The Dragon Age world, plot, and their characters aren't mine but belong to Bioware. I get no money for writing this sequel.
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-- Kirkwall, the Wounded Coast Anders: I wanted to weep myself, as the last of Hawke's life was falling apart while I watched. I could feel Justice stir a little, but we were the ones that started this collapse, not her, not them. I never wanted her trapped like this, and perhaps I had grown as weak as Vengeance claimed that I only held her tightly. I'd be willing for almost any life if I had her too. I did not seek death, but I was ready for it. Not for her.
I could see now that even if I died and she lived, this was already broken. Dera only shook as I caressed her hair for that long moment. I was at a loss, only holding her close to me.
We, the joining that was once Anders, the apostate warden, and Justice, spirit of the Fade, looked out on them and saw the time for mortal diplomacy was past. We agreed firmly that this was not quite the realm of vengeance, because of those friendships' memories, but that time had passed. At least for now, piped up part of us. They were not a threat to other mages, more to us and her. And for those friendships came a trace of mercy, long forgotten, from a hidden corner of us. Anders held her and crooned for that long moment as we judged. I felt Justice manifest and my skin crawled from that energy of the Fade. Hawke stiffened and looked up at my face with worry, probably as he'd never manifested like this while we touched before. I could not smile, but I did run my fingers over her hair for another second.
Still holding her close, we demanded,
“Decide. Justice, Mercy, or Vengeance? All mortals that dream, feed and draw from the Fade and so can choose any or none of these spirits. These bonds of friendship here have been rended, perhaps beyond repair. This distraction serves no purpose, risking your escape from the Templars' allies. Soon there will be only ashes and you will be no more certain than you are now.” I dimly heard a gasp, perhaps from Merrill, but we were choosing our words,
“Kill us or free us, but do not keep us in chains or you are as bad as slavers or Templars.” With that said, I could feel Justice step back a little. I still saw our light reflecting off Hawke and I had enough control to lift her chin to meet our eyes and smile a little. I could make it quick and prevent our being taken alive if it came to that. If they did not jump back enough, that was their problem.
Hawke tried to smile back, but turned and laid her cheek against our chest again.
All was silence beyond us when Varric finally said, “Shit, Hawke, I never meant it to go this far. You should know I respect you, but Anders is now far beyond being
just being a dangerous mage.”
With a sigh, Hawke turned within my arms to face them and said with a catch in her voice, “I don't have any answers, I only wanted to say a proper goodbyes before we parted.”
“That we can still do, Hawke,” Merrill said with her voice wobbly too.
“I seriously doubt we'll ever return to Kirkwall. I stayed after the Deep Roads because of Mother, and I hoped to improve things. There were so many who needed help there.” Looking up at me, Hawke added with a small smile, “Even certain idiot mages.”
Hugging her tightly for a moment, I could feel Justice finish turning his attention away as my skin cooled. I could not regret she had stayed, for myself at least. I couldn't imagine my life otherwise.
Stiffly, Fenris said, “I do not know what I will do now. My own goals finished, I think I find myself at a loss to choose a path.” He looked up into the sky and said, “Perhaps I have allowed others to choose my destiny for too long, whether for their idealism or their cruelty.”
“I hope you choose better things, as cruelty is easier. Most friendships don't have tests as violent as this,” Hawke admitted.
“I think friendships will be strained as long as there are oppressors, whether Magister, Templar, or shemlen lordling,” I suggested. “There is little difference between chains and cages, no matter their official names. Trapped is trapped.”
“Mages are dangerous,” Fenris grated out yet again.
Touching the tender, just-healed skin at my neck I added with my own snarl, “So are swordsmen... so are rogues. How many combat mages have you and Hawke destroyed with barely a scratch? Dwarves can make explosions without magic of their own, ones large enough to collapse immense thaigs and destroy darkspawn...” I had to pause here.
“You cannot lock up everyone who just might be a threat.” I doubted I could convince him today, if I'd ever had the chance. “All I hope is that you realize not all mages want power, any more than all sword fighters.” I sighed and added, “Kirkwall is not the place to see less oppression than what you knew in Tevinter.”
With a slight smile, Fenris said wryly, “Now you sound like the annoying mage I knew.”
“I'm still myself for the most part. Hawke has talked me down when I get too angry,” I said with a caress of her cheek. “I argued with Justice many times in Amaranthine on different things. Nathaniel and the Warden Commander told us to shut up a time or two.”
Hawke laughed, to my secret joy, saying, “That works? I should have done that more often.” She sobered and said, “I will miss you, Fenris, whatever happened.”
After a pause, Fenris said to Hawke with the smallest lightening of his face, “Goodbye, my friend.” To me he bared his teeth in a silent snarl, “I will find you if you are a threat again,” before he stalked away.
“Can't resist trying to convince him, eh, Blondie?” Varric said with a journal in his hands.
“It's too easy for people to forget when good mages are kept caged in the Towers like animals, while the Blood mages run free,” I admitted.
“I wonder where all the mages that work for the gangs and blood mages come from? They can't be all Circle escapees, can they? We've killed too many for that, unless every single Circle escapee crosses
our path instead of hiding or bothering someone else,” Hawk wondered in a quiet voice.
She sounded a little better, but I still worried as I shook my head at her question.
“That is an interesting idea, with how many popped up in the last few weeks,” Varric looked thoughtful.
Hawke shrugged at his interest, as we couldn't learn anything if we hid in the wilderness. If things were normal Varric and Hawke could talk about that for hours.
“I haven't seen many who might have learned from a Keeper,” Merrill said quietly. “They would not teach humans, not without any blood of the People.”
She had been so quiet, I'd thought she'd already left.
Our talk stopped again, but it wasn't as brittle a silence this time. I sank to sit, and pulled Hawke down with me as I didn't think we were about to be attacked.
“I'm sorry, Hardy,” Varric said after a few more minutes of silence. “I can't forget that explosion, even if the real goal was different.”
Straightening up, Hawke admitted, “Me neither.” Turning away from me, she added sadly, “I don't like that I can't stop crying.”
She still held my hand tightly, even if I couldn't say anything to help. I didn't know what to do either. I thought I should have nightmares of those deaths for the rest of my life, as much as I'd thought it was needed. But I still couldn't dream, and the lack of the nightmares was unsettling, a weight over my head.
After another pause he added, “I'll go. Raise some children and pets somewhere quiet. I'll get back to the
Hanged Man when things settle down.”
“Be careful, Varric. I don't want anything to happen to you,” Hawke said with a more normal smile.
Then she stood and closed to hug him, which he did return. Sounding hesitant, she asked him, “What's the nickname for?”
Glaring at me for a moment, he said grimly, “Foolhardy.”
Looking sad, she admitted, “I was wondering when I'd get your 'I told you so,' Varric.”
I could see her wince before she'd spoken. My actions earned her a mocking nickname, and I couldn't help her with that at all. “Are you sure you don't want that pillow? I don't think we have anything else, and you have been a friend.”
“I'd far rather you had kept to dreaming about killing Templars, Blondie,” Varric said, sounding old.
Shaking my head, I admitted, “I haven't dreamt about that for years.”
He nodded at that, picked up his pack and said, “I'd better see if I can catch up with Broody for traveling. See ya 'round, Hawke.”
With that he turned and left as casually as if he was returning to his suite at the inn.
Hawke looked like she wanted to weep again, but she returned to sit by me. Turning to Merrill she asked, “What are you thinking of doing now?”
“I thought I might stay for a time,” she said with one of her small smiles to us. “Just to be sure the two of you won't starve or freeze in the wilderness.”
This felt so very odd to me that she'd stay, as we'd argued so many times over blood magic and avoiding notice. Those arguments were pointless now, she'd get less notice without us.
Hawke lost a lot of tension as the elf spoke, and looked happier than I'd seen her for too long a time, like a dawn after a long night. I was still in that night and was a little jealous of the other mage for causing that, even if Hawke was still holding me.
Merrill settled near us and spoke quietly, as if considering it herself, “I am sorry we did not speak to you first, Hawke. You always spoke with me even if you don't like my magic, and helped me with my clan and when I grieved my Keeper. I don't know why we were so afraid of only talk.”
She was barely looking at me, even if we all knew it wasn't Hawke who made them wary.
“The spirit is calmer now,” I admitted, not knowing how long that would last.
“You have often said it was more a merging than possession, and you could not be separated like Feynriel,” Merrill admitted.
“Justice and I agreed on most things, just not everything,” I said, thinking of my talks with him after the Mother and Architect. He'd also disapproved of Ser Pounce-a-lot, not that it made much of a difference when the second Warden Commander hated my cat far more than Justice disapproved.
“And how much do you disagree on now? When I deal with spirits they are always outside me, despite your continual disapproval,” she objected.
Taking a deep breath first, I allowed, “Not that much, but he still disapproves of distractions from seeking our goals.” Looking at her with a frown, I added, “You can't argue that I don't know the risks for you and how it can go terribly wrong, despite good intentions. I don't want other mages to screw up like I did, so that I have to be far more guarded than I was before.”
Sounding older than usual, Merrill replied, “You do not know Keeper lore.” Then she closed her eyes and admitted, “Still, we make errors too.”
Touching her arm, Hawke said, “We'll have time to speak later. We're wasting travel time, aren't we? I don't think we should stop at the Bone Pit now, scavenging supplies there isn't worth possibly facing another dragon. That mine must make a nice dragon nest or something, right?”
That must have been a reflexive joke, as it wasn't funny.
Hawke stood up and started collecting items the others had left behind. With a sigh, she said, “We can't take this all, can we?”
I had to shake my head, though Merrill softly said, “No.”
We could take it all, but it would be too much of a burden if we had to run. Better to thin it now.
Sorting through the goods didn't take that long, we kept food and useful tools, mostly discarding extra weapons Hawke had collected for everyone else. We still had a bit more than I liked but Merrill agreed they'd have some trade use later. In the latter stages, Hawke gave up and stopped paying attention to our talk, simply petting her mabari and looking back the way we'd come.
She didn't really seem to care, which was unlike her. I kept looking at her, sometimes more than at the items we were deciding on. Arranging the discarded items in a neat pile when we finished, she patted them with a sad look on her face before we left, saying little after we set out.
We did keep heading north and away from the coast, even if we weren't heading for the Bone Pit anymore. Traveling more easily today, at least physically, we made a better distance from the coast before sunset.
I found myself missing the occasional chatter with the others, even arguing with Fenris or Sebastian.
After we'd made camp and some stew was bubbling I wanted to talk to Hawke, but she began to work on her armor. Cleaning it, then she set about dying it a sooty black, using a fine brush. After a while, I noticed even Merrill was looking over at her, looking worried at Hawke's determined intensity on the task, well after we'd eaten.
When Merrill curled up to sleep so quickly and peacefully, I envied her. She still dreamed.
After another circle around the small camp, Paws settled along Merril, still watching me before he slept.
Aldera was still working on her leather armor with a strong blade, removing or changing the embellishments, until even I could see it looked different. Her movements were jerky and angry, and I wondered if I... no, we could weather this.
Perhaps it was overdue.
Maker, I had no idea what to do now. Justice was silent.
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A/N: Thanks to several beta readers who have been kind enough to read this and point out stupid flubs. Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated.
