Carry On

Carry On

Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and Electronic Arts, not me and I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all.

Warnings:  adult language and situations, mentions of dub-con and non-con, mpreg, sexual situations, threesomes, gender-bending and birth.

Characters/ pairings: Colonist War Hero Paragade ManShep/Kaidan/Garrus, others mentioned.

Summary: The Reapers are here, and amidst that backdrop, Commander Shepard struggles with gathering allies, caring for his child and fighting for his sanity.

~*~*~*~

It turned out none of them had physically been up for anything more intense than very heavy petting; Derek had gotten a blow job from Kaidan while Garrus was rimming him before the two humans had turned on the turian to suck him off.

It had been fast and frantic, but they had collapsed against each other, pleased and content in the moment to lay there and enjoy skin on skin.

When Kaidan and Garrus had laid down on either side of him, he just listened to them both breathe. He buried his face in Garrus' collar, and shivered as he felt Kaidan's lips on the back of his neck, his fingers just over the soft, loose skin that still refused to tighten or flatten no matter how many sit-ups Derek did. In moments, both of his lovers settled into sleep: Garrus breath sounding a bit like a warm purr while Kaidan's heavy breathing bordered on snores.

Sleep eluded him.

The sane part of him wanted to take the moment he had to rest; the less rational parts were terrified of what he might find at the bottom of the well of sleep. Plus, there was constantly...

Guilt that he had this moment of relief had him sigh as he got up, kissing both his lovers as he tried to ease off the bed without waking them. There was too much to do to sleep now.

With more than a twinge of regret, Derek Shepard went to check his email.

~*~*~*~*~

"Madam Councilor, you're making a mistake," Derek said, gesturing towards her image in the QEC. Making arrangements and securing the safety of the War Summit was turning out to be more difficult than he had anticipated. The asari Councilor's blue face was impassive as he tried to plead. "Now is the time for us to stand together. Most of these grudges are centuries old-"

"And still within an asari lifetime." Her pale yellow eyes met his. "Or the lives of our mothers." Her shoulders slumped. "The asari have been down this road before, Commander. I'm sorry, but the asari will not be attending your War Summit." She looked like there was more she wanted to say. Derek leaned forward, hands on the bar before him.

"Madam Councilor, your people must be there," Derek said, trying for earnestness. It usually worked for him. "We need your wisdom and guidance. Please-" but she exited the QEC before Derek could bring her back.

Derek grunted, running his fingers through his hair as Admiral Hackett came on the line. They talked, for a few moments.

"I've heard an uncomfortable rumor, Commander," the Admiral finally said. "One that I want you to clarify." He paused, putting his hands behind his back. "Is your son on the Normandy?"

Derek kept his face blank.  "Where did you hear this?"

"Doctor Chakwas downloaded several texts on neo-natal care. Major Alenko and yourself made purchases from your private accounts that were more appropriate for a baby shower than a long term deployment." Derek blinked as Hackett listed his points. It had not been more than three days since they had left the Citadel to get the Primarch.

"More to the point, there were no records of you attempting to find a foster family for him. It wasn't hard to put together, and I can even understand why. But this is a military ship, and-" he paused to take a breath, when Derek cut him off.

"Admiral, if this was a regular operation I would still be grounded. Hell, if this was a regular situation, you would already have booted my ass out of the Alliance military and put me in Batarian hands." Hackett opened his mouth then closed it again. "Or, Bahak wouldn't have happened, and I would still be on maternity leave." Kaidan's points had struck a painful chord. Being reminded that his body was still healing, that he still wasn't as strong as he used to be, was a kick in the quad. "Actually, if this was twenty years ago? I would still be dead." He ran his hand over his face. "I can't leave him yet, Admiral. If he goes, so do I. If I was... if I was his sperm donor, I might have been able to." He didn't realize his voice was trembling until he felt his lips vibrate. "But I'm... I'm not. I can't leave him behind and function." He took a deep breath and straightened. "I leave if he leaves. Sir."

Hackett grunted. "During a normal war, I would have you court-martialed for that alone. But I'm not an idiot, Commander. You keep functioning, get things done, and I'll turn a blind eye. I take it your crew is handling this well?"

"So far, sir." He rubbed the back of his neck. "So far."

~*~*~*~*

Finishing the arrangements for the War Summit would take time, and Derek was not going to let the asari out of it so easily. He thumbed his nose; the Councilor didn't speak for her entire species. Bypassing her and the Council had been the reason for rescuing the Primarch. Now, well...

With that in mind, he walked through the CIC to the elevator, pausing to talk to Traynor as she told him of her findings and her concerns for Grissom Academy. Derek put in the required coordinates; it would be days, possibly a week or more until the War Summit was ready. Until then, he could do some good instead of trying to herd cats.

From there, he made a beeline for Liara's office.

He had hadn't gone to speak with her there yet; he had to admit, he was avoiding her until he was level enough approach her without taking a swing.

He first noticed that she had somehow completely restructured the room from how it had once been. Dozens of monitors followed Liara's motion, rippling like leaves in a breeze as she paced back and forth. Her drone, the one from the Shadow Broker ship, zipped like a drunk hummingbird about the small space. Liara herself was in her clean, white uniform, wearing a headset and earpiece that allowed her to continually be plugged in to the Broker's network.

They spoke a few minutes, initially about the Crucible project and what she had been up to while they both stared at the drone's erratic movements as it careened about the room. When it passed by too close, his eyes felt like they twisted out of his head as he had to duck to avoid it.

Then he got down to business.

"Liara, is there anything you can do, you can give me, to help me persuade the asari to send a delegate to the War Summit?" he asked, crossing his arms but still keeping his eyes on the worrisome Glyph. "You told that it would take you ten minutes to start a war. Surely you could give me something- anything- to help me bring your people on board? We have to do everything we can to get everyone together."

Liara paused, rubbing her forehead. She was rocking back and forth on her heels and toes, her jaw rigid. "I- I can call in a few favors," she admitted. "But remember, Shepard, that the asari government is an e-democracy. The Council of Matriarchs hold great sway, but they don't have the final say on most policy matters."

"Liara, I don't care who you have to bribe, bully or blackmail. Just get their resources headed towards the Crucible and a delegate at the Summit." He paused, and the words were out before he could stop them. "Because this isn't about me, this is about the entire damn galaxy."

Her back stiffened as Liara crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "Is there something you wanted to say, Shepard?"

"Why?" That summed up the gist of everything he could think to ask. She said she cared about him, fought to have him raised from the dead. Why had she..? "I needed them, Liara."

She exhaled. "Hackett asked me not to. Garrus was a needed resource to prepare for the coming invasion. Major Alenko was being put in charge of training Alliance biotics. Neither of them could afford the loss of focus that came with knowing you were with child." She paused. "I kept an eye on you, even if I wasn't there. I meant to see you- I wanted to." She turned her face, then her back, away from him. Hiding. "But I... I became too busy."

Derek closed his eyes and grunted. "All right. I understand." He didn't like it, but he could understand it. "But I had thought we were friends."

"We are." She turned back around, and her eyes were luminous in the flicker of the monitors, her voice wet. "We are. Truly."

Six months ago he wouldn't have hesitated, but he couldn't be unmoved at the sight of one of his crew- his family- in pain. He took a step forward, then another, arms stiff as he pulled her to his chest in an embrace. "Yes." She sniffled as she buried her face in his shoulder, her white arms wrapping around his waist. "We are."I want to believe that.

He held her for a long time.

~*~*~*~*~

"So," Joker said, looking down at the sling across Shepard's chest. He had just finished crowing about EDI's sexy, very female body, and EDI looking back away after Joker had said she was there.

"So..?"

"You did it." Joker's face was impassive. "You actually spawned." He was staring at the baby sling against Derek's chest. Derek had picked Bean up from Chakwas after his talk with Liara, and given the baby a feed. Now the little one was dozing against Derek's chest and cooing in his sleep.

Yes, his baby was the cutest thing in the galaxy. Not that he was biased.

"You knew I was pregnant, Joker. You were there when I had it confirmed by Doctor Chakwas," Shepard said with a frown. "You even saw the first scan at the same time I did."

"Yeah, but I thought-" Joker sputtered. "I thought you had some kind of, y'know, a chest busting parasite. I mean, not too weird considering the other weird shit we've run into. But no... you really were pregnant." He glared at Shepard. "Why the hell didn't you say anything?"

Derek leaned back, stroking Bean's wispy hair. "The Mindoir mods were illegal, Joker. And while I've always been intersexed, and had a uterus, it wasn't actually doing anything until Cerberus brought me back. On top of that, the Alliance kept it secret. So even if I felt like sharing, I couldn't exactly talk about it."

"I told you about my disability," Joker protested. "And I've followed you through hell, Commander. The least you could have done was drop the whole 'by the way, I'm not as male as I seem!' in conversation."

 

Shepard's eyebrows lifted. "Er... you're mad that I didn't tell you about my sex? I'm still male-gendered. Eighty-five percent of the time."

"Yeah, well, you got something to answer for. You made me doubt that I was straight a few times. Would have been nice to know that there was a reason being around you made me stand at attention."

"There's nothing I could do about that beyond wear cologne, and that didn't seem to do much," Derek muttered. He hated the pheromones. "But you having a sexuality crisis has nothing to do with me. Did you deliberately fail every sensitivity class the Alliance had?"

"Perhaps I could help reinforce his prior training, Shepard," EDI said, speaking up from her co-pilot's seat. "This platform allows for reconfiguration of its hardware for the purposes of infiltration." Her voice dropped a few octaves, turning from its pleasant alto to a velvety baritone. "After all, any gender presentation of mine is affected. First by the Cerberus scientists who programmed me, then by choice when I was freed. I can change, or even alternate, how I choose to present myself."

"Nooo- no no no. You're fine just the way you are, EDI," Joker protested, turning to look at the lovely platform EDI inhabited. "Your body is great the way it is."

"I have to wonder, Jeff, how you would have reacted if I had stayed as part of the Normandy?" she asked, archly.

"Are we having a spat?"

"Children," Derek said, cutting in. "I like the change in voice, EDI, but you know it would cause discomfort among the crew. If you try it again-" Joker sputtered. "Let everyone know first." Derek lifted an eyebrow at her. "Can you really alter your chassis?"

"Yes. It is quite simple. However-" she hesitated, and Derek's eyebrows went up further. "I have two modes, one with tertiary female traits and the other has typical male." She stood. "They were pre-installed, and I cannot alter them." Walking around, her form shifted with a faint hiss of moving servos and plates.

The chest piece flattened, arms inflated and shoulders broadened while hips and ass went flat. The helmet that mimicked hair rearranged itself until it was more of a cap against the skull, as the underlying structure of the face changed.

She stopped, letting them take it in.

"That. EDI, that's really creepy." Joker's eyes looked to bulge out.

Shepard, for his part, was still in a state of shock as he took EDI in. The chassis looked to be a perfectly formed male body- fully anatomically there- but the face resembled Derek's to an uncanny degree. So much so that Derek had to look away.

"While I can see how this would be useful," EDI said, then hesitated again. "I have found files on the use of this body. Not simply for infiltration, but also for seduction."

"Yeah, I don't want to know anymore," Joker declared, turning in his chair. His ears were red.

"EDI, are you this... complete... normally?" Derek asked, somewhat strangled. The reproduction of his body was uncomfortably accurate. "You don't seem to include nipples otherwise."

"That is a personal choice. They are there, but I can leave them un-aroused in my female form." She shifted her weight. "Can I speak with you privately?"

"Sure," Derek said, following EDI out... and making sure to step in the line of sight between the crew and the still naked, anatomically male EDI. "How can I help you?"

"I," she paused again. "I believe the reason that this platform has this mode is for sexual use."

"The Illusive Man hated me so much he put my face on a mech so he could..?" Derek asked then frowned, uneasy. "That's-"

"Yes." She shifted her body back to the more, relatively, modest female form. "Though I do not think 'hate' is the correct term." She paused again. "'Obsessed' seems a more applicable. Though I cannot claim to understand all his motivations."

"Or, he's just a sick fuck," Derek muttered. He tried not to imagine what the hell the Illusive Man wanted with an anatomically correct mech that had his face- was it fully correct?- but it was like not thinking of an elephant. Elephant. Dammit.

But the silliness helped him forget things he would rather have not acknowledged that moment, the little whispers of memory that refused to do more than drift under the surface.

"I would also like to take the opportunity to apologize," EDI said, putting her hands behind her back.

"For what?"

"I was aware of your assault at the hands of Zaeed Massani. The blocks that kept me from speaking on Cerberus also kept me from alerting other crew members to your plight."

Derek felt himself go cold. "Why? Zaeed told me that his contract included coercing me into sex. But you heard me say stop-"

"I did. I don't have a specific reason logged. Just that I was not to interrupt your sexual encounters. If sexual contact was involved, no matter the partner or circumstances, I was not to interfere."

Derek's stomach lurched. "And you don't know why?"

"No. Not for sure. There could be many reasons. I do not know. But I want you to know that I would not do such a thing again."

 

"You feel regret for your actions?" Derek's lips quirked, but he wasn't sure if he was amused, interested, or trying to relieve the sense of nausea flooding up his guts.

"I told you I am not free of desires or motivations. Your assault, and your accompanying emotional fallout caused a significant negative feedback loop." She crossed her arms. "And I had no desire to see you harmed. I want you to know that when I monitor the crew, it will be with their welfare in mind."

"Thank you." Derek blinked at her, repeatedly.

"That includes your son. I will maintain a constant surveillance on him while he is on the Normandy," she continued on.

"Oh. Thank you."

They chatted for a few more moments, and it made Derek wonder exactly how different humans and machines actually were.

"And now I have a question for you, EDI."

"Specify."

"How do you identify, if you don't mind me asking?" It was an odd question, one he felt odd asking.

"I do not. I was given traits to code as female in order to seem less threatening to the crew, much the way my interface was made to appear less human so I would not fall into the uncanny valley. However, as I have no physical sexuality, and until recently, no body, the point seemed moot. I did not favor or disfavor the gender I was assigned. Before now, I never had options."

If Derek hadn't known better, he would have sworn he saw mischief lurking in her eyes. "And that you get to mess around with us has nothing to do with the glee in your voice."

"I need to explore all my options, Shepard. Jeff's resistance to the idea of your own intersexuality shows that he is not completely open to the idea of being attracted to a person, and not their gender only."

Derek winced. "Be gentle. Joker's obviously got some issues there. But if he cared about you before you acquired that body, then we can hope he will be just as interested no matter which mode you are in."

"I will continue to observe, Shepard." She stopped, and dropped her gaze to the sling on Shepard's chest, which was starting to wriggle a bit. "And now, I want a turn."

"A turn?"

"Yes. You have given your lovers and your friends the chance to hold your son, and now I would like that chance using this body."

Derek felt his smile become more genuine. He could forget about whatever creepy obsession the Illusive Man had with him. Showing off Bean always made him swell with joy and pride. He pulled open the sling.

Bean sniffled as the sling opened. Derek could feel more eyes on him from the crew as the baby came out, and he placed Bean in EDI's arms.

"He is above weight for a child of his age and development," EDI reported as she held him. Correctly, Derek was pleased to note. "Looks to be a well formed example of a human infant." She touched his tiny hand, which promptly wrapped around her metal finger. "And he definitely favors Major Alenko."

"Yeah, everyone says that."

"It is not unusual. Human infants favor their sires, growing into a blend of their parents traits over time. This is due to it being an evolutionary advantage."

"Babies that look like their sires had sires who provided resources to their dams. Yes, I have read my evolutionary theory. Didn't have much to do but read for the past six months, EDI. But thank you. I have a lot of hope for him."

EDI nodded. "He will be cared for well, I believe. And do not be dismayed by Jeff's discomfort. Before you arrived, he was sounding very happy at the prospect of meeting, and I quote 'The Mini-Shep,' saying something about someone so cute being the anti-indoctrination device. He degenerated into baby-talk afterwards."

Derek looked at her incredulously, before he doubled over in laughter.

 

To be continued.

Questions, comments and criticisms welcomed and encouraged.