Just Another ShadAmy Fanfic
folder
+S through Z › Sonic
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
6,556
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+S through Z › Sonic
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
6,556
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Sonic The Hedgehog game series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Just Another ShadAmy Fanfic
~~~~
Just Another ShadAmy Fanfic
By Harley Quinn hyenaholic
~~~
Me: You know something? I am so fucking sick and tired of the conventional Shadow/Amy fanfic. Nine out of ten Shadow/Amy fanfics follow a distinct pattern, and are set between Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes, and so to try and deter anybody else from using it - on adultfan, at least - I am writing a parody. And also because it's Halloween. This should scare the socks off you.
I don't own Shadow, Amy, Sonic or Knuckles. They belong to Sega. Enjoy!
~~~
Okay. One day, Amy was doing her predictable 'chase Sonic' thing. In fact, it wasn't 'One Day'. It was exactly a month after Sonic Adventure 2.
"Oh Sonic," she sighed, "Why won't you adknowledge your love for me? Oh, how I wish there were more SonAmy fics around, then he'd realise how much we are destined to be together..."
Sonic heard this. Shuddering in distaste, he skidded to a halt, and turned to face Amy, "Amy, I've been telling you since you were six years old, you're too young for me! I want a REAL woman. Rouge has the right kinda tits for a man like me. You're just a flat-chested stalker."
Amy's eyes widened, "But Sonic, don't you love me?" she wailed.
"Hell no! Fuck off, bitch!" Sonic checked to make sure nobody was looking, and then gave Amy a good slap, despite the fact that he's put up with her bullshit for years. She burst into tears, and ran off. He regretted slapping her. As was traditional in such circumstances, Knuckles came up and pounded the hell out of his sorry ass.
"You've hurt Amy's feelings!" he shouted at Sonic. It was clear that Knuckles had been having dirty fantasies about threesomes with himself, Amy and the Master Emerald for years.
Sonic felt bad about slapping Amy.
Knuckles went back up to the Floating Island and masturbated until the end of the story.
Knowing that he wouldn't be needed in this story, Tails went up there to watch.
~~~
Now, back to Amy. Poor girl, she's been turned down by Sonic so meanly. Isn't he a jerk? She's running and crying. And now she's in the general area of the Mystic Ruins. Why the Mystic Ruins? Cus they're cool. The fact that they're deserted and swampy doesn't come into it. Nor does the fact that they're miles from ANYWHERE. Anyway, that's where Amy had inexplicably run to.
And then she heard something groan. Or maybe she smelt blood. Nah, the groan thing will do fine. Blood's a bit yucky. So she got up and started looking around. Yes indeed she did. And who did she find?
You'll never guess.
Okay, you will.
Shadow.
Yes, not only had Shadow survived the fall from the ARK, he'd also survived lying around in Mystic Ruins for a whole damn MONTH without any medical care. Instead of calling for an ambulance like she should have done, Amy looked at his bruised, bleeding body. He was barely alive. And he could be dying.
"Oh, it's Shadow! And he's barely alive!" Amy squealed, "And he may be dying!"
She wondered what to do. She should be trying CPR by now, but she'd always wanted her first kiss to be with Sonic. And of course, CPR to a half-dead psycho is so romantic and exactly the same as a kiss. Eventually, she steeled herself enough to pucker up and actually want to save the poor guy's life.
She did the CPR. Or maybe she didn't. Either way, the moment Shadow came too, he whispered, "Maria..." It's reflex for the poor guy. Lay off his case already.
So Amy once again forgot about common sense, and dragged Shadow into a nearby cave. He needs medical attention from qualified paramedics, but what did she care?
She tended Shadow for three days and three nights tirelessly. As she did so, she noticed how she didn't care about Sonic slapping her any more, and that Shadow was ass-grabbingly hot. And under her gentle treatment, he didn't need a hospital to recover. Who's the Ultimate Lifeform now, bitch?
He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a pink blur. As it came into focus, he saw something amazing.
Amy had cunningly removed all her clothes.
"What?" Amy asked, "This is a ShadAmy fic! I rescued you! We're gonna have sex!"
"I'm in a ShadAmy fanfic?" Shadow asked, "Oh, shit, not again!" He tried to stand up, but his legs had been tied together with some handy vines, so he collapsed into Amy's waiting arms.
"Yeah, it's as plotless and clichéd as ever!" Amy shouted, cradling Shadow, "The only point of the story is for us to decide that we're the perfect couple, and then have a rather feeble fade-to-black sex scene!"
Shadow blinked, ripping the vines off his legs, "Yeah, but the relationship usually takes about twenty chapters of me remembering Maria and having a few flashbacks, and you asking yourself why you're falling in love with me if you love Sonic," he said, trying to evade the inevitable horrors of the predictable ShadAmy fic, "And Sonic's got to show up and start courting you at some point, to make your decision even more agonising."
"Don't worry, Shadow!" a cheery voice called from the cave opening. Sonic barged his way in, holding a bouquet of, you guessed it... roses. Red roses, "Thanks to Knuckles beating seven kinds of shit out of me, I've seen the error of my ways. As soon as Amy texted me telling me she'd found you, I realised I actually love her. It's the ever-present 'You don't know what you had until you lose it' plot."
"What about Eggman? Doesn't he have a tendency to kidnap Amy at some point in this sort of story?" Shadow said hopefully, "The guy who rescues her first wins her heart, right?"
"Eggman's on vacation in Hawaii right now," Amy explained, "No need to worry about him."
"Come on, Amy! You gotta choose one of us!" Sonic said, "Who's been nicest to you over the shortest period of time, huh?"
"Didn't I beat you up on the ARK?" Shadow covered his eyes, "Look, Amy, you're cute and all, but honestly, I'd rather get Sonic Heroes over with before we start a relationship."
"Come on, Shadow," Amy pulled him to his feet, and he managed to stifle a scream of pain, "Let's go for a walk."
"Can it wait? I've just fallen from space and my back is killing me," Shadow protested.
"Just get up, Shadow," Amy dragged him out of the cave.
"You're headed for that bunch of trees," Shadow warned, "Careful you don't trip-"
Of course they did. And Amy's lips just happened to press against Shadow's, while he landed on his back and almost screamed in agony as something clicked back into place. Wow. She pulled away, blushing, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Shadow," she lied.
Shadow felt like crying, "Amy, listen. I don't want a relationship with you. As for sex? Maybe later, when I've sunk a few beers with Knuckles and Espio. But right now, could you just get me to a damn hospital?"
"But Shadow, this damp cave is perfect to start a relationship in!" Amy wailed.
"Hey faker! Get your hands off my girl!" Sonic shouted, running up.
"Oh, god..." Shadow muttered, "Look, I already told you Sonic, I don't want to date Amy! She's the one who's all over me! God, I almost feel sorry for you, faker. Having to put up with this stupid bitch half your life..."
"WHO DO I CHOOSE?!" Amy wailed.
"Well traditionally, after much torturous soul-searching, you go for me," Shadow shuddered, "It is a ShadAmy fic after all. Although to confuse us, the authour may have put SonAmy in the summary as well."
"Okay! I choose Shadow! Let's have SEX!" Amy shouted.
"Look, I'm still a virgin," Shadow protested, "There aren't many female hedgehogs up on the ARK. And I may not have much mental stability, but I do have standards. Rouge is a total skank, I'm not gonna go with her. Can't I just stay single? Cream's gonna be 16 in only ten years. She's kinda cute and she's got Cheese, I got some ideas for-"
"YOU'RE A VIRGIN!" Amy squealed, "Oh, that's so cute! I totally forgot that all the time I was drooling over your hotness. We'll both be each other's firsts!"
"Yeah, virgin," Shadow reminded her, "I don't know much about sex. Our first time-"
"Will be the best sex ever!" Amy shouted.
"No, it'll suck and be rather painful for both of us," Shadow told her, "Come on Ames, gimmie a break here!"
"No, Shadow! This story is about us getting round to having SEX!" shouted Amy, who was still wandering around naked.
"SEX!" shouted a large number of ShadAmy fans.
"SEX!" shouted Sonic, who for some reason had turned up again, "Who are you gonna choose, Shadow? Me or Amy?"
"Hey, I thought it was Amy who had to go through all the soul-searching," Shadow said, "Since when was this a Sonadow fanfic?"
"If you don't get your black-and-red ass choosing now, soon enough it will be both," Amy warned him.
Shadow started to cry like a little girl.
Because now he knew it was inevitable. Tomorrow morning, come rain or shine, and it would typically shine, he knew he was going to wake up with his arms around Amy, breathing in her delightful flowery scent after somehow giving her the best sex she'd ever have, despite having a total lack of experience. And he wouldn't even remember how he'd gotten there.
"Oh GOD, have you no mercy?!" he screamed to the heavens above.
~~~
Me: And damn if that ain't it. Because I am so sick and tired of reading ShadAmy fanfics set between SA2 and Sonic Heroes. Because Amy and Shadow spend twenty chapters of soul-searching before they have sex. We know they're going to have sex. The author told us in the summary. So why the hell do we have to see Shadow flash-backing about Maria and Amy angsting over Sonic before we get to it?
We read ShadAmy stories for one reason - to see Shadow and Amy get together, because we're ShadAmy fans. And they never do, until the last few chapters, when there's a nice, subtle fade-to-black sex scene.
Just tour fanfiction.net and prove me wrong.
Just Another ShadAmy Fanfic
By Harley Quinn hyenaholic
~~~
Me: You know something? I am so fucking sick and tired of the conventional Shadow/Amy fanfic. Nine out of ten Shadow/Amy fanfics follow a distinct pattern, and are set between Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes, and so to try and deter anybody else from using it - on adultfan, at least - I am writing a parody. And also because it's Halloween. This should scare the socks off you.
I don't own Shadow, Amy, Sonic or Knuckles. They belong to Sega. Enjoy!
~~~
Okay. One day, Amy was doing her predictable 'chase Sonic' thing. In fact, it wasn't 'One Day'. It was exactly a month after Sonic Adventure 2.
"Oh Sonic," she sighed, "Why won't you adknowledge your love for me? Oh, how I wish there were more SonAmy fics around, then he'd realise how much we are destined to be together..."
Sonic heard this. Shuddering in distaste, he skidded to a halt, and turned to face Amy, "Amy, I've been telling you since you were six years old, you're too young for me! I want a REAL woman. Rouge has the right kinda tits for a man like me. You're just a flat-chested stalker."
Amy's eyes widened, "But Sonic, don't you love me?" she wailed.
"Hell no! Fuck off, bitch!" Sonic checked to make sure nobody was looking, and then gave Amy a good slap, despite the fact that he's put up with her bullshit for years. She burst into tears, and ran off. He regretted slapping her. As was traditional in such circumstances, Knuckles came up and pounded the hell out of his sorry ass.
"You've hurt Amy's feelings!" he shouted at Sonic. It was clear that Knuckles had been having dirty fantasies about threesomes with himself, Amy and the Master Emerald for years.
Sonic felt bad about slapping Amy.
Knuckles went back up to the Floating Island and masturbated until the end of the story.
Knowing that he wouldn't be needed in this story, Tails went up there to watch.
~~~
Now, back to Amy. Poor girl, she's been turned down by Sonic so meanly. Isn't he a jerk? She's running and crying. And now she's in the general area of the Mystic Ruins. Why the Mystic Ruins? Cus they're cool. The fact that they're deserted and swampy doesn't come into it. Nor does the fact that they're miles from ANYWHERE. Anyway, that's where Amy had inexplicably run to.
And then she heard something groan. Or maybe she smelt blood. Nah, the groan thing will do fine. Blood's a bit yucky. So she got up and started looking around. Yes indeed she did. And who did she find?
You'll never guess.
Okay, you will.
Shadow.
Yes, not only had Shadow survived the fall from the ARK, he'd also survived lying around in Mystic Ruins for a whole damn MONTH without any medical care. Instead of calling for an ambulance like she should have done, Amy looked at his bruised, bleeding body. He was barely alive. And he could be dying.
"Oh, it's Shadow! And he's barely alive!" Amy squealed, "And he may be dying!"
She wondered what to do. She should be trying CPR by now, but she'd always wanted her first kiss to be with Sonic. And of course, CPR to a half-dead psycho is so romantic and exactly the same as a kiss. Eventually, she steeled herself enough to pucker up and actually want to save the poor guy's life.
She did the CPR. Or maybe she didn't. Either way, the moment Shadow came too, he whispered, "Maria..." It's reflex for the poor guy. Lay off his case already.
So Amy once again forgot about common sense, and dragged Shadow into a nearby cave. He needs medical attention from qualified paramedics, but what did she care?
She tended Shadow for three days and three nights tirelessly. As she did so, she noticed how she didn't care about Sonic slapping her any more, and that Shadow was ass-grabbingly hot. And under her gentle treatment, he didn't need a hospital to recover. Who's the Ultimate Lifeform now, bitch?
He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a pink blur. As it came into focus, he saw something amazing.
Amy had cunningly removed all her clothes.
"What?" Amy asked, "This is a ShadAmy fic! I rescued you! We're gonna have sex!"
"I'm in a ShadAmy fanfic?" Shadow asked, "Oh, shit, not again!" He tried to stand up, but his legs had been tied together with some handy vines, so he collapsed into Amy's waiting arms.
"Yeah, it's as plotless and clichéd as ever!" Amy shouted, cradling Shadow, "The only point of the story is for us to decide that we're the perfect couple, and then have a rather feeble fade-to-black sex scene!"
Shadow blinked, ripping the vines off his legs, "Yeah, but the relationship usually takes about twenty chapters of me remembering Maria and having a few flashbacks, and you asking yourself why you're falling in love with me if you love Sonic," he said, trying to evade the inevitable horrors of the predictable ShadAmy fic, "And Sonic's got to show up and start courting you at some point, to make your decision even more agonising."
"Don't worry, Shadow!" a cheery voice called from the cave opening. Sonic barged his way in, holding a bouquet of, you guessed it... roses. Red roses, "Thanks to Knuckles beating seven kinds of shit out of me, I've seen the error of my ways. As soon as Amy texted me telling me she'd found you, I realised I actually love her. It's the ever-present 'You don't know what you had until you lose it' plot."
"What about Eggman? Doesn't he have a tendency to kidnap Amy at some point in this sort of story?" Shadow said hopefully, "The guy who rescues her first wins her heart, right?"
"Eggman's on vacation in Hawaii right now," Amy explained, "No need to worry about him."
"Come on, Amy! You gotta choose one of us!" Sonic said, "Who's been nicest to you over the shortest period of time, huh?"
"Didn't I beat you up on the ARK?" Shadow covered his eyes, "Look, Amy, you're cute and all, but honestly, I'd rather get Sonic Heroes over with before we start a relationship."
"Come on, Shadow," Amy pulled him to his feet, and he managed to stifle a scream of pain, "Let's go for a walk."
"Can it wait? I've just fallen from space and my back is killing me," Shadow protested.
"Just get up, Shadow," Amy dragged him out of the cave.
"You're headed for that bunch of trees," Shadow warned, "Careful you don't trip-"
Of course they did. And Amy's lips just happened to press against Shadow's, while he landed on his back and almost screamed in agony as something clicked back into place. Wow. She pulled away, blushing, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Shadow," she lied.
Shadow felt like crying, "Amy, listen. I don't want a relationship with you. As for sex? Maybe later, when I've sunk a few beers with Knuckles and Espio. But right now, could you just get me to a damn hospital?"
"But Shadow, this damp cave is perfect to start a relationship in!" Amy wailed.
"Hey faker! Get your hands off my girl!" Sonic shouted, running up.
"Oh, god..." Shadow muttered, "Look, I already told you Sonic, I don't want to date Amy! She's the one who's all over me! God, I almost feel sorry for you, faker. Having to put up with this stupid bitch half your life..."
"WHO DO I CHOOSE?!" Amy wailed.
"Well traditionally, after much torturous soul-searching, you go for me," Shadow shuddered, "It is a ShadAmy fic after all. Although to confuse us, the authour may have put SonAmy in the summary as well."
"Okay! I choose Shadow! Let's have SEX!" Amy shouted.
"Look, I'm still a virgin," Shadow protested, "There aren't many female hedgehogs up on the ARK. And I may not have much mental stability, but I do have standards. Rouge is a total skank, I'm not gonna go with her. Can't I just stay single? Cream's gonna be 16 in only ten years. She's kinda cute and she's got Cheese, I got some ideas for-"
"YOU'RE A VIRGIN!" Amy squealed, "Oh, that's so cute! I totally forgot that all the time I was drooling over your hotness. We'll both be each other's firsts!"
"Yeah, virgin," Shadow reminded her, "I don't know much about sex. Our first time-"
"Will be the best sex ever!" Amy shouted.
"No, it'll suck and be rather painful for both of us," Shadow told her, "Come on Ames, gimmie a break here!"
"No, Shadow! This story is about us getting round to having SEX!" shouted Amy, who was still wandering around naked.
"SEX!" shouted a large number of ShadAmy fans.
"SEX!" shouted Sonic, who for some reason had turned up again, "Who are you gonna choose, Shadow? Me or Amy?"
"Hey, I thought it was Amy who had to go through all the soul-searching," Shadow said, "Since when was this a Sonadow fanfic?"
"If you don't get your black-and-red ass choosing now, soon enough it will be both," Amy warned him.
Shadow started to cry like a little girl.
Because now he knew it was inevitable. Tomorrow morning, come rain or shine, and it would typically shine, he knew he was going to wake up with his arms around Amy, breathing in her delightful flowery scent after somehow giving her the best sex she'd ever have, despite having a total lack of experience. And he wouldn't even remember how he'd gotten there.
"Oh GOD, have you no mercy?!" he screamed to the heavens above.
~~~
Me: And damn if that ain't it. Because I am so sick and tired of reading ShadAmy fanfics set between SA2 and Sonic Heroes. Because Amy and Shadow spend twenty chapters of soul-searching before they have sex. We know they're going to have sex. The author told us in the summary. So why the hell do we have to see Shadow flash-backing about Maria and Amy angsting over Sonic before we get to it?
We read ShadAmy stories for one reason - to see Shadow and Amy get together, because we're ShadAmy fans. And they never do, until the last few chapters, when there's a nice, subtle fade-to-black sex scene.
Just tour fanfiction.net and prove me wrong.