Barflies

“Heya guys!” Roderick piped as he entered the bar, his trademark grin seemed twice as big, sunlight gleaming off his pearly whites as he walked to his stool. Allerdyce was reading the paper and sipping on a rather unmanly drink as his gnome colleague plunked down beside him. “Guess what day it is Alley!”

“Bath day?” he asked, not bothering to look up from the paper. “You do smell less like old cheese and gnoll feces than normal.”

“No! It’s a special day!” he said, unphased.

“Double rep day in Arathi?”

“NO!” he spoke, growing frustrated. “It only happens ONCE a year!” he hinted.

“You got laid?”

The gnome just threw his hands up in frustration. Turning, he motioned to Wade to bring him a beer, the goblin set the frosty mug in front of him before heading into the kitchen.

“Relax my petite mentally under equipped pal, today we go into Zul’Gurub! If there’s one thing that brings me joy, it’s killing things, and sex…. well…sex more so…” Allerdyce mused. “Which reminds me, I need to drop in on Asphixia some time soon, been a while since I had some good raunchy fun.”

“Alley, are you going to marry her?” Roderick asked. Allerdyce sputtered, coughing on his drink.

”What’re you nuts?! Like I need THAT kind of stress in my life!”

“I dunno Alley, she’s such a smart, nice girl, maybe some of that would rub off on you!” Allerdyce turned to face Roderick with a scowl.

“Roddy, why don’t you go have a staring contest with a basilisk?”

“Aw Alley! Be nice! It’s my special day!” Roderick frowned, seemingly a little sad.

“There’s nothing special about today Roddy, you’re just as dim and annoying as you were every day before it.” Allerdyce sneered. Roderick slumped a little, turning in his stool to face the bar, his cheek rested on his hand as he spun his mug in slow circles.

Finishing their drinks they began to rise and make their way. Allerdyce paid his tab and grabbed his cloak, flashing a wink at a rather sultry looking brunette, who promptly flipped him off. Roderick reached for his coin purse when Wade touched his hand, looking up he saw Wade shaking his head ‘no’. “It’s on the house today Roddy.” He said, Roderick smiled and thanked him, gathering his things. He waved at the same sultry brunette Allerdyce had, watching as she blushed a little and smiled, returning his wave.

Roderick and Allerdyce had been sent to Zul’Gurub to scout it out and gather intelligence before the brunt of their guild was dispatched to investigate rumors of a resurrected Hakkar, a dark god of terrible power. The temple seemed simple enough, much like the other troll cities nearby. Vines wrapped around the various statues and walls of the city, making it seem as if it had grown out of the jungle itself. The two had scouted out much of the city with little event, a sentry or two had to be neutralized, but other than that, they were undetected. Roderick was unusually quiet and distant as he slinked through the jungle without making a sound. His sword and dagger clinched in a tight grip as he stopped, listening for something. Allerdyce tip toed towards him, whispering as to what Roderick had heard. Roderick’s hand went up in a ‘stop’ gesture as his eyes scanned over the terrain around them. Roderick was the first to move, bolting forward, rolling as he hit the ground, a dart ricocheting off the stone wall mere breaths from where he had stood. Allerdyce froze, frantically searching for any sign of life, crying out in pain as another dart pierced his leg. He began hobbling in the opposite direction, only to see a group of three trolls heading his way, blowguns in hand. He barely had time to turn to run before two more darts caught him in the back and buttock. His vision began clouding as he reached out for Roderick who was running towards him, blackness setting in as the gnome was mere steps from him.

Roderick barely had time to reach his friend before the trolls closed in; dodging their clumsy blows he dove into the undergrowth nearby, the trolls giving chase, losing the little gnome in the thick tangle. He could see them from a safe distance, poking their spears into the bushes trying to find him. His eyes moved to his unconscious friend, watching in terror as two more trolls approached, gathering the mage and taking him away. A rustle nearby caught his attention as he spun his head, just in time to see the feral eyes of a troll as she pounced on him. They rolled downhill for a ways, bushes rustling as their bodies tumbled. Roderick had a firm grip on her wrist, blocking her dagger from piercing his skin as his other hand held her by the throat. They continued rolling until Roderick’s head struck a rock, the lights going out suddenly for the gnome as he hit with a sickening ‘smack’. The troll gathered his small form in her arms, looking to her surroundings before scurrying off.

Roderick awoke to the feel of a gentle warmth brushing over his head wound over and over. His eyes slowly opened to be filled with a pale blue pair of healthy breasts, bulging against their animal skin confines. His head throbbed as he reached up to touch it, gasping as his hands stopped midway, bonds on his wrists preventing him from reaching further.

“Wh-what are you doing?” He squeaked, thrashing a bit. She slid down his chest, face coming into view, amber colored eyes looking into his as she licked his blood from her lips.

”You taste so good.” She moaned. “I’m gonna enjoy eatin’ you up!” She grinned, soft lips pulling tight, revealing a tusked smile. Roderick’s eyes grew wide as his thrashing renewed. “Struggle all you want, makes you tired and easier to fillet!” she spoke, reaching for a jagged knife that lay near Roderick’s head. His eyes followed the gleaming blade as she brought it up to her body, both hands clinching the hilt as she raised it over head, meaning to plunge it into his chest.

“WAIT!” He screamed. “Don’t kill me! Please! I don’t wanna die on my birthday!” he sobbed.

“Jalalla be hungry little man.” She spoke, dagger lowering slowly. “But she’s not one to eat someone on their birthday without a little ‘present’ first.” She said with a wink. Her hands set the dagger down and moved to his chest, undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“What’re you gonna do?!” He asked in fear, eyes locked on her thick fingers as she removed his shirt.

“Dis!” She exclaimed, sliding down to kiss and lick his bare chest, the tips of her small tusks poking his chest, making him shiver. Her mouth closed on one of his little nipples, sucking and biting at them gently. Roderick groaned and squirmed, feeling a familiar bulge begin forming in his pants, despite his knowledge that the person suckling him was about to gut him like a fish seconds before. Jalalla nursed on his nipples as her hand slid along his abdomen before slipping into his trousers. He gritted his teeth as her rough hand found his cock, fingers wrapping around it as she groped him. Her other hand reached down to undo the band of his britches as she licked up his chest to his throat, mouth taking in some of his flesh to suck on. She pulled down his pants and undergarments in rough jerks, tossing them to the floor, her hands returning to his groin to cup his penis and testes in each hand respectively. She rolled his soft balls around as she felt him grow to full erection. “Not bad” she said, looking at it.

“Hey!” he shouted.

“Well, it’s not very big for a troll, but good enough to get the job done!” she panted, moving her head down his body, tongue sliding along his flesh until she reached his hairless groin. Her tongue trailed up his shaft in a long slow spiral before flicking the tip of his cock, she pressed it flat against her tongue before stuffing him into her mouth, head sliding down his shaft bit by bit until her nose pressed against his skin, her breath hot against him. She raised up, suckling on him, letting him fall from her mouth with a ‘pop’ before stuffing him back in, bathing him in hot saliva. Roderick moaned as his would be murderer had her way with him, sucking him to the brink of orgasm, his eyes clinching shut as he felt his cum ready to explode. Suddenly she broke off all contact, leaving his saliva coated cock throbbing in the humid jungle air.

“Not yet!” She teased, listening to him whine in frustration, his hips grinding at the air in frustration. Her hands gripped his shoulders as she moved her hips over his, settling on him, he could feel the heat and juices of her pussy on his cock, her being bare underneath her loincloth. She rocked back and forth on him, slickening his cock with her honey as she smiled down at him. Rising up she aimed his cock, Roderick could only feel, as the loincloth blocked his view, as she lowered herself onto him. Both moaned in unison as he split her open, her lithe bottom coming to rest on his now aching balls. Her walls squeezed him as she shifted her weight forward, her pussy sliding up his shaft as she began to hump him. Roderick’s eyes rolled back into his head as he enjoyed the best sex of his life. She was wild, ferocious, primal, and hotter than a molten stream. He gasped as she returned to bite his neck and suck on it, a large welt already on one side from her earlier ‘attack’. She reached her hand down to stroke her own clit in circles as she rode him, her own orgasm approaching as she coupled with her soon to be dinner. Her hips began bucking faster as she grinded on her clit. Her head rose up to the ceiling as she swore in troll, her already tight vessel growing even tighter, milking at him. Roderick squeaked as she gripped and pulled at his rampant cock. Crying out he began to cum, his seed flowing into her fast and hot. His eyes watched her helplessly as she again reached for the knife, raising it overhead. He couldn’t move, frozen in orgasm and fear, as he watched her bring the blade down, the blow never coming as a hand wrapped around her mouth from behind, jerking her off his still spurting cock, a dagger coming across her throat and slashing it, all seemingly in slow motion. Roderick heard her body hit the floor, a sickening gurgle coming from her throat as she expired, unable to see as his bonds held him tight to the table. Suddenly his hands and legs were freed and he sat up to see who his savior was.

“Are you ok Roderick?” The soft voice asked, a leather clad hand reaching out to stroke his cheek. The hooded figure bent over to look in his eyes.

“I think so…”he stuttered, eyes beginning to tear up as the full impact of what had happened set in.

“There there Roderick…” The voice soothed, reaching up to remove the hood, the kaldorei spoke, hugging the gnome to her bosom. “…it’s going to be alright. Let’s get you dressed.” She spoke, reaching for his garb.

“P-please don’t tell anyone Mel...” he begged. “I’m so ashamed…” he sobbed. She patted him on the back as she hugged him close.

“Not a soul will know of what transpired. You have my word.”

“Thanks Mel, you’ve always been like a big sister to me.” He confessed, as she brushed a tear from his cheek.

“You’re a dear friend Roderick…” she admitted. “I’d hate to lose you. It’s fortunate I was dispatched to scout the area.”

“But Allerdyce and I were dispatched to scout the area!” He said, confused.

“Yes… well, they knew you guys would provide a nice distraction so that someone who’s a little more…stealthy…could get in.” Roderick frumped at this, Melinda chuckling and tussling his hair. She scooped the gnome up and set him on his feet, adjusting his armor for him.

“How do I look?” he asked.

“Very fearsome!” She smiled, replacing her hood.

The two snuck around the compound looking for any sign of Allerdyce they could find. Finally arriving at a large hovel in the southwest. There they spotted Allerdyce, tied to the wall, his face swollen and discolored from what must have been a merciless beating. Half of Azeroth would have rejoiced, but Roderick didn’t, he was glad to see his friend breathing, but angry over what had happened. Something began to build deep inside Roderick, something he’d never felt before. Melinda looked at her friend as his hands gripped his weapons, knuckles cracking as he trembled.

“So, which one of you buck toothed pussies is gonna hit me next?” Allerdyce stammered. “Wouldn’t be so tough if I wasn’t chained to a wall…and tenderized…and…bleeding internally…”

“Don’t you ever shut up!?” The troll spat. “We’ve been pummeling you for HOURS but you still speak! What miracle on Azeroth will it take for us to never hear your voice again?!”

“FOR GNOMEREGAN!” came the answer to his question. The troll barely had time to blink, let alone find out who said it before he was sliced to ribbons.

“Ohhhhh you boys are in DEEEEEP shit!” Allerdyce smiled, eyes misting with tears of joy as he watched his best friend open a keg of dwarven whoopass. “Get the one with the blue hair Roddy! Now the one with the big tusks! He punched me in the cock!”

Allerdyce slumped onto Melinda as she undid the shackles that held him. “Hey there gorgeous.” He spoke as he stared at her cleavage. Melinda merely slapped him across the face. “Owww! For fuck sake woman! I just spent the last four hours getting my ass beat, can we lay off the violence for a minute or two!?”

The trio made their way out of Zul’Gurub, Allerdyce having to be held aloft by Melinda as Roderick mercilessly destroyed any that were foolish enough to engage them. Finally they reached civilization, Allerdyce’s wounds were tended to as Melinda and Roderick reported to their guild master of their findings. A raiding party would be dispatched immediately to remove the threat the trolls posed.

Roderick met Allerdyce outside of the Watery Grave later that day; Allerdyce had various extremities wrapped in gauze, looking for all the world like a mummy, Roderick had to stifle a chuckle.

”I’d like to see you in similar circumstances you brain-dead nincompoop!” he groaned. “Nothing like getting beaten by a pack of trolls to make you curse life...”

“Could be worse…” Roderick piped.

“That’s true.” Allerdyce admitted. “They could have raped me too!” Roderick winced as he said that. The gnome frowned a little, the day’s events running through his mind. He felt sadness as he opened the door to the Watery Grave; his ‘special day’ had gone so sour. He was attacked, raped, and it seemed all his friends but Wade had forgotten his…

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” The entire bar shouted. Roderick jumped, eyes going wide. The bar was packed with everyone he knew. Familiar faces smiled at him as he walked through the bar, turning to face Allerdyce, he could see the mage grinning from ear to ear under his gauze mask.

“You didn’t think I really forgot did you putz?” he chided, groaning as he sat on his stool.

Melinda was the first to greet him, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek as she handed him a gift, whispering in his ear “happy birthday Roderick, hopefully this gift warms your heart as much as yours did mine.” He opened it to find a potted plant, he recognized it as gromsblood. “He says ‘happy birthday’ too.” She winked, hugging him around the neck.

Bill and Rob presented him with his own home brewery kit, joking that he could host the next kegger. Annallee and her recent fiancé Nash greeted him next, the tauren stuttering his birthday greeting as he presented Roderick with their gift, his nightelf mate elbowing him in the ribs. Rahanna presented him with a gift of her own as she squealed in glee, stuffing the gnome’s face into her ample, soft cleavage as she screamed ‘happy birthday’, Roderick gasping for air and blushing profusely as he broke off. Nader brought out a large cake and they sang to him as he blew out the candles. After much laughing and eating, the bar began to empty as they wished him well and made their ways home. Finally it was just the ‘regulars’ left as Roderick sat by Allerdyce, his legs kicking happily as he rummaged through the pile of gifts in front of him. He chuckled in glee as he scratched Nader behind the ear, thanking him for the simple handmade blanket the worgen made for him. Setting his beer down, he watched as a gauze wrapped hand slid into view, pushing a gift in front of him.

“Awww, Alley, you didn’t have to get me anything!”

“I know I was going to get my money back for it, but the shopkeeper refused, damn goblins!”

“HEY!” Wade shouted from across the bar.

Roderick opened the card that lay on top, it simply read “Thanks for putting up with the world’s biggest dick. –Alley”. Removing the wrapping paper he found a simple wooden box with a clasp, opening it, he found a wicked looking dagger that glowed with a menacing green aura. “Wow Alley!” he gasped.

“Yeah, got it from a collector, friend of a friend, was used by some assassin years ago to kill a king. Hope you like it.”

“You’re the best friend ever!” Roderick cheered, hugging Allerdyce around the waist, the mage groaned in agony. “Let go you moron! I have broken ribs! No! Stop! No more hugs! AAAAAAGH!”