensely proud of what everyone had done at the collector base. All of the training had paid off, and she was proud to have helped her team through their own struggles in order to prepare them for a possible suicide run. Even as she felt this elation at defying the odds, she couldn’t look her crew in the face. Tali and Garrus had both been lost, and the devastation she felt threatened to break through any minute. She headed to her quarters and barely made it before a sob escaped from her throat. After that first one broke through, they came in waves. She didn’t bother to stifle it; she deserved whatever misery was coming her way.
She tried to recall the way she felt when she fought through all of Omega’s best mercenaries to recruit the mysterious Archangel. When she finally found him staring down the scope of his sniper rifle, her heart had skipped a beat. He reminded her of Garrus, the turian she had worked with aboard the first Normandy. She had always felt close to Garrus, but the sheer speed of the mission taking down Saren left little time for romances. Every day was a new mission, and the crew barely had the energy to eat meals, let alone spend quality time together. When Archangel finally removed his helmet and she saw the face of her best friend staring at her, she lost it. Since that day, Shepard could always be found chatting with Garrus while he calibrated the Normandy’s weapons, and had helped him get over the betrayal by his teammate Sidonis. She shivered with desire as she remembered the night before going through the Omega 4 Relay. Garrus had always been a bit nervous; a bit awkward. He had shown up in a ridiculous blue suit, brought a bottle of wine, and turned on some club music in her quarters. He had wanted things to work out perfectly. Jaina laughed remembering his compliments about her hair and her “supportive” waist. If only he had known that she liked him no matter how suave he was. She had approached him, taken his hands in hers, and leaned forward to touch her forehead to his. Her fingers caressed the scars on his cheek, and his hand tentatively stroked her arm. As she leaned into him and felt the warmth of his body, she had lost control of her own. Nervous shivers dissolved as she threw herself at him, and the pair ended up intertwined on the floor next the fish tank. The night had started so intensely that both of them were spent before they had even had sex; after hours of exploring each other’s bodies and pleasuring each other, they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms and woken a few hours later before it was time to suit up and begin the mission briefing. She had been pleasantly satisfied with what had happened that night, but both made a pact to finish what they had started after coming back from the mission. He had begged her not to do anything too heroic and get herself killed; she had promised and made him promise the same thing. The fact that they never really would get to be together again filled her with regret; they shouldn’t have fallen asleep that night!

Thane paced around life support, cleaning his rifle and absentmindedly sipping a cup of caf. The mission had been a success beyond what he thought it would be, but for some reason he felt unhappy. More than that, he thought the Commander needed some help. She could barely stand in front of them earlier, and when she dashed to her quarters, he thought she might run into a wall. As she had neared the elevator, he had heard a choked sob escape her lips and she had wiped her eyes with her sleeve. He set his rifle down as a thought entered his head. Shepard had helped him reunite with his son Kolyat, and he owed her his life many times over. He walked towards the elevator and took it down to the Captain’s Cabin, resolved to help her in her time of need.
As he approached her door, he heard more sobbing from inside. It was more like screaming than crying, he thought, but then he didn’t know a lot about human physiology. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, he thought as he paused, ready to knock. I’ll come back later, he thought as he turned toward the elevator. He was about to leave when he turned an about face and knocked loudly on the door. Why the hell did I do that? He tried to work out what had caused his instinctive reaction when the door opened and he was faced with a red-eyed Shepard.
“Do you need something?” she huffed in a quiet voice. Despite her emotional state, she met his gaze, and emotion tore through him. He wanted to sweep her up and give her a hug, dry the streams of water spilling down her cheek, and pull her close to him. She needed someone to pull her out of her pain. Despite his rush of concern, all he managed to say was, “You need help.”
She laughed at that, but then a new wave of sobs broke free and she collapsed to her knees, face buried in her hands. Thane felt a strange pang in his chest, as if her sadness was catching. He leaned over and pulled her back to her feet by the arms and helped her over to the couch. He sat her down and took the spot next to her, keeping his arm around her and giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. She remained this way for a few minutes and finally gazed up at him.
“I’m sorry Thane,” she began. “I really didn’t want the crew to see me break down like this. I was going to hole up here in my cabin for a few days and...”
“Shhh, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright,” he soothed her, smoothing back her hair as she leaned on his shoulder.
“It’s just, I feel like this is my fault. It is, you know. I never upgraded the Normandy’s shielding. If only I had been more prepared for the mission,” she began.
“How could that possibly be your fault? We prepared as much as we could, but after the crew was taken, no one blames you for heading through the relay as quickly as possible,” Thane offered.
She nodded, but kept going. “If we had better shields, I don’t think engineering would have been breached, and Tali would be alive today. Then, when I had to choose who to send through the vents, I thought that Garrus would have the best technical skill to go through, but the door wouldn’t close, and, and I...” she broke off, crying softly again.
“Don’t cry, there was no way of knowing what would happen,” Thane cut off her story. “You and Garrus were close, right?”
She nodded. “He’s always been there for me, ever since I became commander of the first Normandy.”
He listened to her, and reassured her until she calmed down and eventually fell asleep there on the couch. When he awoke, she was out cold next him. He picked her up gently and lay her in the bed, sitting for a moment on the bed next to her, brushing the hair from her cheek.
“You know, Siha, I felt a lot of guilt after Irikah’s death as well. Maybe more, considering that her murder only took place because of my line of work. I felt guilty all at once for both losing her, and for having not loved her properly while she was alive. I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty for. Sad, of course, but that will go away in time.”
He was about to leave when she sleepily squeezed his hand. “What does Siha mean?” she asked drowsily.
He chuckled, not realizing he had called her that, though thinking about it for a second, it was true that she was indeed a Siha. “It’s a word that means ‘fierce protector and warrior.’ I never dreamed I’d meet someone like you after Irikah, but there it is.” He patted her hand and stood up, ready to leave before spilling too much emotion. She grasped at his missing hand but fell quickly back to sleep as he returned to life support.

Gazing up at the ceiling from his bunk, Thane was deeply confused. Going down to Shepard’s cabin at the beginning of the night had felt like a mission to simply help a friend. Leaving Shepard’s cabin though, had left him with a sense of longing and desire. Images of her flashed through his mind- her standing up for Kolyat to the CSec captain, the many chats they had had in life support where he had revealed more of his life than he ever had to anyone, and finally the last fight against the human reaper. The base was crumbling around them and he had slid off the platform, expecting to fall to his death. She had called his name and run to the edge, grasping his hand at the last minute. He trembled in his bunk as new images entered his mind, ones that had never taken place, and he could feel himself getting hard. No, this is completely inappropriate, he thought, mentally chastising himself. She’s just getting over a major loss. He tried to get back to sleep, and had little success.

Shepard woke in the morning, feeling better, though she wasn’t sure why. She remembered the previous night, and how awful she had felt. She remembered Thane’s presence and began to feel slightly better. There was something about him- he was easy to be around, and comforting. And there was something else, too. What was it that he had called her? Siha? She remembered his story about Irikah’s death, and felt instantly a bit guilty. By consoling her about her guilt over Garrus’s death, she had forced him to relive Irikah’s death as well. Her eyes widened as she had a new respect for just how awful it would be to have a perfect drell memory. What are you doing? she quietly asked herself. She realized her thoughts had been the first happy ones she had had since the collector base. It didn’t feel right.
The next few missions went by quickly. Shepard was tense and depressed, and getting back into the action made her feel distracted enough that she didn’t feel pain and loss. She rarely ate, and joined the crew in the mess hall only briefly when she felt too weak to go on with food. She graced the CIC with a few minutes of her time every now and then to check on mission status, but retreated to her quarters almost immediately to avoid questioning. Beyond her own guilt, she thought the crew of the Normandy must be constantly talking about her bad judgement during the mission behind her back, and she had no wish to be stared at. Even Kelly noticed something was wrong, but little was said between them. It was only after talking to Joker that she realized how hard she had been riding the crew, and how desperately a shore leave was needed. She ordered the Normandy to dock at the Citadel and addressed the crew over the ship-wide comm. “Listen,” she started. “I know the last few missions have been tough, especially after defeating the collectors. I think it’s best if we all get off the ship for awhile. We’re docked here for three days. Make of it what you will, but I’ll feel a lot better if everyone gets some rest and relaxation. We’ll leave again after three days, but the time between now and then is yours. Crew dismissed.”
Shepard was almost glad that most of the Normandy would be gone from the ship. It would give her a chance to be alone and think. She had been devastated by the loss of Garrus, but also troubling was that her thoughts kept returning to the night Thane had come by her cabin. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. One minute she felt like the whole world had disappeared from under her, and the next minute, she was fantasizing about the drell. Then, she would feel guilty about her fantasy, and return to her dismal state. It only gave credence to her feelings that Thane had seemed to avoid her over the past few days. When she returned to life support, he was busy with some odd job or another, and when she caught him in the mess hall he quickly finished his meal and left. Her thoughts kept her busy as she walked around the nearly-empty Normandy until she rounded the corner and bumped straight into Thane.
He was surprised, and looked mildly uncomfortable. “Shepard, I’m sorry.” He didn’t continue, but he made eye contact, and it Jaina realized he had more to say.
“Thane...I...haven’t talked to you in awhile. It’s, nice to see you. But what are you doing here, now that we have shore leave?”
Thane paused for a long while. “Siha, I have been considering my life, and what little time I have left.” He looked down at his feet, and she reached out to take his hand gently. “You have given me a new chance at life, reuniting me with my son, giving me a purpose for my skills, and I am not ready to die. There is more I want to do.”
Jaina wasn’t sure what moved her, but she clasped the hand she was holding and brought it to her cheek. Thane complied and spread his fingers across her face. She shivered under the touch- grazing her eyes, her ear, and her hairline gently. There was silence between them for a moment before she stepped back. “I...Thane...” she paused, trying to explain what had come over here, but in that moment, Thane burst forward, grabbing both her wrists and pushing her roughly against the wall.
“Siha...” he moaned as his lips met hers. An explosion of warmth coursed through her as she molded into his kisss; his lips were a little rougher than human lips, but she hungered for them all the same. She opened her mouth to allow his tongue to play with hers, and could feel her thighs getting wet.
“Captain’s cabin, now. That’s an order,” she commanded. Thane wasted no time scooping her up into his arms and carrying her down the hallway to her quarters. Once inside, she started unbuttoning her blouse and beckoning him to the bed.
Thane stared at her with obvious desire, but stopped short of removing his jacket. “Siha, I don’t know if I should take advantage...it’s just, I haven’t been so close to someone since Irikah, and I want you to feel the same...I know you’re hurting, is all...” he broke off. “Do you really want to do this?”
Jaina paused for a moment. It was a good question, after all, but she knew herself, and knew that Thane had not just filled the void left by Garrus. “Yes,” she murmured, and pulled him closer. “I want this very much.”
Any self control that Thane might have had before that moment pushed itself away and he thrust her up against the wall by her fish tank. He pushed his lips into hers and met her tongue with a fervor of someone who had not been satisfied in years. She accepted it and pushed back, her hips pulsing into his eagerly. He could feel himself hardening, and she arched into his embrace. His mouth gently sucked her lower lip, and worked its way down to her neck and collarbone. She moaned as his hand grazed her breast, cautiously probing to see what felt good to her. When she gasped at his touch, he moved his mouth to her nipple and sucked, making it harden instantly. She nearly collapsed in his grasp; he continued to suck, wrapping his hand around the small of her back and transporting her gently to the bed.
“Thane!” she cried softly. He gently pinned her hands above her head and resumed his kisses down her chest towards her belly button. She whimpered in anticipation as he moved closer to her soft female parts. Thane had no reference for human anatomy, but as he gave a tentative lick to her clitoris, her cry of pleasure told him he had guessed correctly. He continued his gentle licking and sucking with renewed fervor, as Shepard cried out his name softly over and over.
She felt a warmth spread from her middle to her head as she dizzily cried out for him. Her body arched toward him, and she spread her legs as wide as she could as his hands pushed them apart. He tickled her clit with his tongue as one hand grazed her opening gently, teasing. “Please, Thane!” she cried out, but he resumed his licking.
She pushed his head away with great effort. “I need you in me, now,” she commanded. He had pressed himself against her, and she could feel that he was hard. He looked hesitant, but she gently reached up and pulled his jacket off, letting her fingertips fall and tug at his pants. He gasped and grabbed her again, kissing her and devouring her lips. She kissed him back and tore at his clothing, removing it once and for all. He groaned and convulsed, allowing her to feel him against her yearning midsection.
“Siha, are you sure? I don’t know how this works between a drell and another species, I...” she cut him off by pulling him inside of her. He groaned loudly; crying out her name loudly enough for the whole ship to hear. She grabbed his hips and quickened his thrusting, screaming his name as she felt his size. He was rougher than any human she had been with, but larger and warmer. It felt like she was on fire, but as if she she were melting from the pleasure at the same time. It was so wet, too. She flipped him over and straddled his thighs, gently massaging neckline where his cheeks met the sensitive red-skin below them. “Siha....” he groaned. “Please stop, I won’t last...” he moaned. She intensified her touches, quickly brushing her lips across his face. He became excited and quickened his thrusts, the scales on his belly gently rubbing against her clit. She cried in ecstasy, feeling the pounding excitement build inside of her. She arched her played and grabbed his splayed fingertips, crying out his name one last time as she came. Her excitement pushed him through and he came inside of her then, explosive and hard. He rolled her on her back and the duo tumbled to the floor , gasping and panting, trying to catch their breath. Trying to delay the moment he would pull out, he held her tight, whispering in her ear. She listened, and grabbed hold tight, afraid to lose this new lover that had changed her life.