Forget Horizon

Kaidan awoke before Shepard the next morning. He'd led silently for a while and listened to her careful, rhythmic breathing pondering what he should do. A part of him was almost tempted to try and sneak away, he wouldn't leave her without a word of course he'd send a message or something and tell her that their night had been great but he wasn't sure they could really make anything of it but even to him that sounded cowardly. Besides hadn't he declared last night that he still loved her? How was running off going to help him, if anything it would probably drive him more crazy and he didn't really want to hurt her again like he knew he had on Horizon.

But it wasn't just the thought of possibly hurting her that kept him lying beside Shepard in her bed, he did love her and that should mean something more shouldn't it, if anything shouldn't love be worth the effort. He knew it wasn't going to be perfect and it was going to be hard to accept everything that was going on, they may have been on the same side but the Alliance and Cerberus were never truly going to be on the best of terms, but somehow they should at least try to make it work right?

Besides throwing away the first woman in a long time that could make him feel like that was probably a really stupid thing to do, the night before Ilos had definitely not been a fluke. It made him hard again to just think about her writhing beneath him, back arched and head thrown back in abandon as his name is screamed from her lips. No he really would be a fool to just throw all that away because he was sure if he just walked out on her in that moment Shepard would never give him another chance, he would have hurt her pride far too much. And anyway his little memory trip had left him wanting something else entirely.

He looked down at her still silently slumbering form and smiled, his fingers trailing along her jaw and tracing the faint red marks that still peppered her skin from his onslaught of bites the night before. He truly hadn't meant to be quite so rough but he'd found he just couldn't help himself and Shepard hadn't really seemed to mind at all given the sort of words and sounds that were spilling out of her mouth.

As Kaidan's mind wandered his fingers continued to trail along Shepard's jaw and the light tickling sensation began to stir her from sleep. Her dozing mind couldn't make sense of what it was but it tickled almost like an insect, she twitched her head trying to flick whatever it was away successfully rousing herself some more from her slumber. The tickling stopped and was replaced by a touch that didn't move, just a soft resting of pressure along the line of her jaw which was certainly heavier than any insect she'd ever come across. Curious Shepard managed to crack her eyes open a little, sleep still clouding her vision and it took a few blinks before she could properly make out the outline of Kaidan lying beside her, his hand resting on her face.

"Hey." Shepard said with a sleepy smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Kaidan replied, planting a light kiss on her forehead.

"I'm glad you did. Don't ask me why but I had some crazy dream that you weren't going to be here when I woke up and, well, I'm pleased you still are."

"Yeah," Kaidan frowned slightly wondering whether to admit what he had been deciding on but quickly figuring it was probably best not to mention it. "I'm not going anywhere, not right now anyway."

Shepard shifted higher in the bed so she was not hooked under his arm against the broad expanse of his chest, as much as she liked being held in that position. "That's good because I really don't want to let you go again Kaidan and you should know that I'm pretty good at getting what I want."

He laughed, a low rumbling in his throat, at her words. "Can't deny that, but you know I'm going to have to go sometime Shepard. I mean this is just shore leave, I'm still with the Alliance and you're…"

"Cerberus, yeah I know." She cut across him in a dismal tone hating the reality check he was so good at broadcasting. "But this time around our jobs going to be the same, the whole universe will eventually be getting in on this and if Cerberus and the Alliance ca be working a little more closely, well, I'd be all for that idea."

Kaidan sighed, "I know you're right and I'm all for the idea, Cerberus funding or not I know that with you leading the ground team the job would get done and with the universes best interests in mind, I know how YOU work Shepard, but the bigger picture is going to be volatile."

"Maybe, but if we concentrate on fighting amongst ourselves then the Reapers are going to roll right through and take out the lot of us, human or not. We can't afford the pettiness, no one can right now. So I figure we work together to get it done and let them all fight it out after without me, because once this is all over I'm going to need one hell of a vacation. Saving the galaxy should be more than enough in the way of repayment for brining me back from the dead, at the end of all of this Cerberus can fight their own battles."

Her little speech made him smile, the stories of Shepard working for Cerberus had stunned him and he had to question just how strong her loyalties to the organisation and their questionable exploits were but he should have known Shepard still just had her own agenda; stopping the Reapers was all that really mattered to her and if she couldn't get it done with the Alliance then the opportunity to do it with outside help must have been very welcome, even given the way it had presented itself.

"You really don't feel any loyalty to them?" Kaidan had to ask.

Shepard shook her head. "I did I'll admit, in some way at least. They spent a hell of a lot of time and money rebuilding me, I didn't ask for it but I sure as hell was grateful, am still grateful. But no, I don't trust or agree with a lot of the things they do and the Illusive Man is the worst of it. He's a little like me in a way, willing to do pretty much anything to get the job done, he just doesn't seem to have quite the same sense of loyalty to the people that help him as I do."

"What about the Alliance, would you consider coming back?" He found the question having to be asked again, albeit a little hesitantly.

She could sense the hope in his tone and the way he was carefully avoiding her gaze. It was a nice idea, the Alliance had been her family for such a long time, but so much had changed in those past three years it seemed almost impossible. "I just really don't think I can Kaidan," She said shifting as close to him as she could, pressing her body against his side and curling her arms around his neck. "Too much has changed, they abandoned me and after all of this Cerberus business I'm not exactly sure I'd be welcomed back. And besides, it's not like we'd ever be crewed together again Commander Alenko, no need for two Commanders on one ship now is there."

She had a point and he knew it, "Yes I suppose you're right, I just…well what do you think you will do?"

"I really don't know Kaidan, we'll just have to play it by ear. To be honest the way things have been this past year, or even before that, it seems like tempting fate to plan even a week in advance. There's a hell of a lot of shit heading our way Kaidan and I think just trying to get through it on the winning side is most important right now." Shepard didn't like the serious turn their conversation had taken, although she was glad they were having it because it was important however as he'd said this was shore leave and after all of the stressing she had done over her choices in the galactic core she'd finally started to relax and enjoy herself. "Well, that and enjoying the last bit of free time we have in what might be a long time."

Kaidan smiled as Shepard swung one leg over his body and was suddenly sat straddling his waist. "I take that as a hint that the time for serious conversation has past."

She grinned back and kissed him quickly. "I'm glad we talked, but as we've got all that to come I want to enjoy every last second I get to spend with you to the fullest. I love you Kaidan, whatever the future holds for us nothing is going to change that."

He didn't reply but pulled her down into a hard, passionate kiss, his arms surrounding her and pressing her tight to his body enjoying the moment before rolling her onto her back; finding himself pressed between her legs. "I love you too." He whispered a moment before entering her; drawing a ragged moan from her lips.

Shepard wrapped her legs around his back to pull him deeper, relishing in his lips as they played delightfully on her neck. This has to be perfection, she thought to herself as she met his rhythmic thrusts with the rising of her hips and if there was the possibility of more of it to come after the final fight with the Reapers Shepard was going to make damn sure the both of them survived it; after all what else was worth risking everything to save the galaxy for if not for love?