Loss

yaoi_challenge prompt: Digital Devil Saga - Something hot and steamy with any of the characters (either one or both in the pairing) in their demon form or berserk mode would be fantastic. Bloodplay and vore optional but if you can work it in there and keep the thing hot, that'd be absolutely fantastic.

Loss

When Roland had decided to take the virus and become one of "those", Adil had been shocked. Beyond shocked, even. Become a man-eating monster for what? For the sake of a bunch of dysfunctional AIs who had barged in one evening and began mouthing off at them, judging them, their actions and their cause?

They didn't know these "people", why would they do anything to help them? Let them go through with that suicide mission Roland had coerced them into accepting alone. And had he thought about the risks at all? What if he went nuts? What if he lost control? What if he hurt his men? Worse, what if he hurt Fred?

Roland had interrupted him by pointing out that it was about time he started taking risks to ensure Fred had a better future, then had taken the virus before Adil could ask the question burning his lips.

What if you lose yourself, Roland?

He had never had a chance to ask after that. He could see the changes, though, and although he would still have followed his leader, his friend straight down to Hell if he just asked, sometimes he couldn't help but... fear, yes, fear what Roland had become, what Roland could do.

The first transformation had been terrible. Roland had locked himself alone in a room in case the hunger took him over, and he had dented the thick walls by throwing himself at them, howling in pain - or were those simply the cries of a newborn demon, overjoyed to be alive and free to roam and cause chaos? After that, it had gotten easier. In the underwater cable tunnel, on their way to catch up with the other AIs, each battle saw Roland transform a little faster, a little easier. This... falling into sync with the demon made Adil uncomfortable.

Even devouring their enemies, something the AI with the blue braids urged Roland to do, seemed to have become almost mundane for him. The demon had absolutely no qualms about eating its fallen enemies from the start, but as soon as Roland came back, or untransformed, or whatever, his human stomach would violently revolt against its meal of raw human flesh. Cielo never said anything about it, but Adil could see in his eyes he felt bad for Roland, and it freaked him out.

Yes, the demons needed to eat, he knew that, but between knowing that and actually seeing the AI disapprove of Roland not being able to eat another human were two different things, and it sickened him. It became worse only when Roland begun to be able to keep his lunch down. He felt like... like part of Roland was turning into something terrible and alien. One thing for sure, he'd never be able to look at Roland eating anything ever again.

The worst thing, though, was this... thing the AIs could become. The Lokapala had never seen that before, not as far as he knew. Roland had called it berserk because, well, that's what Cielo seemed to have become at that moment; still in human form, but with the winged arms of his demon, he had looked at his prey with wide, yellow, and feverishly crazy eyes that had sent chills down Adil's spine. Then he had torn the Karma Soldier to shreds and devoured more than half of it in the blink of an eye before throwing his head back and hissing loudly, ecstatic, mouth glistening with fresh blood. Fred had claimed he was gonna have nightmares about it, and Adil had no trouble believing it.

The absolutely worst was when Roland became able to do this too. At that moment, Adil had felt that something in his friend had died and that he'd never be the same again. Roland was becoming more and more, he thought, like one of the AIs. He transformed with ease, he was diving into battle with the same stubborn eagerness, he ate flesh nearly exclusively now...

A guttural groan caught his attention and made him look at Roland again, before he looked away, half in disgust and half in shame.

He also fucked like them too, it seemed.

He peered again out the corner of his eye. Roland's freaky arm weapon thing was pined and stuck inside a wooden crate, but he didn't seem to need help yet. Probably. He was baring his teeth at the AI busy licking his stomach under his bunched up shirt, but seemed to be squirming more towards the inquisitive tongue than away from it. Apparently Roland didn't feel the AI was sampling his taste to decide if he was a worthy snack. Which AI was that one again? Adil had forgotten his name and didn't really care, honestly. The one with the split arm and the freaky blade. He cocked his gun, just in case, but he didn't had a very good angle, honestly. He could always shoot whatever guards who come this way, though, because obviously, these two were focused on something else entirely.

As he half-looked on, the AI ground his groin against Roland's, hard. Roland responded by grabbing a fistful of grey hair with his good hand, and the AI brushed his blade carefully against Roland's cheek, warning him - or daring him? - then bit down on his chin, exploring the rough texture of his facial hair with his tongue. They both growled like beasts, the AI trying to keep Roland pinned down, and Roland bucking and jerking against the AI.

Suddenly, Roland's eyes gleamed, and before the AI had time to react, he yanked his arm free with a loud crack and a shower of splinters, using the momentum to roll over and reverse their positions, pinning the AI down. Surprised, the latter hissed in annoyance at having lost the upper hand. Roland growled at him and grabbed his throat, just enough to let him feel the pressure without strangling him, but also letting him know he could unsheathe his blade anytime. The AI grabbed on to Roland's coat, letting his own blade rest across Roland's neck as a warning of his own. During all this, however, neither of them stopped rubbing against the other, and they were panting now, harshly, racing to completion before the lack of Solar Noise forced them to revert from this state that heightened all their senses.

Adil wrinkled his nose in disgust and looked away as Roland let out a strangled roar, almost jumping in surprise as he saw that another of the AI was standing right in front of him, across the narrow space between the crates, looking intently at the little show the two berserked men were giving. For how long had he been there like that, blankly watching the other AI have sex? Creep!

The AI spared him a brief glance, then looked at the entangled leaders again. His left brow furrowed slightly as he spoke up in a soft, but firm tone. "Serph."

The Serph AI, now back to his normal self, as normal as he could ever be, pushed Roland off himself with both hands, slipping out from under him, then rose on shaky legs and walked to his subordinate, his mouthpiece, if Adil recalled right. Just before leaving, he looked back at Roland and gave him a small nod, then walked away.

Adil watched them leave, frowning, then turned to look at Roland.

His friend was sitting up slowly, still panting and covered in sweat. He slowly cleaned his glasses with clumsy gestures, then wiped his face with his sleeve before put them back on and giving Adil a dazed look, like he couldn't process what had just happened, what he had just done.

Adil closed his eyes briefly, slowly shaking his head. What if you lose yourself indeed...