Riku and Sora Make a Porno-Uncensored!

Author's Note: Well, everyone, this is it. The final chapter of "Riku and Sora Make a Porno-Uncensored!" is finally here. Thank you so, so much to everyone who read and reviewed this story, I just can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

This is sort of like the prologue to the story...I really wanted to write hung over!Riku ever since the beginning of this Fic.

WARNINGS: Language...nothing else, really.

Addendum: Riku’s Drunken Mishaps

It was a beautiful, warm Thursday afternoon in Twilight Town, and the three teenage girls Riku coached basketball to on Thursdays were congregated in the gym of the local YMCA, waiting for their teacher to arrive.

Selphie Tilmitt was glaring at herself in a small pocket mirror, spring green eyes narrowed in concentration as she tried to get her dark chocolate hair to flip up at the ends. Selphie’s hair was currently lying flat and lank against her head in the summertime heat. “I hate my hair,” the girl complained to Paine Gullwing, who leaned against the wall nearby looking extremely bored and irritated. “It just won’t do that cool flippy thing that Setzer’s hair does in the fashion magazines…”

“You do know that Setzer is a guy, right?” Paine broke in, rolling her reddish brown eyes at Selphie while contemplating how to shut the girl up without getting slammed for first-degree murder. She ran a hand through her own silvery-gray locks, which were teased into a gothic updo with the help of around ten cans of hairspray.

“Well, yeah, but he has such nice hair. It’s really long and silvery, and it looks sooo soft! Having hair like that practically makes him a woman, in my opinion. I wonder what brand of shampoo he uses…”

“Hey Paine, what do you think of my hair?” Paine’s cousin, Yuna Gullwing, broke in, effectively ending Selphie’s ramblings. She gave a graceful pirouette to show off her single waist-length hair extension, which was braided and tied with a pink ribbon and stood out among her otherwise shoulder length chocolate brown locks.

“Looks good, Yunie. How’d you get your dad to spring for it?” Paine asked with a half-grin. Although Yuna could be silly at times, for the most part she was a lot more sensible and intelligent than fashion addicts like Selphie. Paine and Yuna had been best friends ever since they were five years old, when Yuna had punched a boy in the mouth and knocked one of his teeth out for trying to steal Paine’s ice cream money.

“Oh, you know Dad. I just gave him my puppy dog eyes and trembled my lip a little and said ‘PLEASE DADDY PLEASE?!’ And next thing you know we were at the salon.” Yuna winked a sky blue eye at her cousin. It was a well-known fact that Yuna’s father, Braska, was very fond of his only daughter, and gave her anything she wanted with very little fuss on Yuna’s part.

“Hey, where’s Agatsuma-sensei?” Selphie cut in, now staring at the screen of her cell phone. “He’s almost twenty minutes late according to my phone…”

CRASH.

The three girls’ heads whipped to the gym entrance, where two tubs that had formerly contained basketballs were now tipped over. Around twenty bright orange balls were currently bouncing around Riku Agatsuma, who was sitting on the floor looking like death warmed over. His skin was paler than usual, his silver hair was sticking up in cornrows all around his head, his clothes were wrinkled, and there were huge purple bags under his tired-looking aquamarine eyes.

“Sorry…sorry…” Riku mumbled, stumbling to his feet and trying to pick up three basketballs at once. The balls squirmed out of his arms and bounced away, and as Riku tried to chase after them he tripped over another one, ending up flat on his face on the floor again.

Yuna, Paine, and Selphie stared at their basketball coach, mouths agape.

“What the hell’s his problem?” Paine muttered.

“Ugh, his hair looks terrible,” said Selphie. “Is he even using conditioner at all?”

Paine glared at Selphie. “Were you perhaps dropped on your head as a child?”

“Here Agatsuma-sensei, let me help you,” said Yuna, going over to her fallen coach and giving him her hand. Riku took it and got to his feet, this time staying there, although he was swaying unsteadily, as if on the deck of a ship in fast-moving waters. “Thanks Selphie,” he mumbled, gazing blearily at her.

“Uh, I’m Yuna.”

“Right. Help me get these balls, Yuffie?”

“Sure…”

With some help from Paine and Selphie, the basketballs were all soon back in their tubs. The three girls lined up down the center of the gym in anticipation of the passing exercises Riku usually set them before moving on to an actual game. But today, Riku only stood there uncertainly, still swaying slightly and gazing around with pale, tired eyes. Paine noticed a stain on the knee of his jeans that looked uncomfortably like throw-up, and resisted with difficulty the urge to be sick herself.

“Um, Agatsuma-sensei, are you…okay?” Selphie asked nervously, shyly poking Riku in the arm.

“Huh!?” Riku jumped about a foot, as if he’d forgotten where he was. “Oh…oh, yeah, I’m OK. My girlfriend broke up wit’ me las’ night…”

“Oh, that’s too bad, Agatsuma-sensei. I’m sorry,” Yuna exclaimed, going to the silver-haired coach and gently patting him on the arm.

“Yeah, wha’ever…I’m jus’ real tired…” Riku mumbled, slumping his head on Yuna’s shoulder and drooling slightly over her blue tank top. Looking a little disturbed, Yuna stepped to the side, away from Riku’s mouth, and the basketball coach went on with his story. “She said I’m not ‘sensitive enough’ for her anymore…that I’m spendin’ too much time wit’ mah roommate and not enough wit’ her. I CAN BE SENSITIVE!” Riku yelled the last part loud enough for the whole gym to hear. It echoed slightly across the walls, and Paine winced slightly as a group of ten year old girls who had been playing badminton dropped their racquets and ran out screaming.

“I’m very sensitive…” Riku whimpered, seeming as if he was about to start crying. He dropped to the floor and curled up into the fetal position, rocking back and forth slightly.

“OK, he’s not going to be teaching us anything today,” said Paine, going over to Riku and poking him in the side with the toe of her black combat boot. He grunted slightly, but didn’t get up or move at all. Paine sighed loudly. “We’re gonna have to get him home. His roommate can deal with it from there.” She bent down and slung one of Riku’s arms over her back. “Help me, Yuna.”

Yuna got Riku’s other arm over her back, but the two girls, though they heaved and pulled and struggled, couldn’t get their basketball coach into a standing position. His head flopped forward and he mumbled something that sounded like “damn Axel…shouldn’t’ve gone fer drinks las’ night…”

“Who’s Axel?” Yuna wondered.

“Who cares? Selphie, get over here and help,” Paine grunted, still struggling with Riku.

“Um, I think maybe we should go get someone…” Selphie was over by the back wall of the gym and looked very nervous about going near Riku. “I mean, he could get violent…”

“Selphie, if you don’t get over here right now I swear I’ll-.”

“Hey Yunie! Paine! Sorry I’m late, did I miss anything?”

“Shit!” Paine swore. “I totally forgot…”

Another teenage girl waved at Yuna and Paine from the entrance to the gym and headed over to them. Dressed all in orange and yellow, with a long yellow scarf wrapped around her neck, her bright blue eyes sparkled happily upon seeing the two girls. She flipped her long golden-blonde hair, which was tied up in a high ponytail, over her shoulder, and Selphie whistled approvingly. That girl had awesome hair.

“Who’s that?” Selphie asked.

“Mine and Paine’s cousin,” said Yuna with a sigh. “Rikku. We’re always telling her about how well our basketball practice is coming, so she got interested and said she’d stop by today and play with us.”

“We’re so screwed,” Paine moaned. “I mean, Rikku’s sweet, really, but she’s a bit…highstrung.”

“Hey, you guys, I totally thought I wouldn’t make it today!” Rikku cried, stopping in front of Yuna, Paine, and Selphie and flashing a huge grin. “Dad left my sneakers outside last night and the dog chewed them up. I had to spend forever looking for another pair, and-whoa, who’s this?” Rikku stared at Riku’s slumped form, her eyes wide with surprise. “A hobo?”

“Um, no,” said Yuna, grunting slightly as she repositioned Riku’s arm over her shoulder. “He’s-.”

Suddenly, Riku’s head shot up. He glared at Rikku, his aquamarine eyes so cold and filled with anger that the girl “eep”-ed and backed up a few paces. Riku stood up straight, jerking his arms away from Yuna and Paine, and in a few short strides was face to face with the blonde teenager. He stared silently down at her, his mouth a razor thin line. Rikku was trembling where she stood, too afraid to run away, her eyes fixed on the silver-haired boy’s pale face.

“Oh my gawd,” Selphie breathed, fanning herself in panic. “He’s totally gonna cut her throat or something…”

Yuna and Paine could only stare, Yuna’s blue eyes wide with horror, Paine’s burgundy ones filled with suspicion and anger. Both girls stayed rooted to the floor, though Paine shifted subtly into an offensive position in case Riku tried to pull something.

Whatever Yuna, Rikku, Paine, and Selphie had been expecting from Riku, what came next certainly wasn’t it.

“Olette,” Riku whispered softly, gazing at Rikku as though her mere presence fulfilled all his wildest, most unattainable dreams. “Why did ya leave me? I promise ya, I can change. Jus’ please take me back!”

“Who’s Olette?” Rikku asked, brow furrowing in confusion. “I’m Rikku Gullwing. Are you on drugs?”

Riku looked confused for a moment, then shook his head and replied, “Ya can’t be Rikku, cuz that’s mah name! Olette, please! I miss you! Sora’ll tell ya, I haven’t shut up about ya since yesterday! Please, if you’ll jus’ come back ta me, I promise ya, I won’ call yer romantic comedies ‘crap’ anymore…”

“Whatever,” Rikku rolled her eyes. “Look, you’re obviously whacked. I’m just gonna go…”

“NO!” Riku shouted. As Rikku turned to leave, he lunged forward and grabbed the end of her scarf. The suddenness of his movement caught Rikku off-guard, and she tumbled to the floor, Riku falling on top of her.

“Please Olette!” Riku wailed, clinging to the scarf as though it was a lifeboat in a shipwreck. “I can spend less time wit’ mah roomie! Not a lot less time, cuz Sora ‘n’ me’ve been friends since forever, an’ he looks real cute in his baggy pants, but we can maybe spend an hour on Fridays together before Axel ‘n’ Roxas come over fer Crappy Horror Movie Night!”

“Get the fuck off me!” Rikku shrieked, as Yuna and Paine ran to her side and started to drag her out from under Riku. “I’m calling the cops!”

“Olette, don’ be like that!” Riku cried, still clutching tightly to the scarf. “Axel’ll never lemme live it down if ya dump me like this! Please, can we jus’ go back to the apartment an’ talk about it?”

“You’re a sick bastard, harassing my cousin like this!” Paine yelled. “Get off of her right now, or I’ll-!”

“No one will keep me an’ Olette apart!” Riku shouted at the gym ceiling.

“THAT’S IT!” Paine shouted, and she launched a roundhouse kick right at the small of Riku’s back.

And Paine was wearing combat boots.

Riku’s eyes opened wide in shock, and his mouth dropped open in a silent “o” of pain. The silver-haired boy crumpled soundlessly down to the floor next to Rikku, who leapt up and ran out of the gym screaming “Pervert!” Yuna and Paine ran out behind her, shooting Riku dirty looks as they went.

“AGATSUMA!”

Riku looked up…and nearly wet his pants with horror.

Standing in front of him, glaring down with piercing blue eyes, was his boss, Lexaeus Toshiba. The man’s face was nearly as red as his short, curly hair, and his big, beefy arms were crossed tightly over his chest, which was easily twice as broad as Riku’s entire body. Even the gray sweats the man was wearing looked angry. In short, he was pissed.

Selphie let out a noise that sounded like “meep!” and ran out as fast as her legs could take her.

“Why, Agatsuma,” Lexaeus ground out through clenched teeth, “did three girls just run out past my office from your class, all looking visibly upset? And why was one of them screaming ‘pervert’ loud enough for this entire establishment to hear?”

“Uh, um,” Riku stammered. The sight of Lexaeus seemed to have scared some sense into him. “You know teenagers today, Toshiba-san…”

“I think, Agatsuma,” Lexaeus continued, “that you were drinking last night. You absolutely reek of alcohol.”

“D-Do I…?”

“Yes. You do. And I also think that you’re fired.”

“Oh…oh, no, Toshiba-san, please don’t.” Riku’s face paled in horror, and he stumbled to his feet, wincing at the searing pain in his back. “I really need this job-.”

“You have twenty minutes to clean out your locker before I want you off the premises, Agatsuma.” With that, Lexaeus turned and stormed out, leaving Riku with only splitting pains in his head and lower back, as well as a sick feeling in his gut at what Sora would say when he came home.

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Riku somehow made it home that night and passed out on the bed, his things from the YMCA falling from his arms to the floor. He woke the next morning to yet another pair of angry blue eyes, only this time they belonged to Sora. He sat up in bed, wincing at his backache. “I can explain-.”

“You wanna tell me why I just had to fend off the practically hysterical mothers of a couple girls from your basketball class?” Sora burst out. “They were practically accusing you of child molestation! Riku, what the hell happened yesterday? And actually, speaking of work, don’t you have a class to teach on Fridays? In like… Sora checked the digital alarm clock on the bedside table. “…now?”

Riku groaned, flopping his head back on the pillows. It was going to be a long day.

And his back was killing him.


END

Catch ya on the flip side!

-LiT-