Skywalkers

8: Ripples in the Calm

"Hello?"

"Sora, it's me."

"Squall! How are y- … Wait. You're calling me. Why are you calling me? Oh no, did someone die?"

"No, Sora, no one's dead."

"Then why are you calling me? You never call me. I always have to call you."

"That is not true."

"Yes, it is. You only ever call on my birthday or holidays. Is it my birthday and I just forgot? Kairi! Is it my birthday?"

Leon sighed heavily and dropped his head into his free hand. Sitting across the table from him, Cloud looked up from his breakfast and raised an eyebrow in question. Leon shook his head to indicate that he didn't want to talk about it. Sora could be so obnoxious sometimes, although Leon suspected that more often than not the kid did it on purpose.

Of course, he could be a pain in the ass as well if he wanted. That's what brothers were for. "Kairi's with you? It's only eight o'clock in the morning. I thought college kids slept in when they didn't have classes."

"Um … yeah … you see … well …"

He smiled wickedly at Sora's obvious embarrassment. Revenge could taste so sweet. Across the table, Cloud snorted at his expression, but Leon ignored him. He listened to Sora's spluttering for a few seconds more before deciding to let him off the hook. "Don't worry, I won't tell Mom. Just remember the rules I set for you."

"No sex in the kitchen," Sora recited dutifully. "We've followed it. I promise."

"Out of curiosity, has Kairi spent any time in the guest bedroom, or has she spent all her nights in the main bedroom with you?"

"With me," he answered immediately, all traces of embarrassment gone.

"So the guest bedroom is basically untouched?"

"Yeah, it's pretty much the same way you left it."

"Good. Clear off the dust for me, will you? I'm coming to visit."

Dead silence greeted this announcement for at least thirty seconds. Then, just as Leon was about to see if the line had disconnected, Sora cried, "What?"

"Ouch."

"You're what?"

"No, that's okay, I'm not deaf in one ear now. Thanks for asking."

"You're visiting? It is my birthday, isn't it? No, it's Christmas. Did I pull a Rip Van Winkle and sleep until Christmas? Kairi!"

Leon grit his teeth and resisted the urge to bang his head against the tabletop. "Put Kairi on, will you?" he growled. "I can't talk to you when you're like this."

"Way ahead of you, Leon," Kairi's gentle voice replied. It was pure, sweet music to his still-ringing ears. "You're visiting?" she asked.

"Yes."

"When are you leaving?"

"Today. Just as soon as I can get packed. Sorry for the short notice."

"That's okay," she assured him with a light laugh. "It is your house after all. How long will you be staying?"

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "A while. And Kairi?"

"Yes?"

Here came the tricky part. "I'll be bringing a friend with me."

For a moment, she said nothing. Then, she ventured carefully, "A … female … friend?"

"No. A male friend."

"Oh, okay." This seemed like less interesting news to her; Leon couldn't blame her for thinking that. He had only found out yesterday that he was a switch-hitter like Sora.

As for his little brother, the brat was now going off in the background about the fact that Leon had a friend. He seemed to think it signaled the end of the world. "Would you please tell Sora to shut up?" he asked Kairi, trying to keep his anger in check. "He's making it sound like I'm some sort of antisocial recluse."

Cloud snorted again and dipped his head to keep his expression hidden from Leon. Kairi, however, had no qualms about saying what they all felt. "But, Leon, you are an antisocial recluse."

"Whatever. I hate you all."

She laughed prettily. "We know. Well, drive safely and … . Wait a minute. 'All'? Is he there with you right now?"

"At eight in the morning?" Sora added, his voice coming through loud and clear.

Leon ignored them both. "I'll call you right before I hit the road so you know when to expect us. Thanks, Kairi." And he hung up before anything else could happen. Sighing, he sent a glance in Cloud's direction and commented, "My family is too observant for their own good."

Cloud had recovered himself and offered a sympathetic look. "What are you going to tell them about me?"

Leon shrugged and reached for his coffee. "I'll think of something."

The rest of breakfast passed in silence, each man keeping company with his own thoughts. Leon's dwelt solely on the problem of himself, Cloud, and their future together. In particular, when should he let the other know that his feelings ran deeper than friendship? If they were both free of emotional baggage, he'd tell the other right away - he was far too old for teenage jitters, and he had been through enough in his life that rejection no longer scared him. However, they most certainly were not, neither of them. Leon had to figure out how much grief and loss lingered in him over Rinoa. He sure as hell didn't want to start into a relationship with Cloud only to find himself racked with guilt and doubt. Plus, his transition from straight to bi had been so fast that he suspected it hadn't sunk in all the way yet. Again, once he started having doubts, he didn't want Cloud to already be in the equation.

And then there was Cloud himself. The blond was so strong to have fought his abuse rather than give in to it, but the experience had clearly shattered his self-esteem. Last night had made that perfectly clear. Leon feared that if he admitted his feelings now, Cloud would view any subsequent support on Leon's part as an attempt to get him into bed. On the other hand, if he waited, Cloud might rightfully accuse him of not being honest with him, and anything Leon might have accomplished up to that point would be thrown out as manipulation and lies. So it came down to dealing with constant resistance as Leon helped Cloud heal or running the risk of having it all be for nothing. And then there was the possibility of the scars from Cloud's abuse causing him to just offer himself to Leon like he had done last night, and if that happened, Leon would have to get a firm grip on himself and make sure he didn't give into temptation. It certainly looked to Leon like there was no easy answer to this question.

"Are you finished?"

He looked up to find Cloud standing next to him, the blond's hand hovering next to Leon's mostly empty plate.

"Yeah."

"Okay." The hand closed around the edge of the plate and lifted it to join the one in Cloud's other hand. "I'll clean up then."

Leon couldn't help it. He cocked an eyebrow at Cloud and asked, "You're going to do dishes?"

The blond frowned at him. "It's just putting them in the machine, right? I can do that. I'm not completely helpless in the kitchen."

"Sure, I know. You're really good at loafing around, snatching food, and generally being a pest. You do that very well."

"Leon, I'm currently holding a knife. Yes, it's just a butter knife, but you have nothing at all. Are you sure you want to be antagonizing me right now?"

"Point taken. Carry on."

With a small smile and a shake of his head, Cloud turned and walked to the dishwasher. Leon nursed his coffee and watched him. It was nice to see the blond doing something domestic. It felt normal, like something that could happen on any given day. It was, Leon realized, a wonderful feeling to have.

Once Cloud had filled the machine and started it up, he paused with his hand on the counter and his head slightly drooped. Leon could tell what was coming, even before the other inhaled to begin speaking. He could see it in the curve of his shoulders and the width of his stance. Dear God, I can read Cloud so well now. I guess it shows just how much I love him.

"Leon, I'm sorry about last night."

"It's okay," he replied calmly. "Forget about it."

Cloud lifted his head in surprise and stared at him. "Forget about it? I molested you."

Leon smiled gently in an attempt to let the other man know that he really wasn't angry. "We all have poor judgment and make bad decisions when we're tired or upset, and you were both."

He had hoped that Cloud would just take his response and accept it, but he had forgotten about the other's pride. At Leon's words, the blond dipped his head so that his hair covered his eyes. The hands that hung at his sides clenched into fists, and his arms began to shake slightly. His lips had twisted into a nasty snarl, and they trembled with emotion. Just as Leon was about to feel afraid that something near him was going to ignite, Cloud exploded.

"I just don't understand! Why are you so nice to me all the time? I've completely ruined your life! Because of me, you have to leave your house. Because of me, your very life may be in danger. Because of me, there are machines in your head! And what do I do? I try to fucking rape you! No, don't touch me!" Leon had risen and taken a step forward, but Cloud lifted his arms in defense against him and took a step back. His pleading eyes gazed directly into Leon's, trying to get him to understand. "I would have done it, you know. I would have. I knew that you didn't want it, knew that you're straight and still mourning, but I didn't give a shit. All I could think about was easing my own pain."

Leon's heart was bleeding; the self-loathing in Cloud's eyes was killing him. "Cloud …" he tried.

But Cloud wasn't listening. He had shrunk into himself, looking small and fragile as he leaned back against the counter. "I'm like a pestilence, Leon," he said quietly. "Like some sort of disease. I'm so selfish and cowardly that I end up destroying everything I touch. Everything I come close to. I'm a human black plague."

"That's enough," Leon interrupted harshly. He regretted the tone of voice immediately as Cloud flinched and shut his eyes, but he did not regret the sentiment. Cloud's dive into depression and self-hate had gone on far enough; he would end it right now. All his questions and doubts about timing had disappeared. If complications arose, he would deal with them, but Cloud needed to know, now, that someone loved him and forgave him.

"Cloud, what would you say if I told you that having you crash into my bushes is the best thing that's ever happened to me? Excepting perhaps meeting my wife."

Cloud frowned heavily and kept his face turned away. "I would say you're lying just to make me feel better."

"All right. What would you say then if I said that I think more runs in my family than just messy brown hair and a stubborn streak?"

Minutes passed, so many that Leon thought perhaps he had been too subtle. But then, Cloud's eyes opened and he gazed at him with a blank expression of shock. After a moment, he replied, "I would say that you're still lying."

Leon didn't back down or even pause. "Is there any way I can prove it to you?"

Several long, heavy heartbeats passed; then Cloud said, "Yes. There is." Slowly, he straightened himself and stood normally. He looked directly at Leon and instructed, "You can't say a thing. Or move at all. Promise you won't."

"I won't. I promise."

"All right then." Cloud took a step towards Leon. And then another. And another. He closed the distance between them and kept on closing it. The whole time, he kept his eyes locked on Leon's face, and Leon did his best to look back even as the air around him thinned and the temperature rose by several degrees. He thought Cloud was about to kiss him, but then the blond stopped, their faces mere millimeters apart and yet not touching.

Leon shut his eyes and struggled to breathe. He could feel every inch of Cloud's body, not through touch but through the heat the other gave off. His arms and lips burned with the desire to reach out and pull the blond to him, to kiss him until neither of them could stand. But he had promised not to move, so he didn't, calling on every ounce of self-control he had. It was maddening: feeling Cloud's breath on his lips, bringing the warm and moist air into his own mouth and down his throat to his lungs. Intimate parts of him were tightening and swelling, his heart was racing, and his short breaths were quickly becoming panting gasps. But he wasn't allowed to do a thing.

After a moment, Cloud moved. He shifted his footing and brought one leg between Leon's, again not touching but so maddeningly close that Leon's eyes rolled back in his head and he had to bite his tongue to keep from groaning aloud. Cloud's face moved from in front of Leon's to next to it, and he slowly moved his nose and lips from the base of the neck upwards to the ear, touching the tips of Leon's hair ever so slightly, his breath gusting softly over his skin. It had to be the most sensual thing Leon had ever experienced. Moreso than sex itself, for at least the act of foreplay allowed for some release of tension through touch. This kept all of the tension firmly in place while it built and built and didn't stop.

Cloud was testing him; Leon knew it. Testing his ability to keep his promise and respect Cloud's wishes, but also testing the level of his attraction to the blond in response to Leon's last comment. Because of this, Leon didn't fight the feelings of arousal that were running rampant through him. He didn't try to mask his heavy breathing or subdue the faint trembles that shook him out of growing want. Cloud needed to know just how badly he turned Leon on. He needed to know it and believe in it.

After what seemed to Leon like a lifetime of torture, Cloud stepped back and looked at him with wide, stunned eyes. "You're not lying," he murmured.

"No," Leon panted, "I'm not." He took a moment to swallow a few times and shake some of the tension out of his arms and legs. Once he trusted himself to speak again, he added, "I wouldn't lie to you. Not about this."

Cloud had backed off even more, now standing by the sink with his hands on the edge of the counter. He chewed his lip fretfully, his eyes glazed over with concentration. "I … I'm … I'm going to need time to think about this."

"That's fine," Leon assured him. "I still need time myself."

A small smile pulled at the corners of the blond's mouth. His eyes slipped sideways to glance at Leon. "I bet you do," he replied with a bit of teasing.

The other's tone made Leon want to grin like a moron, but he suppressed it. Cloud was just starting to recover from his bout of depression. Acting like an idiot would only scare him. He managed a shrug and commented, "We'll have six hours to think today, and then if that's not enough, I'm sure we'll be able to find a bit of quiet time later. Sora does have classes after all. He can't be there all the time."

To Leon's great delight, Cloud chuckled and stood up straight again. "You make your brother sound like the biggest brat in the history of the world."

"Oh I'm sure a bigger one existed at one time. Somewhere. Now, I'm going to go take a shower, and then we'll pack and get going. All right?"

"But Leon," Cloud cocked his head at him, trying and failing to look innocent; he was definitely back to his normal self, "you already took a shower this morning."

"I need another one," Leon replied calmly, ignoring that smug smile. The damn brat knew exactly why he needed another shower. The evidence was practically waving at him.

Cloud lifted his hand and tapped his chin with a finger. "Hmm, you may be right. Perhaps I'll join you."

Leon's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You do," he stated, "and you die."

He turned sharply on his heel and exited the kitchen. Cloud's ringing laughter followed him all the way down the hall.

xXx

Leon heard Kairi's cry of "Look out, Leon! Incoming!" seconds before his little brother crashed into him.

"Squall! I'm so glad to see you! How was your drive? Any bad traffic? Weather okay? Want me to help carry your bags in? Is this your friend? Hi! I'm Sora. Nice to meet you. Come on in. Kairi's making dinner, so I hope you're hungry. It's some sort of Mexican casserole thing. Do you like Mexican, Squall's friend? I hope so, since it's what she made. I can't cook, you know. Not like my brother. Anyway, give me that and I'll carry it in. Come on!"

He ran off again, carrying a large suitcase in each hand. Cloud stood for a moment beside the car, shell-shocked, as Leon snickered at him.

"Told you so," he laughed. He slipped an arm around Cloud's shoulders and pulled him towards the house. "Come on."

At the door, Kairi held out her hand to Cloud and smiled. "Hi, I'm Kairi, Sora's girlfriend. Don't mind him. He'll calm down in a bit. He's just so excited that Leon came to visit."

"Cloud," the blond replied, taking her hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too," She turned her attention to Leon and asked, "Did you think to bring the air mattress? I forgot we only have the one extra bed. If you didn't, there's the couch, I guess."

"It's okay," he shrugged. "We're adults, and it's a king-size. We'll be fine." Beside him, Cloud's cheeks turned slightly pink, but he pretended not to notice.

"Okay then." She led them inside, and the traditional receiving of guests began, even though it was technically Leon's house. Kairi ushered Cloud to a seat while Sora dealt with the rest of the bags, shooing Leon away when he tried to help. Everyone ended up with a drink, and eventually, they all settled onto the couch and accompanying seats in the living room.

"So, Leon," Kairi smiled as she perched on the armrest of the chair where Sora sat, "how long have you and Cloud been friends? I mean, you never said a word to either of us. How did you meet?"

Leon took a sip of drink and replaced it on an end table before replying, "I've known Cloud about a week. He's a dimension-hopping alien who crashed into my hydrangeas one night. I took him in, patched up his injuries, and now I've decided to help him find a decent life here on Earth."

Next to him on the couch, Cloud choked on his water. As soon as he could breathe again, he turned wide eyes to Leon, not believing what he had heard. Leon just smiled to himself. He knew his family well.

Sora and Kairi were staring at him, blank looks on their faces. Then, Sora sighed and said, "Geez, Squall, if you didn't want to tell us, you could have just said so."

"No, I couldn't have. You would have hounded me mercilessly."

Kairi giggled a bit behind her hands. To Sora, she commented, "I bet it was something completely commonplace. Like they met at the grocery store or something."

"Oh, yeah. In the checkout line. 'Excuse me, but do you realize you have eleven items and this is the ten item or less lane?'" Kairi laughed openly at his imitation of Leon's voice.

Leon picked up his drink and smirked deeply into it. He knew his family very well. Cloud threw him a small look of admiration before returning his attention to Sora and Kairi who were now recreating their entire imagined meeting. As he listened to their completely silly dialogue, Leon couldn't help the small feeling of warmth that blossomed within him. It was actually nice to be home for once.

Dinner was pleasant, and Leon was happy to find that Kairi's cooking had improved. The two of them swapped recipe ideas and other culinary opinions while Sora talked Cloud's ear off about how great it had been growing up with Leon as a brother. Only once did Sora try to gain information about Cloud, but the blond simply played along with the "alien" idea and Sora promptly dropped it. He was having too much fun bringing out every embarrassing memory he could to care much anyway.

After dinner, Sora helped Kairi clean up while Leon and Cloud waiting in the living room. Leon relaxed on the couch, but the blond roamed around the room, looking at the family pictures and making the occasional comment.

"Your hair is so much shorter," he said, pointing to Leon's wedding photo.

"Yeah, my mother insisted that I get it cut. Biggest day of my life and all that. She wanted me to look presentable."

"I like it better the way it is now," Cloud remarked idly. "It suits you."

The soft, almost affectionate tones of the other's voice provoked a mild blush to appear on Leon's cheeks. He hid it by pretending to cough and turning away in the process. But when Cloud spoke again, the difference in his voice made Leon turn back quickly.

"Who's this?" The question held a note of surprise and alarm, and the finger that pointed to the photograph shook just slightly enough to be visible.

Leon stood and walked over to Cloud's side so that he could see where the blond indicated. He had found a picture of Sora when he was eight years old. His little brother grinned happily at the camera, one of his arms slung around the shoulders of another boy, slightly older with honey-blond hair and ice blue eyes. The smile on the other child's face was a bit smaller and had a tinge of cockiness to it.

"That's Riku," Leon answered the question. "He was Sora's best friend for years. They were damn near inseparable."

"Riku," Cloud repeated. He had closed down his face to Leon, carefully guarding his thoughts away. "Was Sora's best friend? What happened?"

"Well …" Leon hesitated, unsure as to whether he should reveal his brother's past sadness.

"He disappeared," Sora's voice broke in, taking the decision away from Leon. The smiling brunet stood in the doorway, and when they turned to look at him, he strolled forward until he stood between them. He hooked his thumbs in his pants pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Disappeared?" Cloud inquired, still stone-faced.

"Yeah. It was one of those awful 'kid snatched out of his own bedroom in the middle of the night' things. No one knows what happened. There were never any ransom demands, and they never found his body. He just vanished."

"My sympathies."

Sora smiled even more. "It's okay. I'm not sad. Everyone else has given him up for dead, but I believe he's still alive somewhere. I figure he blocked out everything that happened to him so he doesn't remember me or Kairi or where he used to live. That's why he doesn't let us know he's okay. But I still think he is. Somewhere. And I think that someday, the three of us will be back together again."

Leon reached out and ruffled Sora's hair affectionately. "It's been twelve years, almost thirteen. Even his parents have given up hope and moved on."

"I know," Sora replied. "I just think that if he had died, I would have felt it. You know. Here." He covered his heart with one hand. "Kairi thinks so, too." His bright eyes turned to Cloud as he asked, "What do you think? Squall thinks I'm nuts. Do you?"

To Leon's surprise, Cloud answered in a low tone, "No. I don't think you're nuts, Sora. But …" His eyes lifted and bored into the photograph before him. "I do think you should give up hope of ever seeing him again. It's been so long. He's probably changed so much that you wouldn't recognize him even if you did meet."

Sora considered this for a moment before shrugging. "That's okay. I'd still be happy to see him again. I really doubt Riku could have changed enough for me to not want to be his friend."

Cloud smiled, but Leon could tell that it was forced. "Well then, I hope you find him someday." He turned from the photos and walked away, leaving Leon to wonder what had happened to destroy the blond's good mood so quickly and completely. As Sora wandered off to find Kairi, he looked again at the picture - at the blond hair shining in the sun and the blue eyes crinkled slightly with a smile - and shivered. He had no idea why.