Dialogue the First

"You know what we should do, Shepard?" chirped Tali.
Serenity took the bottle from Jack and finished it off. She tossed it into the air over her head, and Jack sent it flying into the trash compactor. Garrus and Zaeed were playing with the surveillance system. "What should we do, Tali'Zorah? What should we do?" said Serenity in a strange little sing-song voice.
"We should go steal a car."
"I like her," slurred Jack.
Tali laughed. "You always say that!"
"Nah, only when you suggest things like shooting Miranda into space."
Serenity laughed. "I liked the part where she wanted to keep Jacob for research purposes."
"Let's go steal a car, Shepard. It'll be fun!" Tali clapped her hands.
"But wait!" Serenity raised a hand in mocking concern. "Won't Citadel Security stop us?"
There was a shocked pause, then everyone broke into laughter.
"So, are you kids going out or what?" asked Zaeed.
"Seriously, stop talking like you're an old man," laughed Garrus. "I think we're still planning. Are we still planning, Tali?"
"Well, if you're going," Zaeed gestured at the surveillance camera, "you'd better get moving."
Jack leaned over to focus on the tiny picture. "Oh shit! The cheerleader's after us!"
"Shuttle. Now."
Jack, Tali, and Garrus followed Serenity down to the shuttle level. With a chuckle Zaeed settled himself back against the wall with a half-finished bottle of scotch and waited for the firestorm.
"She is going to be pissed," murmured Garrus as the shuttle pulled away from the Normandy.
"What did you do?" Serenity rummaged around in the shuttle's storage. "Who drank all the scotch?"
"Zaeed. And I didn't do anything." Garrus stared pointedly at Tali.
"What."
"What did you do to Miranda? What the hell is this? Ouzo? What is that?"
"Don't drink it, it's horrible," Jack took the bottle from Serenity, tossed it back into storage. "Just keep it for cleaning up spills. Tali did something with Miranda's shower. I don't know what."
"What? That? She can't be mad about that." Tali bent her head over her omni-tool and made little laughing noises.
"She looked mad," Garrus observed.
"It was a life size projection of Jacob, who wouldn't appreciate it?"
Serenity and Jack burst out laughing.
"Was it Jacob naked?"
Tali looked at Garrus as if he was mentally deficient. "Of course! Why would you want Jacob with clothes on in your shower?"
"How did you... I don't want to know anymore."
Serenity grinned. "Tali? Remember when we first met? And you were telling me how everyone views Quarians as thieves and hackers and how unjust and wrong that was?"
Tali giggled. "It is unjust! Like Garrus assuming I'll sleep with him just because we're the only people on the ship with the same DNA twist."
Garrus shook his head. "That's not why I assume you'll sleep with me. I assume it because I keep finding you in my bed, using my omni-tool to hack into the Citadel computer system."
"Data not available." Tali bent over her omni-tool again, giggling quietly.
They stole a car. Set off alarms. Crashed and ran. Laughed, wicked like children. Irresponsible, because they were responsible. Responsible for everything, everyone.
Breathless from running and laughing, they poured into the Dark Star. "Hey, Mr. Bartender," Jack sang off-key. "You don't look happy to see us!"
The bartender grimly polished the bar. "I wondered where all the C-Sec officers went."
The four assumed their most innocent expressions. "What makes you think we had anything to do with C-Sec?" Serenity made the mistake of looking directly at Jack, and broke into wild laughter. They gave up. Serenity leaned over the bar and helped herself to two bottles; Garrus did the same on the other side. They retreated to one of the semi-private rooms where they could see the door. Tali lifted an access panel, and with Garrus' help, tapped in to the Citadel system.
"Not that again. Tali, you're going to bring a Spectre down on us or something."
"Oh, very funny." Tali looked up at Serenity. "Why haven't you started a bar fight yet? Or something, I don't know, physical?"
Serenity grinned. "This place is totally dead tonight, not my fault." She finished her bottle, helped herself to a shot from Jack's.
Jack made a half-hearted attempt to defend her bottle. "Fuck you, you're a damn lush. Go get your own drink!"
"I'm just trying to save you from ending up in my lap, like last time."

"You know, that gives me an idea." Garrus stood up and walked over to the bartender. "Hey."
The bartender tried to glare at him, but failed. "What?"
"You like Humans, admit it. Want to see them lose three thousand years of civilization in three minutes?"
"What?"
Garrus opened the controls, cut the standard Asari music and uploaded a custom playlist he had made around two years ago.
"Hey! Don't do ... what is that?" The beat was heavy, completely alien to his ears after so long with the droning Asari traditional music. It pulsed, throbbed, shook the floor. Every Human in the bar seemed to wake up when the new playlist started.
Jack roared with approval, and pulled Serenity onto the dance floor after her. Once they started dancing, more humans joined them. The music seemed to call them. It was primitive, tribal. In a few minutes, almost every human in the bar was on the dance floor, and the temperature in the Dark Star seemed to have gone up by a few degrees.
The bartender tilted his head as he took in the sight of two human women holding each other and grinding away on the dance floor. "Ok, what ... what is that?"
Garrus grinned and poured himself a drink. "Certain rhythms apparently do that to humans. It reminds them of their heartbeat or something. I get distracted if I try to think about it too hard."
The Turians watched as more humans appeared on the dance floor, seemingly out of nowhere. They wrapped themselves around each other, forming a sort of line with Jack in the center, all grinding in rhythm with the music, moving in perfect sync with each other.
"I didn't know human spines could bend like that. Wait, do they even know each other?" Some of the humans were now trading bodily fluids from mouth to mouth, sending kisses up and down the line of dancers.
Garrus shrugged, pretended not to recognize the crew of the Normandy 2 in their civilian garb. "Doubt it."