Kinbaku-Bi {Beautiful Bondage}

Three weeks have come and gone since Roxas left. I half expected him to come crawling back…but no, not after what I said to him.

I am starting to lose it so completely…

I can’t stop thinking about him. My relationship with him has left me jaded and confused. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I guess just try to forget about him.

I sit at my desk with Roxas’ picture from my orchid garden in front of me. His bashful face smiles back at me with the purity of an angel as I think to myself how I destroyed that flare in his eyes.

I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you. I never dreamed that I’ lose somebody like you. My thoughts drown in the storm of my mind as I stare longingly into his endless azure pools.

A knock at my door causes me to scowl at the picture and circle his face over and over with my bold red pen. “Come in…” My voice remains stern and calm as I toss the photograph into the trashcan, my eyes wandering to the pile of garbage with his perfection amidst my other mistakes.

My eyes rise to meet those of my new assistant, Namine. Her blonde hair falls over her shoulders delicately and the white cloth of her dress gives her skin an even more pale, angelic appearance.

“Your letters sir…” Her soft voice and smile are soothing as I take the papers and gesture for her to leave. My gaze follows her small steps out the door and I sigh, thinking to myself, it just isn’t the same anymore.

I stare out the window and swear to myself he is standing outside across the street. I blink and his figure disappears. My mind is playing tricks on me. This is foolish.

I finally took the help wanted ad out of the newspaper. I know that after Roxas, my deviant world will never touch Namine. I won’t be needing a new assistant for a while.

Shaking my head in despair, I watch the clock and decide to leave the office for the day. I rise from my seat, gather my belongings and bend down to retrieve the photograph from the garbage. I stuff it into my suit pocket and walk out into the lobby slowly, almost wandering, lost in my own hallway.

“Namine, I am leaving. Forward my calls if they are important and schedule the rest of my clients for next week.”

My eyes don’t even graze over her as I walk out of the door, needing release from this place.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I pull my black jacket off and hang it neatly by the door, sighing with mild relief to be at home once again. Flicking on the lights, I walk over to my orchid garden, staring out into the horizon at the setting sun.

My eyes search over the radiant blooms surrounding me, every color of the rainbow speckles against the twisting vines and cascades over the stone walls, creating a small paradise for me to bask in. I reach in my pocket and pull out the picture of Roxas, tracing my finger over the red markings I made and drop it onto the ground. I reach for a lighter sitting on a nearby table and lower it to the wrinkled photograph.

I sigh and flick the wheel, creating a spark to ignite his angelic face in flames. I’m so sorry Roxas. I tilt my head and continue to examine as his eyes melt beneath the red hot fire, engulfing the rest of his face shortly after. The smell is foul against the fragrance of my garden and I kick the smoldering photo into my small pond, dousing it quickly. A frown spreads across my face as pieces of the blackened picture flake into the water, disappearing forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next few days at work pass like a dream. I am not really there and my employees voices fail to get my attention as I drown myself in paperwork and lock the door to my office.

Standing in front of my orchids, I clip, care for and nurse each bloom to perfection. This gives me peace, a sense of tranquility and I sigh in comfort for the first time in the last few weeks.

Suddenly, a knock at my door startles me and I growl to myself, staring at the knob as it turns reluctantly. Remembering that I locked it, I walk slowly to the door. The persistent banging demands attention and my annoyance builds rapidly.

I swing the door open, ready to scream at whomever is standing outside attempting to disturb me and my eyes widen with shock. My mouth drops open at the sight of those familiar blue eyes staring straight through me.

“Roxas!” My voice shakes beneath my surprise and I stumble backwards as he walks forward to meet me face to face.

“I love you.” Those three words escape his lips and grip my heart in their crushing hands.

“Roxas, you…you aren’t supposed to be here!” I stammer nervously, trying to ignore his determined movements.

“I love you.” He repeats, standing tall before me, desperate and serious.

“I…I don’t believe that to be true.” I shake my head, refusing to believe his declaration of feelings for me. It’s not…possible.

“Well it is! I love you!”

“Roxas, this…this matter has already been resolved and…” My voice trails off as I snatch him by his arm, attempting to escort him out of my office.

He jerks away from me and stares me intensely. “Axel, I love you!”

My eyes narrow slightly as I gaze back into his widened eyes. “Roxas, we can’t do this twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week…”

“Why not?”

I swallow hard at his words and look down at the ground, fighting with myself on what to do. A part of me wants to move on, forget about this and remove him from my retched life. Another part dies to give in and submit myself over to this angel before me.

Roxas storms over to my desk and sits down in the chair, facing me, demanding answers, confessions…something. I don’t know.

I raise an eyebrow at him and approach my greatest fears and deepest fantasies. “Put both your palms on the desk, face down…”

He obeys, pressing his hands to the wood and his eyes take on a lustful, needful glaze. “I want you to make love to me…” He suddenly whispers, tilting his head back slightly and never removing his ocean pools from my crumbling figure.

My heart pounds in my chest and I bite my lip, pushing back the urge to give him whatever he desires. “…keep both your feet flat on the floor and don’t move until I get back!”

Reluctantly turning from his magnetic stare, I rip my coat from the wall and rush down the hall into the lobby. I look around the office, noticing that Namine and Sora have left for the day. I am alone in my office…alone with Roxas waiting for me.

I collapse into the chair of my assistant’s desk, laughing to myself mockingly at the thought of me sitting at his desk and him at mine. This is just too much...

Maybe he will give up and realize this is all impossible.

I nod to myself and walk out of the office, leaving a part of myself behind to be with him while the rest of me cries out into the night, begging for some kind of release.

...........

Silence overwhelms me, shaking me from the darkness. My eyes flutter open, suddenly realizing I must have fallen asleep, in my car. Was it all a dream? I shake my head and my vision comes into focus, looking around at the surroundings of the inside of the vehicle. No...I wasn't dreaming. I wonder if Roxas is still inside and I look out the window at my office. The lights are still on.

I climb out of my car and wander over to the door. I grip the knob and decide not to go in. I still don’t know what to do. I grumble to myself as I walk along the wall to the window of my office.

My eyes widen at the sight of Roxas still sitting at my desk, palms down, feet flat on the floor. I swallow nervously and watch him in complete stillness. Maybe he really does want this.

I reach for my cell phone in my pocket and dial the number to my office, never taking my eyes off of him. The ringing inside draws his attention and he looks at the phone, obviously thinking. Then, to my surprise, without removing his hands from the desk, he leans down and grips the receiver in his mouth.

An irresistible smile grazes over my lips as I hang up the phone and watch him release it from between his lips.

“Roxas…I love you too…”

My whisper trails off to myself as I sink back against the wall, turning away from him and myself.

To Be Continued...