Just for One Day (We Have Been Heroes)

Just for One Day (We Have Been Heroes)

The first time they kissed, it was a spur of the moment thing.

Akihiko was coming out of Shinjiro's room, lost in thought, when he nearly collided with Junpei. Junpei, as excited as a puppy who had been allowed outside for the first time, wasted no time blabbering about how much they had kicked ass back there, how they were heroes or something, how this was finally the last Shadow and how they could sleep peacefully at least. Except that Junpei was obviously too wired to sleep right now. He was nearly twitching when Akihiko grabbed him by the arms to shake him. "Calm down," he had said, quietly but forcefully, "you're gonna wake..."

He never got further than that. Junpei had nearly jumped in his arms and was kissing him hard, breathlessly, parted lips pressed against Akihiko's. Akihiko backed up a step, but Junpei followed him and Akihiko's back hit the door, trapping him. It wouldn't have been so bad in itself if Akihiko hadn't glanced to the side and spotted Naoki walking toward them. He shoved Junpei back and watched his leader, horrified, but Naoki only nodded at them with a small smile and continued on to his room, closing the door softly.

"Oh God," Junpei muttered once he managed to speak again, letting go of Akihiko like the contact was burning him. "I-I'm sorry, I dunno what... what came over me... shit..." He stumbled back, cheeks on fire, unable to meet Akihiko's eyes, obviously ready to bolt.

The second time they kissed, it was a moment later.

Akihiko quickly reached out and pulled Junpei against him before the guy fell flat on his ass. Before Junpei could break free, he chastely kissed the corner of his lips until he felt him relax against him. "It's okay," he assured him as he moved back and forced himself to look him in the eyes. "But go to sleep now, Junpei."

Junpei stayed frozen for a minute, then he ducked his head and nodded before retreating to his room.

Akihiko briefly hid his face in his hand, then brushed his hair back and decided to go sleep on it.

The third time they kissed, it was horrible.

Despite the celebrations and the delicious feast, absolutely everything went to shit the next day. If the sky had fallen down on their heads, it wouldn't have surprised them in the least. As a matter of fact, some of them were even surprised it had not. To make matters worse, the morning after failed to reveal all apocalyptic prophecies of the previous night had all been a collective nightmare.

That evening, Akihiko found Junpei in front of his door, trying to muster up the courage to knock. To be honest, he didn't really feel like talking to anyone but when Junpei turned toward him, looking pale and distressed, he just couldn't leave him there, so he opened his door and brought him in with him.

"Thanks," Junpei mumbled almost voicelessly once Akihiko had closed the door, looking down at his shoes.

"Don't mention it," Akihiko answered, softly. He walked around Junpei to face him. "What's wrong?"

Junpei shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself, hands clutching his sleeves tightly. His cap was still hiding his face from Akihiko's view.

Worried, Akihiko took a step forward and gently put a hand over Junpei's, and holy crap, the guy was actually shaking. "Junpei?"

Junpei wiped his hidden face with his sleeve, then swallowed, once, twice, before he began speaking in a low voice interrupted by spasms and sobs. Akihiko didn't catch much of his ramblings beyond a few words like "end of the world", "fuck up", "asshole", "failure", and "Chidori". Chidori, Chidori, Chidori, the name came over and over again, and of course, that explained so much. "Junpei, for the love of..." Akihiko sighed as he pulled the breaking down Junpei into his arms.

At first, Junpei resisted the pull, but it lasted only a few seconds before he let himself be held, clinging to Akihiko's back with all his strength, making Akihiko wince a bit and wish Junpei hadn't been waving those huge swords around for nearly 6 months now. He wanted to tell Junpei it was all gonna be all right, but he wasn't sure he could actually sound convincing right now, not with Junpei's face buried against the crook of his neck and his shaking body against his. Honestly, he himself was not sure they could even undo whatever it was they had unknowingly unleashed upon the world. The wound was still too fresh, the thought still keeping him awake at night.

After a moment, he felt Junpei pull back, and Akihiko thought that'd be the end of that; instead, Junpei mashed their lips together, the visor of his cap hitting Akihiko square on the bridge of his nose. Akihiko groaned loudly and swept the offending item away, then tried to push Junpei away, to no avail: Junpei was hanging on too tight. He wouldn't be surprised if he had bruises on his back the next morning. "Junpei," Akihiko growled softly when Junpei finally broke the kiss, partly in warning and partly to demand an explanation.

"Senpai," Junpei breathed against Akihiko's lips, looking at him with misty eyes as he bit his lower lip. "Akihiko," he sobbed as he leaned in to kiss him again, and it meant sorry, please and help me all at once.

Akihiko met him halfway, stroking Junpei's hair soothingly, but something wasn't quite right. The kiss soon became frantic and desperate. Their teeth clashed painfully, and it became almost more a bite than a kiss, though Junpei didn't seem to care, busy clinging to Akihiko's body like his life depended on it. He pressed his erection insistently against Akihiko's groin, groaning when Akihiko's hand slipped between their bodies to give it a squeeze. "That's what you want?" Akihiko asked in a low voice against Junpei's lips, knowing this wasn't what he should be doing but unable to think of any other way to ease Junpei's pain.

Junpei answered by pushing Akihiko back until they both fell on the bed, clawing at each other's pants. They bumped and grinded against each other like one runs from a monster in the dark, breathless and fumbling along and getting in each other's way, scared to continue but dreading to stop. This was so wrong, just so too soon too fast too much wrong, the pain and knowledge that he had completely failed, that he had most probably avenged Shinji at the expense of the entire world suddenly bubbling up and seizing him again. Akihiko felt like he was in the path of an incoming train even as he kissed and humped and scratched and bit back at Junpei, fighting to get on top so he could regain some trace, some illusion of control of the situation.

They made a mess of Akihiko's red sweater as they came, swallowing each other's cries, moments before Akihiko finally managed to roll Junpei off to the side. Unfortunately, he had not realised, or he had forgotten, how close to the edge of the bed he was and sent Junpei crashing to the floor. "Shit! You okay?" he asked, panting, as he looked down at him.

"Yeah," came the groaned rhetorical answer as Junpei winced, holding his elbow in one hand. In truth, he barely looked any better than when he had walked in. "I... I think... I have to go," he mumbled as he slowly pulled himself to his feet and rearranged his clothes just enough to not flash anyone who happened to be in the hallway.

"Junpei!" Akihiko called out as Junpei put his hand on the door handle. "I... I wasn't kicking you out of bed, I just... I wanted..." What is it he wanted? To take 5 minutes to figure out how this had gone from a simple, nearly one-sided hug to frenzied making out, to step back because he didn't feel comfortable, to stop altogether because he had just lost Shinji forever and Junpei had just gotten dumped by Chidori and this was just twisting the knife in the wound? He didn't know. He couldn't say. He was just... so confused.

"I know," Junpei said as he turned his head towards Akihiko. "It wouldn't be like you." He tried to give him a reassuring smile, but there was no trace of joy or amusement in his eyes. He left without saying goodnight, his cap forgotten on Akihiko's floor.

Akihiko heard Junpei's door close softly and he rolled back onto his back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. A minute later, the oppressing atmosphere of the Dark Hour engulfed the dorm, and Akihiko had to bite back his curse to keep from screaming it out at the darkness.