At the Edge of Heaven

She was getting extremely annoyed with herself. Every time she looked at Shepard her heart would flutter. It was so stupid. She wasn’t some little girl gushing over a knight in shining armour. They didn’t exist. She learned that a long time ago.

“Stupid.” She angrily smashed the console in front of her. She was used to being in control, collected. And every time she looked into his damnable eyes that control faltered and she struggled to keep from falling apart. She didn’t need it. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

Miranda went back to work, cleaning up several reports and logging notes on the incident with Wilson into the terminal. Her fingers were a blur as she tried to push Shepard from her mind. She didn’t need a knight in shining armour. When she learned that the armour was always dented, rusted, and spattered with blood she gave up that girlish dream. She took care of herself now. She didn’t need anyone. Hell, she didn’t want anyone!

She shook her head as she filed another report and moved to the next. She had only ever trusted one other person in her life. Other than that, she had taken care of herself for twenty years. She had done just fine by herself. It never even crossed her mind to settle down with anyone. She just could not imagine it. She continued to work through the reports and notes, her mind split between the task at hand and her attempts to shove everything else from her mind. It didn’t work.

Her hands paused over the terminal as she read the brief notation she had just written. The images swirled in her mind: Shepard’s angry glare, his heated words, the slamming of his fist into metal, and his tears. Her heart lurched again at the memory of his tears glinting in the dim light as he stared out into space. It hurt. Why the hell did it hurt?

“Damn it.” She stopped typing and leaned over the console, her weight balanced on her arms. She took several long breaths and concentrated. He was her project. She didn’t know him. She didn’t want to know him. There was nothing there. She took several more deep breaths and slowly the emotions calmed. It was ridiculous. Determined and resolute, she quieted the fawning little girl inside her. She was supposed to be long dead, killed all those long years ago. Why was she coming to life now? Shepard was nothing more than a job. That was it. And with that, she slowly pushed Shepard and her silly emotions away and buried them. That little girl should have stayed dead.

She went back to her work. Several minutes passed as she filed each separate report, her emotions finally stilled. Then her terminal flashed briefly and a brief message appeared. She read it quickly. It didn’t surprise her. She had known the situation from the beginning. Still, it rankled that her years of service didn’t mean that much at the time. But she would accept it as she always did. She was a professional, even if she still had her pride. She closed out the message and returned to her final report. She didn’t look up when the door hissed open at the end of the room.

“The Illusive Man is very impressed with you.” She worked on her reports, not looking up as Shepard’s methodical footfalls approached. Though calm, her words were laced with agitation. “I’m eager to see if you can live up to his expectations on this mission.”

“What’s the matter Lawson?” Shepard swallowed his initial angry retort. Even though he had to work with Cerberus, he wasn’t happy about it. But he didn’t fare any better with his new retort; his response was far more mocking than he intended. “Worried you’re not his favourite anymore?”

“I’ve proven my value to the Illusive Man.” Miranda tried her best not to clench her teeth in anger as she straightened and looked right at Shepard. The jibe hit too close to home. “Let’s hope you’re able to do the same.”

“We have to work together here.” Shepard balked at the last remark. Not only could he live without it, but he didn’t want to prove himself to Cerberus. Even knowing that he was partly to blame, he couldn’t help himself with his remarks “Your attitude isn’t helping anything.”

“I have the utmost respect for your abilities, Shepard. It’s your motivations that concern me.” She was irritated. First he mocked her then he acted as if it was all her fault. Despite that, she managed to maintain a calm demeanour and respond simply. “I believe in what Cerberus stands for. Only time will tell if you prove to be an asset or a liability to our cause.”

Shepard stood silent for a few moments. He wanted to scream back that he didn’t give a damn about their cause and that he detested Cerberus. But he knew he had to keep his head. He had a mission. And she was going to be there regardless of his desire. Best he didn’t give her a reason to shoot him in the back. So with a few calming breaths, he tried to start over.

“What can you tell me about this colony we’re going to?” With a sigh he managed to keep his tongue under control.

“Freedom’s Progress?” Miranda noted the attempt by Shepard to reign in the conversation. “It’s a typical human settlement in the Terminus Systems. They had a small military force for protection supplemented by mechs and security drones. Average in almost every way, really.” She gave the slightest of shrugs. “Completely unremarkable… until the disappearance.”

“Any thoughts on what we might run into there?”

“A lot of empty buildings and one giant mystery.” Miranda noticed Shepard bristling at her curt reply. She simply stood still and watched as he closed his eyes and took several more calming breaths. He didn’t seem to care for her answers. Eventually he shook his head.

“Tell me a little bit about yourself.” He changed the subject when spoke again, the weariness she had heard earlier evident once again in his voice.

“Worried about my qualifications?” Miranda’s voice grew strained again. Not only was she slightly irritated by the abrupt change, but the question pricked at the fawning little girl that she was trying to smother. It was not welcome. “I can crush a mech with my biotics or shoot its head off at one hundred yards. Take your pick.” Her last remark came out as a challenge.

“I was trying to get to know you as a human being.” He almost raised his hands to draw down his face in exasperation. Who knew such a commanding voice belonged to such an irritating woman.

“I’m not looking for a friend, Shepard.” her voice was calm again. “Stay focused on the mission.”

Shepard struggled to maintain his composure. He was alive, but it seems he was right with his initial observations when he first woke. He was in Hell. This woman had to be a demon. He gave up.

“It’s obvious you’re not interested in talking.” He sighed.

“We’ve got an assignment.” Miranda looked at him, her eyes flashing briefly before she bent back over the terminal and went back to her final report. Her voice grew tense and dismissive. “We can talk about it or we can do it.”

Shepard only raised his hands in defeat and, with one last disgusted sigh, he turned and walked away. She didn’t look up as he left. That fawning little girl was finally quiet. So she worked. Her fingers were a blur as she typed in the last of her notes. Everything was back to normal. She finished her notes, filed the report, and shut down the terminal. With a sigh she looked up to see Shepard and Jacob talking. She simply gazed at the two for a few minutes then looked back down. The little girl had stayed quiet.

She stared at the blank screen of the terminal.