Crash Bang

Part One


Liam was rather proud of himself for making it all the way to a booth without punching anyone out. Hat Guy had been almost as humiliated as Liam, and as for the people who stared at him as he pressed his way through the crowd? Well, Liam probably would have done the same thing. It’s not every day you see a guy in leather pants two sizes too small for him with a boner that could put an eye out.

But it didn’t make him any less pissed off.

Luckily there was an empty booth right in his line of sight. Liam slid into the seat far enough back that someone could sit beside him, and slumped against the table.

“Hey,” BatNeko slid in beside him. “Are you okay?”

“Not hurt, if that’s what you mean,” he muttered.

“Oh…well, that’s good.”

“Is it?” he snorted.

“Yes! I want you to wise up, not get hurt.”

“Hmph.”

BatNeko shifted uncomfortably. “Look. That was… That sucked. I understand if you just want to leave.”

“Good, because I do.” He glanced down and sighed. “In a few minutes.”

She fidgeted for a moment. “Umm…just out of curiosity… Was it me, or Hat Guy? That, you know, got you going.”

Liam groaned. “I don’t even know. Maybe both? You teasing me sort of… heated me up. And then feeling Hat Guy pressed up against me… Why did I never notice before?”

“What?”

“Hat Guy! He’s so- so cute! And I don’t use that word often, but he is.”

“And you’re just noticing?”

“Hey, I’ve been elbow-deep in pussy for the last year. I didn’t need to be scoping out other guys.”

BatNeko winced. “Thanks for that mental image.”

“You’re welcome.”

She slumped back in the booth. “You know what you need to do, right?”

“Right now I need a glass of ice water down my pants.” He grimaced. “Why does that thought turn me on?”

“Besides that,” BatNeko said. “You need to go talk to Hat Guy.”

“Talk to him?” Liam sat up in shock. “After what just happened? You have to be joking.”

“I’m serious! He probably wants to apologize for running into you, and you should apologize for…you know. Even if you couldn’t help it.”

“I know, I know, just- Gah!” He pulled off his bandanna and ran his fingers through his hair. “Dammit, why did this have to happen? Things were finally starting to settle down after the mess with the girls, and now I’ve got gay drama on my hands.”

“I’d hardly call it ‘gay drama.’ For starters, you’re not gay.”

“I might as well be. Every female in Gaia knows my reputation.”

“I wouldn’t say that. There are some very stupid females out there.”

He cracked a smile. “That’s true. Associating with you and your minions, I tend to forget that.”

BatNeko smiled too. “Why Liam, was that a compliment?”

“I’m trying to build up your good graces for when the amnesty wears off at dawn.”

“Go for pity instead. I come from a family that brings food to those we feel sorry for.”

“Food is good.” He stretched, then winced. “Shit. I can’t stop thinking about Hat Guy. And I still can’t figure out why I didn’t notice him before now!”

“Maybe because you’d dismissed him as a dork?” She shrugged. “He is one, of course, but that can be endearing.”

“Very…” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Shit… I can still feel… Shit!”

“If you want to go, um, take care of it, I don’t mind.”

He looked at her gratefully. “You mean it?”

“Sure. You know I take this amnesty thing seriously. Besides, you’re fun to hang out with when you’re not hitting on me.”

“It’s funny how constant emotional abuse will diminish your desire to sleep with a person. Not that I would say no if you offered.”

“Not gonna happen, champ.”

“I know.” He glanced down. “Look, I hate to ask, but do you have something I can hold in front of myself? I’ll even take a purse.”

“Sorry.” She spread her arms. “I don’t really have anything I can take off.”

“Friggin’ club clothes. Thanks anyway, Bats. You know, for everything.”

“It’s no fun seeing you in pain when I’m not the cause.”

She got out of the booth and let him out, to walk the gauntlet all the way across the club to the bathrooms. Not as many people stared at him this time, since they hadn’t all seen him get crashed into by a guy with chronic hat-hair, but there were still a few double-takes. And again, Liam couldn’t blame them, which only made it more annoying.

He let out a sigh of relief when he made it to the small dark hallway that led to the restrooms. There wasn’t even a couple making out along the way, like there normally was. He was starting to think that he was going to make it thorough this with some modicum of dignity.

And then he pushed open the door to the men’s room and saw Hat Guy washing his face in the farthest sink.

He considered just turning and running, but Hat Guy had already seen him in the mirror and was staring at him in shock. Hardly one to turn away from a challenge, Liam let the door swing shut behind him and headed for the nearest mirror to fix his bandanna. It was something to do.

“Hey,” he said simply.

“H- hey.” Hat Guy sounded nervous. Hell, he didn’t think Liam was going to jump him or something, did he?

“Sorry,” Liam said, trying to sound nonchalant. “About earlier.”

“No!” He stepped away from the sink and waved his hands. “I should be apologizing! I’m the one who ran into you.”

“Yeah, but I probably embarrassed you. And I wasn’t exactly polite when you got off me.”

“I- I didn’t expect you to be. I wouldn’t have been.”

“Well I’m sorry it happened, okay?”

“O- okay.”

Liam made a mistake then. He glanced over at Hat Guy. Not in the mirror, he actually turned his head and looked at him.

He was fidgeting uncomfortably, hands held in front of him, faint flush on his cheeks. His bangs were still damp, and there were drops of water in his eyelashes. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the oversized pants he had on had slipped down so far that nearly half his hips were exposed.

Liam swallowed hard.

“Screw it,” he decided, turning toward the stalls. “Will you excuse me for a minute, Hat Guy? I need to jerk off to the thought of you.”

“WHAT?” Hat Guy exclaimed, his voice going up an octave. “You- you- And my name is Ian.”

“Ian?” Liam repeated. “Really? Why can I never remember that?”

“You can picture me when you jerk off, but you can’t remember my name,” Ian muttered. “Sometimes I think that little fanclub of yours is right.”

Liam crossed the distance between them in three steps, grabbed Ian by the front of his shirt and hauled him up off his feet.

“Don’t you dare,” he hissed between clenched teeth. “Don’t you dare fucking judge me. You don’t know anything about me, Ian, or what my life has been like. If I choose to look out for number one, that’s my business.” He shoved him back. “You’re not better then me just because you’re hot.”

“I’m not- I’m…” Ian smoothed his shirt down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. But…don’t you think it hurts me that you don’t think my name is important enough to remember?”

“It’s not like I try to forget,” he grumbled. “It just never sticks. Hat Guy seems to suit you better.”

“That’s not exactly better.”

Liam looked at him again. That faint flush was still there, and he looked…hurt? Crap. “I’ll remember this time,” he said. “I’ll make an effort of it, look.” He took hold of Ian’s chin in one hand and studied his face. “Ian,” he told himself firmly. “Ian. Ian. Ian. Ian. Ian. Ian. Ianianianianianianian. There.” He released him and grinned. “If that doesn’t do it, I’ve probably got a tumor anyway.”

Ian giggled, then he clapped his hand over his mouth.

“Dude, did you just giggle?”

“No?”

Liam chuckled and shook his head. “You need to stop being so cute. These aren’t my pants, and Scrappy’ll kill me if I mess them up.”

Ian gulped. Liam shrugged.

“I’ve learned that lying doesn’t get me anywhere in relationships, so I’m giving honesty a try.”

“Re- relationships?” The flush spread further.

Liam cocked his head at the other man. “You…wouldn’t be interested, would you? I’m not talking about monogamy or anything but… You’re a cuddly little armful, and I wouldn’t say no.”

“I-” Ian snapped his mouth shut.

“Take a minute, I’ll be right back,” he turned toward the stalls again.

“Wait,” Ian grabbed his arm. “That’s the problem.”

“Oh you have got to be kidding me.” He rolled his eyes. “Look, I know some people don’t like talking about it but everybody does it. And I need to do this, okay? If you don’t let go of me, you had better be intending to take care of it yourself.”

Their eyes met. And this time Ian didn’t look away.

Liam felt a wicked grin spread across his face. “Oh, hell yes.” He grabbed Ian’s arm and pulled him across the room. “Come on, handicapped stall has more room.”

He barely paused to lock the door before shoving Ian against the wall and kissing him soundly He was scared, just for a second, that Hat Guy would object to the treatment, but the hands that worked themselves up under his shirt didn’t seem to mind.

Liam didn’t want to waste time, but he knew Ian was the type of guy who would have to be romanced (or at least not ravaged). So he went slow, even though his body was screaming for more contact, more friction, more anything. He explored every crevasse of Ian’s mouth with his tongue, mentally laughing when he encountered the taste of cheap light beer. His hands were drawn as if magnetized to Ian’s hips, the bare flesh soft and warm and tempting. He pressed closer, until their stomachs and hips melded together.

Ian groaned against his mouth, spreading his legs so Liam could slip a knee between them and get that much closer. It was hard, so hard, to not start humping him like a dog. Especially when he felt Ian’s erection grind against his own. They both whimpered at that.

Liam pulled his mouth away, gasping for breath, and immediately attacked Ian’s throat. “Oh gods,” he moaned, clutching at Liam’s back. He ground his hips against Liam’s, but the other man fought the urge to thrust back and stilled him with a hand on his stomach.

Liam kissed his way along Ian’s collarbone, pulling his shirt down his shoulders when it got in the way. He nibbled and licked, searching for just the right spot, and when he came to a place that made Ian buck and moan he fastened onto it like a remora.

He slid his hands down those Size Huge pants, pulling them down as his hands sought out new untouched skin. They caught on Ian’s fully-erect cock, and Liam couldn’t help but smile against Ian’s neck at the strangled sound he made. He moved his hands, slowly, slowly, until his fingers brushed that ever-so-sensitive piece of flesh.

“Fuck,” Ian exclaimed, thrusting automatically. “Liam, ah!”

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, keeping his lips on Ian’s pulse.

“Me,” Ian groaned, digging his fingers into Ian’s back.

“Unless you’ve got condoms and lube somewhere in these pants, not gonna happen.”

He groaned again, then gasped as Liam undid his zipper and pulled his cock free.

“Such a shame too,” Liam purred. “This looks like it needs some attention.” He started stroking, slowly at first, but with both hands. There was a little trick he’d learned from a women’s magazine that he’d been dying to try out on another person. Massage the cock from base to head and then back again. Slowly, slowly, ignore your own throbbing need.

“What do you want me to do?” Liam said again.

“Just…don’t…stop!” Ian panted.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He grinned, and sped up.

“Oh goooooods…” Ian moaned. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t- Ah!”

“Say my name.” Liam licked his neck.

“Liam!”

“Mmm… One more time.”

“Liam! Gods, Liam!”

“Yesssss…” he hissed. It was enough to drive him mad, hearing his name called out like that. Here, in a semi-public place, another man’s throbbing meat in his hands, his own meat already dripping all over his borrowed pants. Scrappy probably wasn’t going to want them back after this. Not that Scrappy hadn’t done something similar in them, and with Liam, but there are some lines you just don’t cross.

Ian was getting close. His breath coming in pants and gasps, only the occasional curse word and Liam’s name escaping from his lips. Liam sped up, switching from massaging to pumping, and grinned as Ian stopped breathing entirely for almost ten seconds.

“L- Liam! Oh gods, I- I’m- Ah!”

“Do it,” he nibbled on that spot again. “Come for me.”

“I- I- Oh, LIAM!” He threw his head back and screamed, fingernails raking down Liam’s shoulders. “Ohhhhhhhh…”

Ian slumped forward into the other blonde’s waiting arms. “Oh wow,” he murmured.

“Not bad, eh?” Liam smirked.

“Not bad at all.” He pushed back and smiled up at him. Then he glanced down. “Oh… Oh shit.” He winced. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think…”

Liam looked down too, at the evidence of his actions splattered all over his stomach and pants. “Oh, that. No big deal. It washes off.”

“Still, sorry.”

“It’s as much my fault as yours. I should have grabbed some toilet paper or whatever. It’s really okay.”

“Well, um, maybe I should-” he gestured at Liam’s crotch, and then stopped. He stared for a moment, and then a lazy smile spread across his face. “Maybe I should make it up to you?”

Liam’s cock throbbed in anticipation, but he kept the desire off his face. “Oh? How do you plan on doing that?”

He slid his hands around Liam’s shoulders, spun him around and shoved him against the wall. His smile suddenly looked predatory.

“I plan on using my mouth.”