Barflies

“Rassafrassin guildmates leaving me here to guard this stupid lumber mill by MYSELF. Bunch of brain dead, half-witted, grabass, butt sniffing, leg humping….. MALES!” Pixil cursed, chucking a small rock into the bushes nearby, leaves rustling. “How’s a girl supposed to have some fun? Nobody to talk to…. Nobody to….play with…” she sighed, her hand slipping down between her thighs, feeling the heat. “Haven’t had a good lay in…days!” she bemoaned.

Ruckus wasn’t the brightest tauren in the land, hell, he barely qualified as sentient. But, one thing he could do was cause damage, as his nickname implied. Ferdinand just didn’t quite strike fear into the hearts of others; in fact, it got his sexuality called into question and a lot of jeers. Regardless, he was big, beefy, and strong, all of which made him the perfect warrior for his guild, powerful enough to knock over a small house, dumb enough not to question the orders that usually lead to his death. The guild tally stopped after about two thousand, the poor priests just couldn’t keep count. No creature in the land was too much for him to take, at least in his mind, which is what lead to his current situation. Ruckus watched the little gnomette from the bushes, hidden, or at least as hidden as a giant man bull with more plate than a fine china shop can be.

“Easy pickins!” He mused, tendril of drool running down his pouting lower lip as his mind ricocheted about his skull with visions of how he’d annihilate the little thing.

Pixil just giggled as the tauren “stalked” her from his hiding place. She’d been aware of his presence for the better part of the hour, ears catching the sound of him muttering his “battle plan” aloud. Finally, he stood straight up and began plodding towards her, thumping the head of his mace in his hand as he closed in.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“First, I’m gonna take that flag, THEN, I’m gonna squish you!” he declared, with a sense of uncertainty in his voice, as if not sure what he was saying was correct.

“Think you got that backwards sweetie, me first, then flag.” She corrected, cleaning the dirt from under her fingernail with a splinter of wood, not even bothering to make eye contact with him.

“Oh… RIGHT!” he spoke, giving a ‘thumb’s up’, as he smiled under his helmet and nodded. “Now, let’s get to it! I’m hungry for gnomelettes!” he sneered, gripping his mace tight, the head of the great mallet alone was bigger than Pixil, but she didn’t care.

“Look, I bet you’re a great guy, and your guild probably thinks you’re the toughest monster this side of Azeroth, BUT, there’s no way you’re taking this flag.”

“No?” he asked, shoulders slumping a bit as his grip loosened, mace thumping on the dirt. His voice sounding dejected and sad.

“No.”

“OH! May I PLEASE have this flag?” he asked, his voice suddenly jubilant as if he finally figured out some impossible riddle.

“Uh….no” she sarcastically chided.

Ruckus slumped onto his ample rear removing his helmet, as if dumbfounded, which he was. He began scratching the back of his neck as his face contorted into a mask of concentration. Pixil moved to sit next to the big lummox, hand coming to rest on his leg. “You’re new to this aren’t you?” she asked, watching his reaction.

“I don’t plan things so good…” he confessed. “Someone told me ‘Ruckus go get the lumber mill!’, so I go. Only you are here and won’t let me have it, not sure what to do.”

“Well, I suppose I can explain it to you.” She mused, “…ah, then again, I think I’ll just summarize it.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Ah…no.” she answered, hand rubbing her head as she could feel a headache setting in. “OK! USUALLY, when you want the flag and someone from the other team is there, you FIGHT them for it.” Ruckus nodded, reaching for his mace again. “Waitaminit big fella. We’re not gonna fight.”

“We’re not?” he asked.

“No, one, I don’t feel like fighting in this heat, and two, it’d be akin to beating a handicapped person, and I couldn’t live with myself afterwards.”

“I see….HEY!” he accused.

”Look sweetie, I know you’re a big, strong warrior, but it’s true, I’d destroy you.” She soothed, scratching the lump of muscle under his chin, his lips curling into a smile as his eyes closed. “Instead I have a better idea.”

“Ok, what is it?”

“We play a little game, if you play good enough, I’ll let you have the flag.”

“I like games!” He grinned, “How do we play?”

“Well, first, let’s find a place a little more… secret.” Pixil spoke, eyes darting about, settling on a thicket far behind the lumber mill, the undergrowth would be perfect to keep out prying eyes. She grabbed Ruckus by the finger, tugging as she nodded off towards the distance. Ruckus rose to his feet, towering over the little mage as he stared down at her. She stretched out her arms, and Ruckus obliged, lifting her with ease and placing her on the thick ridge that was the back of his neck. Pixil pointed at the thicket she saw and he carried her there, setting her down in the middle of the small clearing of the bushes. He took his seat again in front of her as he leaned forward, eyes focused on her intently as he waited for her to explain this game they’d play for lumber mill dominance. His head cocked in curiosity as Pixil began shedding her clothing before him, her eyes darting back towards the lumber mill, watching for anybody else in the area. Finally, she stood before him completely nude, he gulped nervously.

“Ok, you told me you wanted to eat a gnome right? Well, in this game we play ‘Eat Pixil’, and the game ends when I beg you to stop. Think you can handle it?” She sneered, hands on her hips.

Meanwhile across the basin, Allerdyce, Roderick, and the newest addition to their guild, Laylanna, sat in the mouth of the mine, watching their flag.

“I tell ya Roddy, another ten minutes of this and I’m gonna start jerking off to alleviate my boredom.” Alley bemoaned. Roderick giggled, Laylanna just scoffed.

“You are such the pig” she sighed in her throaty accent.

“Oh come now Laylanna, I’d be more than happy to play with you instead.” He spoke, with a smile befitting a sleazy ‘miracle cure potion’ salesman.

“Pfft, I vould sooner cut off your head than ever let you touch my treasures.” She threatened. “I can think of many other men who I vould like to play with MUCH more.” She cooed, her hand coming to rest on Roderick’s shoulder, the little gnome shivering as his wide eyed gaze stared riveted to the flag, terrified to make eye contact with the strange alien. “Mmmm, if you vill excuse me, I must… how do you say…’vater the bushes’”

Allerdyce watched her walk out of the cave and out of sight. “Hee hee, I’m gonna go watch.”

“Alley don’t! That’s wrong!” Roderick gasped.

“What’s wrong is something THAT freakin hot wanting nothing to do with me! I can’t stand up straight when she’s in the room and I KNOW her kind are freaky in bed, but she acts like I’m some oozing boil covered toad!” he complained.

“She gives me the creeps!” Roderick confessed, huddling himself into a ball. “Have you seen how she looks at me!?” he cried.

“Buddy, you’d have to be BLIND not to see it. I just wonder what she sees in you that I don’t have?”

“A conscience?”

“….shut up before I take you to the farm and toss you to the first horde I see…”

“Ahh, MUCH better!” Laylanna sighed.

“Did you wash your hands? You dirty girl!” Allerdyce stopped smiling when he caught sight of the glare that could bore holes in elementium. Clearing his throat, he rose to his feet. “Well! I know where I’M not wanted! I’m gonna go see what’s shaking at the stables!” he spoke, gathering his things and heading out of the cave.

“Alley! Don’t leave me here! ALONE!” Roderick cried out, arms wrapping around Allerdyce’s ankle like a python. Allerdyce struggled to dislodge the sobbing gnome as he hopped around the cave on one foot.

“Get off me you hyperactive pint sized boob!” he barked, finally kicking Roderick off across the cave to land in Laylanna’s lap, her toothy grin looking down at him as eyes glowing of azure stared at him like a predator.

“You are hardly alone my little…” she spoke a word that Roderick didn’t know, probably in her own tongue. “You haff Laylanna to keep you company and…’play’ with!” She cooed, smooshing the little gnome into her ample bosom, muffled groans and flailing of protest coming from the rogue.

“Lucky little sonova…” Allerdyce hissed as he turned to leave.

Laylanna pulled Roderick from her mammary prison and brought his stunned face to hers for a fierce kiss, her tongue assaulting the dumbstruck gnome’s mouth, sliding along his teeth. She broke off, evil grin on her face as she placed him on her knee, her arms reaching behind her to unclasp the simple metallic brazier that passed for “armor”, pendulous lavender breasts bouncing into view, dark purple nipples came to a stop, hard and ready for attention before his eyes. “Homina, homina, homina…” Roderick babbled incoherently as she cupped his face in her hands pulling him up to another hungry kiss, Laylanna panting furiously as she kissed Roderick like a long lost lover. Despite his apprehensiveness and state of shock, Roderick felt a familiar lurch in his britches.

“Oh Rawderick!” she moaned in a husky tone. “You haff no idea how long I haff vaited to get you alone! I vant you SO bad it HURTS!” she confessed, “Can you feel how bad I hurt for you?” she asked, grabbing his hand and placing it at the junction between her thighs, the heat of her mound radiating through her shorts. Instinctively Roderick began to rub her, making the much larger woman sigh, her thighs closing on his hand.

“Oh my….” He gasped.

“Yes… vill you kees it and make it better for your Laylanna?” she faux cried. Roderick swallowed hard as she leaned back, thighs spreading, causing him to slide between her legs as they flared out and came to rest on his shoulders, closing behind his head.

Ruckus nodded his head one final time as he removed his shirt, clad only in his britches. Seemingly sure of himself as he answered Pixil’s challenge. Helping her down to lie on her back, his massive head hovered over hers, lips pursing as he moved in. Pixil’s hands came to rest on his snout, pushing back. “No offense big guy, but I’m not one for big slobbery kisses.” He took offense, eyes averting from hers, grabbing his nose ring Pixil pulled him down and placed a gentle kiss on the top of his snout. “But thank you for the thought.” She soothed, sighing as the hot puff of his breath warmed her chest, her ample (for a gnome) breasts jiggling as she shuddered, nipples hardening. Ruckus slid out his tongue, trailing down her chin, over her throat, and down to her chest, pausing to place a kiss. His large hand easily circled around one breast as his maw moved to the other, licking and kissing until he could slip her small nipple into his mouth, listening to her coo as she gripped him by the horns, her thighs squirming as she could feel the call of her body that refused to be ignored any longer, familiar dampness spreading. A squeal of frustration came from her throat as the strong bull refused to remove his mouth from her teats and move lower, where she needed that big, soft, hot tongue. Pixil could feel her heart flutter as Ruckus finally began to move ever lower down her body, a trail of saliva along her chubby belly, across her tiny navel, over her bare mound, to the puffy lips of her pussy, engorged inner lips poking out, moist and ready. She cried out as his tongue made contact, a broad swipe of his tongue that covered every nook and cranny on the surface of her sweet gnome pussy in one stroke. Her legs lashed around his head, draping over the horns on either side of his head as she pushed her groin against his snout. Ruckus was forced to grab her by her tiny derriere and pull her back so that he could continue to pleasure her, thumbs sliding up between her thighs to pull apart the lips of her drenched cunt, his tongue sliding up from the pucker of her anus to push past the mouth of her sex deep into her tunnel. Pixil cried out loud as the thick worm of his tongue spread the walls of her pussy, insides quivering as his tongue flexed and curled, touching places she didn’t know existed.

“Oh! Oh! OOOoooOOooh!” she cried out, “More! More dammit more! Stuff that tongue in my pussy you fucking beast you!” she moaned, sounding like a woman possessed as she tugged almost painfully on his nose ring, making his eyes water. Her eyes flew open as she felt the tip of one fat finger poke at her back door. “No!” she gasped, “Don’t you dAAAaaaAAAre...” she moaned as the thick digit stubbornly pushed past her sphincter into her. “So thick! So thick! It’s too big!” she mewed weakly, hips gyrating as she suffered through his assault, his hot mouth clamped firmly over her pussy, tongue gently fucking her pussy as his finger gently frigged her anus. Her eyes crossed and her vision became cloudy as the pleasure built, beginning to drool as her pale blue eyes rolled back into her head, muttering to herself. She could feel that all too familiar pressure building deep in her tummy, slowly moving towards her sex. “I’m gonna... ung! “she grunted, “g-gonna... UNF!” she grunted again, “gonna CUuuuUuUuUuuuuuuUUUuM!” she groaned, body going stiff as her pussy gushed on Ruckus’ tongue, her tight anus clamping down even tighter on his finger. Her body began to go into convulsions as it continued, Pixil making all manner of groans, squeals, and ‘woof’s. Ruckus couldn’t help but look around in panic, terrified he’d broken the poor little thing, fearful of her teammates finding him. Finally, her body went limp, eyes completely rolled into her head as she made a gurgling sound, chest heaving. Ruckus’ finger slipped from her anal cavity as his tongue retreated into his mouth, the fur of his face slickened by her juices and onslaught of girl cum from her orgasm. Gently he prodded her, shaking her lightly, checking to see if she still lived.

“Oh please don’t be dead miss! I just wanted to win the game!” he almost sobbed.

“I….I….I think I’m in love….” She babbled, vision finally coming into focus, Ruckus’ worried face staring back at hers, crouched on all fours over her, she reached up to grab his nose ring again, making him smile in relief, as she pulled him down to kiss him full on the lips. His eyes closed as he enjoyed her kiss.

“I thought you didn’t want me to kiss you?” he asked.

“You…earned….it” she panted, making him smile, beaming with pride. She smiled back; something prodded her in the stomach, catching her attention, as she looked down with him to stare at the massive tent in his pants poking her. Their gazes both returned to each other’s faces, Ruckus’ eyes averting from her as they darted from side to side in obvious embarrassment. Pixil flashed a wicked grin. “Figure we should do something about THAT too, don’t you?” Ruckus just stuttered something, gaze averted as Pixil began to slide down underneath him, like a dwarven tank mechanic sliding under his rig. Staring up at the confined monster she couldn’t help but giggle, a damp spot at the tip, obviously from the bull’s precum.

Ruckus was still stuttering some explanation, oblivious to her movements, only to stop as he felt a tugging at his britches, her skilled hands unbuttoning the fly of his pants. “Wait missus you don’t have to..” he began to protest in panic, his voice going unheard as Pixil’s hand reached in to fish out her prize, her tongue sticking out as she concentrated in lust, her hand coming in contact with the hot, solid piece of meat she was looking for. Gripping what she could, she pulled it out of the hole, the tip of his shiny black cock snapping out of the opening to slap her on the cheek, leaving a splatter of hot precum. Ruckus’ head snapped down to stare under his body as he heard her voice gasp in shock.

“Missus are you...” he trailed off as he felt her hands circle about his cock, gripping it behind the fat, flared head. A bellow came from his throat as she gently pumped him.

“It’s HUGE!” She cooed as she stared cross-eyed at the monster pointed lewdly at her face, the shiny tip so close to her nose she could feel the heat it radiated. His musky smell filling her nostrils as she pumped him vigorously with glee, a giggle and moan of unmitigated lust came from her as a bead of precum bubbled up from the tip and fell to her cheek. More drops followed as she milked her ‘cow’, Ruckus just grabbing handfuls of grass and dirt in white knuckles and holding on as this ravenous little person mauled his privates. With a deep breath, Pixil lifted her sodden face up to stuff as much of the tip as she could take into her mouth, tongue swirling over the head as she suckled on it, hands sliding up and down his shaft, pulling more of his tangy precum down his cock to squirt into her waiting mouth. Ruckus couldn’t help but thrust his hips, trying to stuff more cock into her small mouth, succeeding only in sliding the little gnomette along the grass. This gave her a wicked idea as she pulled off his cock temporarily, hands never letting go, as she hooker her arms under her breasts. She pulled the throbbing tip down between the valley of her cleavage as her thighs rose up to clamp on his cock, her hips turning to press the bud of her clit and slick lips of her pussy against his shaft. Stuffing the tip of his cock back into her mouth, she provided the horny bull with a full body ‘toy’ he could fuck, doing just that as he humped on instinct. Soft thighs, busy hands, warm, silky skin, and a hot mouth at the end provided ample stimulation as he rocketed towards orgasm. Pixil could feel his heavy testes through the material of his britches as they rested on her raised feel, her toes jostling them as Ruckus made all manner of noise fitting his name. Finally he made one last desperate thrust, head rearing back as he bellowed, tail flagging, body going stiff. Pixil heard him roar and had just enough time to return her gaze to the cock she was surfacing as she watched it swell and the first hot, thick blast of cum flooded her mouth, streamers bursting from around the tight gasket of her mouth to drizzle down her chin. Pixil pulled off as she coughed and sputtered, succeeding in only catching another thick pulse in her agape mouth, her lips shutting as she tried to swallow what she had. The next heavy squirts painting streamers over her face and hair, sliding down her to pool on her chest, to the ground below them.

With one last buck, and one final weak squirt of cum, Ruckus fell to his side next to Pixil. The two were panting noisily as they recovered, Pixil wiping greasy globs of semen from her eyes and face, trying to clean her hands on the grass. Staring at the bull in awe, he could only chuckle as the poor sperm soaked gnome tried to clean herself of his thorough hosing. Taking pity, he removed his shirt from his pile of gear and handed it to her. Pixil thanked him as she cleaned herself with the makeshift towel. The two dressed, smiling and talking as they basked in the afterglow of a pair of most delicious orgasms. Handing Pixil her stave, Ruckus sheepishly smiled as she placed another kiss on his snout.

“So, did I do good?” he asked, “Did I win the game?”

“Yes, yes you did a most splendid job.” She admitted.

“So, that means I get the flag?!” He asked in excitement.

“Ah….No.” she stated coldly, her hands glowing as she cast an incantation.

”But…but….but!” Ruckus weakly protested.

“Sorry sweetie, but at least we had some fun, right? Look me up some time, I’d LOVE to get another taste of tauren ‘milk’.” She cooed. In a flash of light, Ruckus was gone, and in his place wandered a dumbfounded sheep. “I really am sorry about this…nothing personal, it’s just a game! I can’t tell my teammates I let some smelly hordie have the lumber mill, it’d ruin my reputation.” She tried to explain, the sheep staring at her with woeful eyes as a massive fireball flew from her hands, a weak bleat could be heard as it vanished in a puff of ash.

“What happened to you?” the orc asked as the two waited for the spirit rezzer to bring them back to life.

“Aw, I got beat off by a girl gnome mage…” he sighed.

“Haw haw haw!” the orc laughed, “Ruckus lost to a girl crumply in a fight!”

“Aw shut up! Stop laffin!” Ruckus protested.

“Oh Rawderick, please help your Laylanna!” she cooed. “Make the luv to me you precious little gnome!” hips lifting off the ground as her panty clad groin was thrust into his face. Roderick just sat dumbfounded, arms at his side as Laylanna’s legs wrapped about his head like a thick lavender scarf. Laylanna waited a second, becoming impatient. She reached out and slapped him upside the head, shocking him back to reality “MAKE THE LUV TO LAYLANNA!” she shouted, causing the gnome to spazz out, flailing with her undergarments, trying to get them off. “The sides my precious Rawderick, grab the strings, yes, there, and there, yes, now pull. No, not like that… yes, that one…Here, let me…” she sighed, pulling the knots loose, causing the waist of her underwear to come apart, the fabric sliding off her body to reveal her pussy to the gnome, a small thatch of white hair lay neatly trimmed above her moistened slit. “Please do not tell me that I haff to guide you from here gnome…” she sighed.

“Um…no, NO! I know what you want! I mean, I think I know, but then again, you may not like it! I mean some girls like fingers other don’t! I mean I think I’ll start with...” Roderick started to explain in his ever faster fashion.

“Just shut up and lick Laylanna’s pussy!” she almost screamed.

”Oh! Right!” Roderick chirped, hands clasping her buttocks as he began to lick her, first licking along the outside of her pussy, then moving ever closer, sliding along, over, and eventually between the engorged, meaty lips of her pussy. Spreading her dark purple outer lips to sample the juicy bright pink insides, Laylanna moaned and cursed in her native tongue as Roderick lapped at her vessel. He could hear the rhythmic clicking of her hooves behind his head as she lay back to enjoy his attention. He had to admit, even if she was a bit too… forward, she was indeed sexy as hell, not to mention tasty! Diligently he licked her every fold, taking time to lap and suckle on her large clitoris.

“MMmmmm, yah, joost like that Rawderick! Oh you are doing SO good. You know what Laylanna wants now don’t you?” she asked in her husky voice. “Give to me. Give your cock to me.” She panted. Roderick nodded, unzipping his pants as Laylanna relaxed her death grip on his head, her large, luxurious thighs sliding down his sides as she came to rest on the cold stone of the mine’s floor. Roderick’s erection sprang into view as he tugged the waistband down, shuffling on his knees so that he was in position. Laylanna nibbled on her lower lip as she watched him move, her inexplicable lust for him at its peak. With one hand on her pelvis, the other aimed the fat purple head of his cock at her entrance; he pushed forward, finding her impossibly tight.

“Pee hole! Pee hole! Remove it!” Laylanna barked in pain. Roderick fumbled as he pulled back, realigning his member, and pressing forward into a more welcoming warmth. She was surprisingly snug for someone twice his size or he was well hung for a gnome. He preferred it to be the latter as opposed to the former, for ego’s sake.

“Oh Rawderick! At last I haff you in me! Now fuck your Laylanna! Fuck her like the vild animal I know you are!” she cried out, head thrashing as she squeezed and pulled on her nipples.

“Alley was right!” Roderick thought to himself. “Total freaks!”

Gripping her wide hips, Roderick set to thrusting, his pace fast and furious. The sound of their fucking filled the cave, grunts, slaps, and moans lingering for all to hear. Roderick felt like a million gold, impaled on his cock was this beautiful, exotic creature, breasts swaying as he thrust into her. Her face angelic as her eyes squeezed shut, biting her own finger as she squealed in bliss. “OOOooooooooh! Am cuuuuuuuummeeeeeeeng!” She cried out, pussy clamping down hard, lewd gurgles coming from her sex as it convulsed on Roderick’s cock. Roderick gripped her left leg, picking it up and turning her to her side, thrusting right through her orgasm as he pushed into her, deeper than before.

“Oh Rawderick! Please! Take mercy on your Laylanna! I can not! Not again! Not….OOooooooOOoh!” she cooed, every muscle straining in her body.

“I’m gonna cum Laylanna!” Roderick warned, her hand reaching down between her thighs to pull his sodden member from between her nether lips, leaving one last sticky ‘kiss’ as she rubbed and pumped his slick cock over her abdomen. Her face a mask of concentration while the jerked him, Roderick kneeled over her, one hand on her right thigh, the other holding the waist of his shirt out of her way. He grunted aloud as his balls tightened and a streamer of cum squirted from his cock to splat on her flat stomach, two more issuing forth to cover her tummy and the underside of her large breasts. Laylanna cooed as she milked his dribbling, flagging erection onto her. Finally no more would come from the gnome and he pulled her randy hand from his now over sensitive cock.

“Veeery good Rawderick!” she giggled, “You give your Laylanna LOTS of luv!” she spoke as she ran her long, supple fingers through the puddle of gnome spunk on her belly, scooping up some to taste it. She smiled around the finger in her mouth as her other hand reached out to tussle his hair.

“Uh… excuse me guys. I ah…see you’re busy…Was just wondering if you minded if we take this flag? We’ll leave you guys alone, just want to finish the game.” The troll spoke, eyes wide as he observed the whole scene, his gaze never leaving the nude, cum covered draenai.

“Knock yourself out.” Laylanna said with a smile, “I am not yet finished with this one!” she cooed, hugging Roderick to her bosom again.

The game ended in victory for the Alliance, close, but a victory none the less. They all stood gathered around the bonfire basking in their victory and chatting it up. Allerdyce brought Roderick a beer and the two sat side by side.

“So, I take it she didn’t try to murder you or anything. See, you’re a big wuss! Well, to be correct you’re a little wuss, but a ball-less whiner none the less.” He teased.

Roderick merely took a sip from his beer, and without looking at Allerdyce or missing a beat spoke, “The carpet matches the drapes.”

Allerdyce just frowned, taking a heavy hit on his beer. “Shut up…” was all he said, defeated. He smiled as a familiar hand playfully slapped his cheek, giving him a wink. “Hey Pixil!” he chirped, Roderick’s gaze flashing to Allerdyce, then to his sister.

“Oh great, what do YOU want?!” He asked

“Nothing from YOU idiot.” She scoffed. “What’s that on your shirt anyways? Looks like frosting.” She asked, scooping some on her finger, bringing it to her mouth. Roderick went wide eyed when he realized what it was, but before he could protest, she slipped the finger in and sampled it. “Bleh, not frosting!” she lamented, “Anyways, I’ll catch you guys later; I gotta meet somebody in a few.” Playfully she socked Roderick in the arm and walked over to Allerdyce, giving him a hug and whispering something in his ear as she grabbed and squeezed his cock through his robe. Allerdyce’s eyes lit up as he returned her hug, sneaking in a naughty squeeze of her behind. Roderick’s eyes locked with his as Allerdyce watched her leave.

”What?” he asked.

“You know damn well WHAT!” Roderick glared, sipping his beer.

“Seriously, NEVER touched her, you’re goin crazy!”

“I’ll touch YOU if you do! And not in a nice way!” He threatened

“I don’t think so little buddy; looks like your hands are spoken for!” Allerdyce smiled.

“What’re you…” Roderick didn’t have time to finish as he was scooped up and slung over a large female shoulder.

“If you vill excuse us mister Allerdyce, I haff needs of thees one.” Laylanna said, walking away.

“Not at all my dear! Be sure to rough him up real good!” Allerdyce joked.

The next day found Allerdyce on his usual stool, doing the crossword puzzle in the day’s copy of the “Stormwind Free Press”. “What’s a five letter word for weak Wade?”

“Alley!” a voice called out.

“I was asking Wade, Bill. Keep interrupting the grownups and I’m going to tell your mom to take away your allowance.”

“You ain’t man enough to do my ma!” Bill chided

“Not without a bag over her head, but then again, I bet YOU ain’t man enough to do your ‘ma’ without a bag over her head.”

“Tell me again why I don’t kill you on sight?”

“A, I’m too cool to kill, B, Without me there wouldn’t be an adequate representation for ‘evil’ to set the bar with, and C, I got the hookup when it comes to nude pictures of Tyrande!” Allerdyce explained.

“So true…. She’s got one hell of an ass…” Bill added.

“Shhh! Not too loud Bill, Rob might hear you and get jealous! Then where are you gonna stick your tiny orc soldier?”

“Behave!” Wade said, refilling Alley’s mug. “And the word is ‘frail’.”

The door creaked open and in staggered Roderick, looking all the world like a disheveled hobo. Climbing up his stool, he lay clinging to the bar for dear life.

“You look like ten tons of gnoll feces…” Allerdyce said, sipping his drink.

“Shut…up…” Roderick weakly protested. “Ice please…” he asked Wade with bloodshot eyes. Wade filled a leather flask with ice, handing it to the gnome.

“It’s not going to help a headache Roderick…” Wade said.

“It’s not for my head…” Roderick spoke, lowering the bag out of sight, a small sigh and a weak smile came over the gnome, “It’s for my balls!”