Pleasure Before Business

Chapter 9: Truth or Treachery

Revan towed Bastila towards the common room, but then paused at the 'fresher. "One second."

It in fact took several seconds for Revan to retrieve a small jar from the cabinet. "For your soreness," she said in answer to the questioning look on Bastila's face.

The swollen labia between her thighs throbbed. "I see," Bastila said, her cheeks flaming. "They would be most welcome."

Inside the common room, Revan helped Bastila out of her trousers and showed her how to place the little kolto-soaked sponges within her. The other woman's touch was remarkably gentle as she directed Bastila and guided her hand. Bastila had to admit they were efficacious when she felt the cool, tingling sensation against her inner walls; already the soreness was fading. The sponges were designed to dissolve, breaking down into tiny harmless pieces that would be absorbed by her body, so there would be no need to hunt about to retrieve them.

At Revan's urging, Bastila posed for the computer sensor to take her exact measurements, then sat beside Revan, perusing all that the HoloNet had to offer. Revan brought up a fascinating array of clothes, though some looked quite bizarre.

"A... a fishnet body stocking?" Bastila said as she eyed the garment on display. It certainly gave new meaning to the word 'accessible'. "Carth would like something like that?"

"It would drive him crazy if he knew you were wearing that under the Ubese gear." Revan waggled her eyebrows comically. She pointed to another. "How about this one? You'd look great in tight black leather."

Bastila wrinkled her brow. "But it looks like something a Dark Jedi would wear." One who wanted her pushed-up breasts and groin exposed.

Snorting, Revan said, "If the Sith wore something like that, they'd have more recruits."

"Revan!" Bastila admonished. Truly, Revan's irreverance knew no bounds. Still, her eyes were drawn to it again. Carth called her breasts magnificent... and that skimpy outfit would display them prominently.

After Bastila made weak protesting noises, Revan overrode her and added it to the list.

All of a sudden, Bastila realized what she was doing. She was picking out clothes that would titillate and entice Carth, a man famous for his devotion and loyalty. She stood, sending the flimsies Revan had printed flying out onto the floor.

Revan recoiled from her abrupt movement. "Bastila? What is it? What's wrong?"

Bastila walked the few steps to reach the door, slamming the panel to close it before spinning to face the other woman. "Revan, how can you not be jealous?"

"Jealous? Of what?" Revan looked baffled.

"I... I-I made love to a man who is for all intents and purposes your husband!" Bastila cried. "And I made love to you--you who are his wife! Several times! In just a day! How can you not see anything wrong in this!"

Revan rose from her chair. "Bastila..." She tried to reach for her, but Bastila evaded her, moving to the other side of the couch.

"If it is lust, it is wrong--and if it is love--then it is even more wrong!" Bastila buried her face in her hands. She flinched when she felt Revan's arm curl around her waist.

"It was my idea, Bastila, don't blame Carth," Revan said softly.

Bastila lowered her hands and turned to face the other woman. "What? What do you mean?"

"Look, it might seem that Carth is wholeheartedly happy about the idea of you joining us in bed--but in fact it took me months to convince him. Years, really." Revan sighed, running her hand through her hair in a gesture Bastila was sure she copied from Carth. "He had a lot of doubts about this--the same ones I'm sure are running through your head." Revan sat down on the couch and patted the cushions.

Bastila sat, but as far away from Revan as possible. "Oh?"

"You know how Carth is like when he has doubts about something," Revan said with a wry smile. "He fondles them like a man fondles a joygirl."

Her lips twitched, but the moment of humor was short-lived. "Revan, Carth was extremely devoted to his wife--the man was celibate for four years until he met you! How can you... how in the name of the Force could you broach this to him?"

"Because seeing you like this was breaking his heart--as well as mine," Revan said, all trace of humor gone.

"Are you saying that one day you told him that having sex with me would cure me of all my ills?" Bastila said incredulously.

"Not in so many words, but yeah." Revan shook her head at Bastila's look of disbelief. "You forget--Carth knows exactly how loneliness and despair can destroy a person. He was ready to die, Bastila, because the Sith--I--and Malak--took everything and everyone he loved away from him," she said flatly.

"Yes, that is quite the cosmic irony," Bastila remarked. "He loves you with the same depth as he did with his wife, Revan... how could I possibly come between that?"

"Carth had the same fears," Revan replied. "He was afraid he would love me less, that he would love you more, and that that would destroy our relationship. But Carth has a big heart--there's room in it for both of us, just as there's room in mine for both you and him."

She reached out and grasped Bastila's cold hands in her warm ones. "He forgave me, Bastila, for all the pain I caused him and Dustil and his wife, for Telos, for turning his mentor against the Republic." Tears shone in Revan's eyes. "That's how big his heart is--he forgave Darth Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith. More than that--he loves me. Even after all that. How can you imagine that there isn't room for you, too?"

"Revan... I..." Bastila's throat was choked with emotion.

"And how couldn't I love the woman who saved my life?" Revan kissed Bastila's forehead. "Who turned my life around--even if she just couldn't stop giving me annoying lectures?"

"I cannot take credit for that," Bastila said. "The Force saw fit to bond us together--the Jedi Council could not kill you without also killing me."

"They decided to wipe my mind instead, I know." Revan folded her into a warm, fond embrace, one somehow devoid of sexuality. "But the Force can't compel or coerce--you wanted to help me."

Bastila leaned into the other woman. "So you both... love me?"

"It's a new and fragile kind of love, and it won't always be easy, but it can grow stronger. Give us time." Revan leaned back to look into Bastila's face. "Does all that answer your questions?"

"I... I believe so," Bastila answered, and tried to smile. "You will allow me the occasional lapse?"

"Look at who you're talking to, woman." Revan chuckled, then sobered. "Bastila, please try not to be jealous of us--Carth and I developed our relationship through a most trying, intense, and dangerous time, and then we had six years to get comfortable with each other."

"I will try," Bastila said. "But I cannot promise I will not feel it at times."

"That's enough for us." Revan considered her. "I know all his moods, his smiles, his frowns, his doubts and his fears--and he knows all of mine. Hell, sometimes I know what he's going to say before he does, and vice versa. If you're willing, you'll have that with us, too, with time."

Bastila rubbed the heel of her hand against her forehead. "But Revan, how can you be sure he would not--that he would be faithful? He is willing to... to sleep with me, after all."

Revan cocked her head. "Carth told you about his wild youth, didn't he? I didn't mean to eavesdrop, it's just that you left the cockpit door open, and I couldn't help overhearing."

"Yes--what of it?"

"Then you'll know that he considers lust to be easily satisfied--but love isn't all that easy to find." Revan cupped Bastila's cheek. "He went without love for four years, so I know he's wise enough not to throw it away for a moment's pleasure that he could damn well have with me. Carth knows I feel the same way--because he trusts me, and I would never betray that trust."

Bastila was pinned to the couch by Revan's intense gaze. "Now, do you trust us to care about you in the same way we care about each other?"

"I shall endeavor to do so... but I have kept my heart closed for a long time, Revan." Bastila gave the other woman a shy glance. "It will take time for me to be able to open it once more."

"We expected that. You know how long I had to work on Carth." Revan kissed her on the cheek. "Now I've got to go prepare lunch. Pick out anything else you'd like and send in the orders. Oh, and don't forget to order more of that oil--make sure you read the label on the old bottle and get that exact same brand."

"Why not another?"

"Because Carth's allergic to most perfumes and oils. You might've noticed the oil did't have any scent." At Bastila's look of alarm, Revan clarified, "Not fatal, just enough to make him sneeze and break out in hives--and I'm afraid he turns downright cranky if he ever gets sick."

Bastila gave the other woman a solemn nod. "I shall be most careful, then."

Revan tilted her head to one side. "We should get something for Carth, too." Turning to the console, she tapped a few keys; curious, Bastila went and looked over her shoulder, and saw a selection of men's clothes brought up on the screen.

"What did you have in mind?"

Revan flashed her a grin. "Something like these."

Bastila stared, seeing a pair of orange - of course Revan would pick orange - briefs on a male model; while it managed to cover the essentials, every detail of what the thin fabric supposedly hid was displayed. "Oh my," she murmured; her mind melted, picturing it on someone as well-endowed as Carth.

"I thought you'd agree with me." Revan's fingers tapped, and it was added to the list.

"But I thought there was a, a rule about wearing no underwear."

Revan laughed. "No, underwear is allowed--as long as it doesn't hinder." She gave Bastila a knowing look, then turned back to the computer. "All we have to do now is take measurements of this room--I'm sure Carth's already done the cockpit--and order a nice plush carpet, the kind that you can sink ankle-deep into."

Wrenching her thoughts back on track, Bastila asked, "Any particular color?"

Revan shrugged. "Pick out a color that complements the couch and bed, I guess. I trust your judgement."

Bastila watched Revan leave the room, then turned to stare blindly at the screen in front of her. Her fingers mechanically tapped keys to purchase the things Revan had wanted.

It only just now occurred to her that there were so many things she did not know about the man she had shared such intimacies with. That he had allergies. That he liked sexy outfits. That he liked a woman who shook with passion--and could make him shake, too.

How much did she really know about these two people who had asked her to let them into her heart? Who had asked to let her into theirs?

Bastila rose from her seat and bent down on her hands and knees to take the measurements. The tenderness of her knees reminded her of how much time she had spent on them, pleasuring and being pleasured.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she was not aware she was being watched until she saw motion in the corner of her eye. When she looked up, Carth was framed in the doorway. Bastila had the sense that he had been standing there for several minutes; her cheeks reddened when she realized he had been watching her.

On her hands and knees, with her buttocks in the air.

Carth cleared his throat, walked over and handed her the datapad. "These are the measurements for the floor in the cockpit." He seemed much more composed now, with his jacket fastened to his neck. Involuntarily, Bastila's eyes dropped to his groin, where there was the faintest of stains on the front of his trousers.

Bastila reached out for it, her hand touching his warm fingers. "Thank you. I was just about to send in the data."

Carth took her hand and helped her off the floor, frowning when she winced. "Are you all right, Bastila? Don't do that if you're in pain."

"It is nothing--I just finished." Bastila took her hand from his and went back to the console.

"So... uh... did Revan take care of your, uh, soreness?" Carth rubbed the back of his neck. The tips of his ears seemed more pink than the rest of him.

"Yes, thank you for your concern."

He seemed to sense her discomfort. Gingerly, he leaned against the wall on the side of the computer. "I've set course for Elerion--we should arrive in a few days."

"Elerion? I have never heard of it."

"It's gambling planet," Carth replied. "It's the only place I can think of that could possibly have everything we want."

"A... a gambling planet?"

Carth nodded. "A casino on every corner, and where there're casinos, there's people who cater to gamblers. We should be able to find, the, ah, specialty pieces you've ordered."

The thoughts that had been circling around and around in her mind were finally overwhelmed by practicalities. "Are you certain we should risk going to such a populated place? Surely there must be desperate people there--those who would not scruple at selling information about us."

A cynical smile crossed his face. "They won't wanna mess with a couple of Ubese mercenaries--no one willingly tangles with sentients like them. Besides, we might not even have to set foot outside--just have everything delivered straight to the ship."

"I see." The soldier was most likely correct.

A hint of impatience crept into his voice. "Bastila, just what the hell's bothering you?"

The tone of his voice took her back to the past; he had sounded just like that whenever he tried to get information out of her, about the mission, about Revan, and about the Jedi.

Bastila kept her eyes on the screen as she completed the transactions. "Nothing, Carth, I assure you."

"I thought I told you not to be ashamed of what we shared." A large hand came into view, but hesitated before covering hers.

She stared at his hand for a moment, then forced herself to meet Carth's irritated face. "Carth, this... this is... difficult for me."

He frowned. "What is?"

"Contemplating this relationship with you and Revan," Bastila answered as she struggled for words. "I should not be able to put aside the teachings of the Jedi all in a day--and yet... I... lost control. A moment's lapse led to another and another..." A whole string of moments that I cannot forget. And, Force forgive me, nor do I wish to.

Carth sat down on the seat Revan had vacated; Bastila acutely felt the warmth of his body now that he was next to her. It reminded her of how his kisses, his tongue, his hands and cock had branded her like fire. Bastila wanted to shift away, but there was no space; the computer sat in the corner of the room, and her chair was against the wall.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Bastila snorted. "I do not even have the words to describe the act I just... performed upon you."

"It's called 'fellatio'," Carth said, his voice settling into the cadences of one imparting a well-rehearsed lesson; Bastila was not sure if he did it intentionally. "It's also called 'giving head', 'going down','blowing', and the act's called a 'blowjob'. On Zeltros I've heard it called 'playing the flute'."

For one crazed moment, Bastila was reminded of an instructor in the Jedi Enclave, listing the dates of long-ago battles in a dry, uninterested voice.

"Are you going assign homework, and will there be a question for extra credit?" Bastila could not resist the quip.

Masculine laughter filled the room; Bastila watched Carth's gales of unrestrained mirth, and was struck by how much younger he looked.

"There might," he said when he finally recovered his composure. Carth reached towards the shelf and drew down a datapad. He handed it to her solemnly, though Bastila could see amusement behind the straight face he wore.

"What is this?"

"Copies of these were handed around with reverence and awe back in my cadet days--kind of like a holy artifact," Carth said, his smirk breaking through the solemn facade he tried to wear. "Of course, we had to hide them from the instructors, but I'm pretty sure they knew about it--hell, I wouldn't be surprised if those datapads had been handed down from generation to generation."

Bastila thumbed the pad on. "The Coruscanti Garden of Delights," she read aloud. "I take it this is not actually a work about horticulture."

"Only if you want to stretch certain metaphors," Carth agreed. "Borrow it for as long as you like--there might be a test afterwards." He attempted to put on a stern face, such as a teacher might wear to goad his students into studying harder, but his laughing eyes undermined it.

She laughed, as he had intended. "I... we had something similar, though there was less reverence and more guilt and giggles, in the Jedi Enclave. We passed around racy romance holonovels. We would read them under our covers by the light of glowsticks."

The innocence of those days were long gone. Many of her classmates were dead, or scattered across the galaxy.

"They separated the boys from the girls, didn't they?"

Bastila nodded. "I suppose it made children of that age more manageable. I never dreamt that what we shared in just the last day even existed. Nothing I have experienced could have prepared me for... I... I feel I have been overwhelmed by my feelings, my needs, my passion, your emotions and Revan's... at times I feel as if I am drowning under a sea of sensation."

Bastila noted the guilty look that flitted across his face. "What is it?" she asked suspiciously.

Carth seemed to think about evading her question, but then he squared his shoulders as if bracing himself for a harsh reaction. "That... was the idea," he muttered.

"What do you mean?" Bastila frowned.

Sighing, Carth ran a hand through his hair. "If we gave you any time at all to really think about what we were offering, we knew you'd never do it. You'd run off and recite the Jedi Code, tell yourself passion and feelings like this are wrong--and you'd run away from us. Again." He gave her a hard look. "So we didn't give you the chance."

Bastila was taken aback. "You manipulated me?" She sat bolt upright in her chair.

The guilty look returned to his face. "Well... yeah. It was for your own good!"

"How dare you--!" Bastila began, her anger rapidly beginning to burn away her confusion. Her hand itched to slap him, and that uncontrolled impulse by itself was frightening.

Carth held up his hands in a soothing motion. "I know, I know, it's none of our business if a close friend destroys herself out of noble intentions." Sarcasm dripped from his words. "Listen, sister, I'd be the first to tell someone who'd said something like that to go to hell, but you've had six years to... to... I dunno, pull yourself together."

"You still had no right to toy with me in that fashion!" Shame warred with indignation in Bastila's heart.

"Look, Bastila," Carth said in a calmer voice, "I've seen a lot of men and women try to cope with... with the trauma of war. Even with therapy, they turn themselves inward, try to keep their demons buried, but no matter how hard they try, they can't do it alone. I sure couldn't. We knew you'd try to deal with it all by yourself... but we love you too much to see you break yourself to pieces in the attempt."

The heartfelt compassion and concern in his voice washed much of Bastila's anger away, although an ember of resentment still simmered in her heart. She thought she had been done with the manipulations of the Jedi Masters--well intentioned as they had been--with their deaths, but it seemed her new lovers would resort to the lowest of tactics to save her from herself. She jumped up from her chair, too agitated to sit still, and unable to summon her usual Jedi serenity to calm herself.

"I can't blame you--you've got every right to be angry," Carth said quietly. "Feel free to kick my butt."

"A Jedi would not 'kick your butt', Carth, however much she might like to," Bastila snapped. "And do not think for one moment that I believe you acted alone, or that it was your idea entirely."

"Well, if you're that upset about it, we're not gonna stop you from walking off the ship at the next port we come to." It was obvious to Bastila that Carth was trying his best to hide his disappointment and failing. "We'd hate for that to happen, but... we're not gonna force you to do anything you don't wanna do."

So that she would once again be alone? The solitary nights and days stretched out before Bastila to a barren, infinite horizon. One day she would grow weary of the chase once more, and her friends might not be there to rescue her again. She would never feel their heartbeats on her skin, the pleasure they gave her, the heat of their bodies and the warmth of their love.

She turned to face the soldier. "Truly? After all the credits you paid, all this effort to find me, you would really allow me to leave at the first opportunity?"

Carth frowned at her. "What the hell are you talking about? Neither of us are like Malak. Of course you're free to go at any time. We searched for you because we were worried about you, not because we wanted some kinda payment."

"And seducing me is how you decided to go about it?"

"This isn't easy for me either, yanno," Carth retorted. "Never in a million years did I ever expect to be in a relationship with two women at the same time. I mean, sure, I've got fantasies just like every other guy, but I never planned to carry them out in real life."

Bastila raised a skeptical eyebrow at this. "What of those wild parties you spoke of?"

"Oh, those weren't exactly relationships," Carth said, rubbing his neck. "That was just, uh, soldiers letting off stress. I've never lived with two women--hell, I didn't even think it was possible!"

"It still might not." Bastila folded her arms across her chest. "You may be too optimistic to think this will work out."

"Believe me, I took that into consideration," Carth said. "When Revan came up with this idea, I thought she was crazy. I thought... I thought my love wasn't enough for her. I was angry, and jealous, and... well, I gotta admit, I was intrigued, too. But mostly, I was terrified that this would destroy what Revan and I had built between us. I wouldn't have risked that for just anyone."

He rose from his own chair and paced; Bastila retreated to the couch and watched him. She had seen him work out his agitation and frustrations just like this countless times during their mission, and scoffed at how those without the Force had to resort to such physical activities to reach a calmer state.

She knew better now.

"I thought about this for a long time. I argued with Revan--well, more like we yelled at each other--we had a huge fight over this. A lot of fights." Carth spun and held up his hand when he saw Bastila's contrite expression. "No, don't apologize, you didn't even have a clue about this, so don't try."

Carth rubbed his forehead. "Anyway, I fought with Revan, and I fought myself, trying to see if my attraction for a beautiful young woman like you was overcoming my common sense. Was it really love? Or just lust? Was I just thinking with my choobies instead of my head?

"And I had more than my relationship with Revan to think of--how was I going to talk to Dustil about this? Whatever happened, nothing would be the same between us ever again."

Bastila frowned. "Surely Dustil would leave you to make your own decisions, as you would for him."

"It'd sure as hell raise questions in his mind." Carth shook his head. "Dustil's a lot of things, but he's not stupid. I don't want him to think I ever cheated on his mother, and that's the conclusion he'd jump to if he ever found out about us."

"I certainly would not wish you to sacrifice what you have built with both your son and Revan," Bastila said, forcing herself to show the soldier a calm face while turmoil roiled inside her heart.

To find such unlikely refuge, even if it had been presented with less than honorable means, to lose it as soon as she discovered it... it was too much.

"No, Bastila... if this is the only way to drag you kicking and screaming from destroying yourself, then that's what we've gotta do." Carth took a stride forward and cupped her face in his large, warm hands. "I couldn't live with myself if you'd died, and I could've done something to prevent it."

"'Kicking and screaming'?" Bastila repeated, a trifle indignant at his choice of words, but she could not bring herself to shake off his hands.

"Yeah," Carth said with a grin, completely unrepentant. He sobered. "I risked a lot to love again, Bastila. It's been ten years since my wife died, and some days I still ask myself if I really deserve to be happy again. That maybe I'm setting myself up for more pain and heartache if I lose Revan."

His eyes searched her face. "And maybe I'm setting myself up for even more with you."

"Carth... I can only say that I would never intentionally try to hurt you," Bastila whispered, fully aware that she had turned against him and the Republic when she fell to the dark side.

No, you cannot let the past shackle you--especially when neither of them holds it against you. Bastila berated herself. I can only go forward, with or without their help or their love.

"I believe you." Carth's callused thumb stroked her cheek. "I'm willing to take another chance if you are. For something like this... it's still worth any pain I'll run into down the road."

"And what will happen should you lose your gamble?"

"Then I guess we'll have to deal with it when the time comes." Carth leaned down, his breath puffing against her face. "Losing can be pretty enjoyable, too."

"I still have many doubts about this, Carth." Bastila looked deep into the soldier's eyes, trying to find the answers. "I do not want to destroy my two friends simply because I no longer wish to be alone."

"I know." Carth pressed his lips against her forehead. "You're not some seducing schutta who wants to wreck a relationship on a whim. You're Bastila Shan, and you deserve love, too." He sniffed the air. "Smells like lunch is almost ready."

As if in response to his words, the door opened and Revan poked her head in. She raised an eyebrow at their pose, causing Bastila to step back from the soldier; she thought she heard him sigh, but that might have just been the ventilators. "Lunch will be ready in a few minutes. Go wash up."

When they had obeyed Revan's orders, they stepped into the tiny galley. Bastila's eyes widened when she saw the amount of food on the table.

"Good heavens, there is enough here to feed half the Fleet," Bastila commented as she spread the napkin on her lap.

"Nah, only a third--there're lots of young hungry soldiers in the Fleet." Carth grinned as he accepted a platter of mounder potato rice from Revan.

Revan dished a large portion of rycrit stew into Bastila's empty bowl. "Eat as much as you like, Bastila, I made enough for extra helpings."

"How in the world did you manage to cook all this in such short time--and in this limited kitchen?" Bastila asked as the delicious smells wafted up to her nose.

"Oh, I made it all back on Citadel Station and flash freezed it," Revan answered as she set down a plate of roast gorak wrapped in malla petals on the already crowded table.

It had been years since Bastila had had a homecooked meal. She looked at Carth's and Revan's contented faces, and at the numerous dishes set in front of her. An odd mixture of homesickness rose up, and she had to fight to hold back tears when she remembered the meals her mother had served to her and her father, back before she had been placed in the care of the Jedi.

"Uh, is something wrong?" Carth asked, sounding a little puzzled. He paused in the middle of placing slices of meat onto Bastila's plate. "You don't like spiceloaf?"

"No, it is a dish I quite enjoy," Bastila said, fighting to keep her composure. "I am simply... not used to having the leisure to enjoy a fine meal, in the company of good friends."

Carth grinned. "Beats the hell outta protein cubes, doesn't it?"

"Well, our meals won't be this fine every day--I wanted to make something special to, ah, welcome you back, to commemorate the moment," Revan said, handing a new bottle of wine to Carth.

"I dunno, I wouldn't mind you disappearing for a while if I got to eat this well when you come back," Carth quipped, and ducked Revan's blow. He poured generous measures of wine into their glasses, and paused. "Yanno, we should make a toast of some sort."

"How about... 'to a new hope'?" Revan suggested, her glass ready to hand.

Carth groaned. "Isn't that just a little too corny?"

"Corny, perhaps, but it seems to be the truth," Bastila said slowly.

"Well, all right." Carth raised his glass. Doing his best to keep a straight face, he said, "To a new hope."

"To a new hope."