Kingdom for a Heart

A/N: I don't know why it took me so long to put this up, I actually wrote it nearly a year ago. I do have a place in mind for the story to go, but I don't know if the story is actually worth it. Reviews are appreciated.

Shy

Rain drummed against the window as I awakened from my slumber. My room was a mess; clothes covered the floor, except for a path to the door. My full-size bed was situated such that its side was next to the wall directly below my window, with the head placed next to the adjoining wall. I lay sprawled out on the bed, the covers thrown off. My sleep had been restless that night, and I woke up feeling just as tired as I had been before I went to sleep. I dressed and descended the staircase to breakfast.

“Good morning, Sora dear,” my mother greeted.

I grunted in reply. I was not generally a morning person; and today was no exception.

“Why do you have to be such a grouch?” she prodded, “Don't you think it's a wonderful morning?”

“What could possibly be 'wonderful' about a morning?” I retorted.

“You're always like that. Anyway; I fixed you some breakfast, it's on the table. And behave yourself while your father and I are out tonight, will you?” she said as she left hurriedly for work.

“Sure, whatever.”

It was the beginning of summer vacation, and I was supposed to meet Riku on the island around ten o'clock; that gave me about an hour to get there. After the rain stopped, I decided to take the long way to the dock, and enjoy the surroundings. The sun glimmered in the water on the grass creating a thousand tiny reflections which served to make the day even brighter than it already was. Why did the weather have to be so fickle in the summer? A breeze blew through the trees, their deep green foliage slowly swaying along. Everything seemed to slow down in the summer; everything moved along at a leisurely pace.

But my mind was racing with thoughts. Lately, I had begun to really notice Riku, and how much I was attracted to him. I knew it was wrong, that he was a guy, but I did not care; all I cared about was that he was my closest friend and that he genuinely cared for me, even though probably not in the same way. But I did not care about reciprocity at that point. I did not want to endanger our friendship, and being around him was enough for me.

But what was enough? How could I stand being around him, but not being with him? Every moment I spent with him was one of both immeasurable joy and sorrow: joy that I was near him, and sorrow that he did not return my feelings. But I could not tell him. What if he reacted badly? I could not stand the thought of ending our friendship, especially over such a trivial matter. And so I went along, my heart rent in two.

Eventually I got to my boat, untied it from the dock, and departed for the island. I managed to get there right at ten, a first; Riku could not get mad at me for being late today. The island was as it always was: the trees lush and the water clear. Shells littered the shoreline, and little fish swam near the shore. Tomorrow was my sixteenth birthday, and Riku and I were going to celebrate tonight, while my parents were away.

“So, what are we going to do tonight?” I inquired.

“You'll see,” he teasingly responded.

“I'll see what?” I prodded further.

“If I told you now, then that would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“I guess,” I replied.

Kairi was out of town with her father on vacation, so that left just Riku, Wakka, Tidus, and me. Tidus and Wakka were off playing blitzball somewhere, so it was pretty much just Riku and I. But that was okay; Riku was excellent company. He had always been there, ever since we were little kids. We were inseparable.

The sun shone through the leaves creating just enough shade to be comfortable. It was a very relaxing day. Riku was resting on the trunk of a tree on the smaller island. The way he laid there, with his silver hair flowing with the breeze, his azure eyes half-closed, his muscled arms crossed on top of his chest, he possessed an aura of confidence. He was beautiful . . .

“Harder, Riku,” I whimpered.

“You sure you can take it?” he questioned with a sardonic tone in his voice.

“Yeah,” I responded, annoyed, “I’m sure.”

“Okay,” he said nonchalantly.

And with that he thrust so hard and hit just the right spot that I felt compelled to scream in ecstasy. Taking that as his cue, his free hand traveled down my chest making sure to pay attention to every crevice. He finally got down to my erection and slowly caressed it with a single finger, moving from tip to base.

“Riku . . .” I moaned in response, “Th-That f-feels soooo . . .” I was unable to finish as he captured my lips in a passionate kiss as we rapidly approached our climax. Our bodies glistened with sweat; grunts and moans echoed throughout the room . . .

“Sora?”

“What?” I responded, resentful that he had woken me up.

“Having a nice dream?” he asked, pointing at the obvious tent in my pants.

“Oh . . . that,” I said as I blushed profusely and clumsily attempted to obscure my erection and hoping he had not heard me moan his name. “So . . . what time is it?” I inquired trying to quickly change the subject.

“Actually, it's about time we headed back,” he said with an unusually somber look on his face.

And with that, we headed back to the boats. The journey back to the main island was a short one, but we took our time as we were not in a hurry. After securing our boats to the dock, we headed to my house.

“Mom? Dad?” I inquired as I entered the house.

“Looks like they already left.”

“Yeah, I guess. . . So, what do you want to do?”

We headed up to my room. Riku seemed kind of off, distracted even. Something was not right. And then I worried about what was wrong, and why he was distracted. And then I thought, What if he knows? I was completely panicked. What was I going to do? What if he stopped being my friend? That was the longest flight of steps in history.
We entered my room. I quickly sat down on my bed, but Riku took his time, slowly moving from the doorway to the lone chair in the room. He hesitated. He had a look of indecision on his face, obviously torn as to whether he should sit on the bed next to me or on the chair. He opted for the bed. He shifted his weight from side to side, as if uncomfortable or unsure about what he was doing. Since when was Riku ever this indecisive?

“You have something you want to tell me,” Riku said.

“Yes,” I said in reply, my voice nearly failing me.

“What is it?”

“I. . . I love you, Riku.”

“I see,” he said rather coldly, seeming oddly distant.

“You see what?” I asked, puzzled.

“I can’t be your friend anymore.”

“Why?”

“I can’t be friends with a fucking homo!” And with that he stormed out of the house.

“Riku! Wait! Please don't go; let's talk this over!” I pleaded in vain.

I was completely devastated. How could my best friend, the person I loved, betray me like that? How could he walk out on me like that? I had opened up to him, revealed my true feelings to him, and he had just shrugged me off to the side as if I did not even matter. He left. There was no getting around that fact. I could not comprehend it.

I broke down.

Tears streamed non-stop down my face. My heart ached. I was alone, completely alone. My one comfort in the world had left me all alone. I could not take it anymore. I reached over to my dresser and pulled out my pocketknife.

I blacked out.

“Sora?” I heard my mom calling some time later, “We came home early. Sora?”

I could hear her climbing the stairs. My door creaked open. I heard a scream.

“Cloud, quick, call 911!” my mother called in a frenzied panic.

“Huh? What’s the matter hon—“ my father said as he walked into the room.

I blacked out again.

I do not remember the ambulance arriving at the house. I remember waking up in the ambulance, shadows rushing about in a blurry haze. I could not make anything out specifically and I had no idea where I was. But I did not really care; I figured anywhere was better than where I was. I drifted back into unconsciousness.

I awoke in the hospital. I could hear people talking with hushed voices around; they were trying not to disturb me. I groaned to let them know that I was awake. Their reaction was immediate: they called for my parents.

They entered the room, a look composed of happiness and worry on their faces.

“Sora,” my mom began, “we're so glad you're okay.”

“You're lucky we decided to come home early,” my father added, “or else. . .“

“Why, honey?” my mother asked me.

“I don't want to talk about it,” I said.

“Please,” she pleaded, “this is not something you should let bottle up inside. Talk about it, you'll feel better.”

“I said 'I don't want to talk about it'!”

“Don't get angry at your mother. She's just concerned about you,” my father interjected.

“If you want to know what happened so badly, why don't you just ask Riku!”

At that, I began to cry into my pillow. My mother approached me and tried to comfort me, but I rejected her.

“I don't want any of your damn sympathy,” I sobbed, “I just want the pain to stop.”

My father sat down in a chair across from my bed.

“He obviously wants to be left alone right now,” he said.

“But honey, he really needs someone to comfort him right now.”

“Well, obviously he doesn't want us to. Maybe we should get Riku-”

“No!” I yelled, “I never want to see that bastard again!”

My parents looked at each other, and I could see a scheme forming in their minds. But there was nothing I could do, so I just lay there, crying into my pillow, trying to stop the pain and failing miserably. My mother left the room, leaving my father and me alone; they obviously did not want me to be by myself in my current state. He sat, staring directly at me with a worried look on his face. He really was worried about me.

I lost track of time for a bit, and then I saw my mother standing in the doorway, motioning for my father to leave the room. He stood up slowly, carefully. He walked towards the door with some reluctance, obviously not wanting to leave me. My mother grew impatient and grabbed his arm. And then I saw him. Riku stood in the doorway, not wanting to enter and face me alone. He glanced at my mother, whose glare told him he had to. He was taking too long, so she shoved him in and closed the door behind him.

His eyes glanced around the room, refusing to stay fixed on one location for too long. He did not make eye contact. He walked next to the bed and sat down in a chair facing me.

“I-I’m sorry for what I said.”

I turned away from him.

“I was a real jerk. . .” he paused as if waiting for a response.
I said nothing.

“But, you see, I was really confused about what was happening, and I got kinda scared.” I could hear him fidgeting, palpably nervous, “And—“

“I don’t want to hear it,” I cut him off, my words spoken carefully, measured, “Just get out. I never want to see you again.”

“I—“

“Out!”

“No. Not until I get this off my chest.”

“I don’t care. Nothing you can say or do can make a difference.”

“I still want to try,” he pleaded.

I turned toward him.

“I thought I said—“

Before I could finish what I was saying, he captured my lips in a passionate kiss. I did not try to stop him. After a few moments, he pulled back.

“That's all I wanted to say; now it's up to you.”

So, Riku really did return my feelings for him. But did that excuse him for what he did? How could I ever forgive him for leaving me like that? But, deep down, I really did love him; I could never live without him. But I still wanted to get back at him. And then I had an idea, a magnificent idea.

“Uhhmm. . . who said you could stop kissing me?” I said as I leapt forward and attacked his mouth with my own.

I looked into his eyes and saw his look of surprise quickly turn into one of euphoria. I placed my one hand on the back of his head, pulling him closer, while my other traveled down his shirt, caressing, feeling every curve and line of his body. When I ran out of shirt, I snuck underneath. I felt him moan in pleasure at each movement I made on his skin. I reached my hand down to his pants and fondled him through his jeans; his knees buckled in pleasure. I pinned him to the wall to support him, our mouths still going at it quite fiercely.

He was mine; I was in complete control. And then I stopped.

“Uhm. . . wouldn't you like to continue?” he asked, disappointment and desperation filling his voice..

“Nah, not really,” I replied. “By the way, you might want to go let my parents in before their ears break through the door.”

He stood there, flabbergasted. He obviously did not quite understand what had just happened yet.

“Door? Parents?” I said.

“Oh, right,” he said, as he finally moved to open the door.
When the door opened, my parents fell into the room, their support gone. They got up with all of the grace they could muster, dusting themselves off as they rose.

“So, uh, how are you feeling Sora, honey?” my mother inquired.

“Okay, I guess. I'm ready to go home though; it's very depressing here.”

“The doctor said you could leave when you were feeling better,” my father said.

“Well, I'm feeling better, so let's go.”

We left about a half an hour later. My parents had brought a change of clothes, since my old ones were covered in blood. An awkward silence settled upon us as we traveled in the car.

“What were you two talking about in there?” my mother asked, “We, uh, couldn't hear anything outside.”

“Oh, we were just sorting out what happened before. Very emotional stuff,” I replied.

“Yeah, but the important thing is that everything's settled now,” Riku added.

“I could've sworn I heard something hitting the wall near the end. . .” my father said.

Riku's face turned a very bright red at the thought of what I had done to him.

“Oh, that,” he said, “Sora got a little upset and threw a bit of a tantrum.”

“I did no such thing,” I interjected, “What really happened was I pinned him to the wall while we were making out.”

Riku turned an even deeper shade of red.

“Th-that's n-not what happened at all,” Riku stammered.

“It's okay Riku,” my mother began, “Cloud and I figured something like that was going to happen eventually.”

“However,” my father said, “if you make our Sora try to kill himself again, there will be consequences.”

“Cloud. . . Now is not the time for your sense of humor.”

“And what is wrong with my sense of humor?” he asked, feigning hurt.

“Well, there's the fact that it isn't the least bit funny. . .”

“That hurt, Aerith.”

My parents were really weird. I looked towards Riku apologetically, but he seemed to somewhat enjoy the banter; at least they were talking about something other than us I figured. It took us fewer than twenty minutes to get back home. Upon entering, my parents offered to drive Riku home, but Riku insisted that he stay.