How to Make Love

Feistay was pretty sure she was ready to go all the way. After all, she and Remington were totally into each other, and they had been officially going steady for-practically-ever, and she just really…really…REALLY wanted to do it. The only thing about it was that well…
She didn’t really understand how to go about IT. The theory she understood, having taken the sex-ed class in 6th grade and reading Cosmo magazine since she was 12. But words on paper tended to not resemble the actual act they were describing; hence her confusion.
She thought about asking her mother; after all, if sex were a degree, Jessica Ramsay would have a doctorate. There was even a rumor going around that she had done it with the paper boy. If the rumor were true (which it probably was), Feistay wouldn’t be surprised; if it didn’t get out of the way fast enough, her mother would probably fuck it.
But Feistay didn’t want to learn how to fuck. She wanted to really ‘make love’ with her boyfriend, like Cosmo and the romance novels said should happen between two totally committed people. She thought about asking Simon, her step-father, about love-making. He seemed like a pretty romantic guy, and her mother seemed to really enjoy his company…when she wasn’t enjoying the company of somebody else.
It was weird though; he was her step-father, so there wasn’t that weird ‘omg, I’m talking to my parents about sex’ vibe, but he really seemed to care about her, so she worried he might get all parental on her and say ‘you should wait until you’re married blah, blah, blah’. Simon sometimes did that; went all parental on her like that. Usually when he did it though, it was something to do with the car.
She couldn’t ask any of her friends, that was for sure. The ones who admitted to having sex were into fucking, and the ones who wouldn’t admit they were having sex would pretend to not have a clue about it.
Simon seemed like the best choice to ask, after Feistay reviewed her very short list of potential people to ask. Now the problem was getting him alone to ask.

Turns out, that was less of a problem than she had originally planned. Jessica had planned a ‘spa-day with the girls’, leaving Feistay in her step-father’s care, given that her plan had just so happened to occur on Simon’s day off. Since ‘spa-day’ in Jessica’s book meant ‘secret sexual rendezvous with someone I’m not married to’, Feistay knew she had pretty much the entire day and probably half the night to ask.
That morning after Jessica had left, Simon cooked breakfast and he and Feistay sat down to eat. The table was cleared and Simon was deep into the morning paper and halfway through a pot of coffee before she managed to get up the courage to ask.
“How do you make love to somebody?”
Simon peered at her over the top of the paper and put his cup down. “You are thinking of doing something with someone?” he asked in his thick Latin accent.
“Um…no?” Feistay tried to look innocent, slouching down in her seat and avoiding direct eye contact.
He put the paper down on the empty seat to his left, and looked at her. “You are thinking of ah…” he snapped his fingers, “...cómo usted dice ‘going all the way’ with that boy-friend of yours.” He said slowly.
“No!” she protested. “I was just wondering—I mean, some of the girls in my class have and—I thought it didn’t sound right, what they said, so I—” she bit her lip when Simon held up his finger.
“Ah ha,” he said with a smirk, “and what does your mother think of this curiosity?”
“I didn’t ask her.” Feistay admitted, blushing. “I mean, it seemed weird to ask my mom and I thought since you were cool I could talk to you and stuff.”
He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. “What you want to do with your boy-friend is not my business, but it is a concern.”
Feistay groaned. Simon was about to go all parental on her, she could feel it.
“Do not complain; I am concerned for your happiness, that is all.” He said warningly. “To make love to another person—to really make love with someone—is very serious business. It takes a connection between the body and the soul that I do not think you are ready for at sixteen.”
She sighed and leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling. “If I said I thought I was, would you go all parental on me?” She sat up properly to watch his reaction. When he laughed, it surprised her.
“No. At your age, I was positive I knew what I was doing and was ready to do it. My girl-friend and I tried to make love in the back of my father’s car; but we were clumsy and inexperienced and I succeeded only in getting her blood on the backseat.”
Feistay stared at him. “Seriously?”
He nodded. “Sí. Sixteen-year-old boys do not know how to make love; nor do sixteen-year-old girls know how to receive it.”
“But how do you learn if you don’t do it?” she protested.
“Is this boy putting pressure on you?” Simon said threateningly. “If he is, I will happily cut off his tuercas for you.”
She shook her head rapidly. “No, no! I just…we’re so into each other and I just…I feel like…”
“Like it’s the right thing to do?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s because you are sixteen. Hormones, nothing more, nothing less.” He waved his hand dismissively and reached for the previously discarded paper.
Feeling daring, Feistay reached across the table and grabbed his wrist. “It’s more than that!” she declared.
He looked at her hand on his wrist. “The only way to teach someone how to make love is to make love to them.” He said simply. “This I cannot do.”
Feistay let go of his hand. She thought about what he said as Simon disappeared behind the newspaper. He was right about one thing; sixteen-year-old boys didn’t really know what they were doing. Several frustrating make-outs with Remington had taught her that; he pinched her nipples too hard and always came on her hand when she went to stroke him.
But could she really ask Simon to teach her? Yeah, he was her step-dad, but he never really acted like a ‘dad’. He was more like an older guy friend. But if she did it with him, didn’t that mean he was cheating on her mom? It wasn’t like her mom hadn’t cheated on him a billion times, but did he know that?
Feistay thought long and hard about the matter. Yeah, it was probably wrong. Yeah, her whole household was probably going to wind up in Hell for sexual misconduct. But she really, really wanted to be able to make love to her boyfriend, and she figured her step-father was the best person to teach her how. She came to that conclusion just as Simon was finishing the paper.
“Simon?”
He gave her an odd look, and set the paper down. He was breathing slowly and deeply, and his fingers fidgeted on the tabletop. “What you are asking me to do is wrong.” He breathed.
“But we’re not related.” She said, bringing her chair closer to his.
“I am married to your mother.” He added.
“She—” Feistay caught herself just in time.
“Is cheating on me with every man in town.” He finished for her. “I am not stupid. These things I know; but I cannot give into my urges just because she cannot deny hers.”
“Urges?” Feistay repeated.
“You must understand, you are a very beautiful girl. And that you trust me enough to speak frankly about your…desires touches me deeply in many places. But it is wrong, what you ask for me.”
Simon shook his head. “No, and that is the last word.”
She licked her lips. “I won’t tell anyone. Not my friends, not my mom…not even Remington. Please; you have to teach me how to make love…you don’t want me to wind up like your first girlfriend, right?” Feistay was sure she’d struck a nerve when the corners of Simon’s mouth twitched.
“You are el diablo viene tentarme…” he sighed. “But no, I cannot.” With that, he stood and left the breakfast table, disappearing into the room he shared with Jessica.
Feistay remained at the table, debating about what to do. She could respect his wishes and wind up tearful in the backseat of a car with Remington…or she could barge in and make him teach her.
‘Or,’ said a voice in the back of her head that sounded suspiciously like her mother, ‘you can find someone else to show you what to do’.
She nodded. It sounded like a better idea than trying to seduce her step-father.

Feistay knocked on the bedroom door.
“I told you no!” Simon called out.
“It’s not that. I wanted to apologize…you were right, I was wrong.” She said.
He opened the door, dressed in a tracksuit. “I’m glad you have finally come to your senses.” He said with a smile, reaching out to hug her.
It was a quick hug; no lingering to be misinterpreted later on.
“Um…we can keep this between us, right?” Feistay asked.
“Of course poca miel.”
“Can I go to the mall?”
“Only if you promise not to take my credit card; your mother’s last trip I am still paying on.” He said.
She nodded and smiled. “Thanks Simon.”
“Lock up the house before you go.” He said, stepping past her and out the front door.
Feistay showered and dressed. She locked up the house as promised, and went to the mall to try and find a dress, some shoes, and a man to teach her how to make love…