Sword Dance

S A Y A K A

The afternoon session of the council proceeded without any particular mishap. Only needing to glare once or twice at some of the more outspoken noblemen when they became too energetic in expressing their opinions to the young Shogun she found the regular monotony of debate and opinion regarding taxes, commerce, and highways to be almost relaxing compared to her increasingly complex private life. Her only moment of minor panic arose when one of the bigger blowhards from the valley used a pause in conversation to attempt to bait her with an inquiry as to whether the rumors of Raigar’s return was true.

Somehow, being in the familiar confines of the throne room, and fully vested in her roll as Champion to the Shogun, the rudeness implied in his question didn’t bother her nearly as much as she thought it would. Answering that yes, Raigar was returned to her, and that yes he was living in her house while awaiting his chance to petition the Shogun, she refused to feel anything but mild distain that such a question even merited being asked. It was nothing to the old man what Raigar was up to, so long as the city was not imperiled. Her young lord further won her affections by announcing in a bored tone that he was interested in meeting the devil-golem-hunter he’d heard so much about, and informed his secretary to make such an appointment possible when time permitted.

Neither too eager nor too effacing, the boy effectively stunted any further conversation on the topic of her private life, and directed his counselors attention back onto the thorny topic of where to put the new stor rooms needed by the merchants of the capital as their business increased with the outside world. Her Shogun caught her eye several minutes later to spare her a humorous look, also shared with his patiently observing parents next to her. Sayaka bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. Naturally curious about the world at large, her shogun had already heard plenty of tales from her, and others, in regards to Raigar’s life of adventures, and was predisposed to like him. Having the two meet in person would doubtless be a pleasant experience. Unlike her last Shogun, she was genuinely proud of this one, and was certain that Raigar would like him too.

Dismissed from her duties with the announcement that the court would disband for the night, Sayaka observed the young Shogun’s transformation from lord to easy-going-youth again as his mother took his robes from him and ruffled his hair in playful acknowledgment of his good works during the day before leading him off to a family dinner. A former concubine to the old Shogun, before his appetites had turned towards entirely artificial consorts, the woman had a good heart, and had managed the rare feat of finding second husband for herself who was both kind and compassionate, accepting her bastard first son as much as any of the children that followed and raising him along with his flock of younger siblings with a fine and steady example of what a husband, lord and father should be. Sayaka sighed in satisfaction as she walked the palace grounds, ensuring that all was as it should be before turning her feet for home. As the Shogun was going to spend his evening in the private comfort of his family’s embrace, she saw no reason why she might not do the same.

Waking out of the city, she broke into her usual run once free of idle observers, enjoying the feel of the damp wind on her face as she crossed the bridges and picked her way along the muddy track back towards Iwato. The rainy season was favoring the city with a relatively clear evening, the clouds broken and scurrying over head as the wind pushed the wet weather into disarray. Soon the rain would turn colder, becoming sparse snowstorms and fogs that blanketed the hills rather than a never-ending drizzle. For once she looked forward to the usually inhospitable season. The chilly nights would allow her ample excuses to warm herself in her fiance’s arms. Sayaka bit her cheek to keep the tempting thought at bay. The snowy season seemed far more appealing in general now that there was the potential to have someone to burrow against when she tired of feeling cold.

From city down to the lake, she slowed her pace as she enjoyed the view of the great lake that marked the edge of Kyoto. Beyond, the last of the sunset was already making the distant desert of Junk City glow golden red. The strong color was reflected in the still surface of the water, and also lit up anything not shaded by the mountains. Sunset made the bridge posts, tree trunks, and her own hands look as though they were painted in orange.

Looking along the walkway to where it split, one bridge leading back towards the mountains and home, the other linking up with the first span of the longer bridge over the lake, she found she wasn’t alone. A long-framed man was perched on the handrail of the bridge to Iwato, watching the sunset even as she was. He sported pale colored trousers and shirt rather than the robes of a city dweller, his hair clipped short against his skull. That evidence, combined with his size, evident even from a distance, made her smile in recognition. Sayaka walked over to where her future-husband sat admiring the view, wondering if it was just random chance that had him perched along her route home, or if he was waiting for her.

“Beloved?” She asked hesitantly as she sought to get his attention. Something in the way he studied the horizon made her feel uncertain. Suddenly she wondered if he regretted coming, declaring his intention to tie himself to her, to a single place, when until now he’d traveled where and when he’d pleased. Kyoto was so very small compared to what she’d heard of London, or Yokohama, and Iwato even smaller still. Sayaka bit her lip, wondering how he could ever expect to be happy with such a life as he was making ready to live. Surely he would come to regret his choice.

Still, there was no evidence of frustration in his face when he turned to her with his usual discrete smile of welcome, reaching out with a hand he bid her closer still. Sayaka accepted his offer, clasping his fingers with hers as she allowed him to pull her to his side. “I did not expect to find you here.” She remarked after a quiet moment.

Raigar let go of her hand in order to cup her cheek in his palm, silently admiring her before coaxing her to rest her head along his shoulder, holding her against him when she might have demurred. He turned his face to press a kiss against her hair. “Good day?” He asked, ignoring her unspoken questions.

“Fair.” She shrugged, relaxing in spite of her worries. The peace of the lake, and her lover’s mellow mood allowed her to put her idle concerns aside for the moment. “Nothing much got accomplished, but that is ever the way of court politics, is it not?”

“When a council of more than three old men begins to act decisively, it’s usually not a good sign, no.” Raigar chuckled softly against her, wrapping his other arm around her back to hold her properly. “Usually it means they’re hell-for-leather over some stupid fad or another and need to be stopped before the turn they whole population upside down.”

“You met with the village elders today, did you not?” Sayaka shifted so that she could rest her fingers along his jaw. Smooth shaven again, his skin tempted her to touch him further, down his neck and to his chest. She contented herself with petting the closely trimmed line of hair he sported in front of his ears instead, telling herself to be patient. It was oddly soothing to smooth the hair back and then ruffle it again to no particular purpose. Raigar caught her fingers in his after a moment and kissed them idly before tucking them against his chest. Sayaka bit her lip, wondering at his silence. “Raigar?” She prompted again when it seemed he would not answer.

“It is never pleasant to be forcibly reminded of one’s failures.” He remarked at last, eyes fixed on the lake instead of her. “The townsmen… they have fair grievance with me. I will not deny it.”

“You did not order your brother to kill.” Sayaka was surprised at her own vehemence, recognizing abruptly that his silence was due to grave upset within him. The idea that he’d been harassed over things he’d had no control over, that he would be obliged to take the blame for a brother who had betrayed everything he’d stood for, believed in, made her suddenly furious. She wouldn’t allow the nobles to slander him, and nor would such behavior from her townsmen be permitted. How could blaming one man for the folly of hundreds, years ago, make any difference now? Raigar was staring at her in mild alarm as she pulled back from him to glare towards Iwato. “If they said such things to you, they had no right. Ignore them, beloved.”

“Sayaka…?” He raised an eyebrow at her unexpected anger. “I do not need you to defend me, pretty flower. Your grandfather has done very well to argue my case, as have I. Matters are all but resolved.”

“Then, they do not oppose you?” She frowned, studying his face for any sign of worry or deception. “They have consented to let you stay? They have agreed to let us do as we wish?”

“They have consented to let me stay… for now.” He corrected gently, covering her balled fists with his large hands, “As for the rest, let us say that negotiations are pending.” Pulling her close again he smoothed her uniform over her arms, before catching her face between his hands and kissing her forehead lightly. “Something happened today. Tell me. I do not think I have seen you so easily riled before.”

Explaining to him how her conversation at the tea-house had left her flustered and impatient for things still a long way off was impossible. She felt her cheeks warm at even the thought of it. But nor did she want to worry him needlessly. “Nothing happened, beloved. No scandal, no pitched battles in the streets… just… I was worried about you.” She finished lamely, hearing her conscience whisper ‘coward’ at her. Sayaka let go of her anger and relaxed against him again, uncaring who saw them on the public road. There were precious few travelers at this hour anyway, she told herself, most of them outlanders who wouldn’t think to remark upon a pair of lovers enjoying a quiet moment together on the bridge.

Raigar didn’t seem to mind her armor, resuming his earlier hold on her waist and shoulders as he pressed her against his chest. “As you say, Sayaka.” He squeezed her gently. “Maybe I was worried too.”

Raigar pressed his face against her hair, welcoming her home much in the same way he’d bid her good morning before she’d headed into the city. She lifted her face to brush against his, amazed all over again at how he was with her at last. It took next to no effort to lean a little closer to him, to press their mouths together in a slow kiss. Sayaka couldn’t help but remember Nami’s random advice as she felt his arms tighten around her, returning the gesture with another, equally tender. Did his heart beat faster, when he touched him? She twisted in his arms, lifting her hand to the back of his head as she held him in place against her. Did he need the feel of her in his arms the way she did?

Daring to press her advantage, she kissed him again as she worked the cloth he wore tied around his neck loose, wanting to touch skin instead. She would need to buy him some traditional shirts with the ludicrous fortune he’d forced upon her. Ones that were belted closed at the waist and easy for her to loosen at times like this. For him to go around clothed from chin to wrist to ankle in his London style garb was just too frustrating when all she wanted was the feel of his skin. Raigar slipped off his perch as he responded to her silent demands for his attention, stooping over her as he matched her kiss for kiss. Feeling his hands on her waist, she resisted the urge to giggle, shuffling a little further forward wanting to know if her friend was really telling the truth. The hardness of his groin, pressing discretely against her hip was exactly as Nami had described. The simple truth of it made her press tighter against him, deliberately forcing her body to brush along his as she pretended to be fascinated with his neck and shoulders. Her fiancé groaned softly, hands dropping instinctively to her hips as he reacted to her intimate touch. Sayaka let her mouth slide from his lips to his jawbone, placing feather light kisses along the side of his face. Raigar sighed wordlessly again, hands squeezing her hipbones as he seemed torn between pinning her against him and pushing her away. In the end he chose the latter, tucking his chin to his chest as he forced a measure of distance between their bodies.

“We-” He took a breath, meeting her gaze with one of rueful pleasure. “I think we should get back to the house before your dinner burns. I started the stew with plenty of water, but it’s been simmering a while now. It’s probably done.”

“You cooked?” She blinked, startled out of any intention of continuing her experimentation with his body by the unexpected news. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m not promising it’s any good.” He shrugged, sweeping her hair away from her flushed face with a gentle caress. “I just thought… I could return the favor, since you’ve managed to both work, and play nurse to me, for the past several days. I remember enough of my student days here that I think I can manage a rice porridge, even given a few years since I last had one.”

“Thankyou.” She couldn’t help but smile at the idea of him puttering around her house while she was at court. He made as odd a wife as she made a husband. “I look forward to it.”

“Thank me after we decide whether it’s edible or not.” He draped an arm around her shoulders, steering her along side him as he walked back up the hill and into the canyons.

*****

Dinner was of course, perfectly acceptable. Sayaka brushed a hand along the back of Raigar’s neck in appreciation for the effort-free meal as she collected his bowl in addition to her grandfather’s. Her newfound determination to not be cowed in her affection for her giant Londoner only faltered slightly in the face of her relative’s cynical look. She dared to raise an eyebrow at him in return, wordlessly challenging her grandfather’s critique even as her spine prickled with doubts. Her anxieties were eased at how quickly he let the moment pass. The old man shrugged and turned to filling his pipe rather than remark on her sentimental gesture, idly filling her in on the gossip of the day while Raigar seemed engrossed in the contents of his teacup. Sayaka listened with half an ear as she washed up, finding that her ox-boy had been as tidy and methodical with his cooking as he’d ever been. There were no utensil out of place, and no mess at all beyond the pot and bowls used in the preparation of the meal. While she could understand him being reluctant to relate the story as it pertained to his pleading his case to the elders out of pride, his prolonged silence through dinner and beyond left her a triffle worried.

Sayaka went over their conversation in her head, not finding anything of offense in it, but she couldn’t shake the impression that he was deep in thought about some trouble or another, and as far as she could tell there were no new sources of dismay that could have cropped up since their meeting on the bridge. Unless of course he was upset with her behavior _there_, she paused in washing to wonder guiltily. Women of good reputation did _not_ press their suitors back against the bridge railings and wantonly tease them with their bodies. She sighed. If only it wasn’t so difficult to know when it would serve her ends best to be a samurai and when to be a woman. Most days she had no problem balancing the two conflicting forces in her life, but suddenly it seemed that every endeavor she undertook she was obliged to choose, and neither choice felt like the right one.

The sight of the innocent little tin of tea, where she’d left it on the shelf mocked her. ‘Encouraging’ tea, Nami had called it. Sayaka blushed at what that probably meant. Her skin itched for him to hold her, caress her. She wanted him to carry her into the forest and press her down against the moss where they’d snuck to as children, laying close next to her as he covered her with his arm and placed kisses along her ear. Life had been so much simpler then. She sighed aloud in frustration. Turning from her bucket she made to ask the knight if he wanted another cup of tea. _Regular_ tea, she insisted to herself. But she blinked to see he was gone. Sayaka looked to her grandfather in surprise. “Raigar is…?”

“Said he wished to get some air.” The old man shrugged as he looked up from doing the accounts. “Evening’s clear, girl, there’s no need to worry yourself over him.” His eyes narrowed as he looked her over, seeing the lingering flush on her cheeks. “But maybe it’s you we should be worrying over, are you sick?”

“No.” She rolled her eyes playfully, not feeling particularly light-hearted at the moment but not wanting to worry her guardian either. “No of course not, I am never sick.” Picking up her bucket of dish water she gave the old man a small bow. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to take care of this.”

Sayaka slipped on her sandals at the bottom of the steps and crossed to the outer door. For all his need for fresh-air, Raigar hadn’t gone very far. His large frame took up most of the step where he had perched himself in front of the door. She exhaled in silent laughter as he turned to look up at her with a guilty expression. Trailing her fingers along his head and shoulder as she stepped past him in the sliver of space remaining, Sayaka tipped her bucket into the reedy hillside next to the house and then paused to stretch, enjoying the ability to relax at last as the dusk crept further towards night. The sky was sinking through lavender into a hazy deep blue as distant clouds gathered, heralding more rain come morning. The wind was cool, almost uncomfortably so after the confined warmth of the house. Sayaka set her bucket under the eaves as always and wrapped her arms around herself for warmth as a particularly chill gust blew down off the mountain.

Another few weeks and the rains would taper, but also change into snow. Despite the discomforts of the season she was looking forward to it. Something about the woods hung thick with drifts made the mountain almost unbearably beautiful. She could walk in between the shadows of the trees for hours, feeling a deep peace within her. Rigar might walk _with_ her, it suddenly occurred to her, making her smile. He’d done as much when they were younger. She remembered the feel of his massive hand holding hers as they’d slogged cheerfully through the frozen woodlands in search of a quiet place to sit and talk. Sayaka felt her cheeks grow warm again as she realized that talking was not all they had done. It had seemed perfectly natural at the time, to snuggle together beneath their coats on reaching one of their hiding places, share warmth as they watched the snow falling over the beauty of the Emperor’s Sanctuary. Would he be willing to join her for such an outing again? She glanced his direction, wondering what he was thinking as the light faded.

Raigar had his arms folded across his knees, watching her with a thoughtful expression of his own. Dressed in his London clothes he was probably immune to the increasing chill in the air, she mused. There were fewer openings in his garb than in hers. Her legs were cold where the wind swept up under her house-dress. Shivering again, she picked her way back up the stairs before finding a place to settle beside him. Sayaka leaned sideways, resting her head against his shoulder.

“Cold?” He asked simply as he reached an arm around her to pull her close against him. Feeling her shiver he shifted on the step to give her more room, and also to turn himself slightly in order to wrap his other arm around her waist, inviting her to shelter between them. Sayaka sighed in contentment, unable to stop herself. Fisting her fingers in the loose material of his shirt, she dared to press her face into the space between his collar and neck, inhaling deeply as she took advantage of their relative privacy. “Sayaka…” He murmured in soft concern.

She chided herself to patience as the sound of his voice, his breath warm against her ear, made her want to crawl into his lap and kiss him again as she had his first night ‘home’. It wouldn’t do. Sayaka knew her impulses were improper in the extreme. But how she wanted it. Her body was warmer just from the feel of his pressed against her, nevermind the steady heat he was imparting to her. She tilted her face slightly, rubbing her lips lightly against his neck, wanting to do so much more, but not sure how he would take it if she tried. Her conversation with Nami refused to be forgotten so easily. Sayaka shivered again, no longer feeling the breeze but instead the first warning tingle between her legs that heralded serious arousal.

Raigar mistook her intent completely, wrapping his arms closer around her shoulders and waist as he sought to shelter her further from the damp night hair. “You should go in.”

“Raigar…” She shook her head, feeling trapped by the weight of all the expectations around her. “Do you ever get tired, of doing what is right all the time? Have you never wished… just once, to do something shocking and selfish just because you can? Because you want to?”

Sayaka closed her eyes, feeling him tense beneath her as he puzzled out her question. Maybe simply asking it was offensive, she wondered as he sat silent. Maybe her fiancé was too honorable to even have such thoughts. Feeling like a fraud she let go of his shirt and braced for him to pull away. How could she be worthy of him if she couldn’t even go a day without scheming to herself some way by which to throw herself at him?

One of his hands slid over her back to catch the back of her head, guiding her to press close to him as he tightened his grip on her body. The tingle in her spine seemed to grow twofold at the sound of his soft laughter in her ear. “Every damn day, my lady.” She gasped at his confession and pushed away from him enough to meet his eye. He raised an eyebrow at her, as if daring her to challenge his confession. “I think you’d be surprised, Sayaka, at the number of times I am obliged to tell myself ‘no’ on any given day. Do you think me a saint? I swear to you I am not.” He looked away, across the reflecting pond. “I’m just a man.”

“Hardly _just_.” She disagreed, finding she could smile at her faults now that she knew he was not ashamed of them. “You are Raigar.” She corrected. “You are my beloved. There is not a man in the world to equal you.”

He pressed a kiss against her lips, either in thanks for her compliments or to prevent her from embarrassing him further, she didn’t care which. Leaning into his touch, she kissed him back, fanning the heat rising between them. Breaking off, she couldn’t help but trail her fingers over his cheek again, wanting more of his skin than the cool night would allow. “You are Raigar, the one I chose. The one I would give myself to. If only…”

“Don’t.” He whispered against her lips. “Don’t do this.” Even as the words left him he was pulling her close again, mouth hungrily claiming hers as he pulled her from the step into his lap. “Sayaka, you know as well as I do what’s at stake.” He turned his face from hers in order to press it against her shoulder. She pressed her forehead against his hair, marveling as she felt him tremble with a longing as certain as her own.

“If we were other than who we are…” He continued roughly. “Then perhaps it would be different. But we are ourselves. If we do not follow the rules of our own will, than what is left other than anarchy? Who could possibly check us, if not our own conscience? I learned this lesson a long time ago, pretty flower, as did you. Those who are blessed with strength above that of others must recognize the responsibility that goes with it.”

Raigar untangled a little from her, still holding her tight despite shifting to put some space between them. His eyes burned as they met hers. “So yes. I think about all the things I want, and I wish… _how I wish_ that I could just cast propriety aside and do as I like, when I like, how I like… But no. I don’t let myself give in to the impulse, because if I do, even once, I fear it might become habit forming. One law for me, one law for others, is no way to live. I may be called an ox, or a lion, Sayaka, but I am no brute animal to take without asking.”

“And if I choose to give of my own will?” She met his stare with her own, feeling their shared need grow between them. “What then, beloved. Will you refuse me?”

He exhaled in soft wonder, his eyes dark and difficult to read. “In that case I should not no which way to turn, pretty flower, for fear of causing hurt on all sides.” Raigar shook his head in defeat, staring out at the pond rather than at her as he framed his thoughts. “Were this London, I would be more confident in taking risks, but here…? I would be deeply mortified, Sayaka, to do anything that would bring you reproach from your own people. And yet, I would be a fool, to come all this away only to insult you by worrying more about strangers’ feelings than your own.” Looking back up at her he offered her a weak smile. “What am I to do, lady? I place myself in your hands.”

Being told that she was to have responsibility for not only her growing passion but his as well was not a comfortable thought. Sayaka pressed her forehead against his neck again and sighed in frustration. Rationally, she was both flattered and pleased that he would submit himself to her power so readily The idea that she could command a man who had defied gods, to fight, to wait, to come to her bed, or hold himself from it, made her chest ache with fierce pride and affection. Still, that meant the only thing stopping them from running into the forest together to consummate what had begun years ago was her word? She closed her eyes and cursed softly, finding life extremely unfair.
He was right of course. She forced herself to relinquish her bruising grip on his shoulders, to be calm, to wait, to be sensible. These were the qualities he loved in her, didn’t he? Sayaka took a long breath to steady herself. It wouldn’t do if she allowed childish lust to overrule well-reasoned strategy. No matter how much denying herself hurt. Perhaps they _would_ do things Nami’s way, she turned a little to kiss his cheek. But not tonight. First she needed to truly think about it, and not just the blush-worthy parts.

“What you ask of me is no easy thing, beloved.” She confessed ruefully. “Never in my life has there been such conflict between what I _want_ and what I should do.”

“I do not envy you.” Raigar tilted his head to press his lips to her cheek as he squeezed her in encouragement. “I will do what I can… to not try and persuade you one way or another. But I fear even there, I… would be easily guided by your wishes. Do we continue on as we have done? Or should I perhaps find a house elsewhere? I do not know that I could be within close proximity to you and not take at least a few liberties.”

“I will not let you go.” Sayaka gripped his shoulders as she made plain her intention. “Whatever comes, even if it must mean my ruin-”

“No.”

She sighed at the futility of arguing with him. “You, will stay here, ox-boy. If I am compelled by tradition to wait a season before we can be properly joined, than I will need all the ‘liberties’ as you call them, that I can get in order to maintain my peace-of-mind. “ His snort of soft laughter allowed her to relax a little, knowing he wasn’t offended by her intention of spending many more nights like this one. “Besides.” She sighed and hugged him back sitting up a little to meet his eyes again. “Things progress little by little. The Emperor has expressed an interest in meeting you.”


He paused at the simple statement, blinking as he considered the news. Sayaka resisted the urge to laugh at his puzzled expression as he tried to stop thinking about one thing and start thinking on matters far more sensible.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Raigar shifted her out of his lap so that she could stand and straighten her dress. She huffed and swept the wrinkles out as he stood as well. Leaning backwards a little he twisted slightly to ease an ache in his back. Raigar caught her hand to keep her from wandering from his side a moment longer. “Is there a date-yet for this conference? It would be prudent to make his acquaintance sooner than later, especially if I’m to be begging him so soon for his favor.” He gave her a lopsided smile, suddenly looking more like a little boy than a seasoned soldier. “I made a promise to you in regards to this spring, after all.”

“Yes.” She agreed, matching his gentler expression. Reaching up she ruffled his short hair playfully. “It will likely be several days yet, in order to placate those who are not pleased to have you back in the city again… But it will be soon. I just wanted you to know to expect it.” Leaning forwards against him she pressed her face against his chest, trusting him to take her weight without complaint. As she’d hoped, his arms readily wrapped her shoulders and back, encouraging her further against him. “I will do whatever it takes, Raigar, to keep you here… with me. I will not let them come between us, beloved. Not now. Not anymore.” She blushed and hid against him, feeling shy all over again at saying such a bold thing aloud. He didn’t allow her to hide for long. Shifting so to see her face, he pulled her fingers away from his shirt and pressed his lips against them, looking at her with pleased wonder.

“In that case, I am certain that I am the luckiest man alive.” He kissed her fingers again, “I am also certain that both of us are in need of a coat. The season is turning faster than expected.”