For What You Believe In

For What You Believe In

A/N: This fiction was inspired by "Stronger Than Snowdrops" by Shadowstark

Scene 1
The aurora danced overhead as the snowmobile raced down the glacier. Doctor Hal Emmerich felt the cold wind stab at his flesh without remorse, injecting liquid nitrogen into his bones. His knuckles were white as he gripped the sole source of warmth in front on him; Solid Snake. His eyes surveyed the landscape, a bleak reality whose merciless facts permitted no untruths. His gaze moved to Snake, who was once the highest of untruths to Otacon, the Olympian God that snatched him from the jaws of death. Now, Otacon was witness to a tortured, humbled God, the merest of men. A statue of Mars, smashed into a formless mass of craters, drove this snowmobile. As Hal held on, he swayed between awe at the man that repelled Gray Fox, and pity for the man in despair over Meryl. The contradiction was jarring.

"We're close" Snake growled. Before then, the trip was dominated by silence.
"Close," repeated Otacon, the question implied.
"Fox Island," replied Snake. "Helicopter."
Hal was accustomed to Dave's verbal economy, and took it in stride.
"Where will we go?" he asked, in his earnest and artless way.
"Safety," Snake replied.
Otacon didn't press him any further.

Scene 2
As Snake climbed into the helicopter, he felt the nonexistent comfort of being encapsulated in a metallic tomb. A satellite phone was thrust into his hand, Snake accepted it without hesitation and began the mechanical process of talking to Campbell. Snake's mind was nowhere near the process, which was conducted effortlessly- detached, factual, automated. Instead, he was consumed by thoughts of Meryl. Her vibrant, scarlet hair as alive as her flesh was dead, Snake held her in his arms, roaring incoherently. He didn't remember exactly what he said, but he remembered all the important sentiments; I gave in... I'm a loser... I'm not the hero you thought I was... I'm nothing...

Snake looked over at Otacon. How naive could a man be? Snake thought to himself, You would have to be naive to think life isn't all about loss. Naive enough to design a nuclear weapon... How could this man have even a shred of hope left? As Snake heard the rotors thunder he told the pilot where to take him and handed back the telephone. He surrendered the phone to the pilot as easily has he surrendered control of himself to the military. He thought to himself how stupid it all was, hearing that treacherous bitch say that "you mustn't allow yourself to be chained to fate," when she invented the ultimate chain and injected it into Snake intravenously.

"Humans can choose the type of life they want to live," she said. I didn't get to make that choice, Snake thought to himself, bitterly. He looked down at his body, his muscles defined underneath the tightness of the sneaking suit, muscles that were not his but the property of others. Snake scowled at that thought, accepting it as true.

Hal shivered in the corner during the flight, chattering of teeth drowned out by the roar of the rotors. Only when the pilot called out, signifying they had reached their destination, did Otacon stand. He walked over to Snake, looking at a man lost entirely within himself, eyes glazed over, uncaring about the outside world. Hal waved his hand in front of Dave's face, flinching when his face snapped to attention.
"Dave, we're here," Hal said calmly. Dave glanced into Hal's eyes, silver-grey, almost glittering with cold energy. He stood, and led Hal out of the helicopter, silently, not focused on external reality.

Scene 3
Snake opened the door of the cabin, and Otacon peered in. It was modern, well-furnished, indicating that being a mercenary made Dave a significant income... or the government considered him a worthy asset. Otacon looked across the walls in wonder, his eyes going to a fireplace, which Dave was in the process of lighting, and lower, to a massive polar bear pelt rug, fur long and gleaming white. Dave looked back from the fireplace and glanced at Otacon, noting where his eyes lay.
"That thing nearly killed one of my dogs. So he ended up here."
Hal felt the same awe he felt when he first met Dave.
Otacon walked across the room to a small table, sitting next to the far wall. He saw Dave's medals resting on it, a collection of impressive size.
"What did you get this one for?"
Dave turned to check where Hal was pointing.
"Outer Heaven."
"Outer Heaven..." Hal paused, remembering what he'd heard about the rogue mercenary nation, the covert crisis. "That was you?"
"My first mission."
It was almost a grumble.
"Wow," Otacon's voice was the same tone as it was back in Shadow Moses, brimming with admiration.
"If you want to sleep, you can use the guest room. Second door on your left."
"Umm... thanks, Dave." Hal wondered if Dave was annoyed with all his questions. And why would he have a guest room? Then again, would Solid Snake defy the orders of a blueprint?

Hal slowly walked up the stairs, muscles weakening every step with fatigue. He opened the door, closed it behind himself, and shuffled over to the bed, falling into the warmth and softness. He thought to himself how confusing it all was, both admiring and pitying this man.
He was a hero, once, he thought to himself.
He lost consciousness shortly after.

Scene 4
Otacon's eyes opened as the light hit them. He stared at the window, the fractal curtain of frost growing down the pane of glass distorting the light that shot through it. He felt like he had emerged from a coma, limbs heavy and sore, but as he saw the new light, a smile emerged. I thought I'd never see this beautiful sight again.

Hal made his way downstairs, entered the living room, and stopped immediately. He saw the arm extended over the arm of the couch, rough fingers gently entwined around the neck of a nearly-empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Dave's fingers suddenly went rigid, picking up the bottle, flinging it into the fireplace. The bottle shattered, the small amount of liquor igniting.

"D...D..Dave?" No one answered.
Hal approached, stepping softly, slowly nearing the lying beast. He peered over the back of the couch, seeing Dave lying there, wearing only a pair of jeans, looking at the medal Otacon pointed at last night.
"When I got this medal... that's when I first thought I was a hero..." He flippantly tossed the medal over his shoulder, back towards the staircase.
"You asked me, 'what am I fighting for?'..."
Hal observed Dave, slurring his words, gazing into the fire, body so passive, so lacking in vitality. So defeated.
"You asked me 'what you were fighting for?'... I said I would answer that question when we got out of there... You want to know the answer?"
Otacon swallowed the lump in his throat. Whatever he said, Snake would tell him, and so he said nothing.
"There is no answer. We weren't fighting for a noble cause. Not for any great ideal. I never fought for what I believed in, I just obeyed orders."
Otacon heard the words, absorbed them, but for some reason couldn't accept them, some emotion just reared up and rejected those words, but what could he say?
"Heroes don't exist in war. Puppets do. You can't believe in a puppet."

Otacon didn't bother to reason with him. He wasn't in any state to be talked with. Hal just backed up the stairs, feeling constant twisting in his gut. Death may not have been defeat, but this state Dave was in certainly was.

Scene 5
A loud cry of "Damn!," promptly followed by the pounding of a fist against the wall shook Snake from his alcohol-induced coma. He only felt a fatigue that crushed him into the mattress, and a headache he wanted to avoid. He knew from the tone of voice that Otacon was not physically in trouble, so he fell back into unconsciousness.

The light flowing into the room percolated through Dave's consciousness, bringing activity back to neurons shrieking in agony. Dave swung his legs over the bed, reluctantly positioning them on the floor, eventually managing to assume a stance, as shaky as it was. He looked in the mirror, seeing himself stand there in nothing but his jeans. He stumbled down his staircase, seeing Hal sitting on the sofa, face white with shock, hand gripping a satellite telephone with white knuckles.
"The specs got out..." a tone of pathetic whimpering was evident in the voice.
"The specs?"
"For REX. My design was leaked. Nastasha told me."
"Hal... I..."
"Sorry if my pounding woke you..."
"You didn't wake me."

Hal paused for a second, breathing in and steadying himself, while Dave rose shakily, moving to the kitchen and making a beeline for the coffee machine.
"Nastasha and I, well, we want to do something about this. I don't want to take part in murder."
"Forget it Hal. There's no use."
"I don't care! I'm obliged to stop this!" The insistent tone did not help Dave's hangover.
"Hal, you can't."
"Maybe I can't, but at least I can try, knowing I'm doing the right thing!"
Dave looked at the slim man; there was a look on his face that surpassed a soldier's determination. It was the look of a man that had discovered an inarguable truth. Dave then realized, Hal possessed the conviction he once had, the passion that died with Meryl.
"Hal, you've changed. Really."
"And so have you, Snake. And not in a good way. I meant what I said, death is not defeat... but this is! This...this nihilism!"
Hal's words were inescapably true.
"What can I believe in, Otacon? Heroes fight for what they believe in. I'm no hero."
"You were, once!"
Dave growled angrily back. "And what would you have me do? Go back to Outer Heaven again? That's what happens when you get all boy-scout-save-the-world! You get betrayed by the brass and fucked over!"

Otacon's eyes were fearful of Dave's anger. Dave saw he scared Hal, and almost on instinct backed off.
"Why, why Hal...how can you still have any hope?"
"I...I honestly don't know." Hal couldn't muster the words, but if he could, he would have said because I believe what I hope for is right.
Dave came closer again, sitting on the sofa next to Hal. He put his hand on Hal's broad shoulder, looking into Hal's silver eyes.
"You're a good man, Hal. Too good for this world."
"But we can change the world! We don't just have to sit on the sidelines and take what it gives us! We can make this world a better place. We need to make this world a better place! And Dave, if you just let the higher-ups screw you over then you're letting them defeat you! That's not the Solid Snake that saved my life!"

And in that instant, Dave realized every word Hal spoke was completely, irrefutably true. His eyes grew wide as dinner plates, his mouth was agape, and his voice only softly growled "you're right." And he looked at Hal, as cruelly as life had treated him, as traumatized as he was, this slender, physically weak man could still believe in something. Hal's mere existence proved that there had to be some future worth believing in, worth fighting for. Dave got off of the sofa, and walked over to the medal from Outer Heaven, still lying on the floor. Dave reached down, picked it up, and then replaced it back where it belonged. He then walked back, footsteps softly padding on the floor, temporarily silenced by the polar bear rug as he crossed it. He then calmly sat on the couch, took a deep breath, and turned his head, forcefully planting a kiss on Hal's soft lips.

Scene 6
The impact of Dave's rough chin derailed Hal's train of thought. Hal froze up, not responding to the hard touch of lips against his, the caress of the tongue, anything. Dave backed away, seeing Hal's eyes wide in shock.
"I... I shouldn't have done that..."
Hal didn't look appalled, or disgusted, just surprised. Dave elaborated further,
"After time in the field, you have to get the stress out... somehow..."
"D...D...Dave.... do... you really.. like me?"
Hal saw Dave's eyes peer at him with a look of complete sincerity.
"Hal, after what you did for me back there, why wouldn't I?"
Hal simply gestured to his slender frame, ignoring his own broad shoulders, his face still betraying confusion. Dave smirked, gave a soft, low laugh, and looked into Hal's silver eyes.
"You're too smart to be that shallow, Hal." Dave then kissed Hal again, this time slower, less hungry than the first one, Dave's tongue gently massaging the hacker's.
"You're a good man, Hal. You're worthy."

Upon hearing that, Hal dismissed all thoughts of inadequacy and slammed his mouth back onto Dave's, running his agile hands over Dave's rock-hard flesh, mouth exploring Dave's roughly grizzled chin, but always returning to his lips. Dave's eyes were rolled back in pleasure, in spite of the surprise he felt at the amount of force exerted by Hal during the kiss.
"You don't fear anymore..." This time, it was Dave's voice that was filled with awe.
"And you won't surrender anymore..." Hal's tone was equally reverent.

Dave kissed back, sliding his hands under Hal's shirt, Hal gasping as the calloused fingers firmly but gently pulled on his nipple. Dave's tongue moved deeply into Hal's mouth, playfully dueling with Hal's. Hal's fingers grabbed Dave's nipple, twisting it slowly, Dave responding with a deeply resonant moan.
"You've got a soft spot there, haven't you?" A wicked grin crept across Hal's face. Dave only smiled back.
Hal then moved down to Dave's other nipple, alternating licks of his tongue with soft bites. Each bite brought forth a gasp from Dave, as his rough hand tangled itself in Hal's soft hair, pushing it down onto the chest. Hal pushed himself forward, Dave leaning back and taking his engineer with him, Hal continually concentrating on the licks and bites. Hal then ceased, raised himself over Dave's torso as he looked at the man. Hal observed Dave's sinewy, ninja-like build, very lightly dusted with brown hair, a few scars tracing over the form. Hal's gaze was greedy, but his touch was reverent, his fingers tracing Dave's lines with lithe delicacy. Hal thought to himself, this is the Solid Snake that saved my life, before descending again, lips exploring Dave's jaw line, teeth leaving a trail of small bites.

Dave's arms wrapped tightly around Hal and he rolled off the couch, positioning Hal above him so he took the fall. He looked up at the hacker, a man so free of corruption, so full of idealism, and rolled across the floor, taking Hal with him. The soldier stopped when Hal was beneath him, right in the middle of the polar bear rug. The hacker felt the soft, slick caress of the fur on his back, and slowly ground himself into the rug, relishing the sensation.
"Feels good, doesn't it?"
The silver-eyed hacker nodded. "I guess you think this is the right place?"
"No better place, trust me." How fitting it was, Dave thought, to be able to take him on a rug whose color was as pure as his spirit. Dave kissed Hal's neck then moved down slightly to his collarbone, continuing down his chest, finally stopping at his waistband. Dave's hand reached beneath, Hal feeling the hardened hand explore him with a strange delicacy, as if the hand was holding something fragile or sacramental. He felt those rough fingers encircle his shaft, pumping slowly. Hal groaned, already hard, only getting more excited at the touch. He responded by sliding his hand down Dave's jeans, finding his balls, and squeezing them lightly, causing a grunt of pleasure.
"You are tenacious, aren't you?" Dave said, voice still full of respect. Hal could tell from the tone Dave was referring to more than tenacity in intimacy. Hal moved up to Dave's throbbing pole, enveloping it with his hand and pumping faster than Dave was, to compensate for the lower friction of his palm.

"You want to draw this out a little longer?" asked Dave, who ceased his fondling.
"Sounds good." Hal ceased his.
Dave then moved down Hal's body, a look on his face that would have been more appropriate in a temple, grabbing onto Hal's zipper with his teeth, pulling it down slowly, then ensnaring the denim's waistline with his fingers and using his tongue to push the top button through its slot, finally pulling Hal's jeans down. He removed Hal's boxers with an efficient swipe of his hands, leaving Hal completely naked on the rug.
"The fur feels good," Hal said through a smirk.
Dave didn't respond, Hal simply watched him remove his jeans, seeing he was wearing nothing underneath. Hal felt Dave lie back on top of him as he gazed into the mercenary's emerald eyes, his favorite color. Their erections were grinding together slowly, aching from the tension, desperate for release.
"You helped me out a lot back there. How about we help each other out here?"
Hal instantly caught on as to what Dave was thinking, and smiled. "Makes sense to me Dave."

Dave flipped himself around, lowering himself onto Hal's cock whilst positioning his upon Hal's lips. The soldier opened his mouth, welcoming the hacker's length, hearing a loud moan whilst his tongue slid down over Hal's shaft. Dave then felt his own manhood engulfed in warmth, Hal's tongue darting over the head. Both of them had their limbs submerged in the thick fur of the rug, relishing the dual sensations of the warmth of the fur and the warmth of each other’s mouths. Dave felt right on the edge, and could tell Hal was by the taste of precum on his tongue. Dave only continued, pressing his tongue harder into Hal's member, hearing the silver-eyed man's cries become more earnest, more wanting. Hal suddenly seized the opportunity, rolling himself and Dave onto their sides, both of their sides immersed in luxuriant fur as their cocks were immersed in each other’s mouths. It was only a small amount of time before Dave let out a long growl, Hal let out an accompanying moan, consuming each other then collapsing back into the bed of fur.

The hacker stood up first, turning himself around and placing his face next to Dave's, Dave responded by coiling his arms around the slimmer man, relishing every square millimeter of skin-on-skin contact.
"That felt good," whispered the hacker, his voice groggy from endorphins.
"It was," the soldier replied in a sedated growl.
"So we helped each other out, right?"
"In more ways than you think," Dave whispered, knowing with certainty that there was still something to believe in, something he could fight for.

THE END