And So...?

Dammit! There is so no way Riku is this good at video games! Look at him, all snarky and smirking... Ugh. He makes me so mad sometimes.

Because he's totally cheating!

I glare at him from across the couch, where I scooted after he beat me for the third time at Street Fighter. I didn't want to be distracted by touching him because I really had to beat him!

But now I know it. He's cheating.

I don't know how, but he's doing it.

"RI-KU!" Crap, I'm whining... "You're cheating! It's not fair! I dunno how you're doing it, but you are, and if you don't quit I'm gonna whack you with this controller in the face!"

He knows I'm serious, because I'm staring at him hard. But all he does is smirk back at me.

"Well I figured it was okay to cheat after you cheated back in the movies." He rolls his eyes and his smirk only grows. "I mean, come onSo-ra, scared you can't beat me in a race? Had to get a head start?"

"So you were cheating!"

Hey. Wait a minute. Did he just say that I'm slower than him?

"RIKU! I am not slower than you and you know it. Besides, I've beaten you a bunch of times at tons of st-"

And suddenly I am tackled off the couch, to the ground, have my controller unpleasantly wedged between myself and the floor, and am being pinned down.

How all this happens in the span of five seconds? I don't know. Riku happens, I guess.

Gah I feel lame. How does he always do this?

Ooooh. He's got me pinned. Hehe! I'd enjoy this if it weren't for that... damn... gah, no matter how I moved it's still there! ...horrible controller in my back!

"Firstly, Sora, I was not cheating." Were too. He's such a fart-face. "Secondly, you are definitely slower than me as proven by the fact that currently I win. And I will win forever, and you know it. Thirdly, you must be punished for having cheated, because cheating is against the pact of males, for in any battle, in order to truly win, you must be fair. So, now you will be punished."

What?

How is this fair at all?!

Shit! Oh no, he's moving his knees up to my arms... Oh god oh god not this,please anything but this! But he's not stopping, and the weight of his knees pushing on my arms is brutal, and no matter how I try to flail my legs I just can't seem to kick him off...

He's straddling the top of my chest, and I can feel him pulling the collar of my shirt down to expose my poor, defenseless upper-chest neck place that I don't know if it has a proper name, and SHIT his fingers are right there and he's going to do it and I'm gonna diiiiieeee!

"Riku, come on, let's think about this, is this really necessary man?" I pant, panicking, "I mean, this is torture,Riku! Please don't! Please!"

He looks at me with that superior look he used to give me before we left the island, his grin widening and looking absolutely evil. Bastard.

"Ah, but Sora, fair is fair. You have to take what's coming to you."

And his fingers descend.

AHHHHHH! It tickles sobad I just want it to stop I want to killRiku because this sucks so hard AHHHHH please just make it stop!

"Hahahaha! Riku, s-st-stop! G-g-hahahah-get offfff!" I wail, trying to at least annoy the hell out of him, but from what I can see he's enjoying himself far too much to care.

Damn him for figuring out my tickle spots when we were eight.

"Nuh-uh, Sora. You're not finished yet."

But I feel one of his knees give just the slightest on my right arm. Yes! Fast as lightening (I am so faster than he is) I yank it out from under his fat ass (he's so heavy!) and manage to push him a little and unbalance him long enough for me to free my other arm and shove him over once more. He lands on his side with a thud, and I'm up and running from the game room toward mine, intent on getting there and locking the door until he apologizes for torturing me in cruel and unusual ways for no reason.

He snatches at my foot, but misses (hah!) and I yank open the door and prepare for the two-yard dash to my room at the end of the hall.

Damn but he is kinda fast (though certainly not faster than me)!

----------

Haha, Sora thinks he can outrun me! Doesn't he realize not only am I taller, but just all around slightly better?

Hehe. I'm such a cocky asshole sometimes.

It reminds me of before Kingdom Hearts... But anyway, back to the action.

He's just ahead of me, and I swear I feel the fabric of his shirt as I swipe at him, trying to get him back on the ground so I can prove that I am faster, better, and not a cheater.

Even though I was totally cheating at that game. What? Sora kept beating me, and, well, I was already ticked enough at him, so I used a few combos I knew he wouldn't know. Besides, I've had that game since before I could walk; I know what's up in Street Fighter.

But he picks up speed just as he reaches his door. Uh-uh Sora! You're not locking me out!

I shove my whole weight against the door right as he tries to close it, and it comes popping open, hitting the wall.

Wha-BAM!

"Wha--"

CRASH.

Pop.

-Wheeeeeeeeeeze-

Oh. Oh, no. Sora, you complete idiot-face dumb ass! You didn't just... mybed, my precious bed...

Sora is smiling at me sheepishly from on top of my fully made air mattress bed, which is now uselessly deflated on the floor.

"Umm... You shouldn't have tickled me?" He says helplessly, getting up and moving as far away as possible.

My bed! My comfy bed! The bed that has survived multiple sleepovers and was meant to provide me a fucking place to sleep tonight!

Dammit, Sora.

He knows how protective I am of my stuff, and he's made it all the way to the other side of the room, standing flush up against the wall. I cross my arms and glare at him.

"You're gonna pay for that eventually. And I don't mean cash."

He rubs the back of his head, smiling anxiously.

"C'mon, Riku, it's not that big of a deal... It's just a mattress, right? I mean, we can just buy you a new one and it won't be any problem... No need to freak out..."

"Sora, that's not the point," I sigh, uncrossing my arms, walking to his bed, and plopping myself right down on it. I lay across the bed, and tilt my head back to look at him. "Just where am I supposed to sleep tonight, huh? I'm not taking the couch. That thing sucks to siton, much less sleep on. What do you suggest Sora dearest?"

He looks like he's thinking for a moment, then looks flushed, like he can't decide what to say.

"You could... Um... you could sleep..."

I'm so taking his bed.

"I'm taking your bed, since it's your fault anyway."

He looks at me, surprised. Then he looks slightly miffed.

"Hey! You can't take my bed! Where am Isupposed to sleep? Riku! That's not even fair!" He breathes in, eyes moving quickly, "Besides, you're the one that started all this crap by tickling me for a totally gay reason!"

Huh. Interesting choice of words. Unfortunately, they are literally true.

He seems to realize what he says, and flushes when he sees my raised eyebrows and smirk.

"Uh... I mean..."

I laugh a little at him. He's so damn cute and stupid.

"Forget it, Sora." But a little white lie never hurt. "Besides, it wasn't for a gay reason, it was to get back at you for being totally unmanly and cheating back at the theater. Also for acting like a girl while watching the movies. You have to man up, and I'm you're trainer!" I say, emphasizing the last part by frowning and hitting my fist against my chest in a half salute.

Sarcasm is practically radiating from me.

He looks at me for a moment, then bursts out laughing. And I laugh at him laughing, and suddenly we're back where we started right after I got out of the shower and before anything really strange happened tonight.

And it's these moments with Sora that I can't help but love.

When we've finished laughing, I sit up, and look at him, expression suddenly much less full of humor.

"But seriously, I'm taking the bed."

He looks at me, still chuckling (giggling, really), and shakes his head.

"Fine by me, but I'm still gonna be in it!"

Stubborn little shit. I glare at him, re-crossing my arms and sitting Indian style in the middle of his bed, staking claim.

"You didn't hear me. I said I am taking your bed. In other words I, your gay friend, will be sleeping in your bed."

Because I'm slightly panicking, because I am sleeping in this bed, Sora or no, but preferably without so I don't do anything stupid.

Maybe I should sleep on the couch?

But then I think of all the shit Sora and I have spilt on it, the time Sora laughed so hard he peed a little on it (he was eight, but still it's funny), all the crap that's built up over the years, and last but not least, how uncomfortable it is.

Hell no I'm not sleeping there. Or the floor. I have allergies.

Which is why I have a damn blow up bed in the first place!

"And you obviously didn't hear me. I'm still gonna be in it," He laughs, "I don't give a crap if you're gay. What are you gonna do, rape me? You've had years, Riku, and if you haven't already then I doubt you're gonna."

Wow, Sora. Just... wow.

I shrug my shoulders. Inside I'm a nervous wreck though. Sleeping in a bed with Sora? This might be a little hard.

"Okay, whatever."

And that's the end of that.

-------------

He's sleeping in my bed! Holy shit! I can't believe it!

Like he'd rape me. Shit! I'm probably going to rape him! What? Crap! I don't even know. I'm excited! I'm nervous... Hurray!

I grin at him, happy I've finally won a verbal argument with this tongue-twisting maniac I call my friend and super-crush.

I'd like to get twisted with his tongue.

Ah! I'm blushing. Stop all naughty thoughts, Sora, they aren't going to help at all and you know it!

I check the time on my watch, and realize some of my late-night cartoons are coming on.

"Hey, Riku, let's go watch some T.V. for a little while then go to bed. I dunno about you but this has been a really long day." I yawn, emphasizing my point. I just want him in bed with me!

Maybe I could cuddle-rape him while he's asleep? Just kinda crawl up there, ease into his arms, and just stay. That'd be nice.

What if I kissed him?

I shake my head really hard. No. Bad Sora, no cookie. We do not rape our friends in any fashion. Ever. Because it's bad.

But is it really that bad? I mean...

Shit. Riku, you're making me go crazy.

--------

"Okay,"I agree, because some cartoons would probably calm me down right now. Just get my mind off of the fact that I can choose between the shitty floor or sleeping with Sora and trying to resist temptation.

Would it be so bad if I just cuddled with him a little while he was asleep? I mean, it's not gonna do any harm.

Maybe. Maybe I'll take the chance.

But for now I'm leading the way back to the playroom (really just a tiny room with a couch and T.V., game systems etc.) and we're sitting down on the couch, with Sora staking out the middle of it again. And, once again, our knees are touching as he sits cross legged, and we're laughing and doing nothing.

And it's pretty nice, I must admit.

But then Sora is turning to me, and asks me a really strange question.

"Riku, how did you figure out you were gay?"

Huh. Weird.

What do I even say to that?

"Um... well... I just kind of figured it out when I started... I guess.. I... Sora!" I shake my head at him. "Why are you even asking me this?!"

He looks down at his lap, and I could swear he's blushing in the dark.

He takes a really deep breath, and holds it, puffing his cheeks out and making him look freaking molestable.

"Well," He starts, slowly letting out that breath, "Well the other day I was talking with Tidus like you know and he said some things and I got to thinking about some stuff and I don't really know well that's a lie I do know but it's weird and complicated and I don't really understand but the point is I think I'm-!"

Come again?

Are you finally telling me, you nitwit?

"You think you're gay, Sora?" I ask, and he nods, not looking at me at all. I sigh, having already known this, but still questioning him all the same. "Sora, dude, you don't just realize your gay because you have a conversation with someone. It goes back a while. You realize that things haven't been right for a while and maybe you've had... feelings... for another guy before, or maybe you noticed how much attention you pay to guys. But Sora, man, it doesn't just come from talking about it with Tidus."

He looks up at me, finally, and looks exasperated. "But what if I said I know I'm gay because I have a crush on another guy!"

I look away because inside of me I feel a really deep, sharp pain that I can't identify. It feels like I'm having a small panic attack and someone is stabbing me in the chest simultaneously.

Only because I know it isn't me. If it were, he would have realized he was gay a long time ago... Not just started having a crush on me. And I can't even properly explain how much that hurts. Besides, I can't make him happy, and I won't ever really. Not after all of it.

"Well, then I'd say, maybe you're gay. Or maybe you're bi. Or maybe, Sora, you're just confused."

He sits in silence for a moment, then sighs.

"I don't really wanna talk about it anymore," He says, looking tired. "Really I just wanna finish this and go to sleep. I think you're right, I'm probably just tired and confused."

See? I'm always right, Sora.

"Okay." I say, but then think hard about the conversation we just had. I still want him to know he can always talk to me, but I didn't really act like it just then because I was a little hurt and irritated. "It's okay, Sora. You can always talk to me about anything. Just remember that."

He looks over at me and smiles a little. "I know, Riku. Thanks, man."

"Always."

And so we sit, and we finish Sora's show, and then it's off to brush the teeth, change to pajamas, and go to bed.

I'm wearing a shirt tonight. No half-naked Riku around sleeping Sora, because I think that would just be asking for something bad to happen.

God I can't stop thinking about that conversation we just had. As I'm scrubbing my teeth and filling my mouth with minty foam, I can't help but think about how hurt I was. Not by what he said, but by the fact that I already knew it. That Tidus already knew it. He just didn't tell me.

I stop brushing me teeth.

But then again, I didn't tell him about my three year predicament with being in love with him until a few days ago, so maybe I am being a little idiotic.

Yet either way, it still hurts. It's lose all around.

A. I am not the one Sora likes. If I were, wouldn't he have made a move by now? That almost-kiss doesn't count, by the way, because he's still confused and he was on top of another guy for the first time since he figured it out. I probably would have done the same to Tidus back in the early days.

B. Even on the scant chance that I am the one he likes, I would never be able to be with him, because I know I can't really make him happy. I couldn't give him what he needs. I never really could.

I don't realize until my mouth starts to sting that I've been holding in the toothpaste foam spit concoction in my mouth for about thirty seconds. I quickly spit it out and rinse my mouth out, yanking off my overshirt and leaving on my white undershirt and boxers.

Sora is already in bed, already turned on his side with drool coming out of the side of his mouth. I shake my head and flip off the light, using my ninja skills to navigate to the bed.

"Sora?" I whisper, semi-poking him in the side.

"Wha? Riku? Just get in already. I'm sleeping."

I roll my eyes.

"Move over, jackass."

"Oh, right."

He scoots over and he's instantly out again, gently snoring, this time on his back. As I crawl in, rolling on my side to look at him sleep and squish as far away from him as possible, I just think about how freaking beautiful he is.

And suddenly I'm not so far away from him anymore. The minutes pass, and my breathing becomes harder. I just... maybe I could just steal one kiss. I'll never have him, and maybe I could live with just once. Just to pretend that he's mine, and I'm kissing him goodnight, and he loves me and will be in my arms until morning.

And then I'm above him... And I just...

---------------

My name is Sora, and I'm a nervous wreck. Riku is brushing his teeth in the bathroom while I pretend to be asleep, because my heart is racing and there is no way I'm getting any sleep tonight.

I hear him come out of the bathroom and the light click off. He pads over to the bed, and I hear him whisper my name and feel him poke me gently in the side. I pretend I'm sleepy, but inside I feel like I just drank twelve cups of coffee.

"Wha? Riku? Just get in already. I'm sleeping."

"Move over, jackass."

Duh, I'm in the middle of the bed.

"Oh, right."

Maybe laying on my back will help my heart calm down. God, this is insane. What was I thinking?

I feel him shuffle around for a while, and then I feel warmth next to me. He must have shifted over in his sleep... I mean, it's been at least twenty minutes (feels like hours, so we'll go with twenty minutes), and he has to have fallen asleep by now.

But then something strange. He's really close now, and I have to force myself to breathe. Is he awake? What is he doing?

And then I feel it.

His lips on mine, soft, gentle, and trembling.

I inhale rapidly, and before I know it, my hands are in his hair and I'm forcing him to stay there, holding him in this perfect moment. He's so gentle, so beautiful, and he's kissing me! Kissing me!

But he yanks back fast as lightening and my world is shattered and I'm left with only a strand or two of his hair left in my hands. I sit up fast, but he's already off the bed.

"God, Sora, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I can't... I just..." He looks up at me, backing away. "I have to go!"

And he dashes out of my room, running full-force.

"RIKU!"

I jump out of bed and race after him, but by the time I've gotten downstairs he's out the door, and by the time I get there he's run down the street.

"RIKU! WAIT!" I scream, running down part of the sidewalk.

But then I slow down. Because he's not slowing down.

I can feel myself starting to cry.

"Riku... Come back..."

Tears sting me as I realize what I've done.

I've lost him.

I'll never have him the way I want him, and he'll never let me make him happy.

"Riku... Don't leave me... Not again..."

Oh God, I'm crying.

--------------

Fuck.

Fuck.

He woke up, he kissed me back. He put his hands in my hair.

Shit.

I'm Riku, I'm in my boxers and a t-shirt, and I have just fucked up.

I kissed my best friend.

I have no where to go.

Shit.

Shit.

-------------

A/N: Whew! What a beast. This baby took a while to write out, and I hope it's okay. It was a little difficult to get started at times, but here it is, and it is what it is. Please review, so that I know you enjoyed it! I really like that I'm on alert and favorites, but I want to hear what you guys have to say. Criticize me, I beg you!

Much love.