feel

The first time they had sex it was violent. They both came away from the experience scratched and bleeding. They had scratches and bruises that didn’t heal for over a week. Xaldin couldn’t walk for two days afterwards.

Their second encounter was no less violent, but this time it was Xigbar who couldn’t walk. They also demolished part of Marluxia’s garden and kept most of the Organization awake that night. Xemnas chastised them both, but the Lancer and the Gunman both knew that nothing would change.

They went on like that for weeks. The encounters became more and more frequent as members of the Organization disappeared; a way of finding almost-comfort in a world that was devoid of such feelings.

It was the departure of Roxas that finally changed things.

None of the Nobodies of Organization XIII even noticed the youngest of them was missing until Xaldin and Xigbar found Axel sitting forlornly in the center of the Proof of Existence room. The fire elemental’s head was resting against the tombstone-like formation representing Roxas, tears streaming down his face.

“Axel, are you crying?” Xigbar asked without preamble.

“Yeah,” the red head replied.

“Why?” the gunman asked over the top of Xaldin’s “How?

“Roxas is gone.” Axel’s voice was slightly cracked. “He just left me.”

The Gunner and the Lancer exchanged a look. Axel feeling anything—let alone to the degree he was expressing—was impossible. Their own research confirmed Xemnas’ theories. The Flurry of Dancing Flames was having a reaction that was far too strong to be only remembered emotions; there was only one conclusion the other two Nobodies could draw.

Axel was feeling.

And if one Nobody could feel, so could others.

Their encounter that night was different than all the others before it. Xigbar laid his head down in Xaldin’s lap and, as the lancer unbound and gently stroked the gunner’s hair, the two simply thought about Axel’s reaction.

They also examined the “memories” lurking in the voids that had once housed their hearts.

When Xigbar left for his own quarters that night, he kissed Xaldin so gently that it could only be called lovingly. Xaldin stood at the doorway with his fingers to his lips for a long time after the gunner was gone.

_-_-_-_

It was days before they saw each other again. Missions to separate worlds kept them apart, but neither of them stopped thinking about the incident with Axel—or the one in Xaldin’s chambers—for very long.

Xigbar summed it up best when they met again. “What if we really can feel?”

“It would require more research,” Xaldin replied. “Axel could simply be an anomaly.”

“He could be, but I don’t think so.” The gunner shook his head. “I mean, think about Larxene. And Namine.”

“Luxord and Xemnas as well,” the lancer agreed. “Very well. I concede that the possibility exists. What does that have to do with us?”

“Everything,” Xigbar replied, looking into the other Nobody’s eyes.

This time Xaldin initiated the kiss. And Xigbar could have sworn that he felt something beyond simple lust in it.