The Soul and its Maker

My first Tales of the Abyss fic. I absolutely love and adore Jade, *fan girl swoon * and him even more with Luke^_^ So this is from Jade’s point of view. Jade and romance hardly mix so this was really difficult. Hopefully it’s not to OCC, but he seems to be a complex character and I analyzed him as best I could. The next chapter will probably be from Luke’s point of view.


Jade’s POV

People always see me smile. Perhaps they conceive I fancy life to be pure joy in every moment of the journey. Others I first meet attribute my smile to an officer’s sense of decorum. Call it what you will, but a smile plastered on one’s face works wonders—because people never know what exactly you’re thinking behind that subtle curl of lips. I call it my magic smile, or “Jade smile.” “How wonderful you all are getting along,” or “I see how lovely the weather is,” I say to this pleasant entourage I travel with—Anise, Tear, Natalia, Guy, and…oh, did I ever mention his ever mature, responsible and charming master? The moment we met at Engave in the incident, in which the villagers accused him of pilfering their storehouse, when it was in fact the Cheagles, my smile worked its magic on him, that lovable Luke I adore.

“Who the hell was that jerk?” Luke complained to Tear at Engeve, I happened to hear eavesdropping outside in my investigation of the Dark Wings. “Well, I thought he was civil for a military officer addressing civilians,” Tear replied back, referring to me, and that’s when I knew the game started between Luke and I.

To be honest I never liked him when we met, nor did I’d ever imagine I would, but this story is how one simple meeting cold as the land I come from blanketed in snow, evolved into something deeper. It started after I arrested him for entering Malkuth territory on board the Tartarus. I requested his assistance in preventing war with Kimlasca, when the six God-generals attacked, locked us up, left us defenseless without our weapons, that we planned to retake the ship our first conversation ensured.

“How can you take human life?” Luke cried, watching me thrust my spear through an Oracle Knight in a fight on the deck.

The sense of horror at the knight’s blood splattering, his final dry cry all sent waves of shock through Luke, leaving the poor boy mortified. In my childhood I once found watching helpless monsters die enjoyable in a twisted inhuman way. After all, with my genius I could revive them by extracting their data, using the right chemicals in a lab to create a perfect copy through fomicry. Because of that, my sister called me a devil and rightly so. Of course, it was only after meeting a healer and Seventh Fonist, Professor Nibilim, my eyes were opened my eyes to the preciousness that life truly holds.

“Don’t you feel anything when you take that monster’s life?” Nebilim asked after we met. That was the same question Luke asked in the Tartarus that reminded me of her and just how heartless my old self used to be.

“Why am I supposed to feel?” I had asked Nebilim in response. “After all, a perfect copy can be created with the same fonic signature given the right technology and materials.”

To Luke’s question when he asked how I could take human life aboard the Tartarus I said, “I am a soldier,” without regret, at least on the surface at that time. “A soldier understands and accepts that if he takes an enemy’s life in protecting his country, it’s part of his duty, likewise he’s prepared to give his own life if an enemy were to kill him.”

“I don’t care much for you military types, it’s just an excuse for being a professional killer!” Luke cried, blinking to hold back tears over the bloodied, stiff motionless body of the Oracle Knight once living moments ago. “That’s what you are.”

“Indeed I am,” I replied honestly, keeping my cool.

Tear, in her compassion, did her best to explain the indifference soldiers assume from that of civilians in the loss towards human life. It was a sin that trained soldiers like myself bore, indeed ‘killers’ as Luke termed us. I think at that time my perceived indifference caused Luke pain deep down inside. I really wanted to apologize then, reach out and say, “Everything will be okay,” but instead I simply said, “If you wish not to fight then remain in the back of our formation,” as I usually would sounding callous in Luke’s ears.

“You think I can come up with an excuse like you and take human life?” Luke yelled at me and ran ahead to the bridge.

Luke was too young then in our journey to know the meaning of the sin one bears when taking another’s life. It was only after the tragedy at Akzeriuth in which Master Van unleashed Luke’s hypersonic-resonance, taking tens of thousands of lives that Luke began to understand sin of taking life and the pangs of guilt that follow. Before that Luke felt misunderstood, alienated, isolated, that’s why he believed everything Van said, “That you will be a hero by destroying the miasma with your power.” Maybe it was my fault then I didn’t reach out to Luke before that, apologize to him so he’d know he wasn’t alone, instead of turning to Van and ending up the victim of his deceit.

But it was true back then he was arrogant, naïve, conceited, anything I would of said was futile. It’s like calling out to someone without the ears to hear, or telling someone with their eyes closed that the light exists; it’s real in front of your eyes even if you can’t see it physically. But little by little some conscience awoke inside him, giving him the ears to hear, the eyes to see, the heart to feel from the guilt he suffered over Akzeriuth. I saw it in him after we abandoned him in Yulia City, heading with Asch back to the Outer Lands to investigate Van’s intentions. I wondered if forsaking him in his darkest hour of need, when his soul cried out in pain over he guilt he suffered over Akzeriuth made him hate me even more.

For all Luke’s idiocy he suffered deeply. He was a replica, the copy of another not a person in the truest sense of having his own self and purpose. After all, Van created him to be a weapon. Did he even have his own soul and reason to exist? If I never created fomicry, he wouldn’t of been created and endured so much pain. I started to ponder those questions feeling sympathy for Luke when we met at Aramis Spring. Guy had left our group to wait for Luke there to return to the Outer Lands. I needed Guy’s help in rescuing Natalia and Ion from Grand Maestro Mohs, so it wasn’t by choice I ran into Luke again.

The moment Luke stepped out of the cave at Aramis Spring into the sunlight, I saw regret tinge his emerald eyes with deep dark shades of pain, emotion writhing beneath wishing he might give his own life to bring those back to life at Akzeriuth that died because of him. I understood his pain of wanting to bring back the dead. After all, Professor Nebilim, the one who had awakened my humanity, died because of me. When I tried to revive her through fomicry, her replica became a violent monster, I felt was the symbol of my sin. In Luke’s eyes when we met, I saw own self-reflected back, asking me why I had behaved coldly to this boy who wanted my friendship.

“Jade, it’s you!” he called out, smiling for a moment, then scowling at how I treated him aboard the Tartarus after Akzeriuth.

“Oh, Luke, I was searching for Guy, I had no intention of meeting you,” I began nonchalantly. No, I wouldn’t let him see my feelings, my sympathy; I couldn’t forgive him for killing those people at Akzeriuth, for being so stupid and human like me.

“Listen, I know you don’t like me cause of how I used to be…” Luke sniffled, trailing off into silence drowned by the sounds of running water, birds chirping, leaves rustling in the trees overhead of this beautiful wild valley. “But please, let me show I can change, I will change. It’s why I did this,” he implored, blinking hard to fight back his tears, running his hands through his fiery shoulder length hair, shaggy, recently cut. In cutting his hair he symbolized the throwing away of his old, childish self.

“I like it, it looks…nice,” I admitted rather awkwardly, stifled, allowing my feelings to betray me. I cursed myself because I am cold, rational, and frigid like snow. If only Guy came, we could be off on our merry way. But fate has a cruel way of teasing me, torturing me how I do others.

He looked at me, stunned, then laughed, his voice clear like the peal of bells, a child’s happy laugh from his old innocent days at his manor. “You think so?” he asked, smiling sadly, face still choked with pain in his reddened, watery eyes.

“Yes, otherwise I wouldn’t of said so,” I remarked obviously, pushing my glasses back up the bridge of my nose as I rolled my eyes, sighing, wishing in god’s name I never said such a thing. This is why I keep people at a distance to avoid trouble, but somehow Luke’s managed to penetrate my defenses catching me off guard.

He noticed my low sudden tone laced with irritation, rubbing his teary eyes. Stepping forward, he dropped his gaze apologizing in a way I never deemed possible in the very start of our journey. “Jade, if I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. I’ve done so many things I should apologize for.” His cadence became soft, steady, a young man speaking with a newfound maturity birthed from his pain at Akzeriuth. “Including how when we first met, I didn’t fight aboard the Tartarus. I was a burden then, and I know I’m one now, because you said you had no intention of meeting me, coming here for Guy’s help instead.”

Underneath Luke’s maturity I felt his deep-seated need— the need to be wanted, to be accepted, but greatest of all to be needed back by me. By opening his heart, revealing himself to me, he wanted me to do the same. But I do not reach out to others emotionally the way he does and say, “I love you” in close embrace. I’ve never loved another romantically, because it’s not in my nature just as snow is frigid. I experimented sexually with Peony back in my youth, during my school days as many teens do when Nebilim was alive.

/Jade, tell me if this feels good/, Peony asked, brushing his hand over me when we were young.

/Oh, it does right down here, but my pants, they feel tight/, I said back, discovering erections, orgasms in the sexual exploration in my younger days.

But experimenting like that and actually being in love are two different things. Romantic love is irrational, illogical, and incompatible with my nature. Luke, on the other hand, spurred by his emotions without an ounce of logic would embrace it altogether. But although he’s matured mentally, I fear he may confuse love and sex altogether. Although 17 in age, he’s really 7 having lived that long as a replica making his heart young like a child’s.

“You’re teasing me, huh, Jade, when you say you like my hair.” Luke crossed his arms, frowning. “Or you’re still mad at me like everyone else cause I’m an idiot,” he hissed, closing the distance between us.

“Luke, I’m not mad,” I began, allowing a small smile to tug at the corners of my lips, a real one behind my soft disarming one I use keeping people at a distance. I let the warmth of my closely guarded heart I try so hard to hide, melt in the touch I placed on his shoulder through my dark gloved hand.

My feather light touch sent shivers through and a blush crossing his face. I’ll admit I was cruel with my crushing sarcasm the time we first met. But just as a caterpillar sleeps growing into a butterfly, shrouded in its cocoon, so too did Luke awaken in Yulia City a different person after Akzeriuth’s destruction.

I want to change, I will change, Luke pleaded with all his heart, gazing up into my narrow crimson eyes. So please, Jade, give me a chance.

“You must understand change takes time. It’s hard to regain the trust of those you hurt,” I explained, running my hand up his neck along his jaw. Yes, the least I could do to make up for the pain I caused him was to teach him about things he didn’t understand like sexuality.

He gasped, his emerald eyes going wide under his fiery bangs, drawn closer to me by a fluttering in his heart. “Tear said the same thing,” he sniffled, burying his head in my chest, still racked by the trauma of destroying so many lives. He felt he existed, as a weapon in the scheme of Van’s plans, to take life and bring heartache in the hopes Yulia’s Score will bring prosperity after all that pain. “Tell me, Jade, am I human? Do I even have a soul because I’m a replica? If I don’t change I’m nothing more than a weapon Van created. Oh, Master Van, I thought he loved me!”

My face remained an expressionless mask impossible to read. Even if I wanted to show Luke outward feelings of sympathy I can’t. I’ve restrained my true feelings for so long I can only smile and joke around. I don’t know how to be serious and not let my anger control me. The least I can do is show physical affection without hurting him more. I cradled his young, round face in against my rough teal uniform, its cold metal buttons rubbing his skin and coarse woolen fabric grazing it. He went limp like a lost child against his mother’s breast in my grasp burying his face, away from the sunlight, himself, his pain.

“Man, how embarrassing,” he murmured into my chest, feeling hopeless. “I can’t believe I’m acting this way, especially with you, Jade, of all people.” He scowled glancing up.

“Why, have I insulted you, ‘Master’ Luke? You know, I can’t keep holding you up like this.” I grinned back, running my fingers through his roughly cut hair. “Because those old creaking bones of mine may give way any moment.”

“Oh, why do you always pick on me?” he whimpered, breaking away. “And why are you all touchy feely suddenly? I was dumb even to even to talk to you. If only Guy were here, he’d understand cause he’s always been there for me. What’s taking him so damn long to search for his sword he dropped in the cave? I’m so tired of waiting.” Luke stormed off to a row of trees further out ahead collapsing underneath in the shade.

/God, Jade is really getting on my nerves and here I thought I was happy to see him. I can’t even tell what that sneaky jerk is thinking half the time, he thought to himself/, letting his eyelids flutter shut in the cool refreshing shade. His hand strayed to his chest, as he closed his eyes reflecting deeply. /Besides, what’s this feeling I have in my heart when Jade touched me in that special way? I want to know yet I’m scared. It’s not it is with Guy where I can be myself and ask him the things I don’t know/.

/Do I really pick on you, Luke? It’s your fault you take me seriously/, I wanted to say strolling over to where he reclined under his tree, leaned my frame against its trunk.

“Allow me to be honest,” I started, sinking down beside him.

His hand dropped from his chest and eyes shot open the moment I said that. “W-wow! I think hell’s gonna freeze over. Jade’s actually serious,” he gasped, half laughing loosing his breath.

“Of course, I always am.” I flashed him the vestiges of a half honest smile. “I do not like explaining more than is necessary, but since Guy is preoccupied and your lack of awareness may lead to further mistakes, the responsibility as your babysitter falls on me.”

“Why, you…!” Luke glared, raising a fist. “You’re a real bastard, always saying things like that. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. And I can now that no one’s here.” Luke grinned wickedly, holding his fist towards my face.

“Oh dear, I’m hurt,” I sighed, grabbing it at the same time I tripped him, leaving him flat on his back wide eyed and shocked. I knelt over tracing my hand along his jaw, gazing directly in his bright emerald eyes, studying sunlight filtered in through the branches above dance in their dark green depths. I angled his jaw up to meet my face, stealing his lips in a kiss as I pinned him down below.

“That feeling…” Luke murmured softly, holding one of his hands over his heart between us and raising the other around my neck. “My heart, it’s beating so fast. I’ve never felt this, Jade.” A dreamy, lingering feel crept into his voice. “What kind of trick is this?”

Thump, thump, I felt his racing pulse in his arm around my neck, the beating of his heart in it awakening to new feelings of experience and longing. I let a real smile spread across my lips, still hidden beneath my disarming one I use all the time. “It’s no trick, but an experience I want you to learn.”

“Can I?” Luke echoed, lying beneath me with doubt. Determination burned in his gaze. “I want to grow, change, to be stronger yet I’m afraid and doubt myself so much.”

“Try,” I whispered down into his ear, letting my breath hit its inner shell, sending shivers down his spine. “Unless a bird flies after its broken wing has mended, how does it know if it can fly?” A lovely metaphor, poetic, I’m proud.

“Try, huh?” he repeated, arching up into me as the sensations from my breath spread over his quivering body. “Even if I don’t understand what exactly I’m feeling I wanna try.” /Or else I won’t become the person you’d grow to respect, Jade/, he lingered in thought. /I have no words to explain how I feel. I just want you to hold me/.

The dreams clouding his eyes poured out in the kiss he pressed to my lips, pulling me down with his arm twined around my neck into his supple form. I gasped feeling desire from my groin surge up around and through me. It’s been so many years since I felt like this in the fires of passion with Peony from my youth. But Luke is so young, innocent, a replica. It’s taking advantage of a 7-year-old living in a grown adult’s body. I cursed myself rolling off onto the grass beside him, watching sunlight slip off the polished leaves of the branches above, playing in Luke’s eyes, carving his exposed stomach below his half shirt, his arms and face in soft golden tones and highlighting his fiery hair.

“Jade,” Luke whimpered, sitting up. “Why’d you stop?”

“My apologizes. I realize there’s so many things you don’t yet understand,” I stated, pushing my glasses back up the bridge of my nose, eying him through them. “After considering your position, I think its best to wait until you’re ready to handle the risks of an adult relationship, is that clear?”

“But I am an adult. I’ve grown since Akzeriuth, I’ll prove it,” he cried, rising up on his knees. “You’re the one who doesn’t understand the guilt I’ve been through, how I’ll do anything to save everyone, even give my life so another Akzeriuth doesn’t happen.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I sat up slowly averting my gaze. I am cool like ice. I rarely get mad but for some reason his stupidity angered me. I guess I did grow to care about him after all. I used to ignore him, annoyed him for fun, but never showed anger or scolded him. I rose to my feet towering over, crossed my arms, and dropped my gaze on him.

“Silly boy,” I chided. “You think about throwing away your life so easily because you don’t know what it means to live.”

“To…live?” Luke hesitated, pondering deeply. His sight trailed up to my face searching me for answers. Pain sown in his expression, he cried, “But how can I truly live? I’m a replica, a shadow of someone else. I don’t even have parents. I was born in some lab as a freak of nature. You created us replicas, Jade, you know everything, don’t you? Why did you make me if my only purpose was to be a weapon by destroying Akzeriuth’s pillar and taking so many lives?”

Though in actuality Van created him, his birth in this world is due to my invention of fomicry. It’s as if I were God and the soul I created is asking me why I made it. I cannot imagine being created by someone you love as a parent, only to be used in their schemes as a weapon. I wish I could go back in time and kill myself as an infant for all the abuses fomicry created.

“Jade, please tell me.” The rising note of desperation gave way to his hands on my arms, shaking and begging me in their grasp.

Perhaps for the first time I was truly honest since meeting Luke on our journey. I had no words, no magic balm to ease his pain. Yes, indirectly the pain and confusion of his existence is my fault so I did what I could do by wrapping my arms around him.

TBC