And So...?

If I still had circulation in my hand, I would probably still feel the tingle of Sora's palm in mine. However, due to Sora being stupid and picking a movie he knew he would totally freak out while watching, I can't feel anything from my forearm down.

"Sora," I whisper, "I think my arm is turning blue."

His other hand is half-covering his eyes, waiting for the bad guy to come out and completely annihilate the idiot girl hiding in the closet.

"Don't care." He whispers back.

As the door rips open and the girl screams, I suddenly find that Sora is full-on hugging my arm with his head buried in my shoulder.

I roll my eyes.

But then I feel him shaking.

"Sora? Sora, you okay?" No response. "Quit being such a pansy, man. It's only a movie."

I can hear him mutter. "So... not pansy."

He looks at me, and I can see the fear and darkness in his eyes, and I know it's time to get out of there.

I take him by the arm. "Come on, this movie sucks anyway. Let's sneak into one of the other ones and just forget about this shit."

He is visibly relieved, but I can tell he's still bothered.

I can understand. The movie is hard for me to watch too... After everything I did. But I guess I'm just jaded enough to sit through it.

My Sora is still innocent enough to get scared when people are fake-dieing on a movie screen.

God I love him.

He lets me slide my hand down his arm as we leave the theater, and I take a chance by placing my hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. It's meant to just be reassurance, but he holds tight and isn't letting my hand go.

"...Sora?"

He shakes his head at me. "I don't care if it looks gay. I'm about to piss myself I'm so scared, and I'm not letting go. So deal with it and let's go see something funny."

Fine with me. I'll take every touch I can get, even if I am just being used every time.

Flirt toy. Comforting big brother.

Agh, damn. I just want to kiss you, you precious little stupid numb skull.

But I don't really deserve that.

Okay, Riku, now is not the time for moping about Sora. You're with him, aren't you? And I know I'm happy where I am.

So let's sneak past the nerdy movie guy who has major skin problems and straight into that funny movie about some kids on a road trip in Europe.

Wow, does that guy just rub his face in grease? Sick. People should really take care of themselves.

I bet that guy has a crazy 'DON'T OPEN' journal.

Damn, I'm a mean bastard.

"Hey Sora, we gotta dodge pizza-face. I'm gonna tell him some dude is being rowdy in the other theater, and when he runs off we'll sneak in, alright?" I say, knowing that any sort of sneaky plan will probably cheer up stupid standing next to me.

I still can't believe he insisted on seeing that movie. I knew he was gonna do that, I knew it.

But at least it put his hand in mine, if only for a moment. But it's making my stomach do crazy things and that popcorn is so not agreeing with me at the moment.

The movie we're going to see is at the far other end of the theater, and just as I'm letting go of Sora's hand to go talk to the dude at the ticket stand, I see Sora flash a grin.

Uh-oh.

"Hey Riku." He says.

"What?"

"Race ya!"

And off he goes.

And he calls me a cheater? Little twerp.

Even though it's dorky and it'll probably get us in trouble, I speed off after his ass, determined to beat him there.

It's only when I've almost caught up with Sora that I hear the "Hey! What are you guys doing!? You can't go back there! That's not your movie!" And there are heavy, slow footsteps accompanying that.

Suddenly, I feel eleven years old again watching R-rated movies with Sora that we stole from my mom's room.

I've caught up with Sora (HAH! I am the best!) just as we hit the door to the theater, and I kinda half whisper for him to keep running, and he laughs, because he knows we're running from nerd-face.

And in seconds we're in an all-but-empty theater, the door slamming behind us as we run up the hallway toward the rows of seats.

The teen couple in the back is making out (lucky little shits) and the older guy in the middle just laughs at us.

"Get down!" I tell Sora, hearing the door slam and the sound of running feet. We make it up another few rows before I just tackle Sora to the ground, both of us holding back insane laughter as the idiot movie-boy walks right passed our row. I can see him as he comes back again, and we've squished ourselves up against the seats as far as possible so he won't see us.

He's scratching his head probably thinking he's crazy.

Plus, it's so not that big of a deal.

However, it's just now that I realize I still have my arms around my best friend, and I'm holding him tightly against me, and he's laughing his head off.

And this is a moment I'll hold onto. His happy face, laughing in my arms.

God, I'm turning into such a sap, just like him.

When his laughter subsides, he seems to realize he's on top of me. He blushes hard, and looks at me funny for a minute.

But something inside me snaps. It looks like he's going to kiss me!

No! Not like this! I will not let you kiss me just so you can figure out if you're gay, you little ass!

Besides, you can't kiss me. Even if you do like me, I don't deserve you! Fuck!

FUCK!

And as his face comes toward mine I panic, shoving him off, pissed as all hell but trying to play it off like I'm worried about my new jacket getting movie-floor shit all over it (which, well, I am).

But most of all, I'm just confused and hurt and suddenly really tired.

I've made a 180 from the happiest moment I've had with Sora to the most completely crap moment I've had in the past few months.

He's sitting on his butt, looking really surprised and blushing like mad. I pretend not to notice in the dark, getting up and just letting go of how angry I was. After all, it's not gonna get me anywhere, is it?

So I sigh. I lend my hand, and he's half-smiling at me, looking like he's not that comfortable anymore.

----------------------

What was I thinking? I almost kissed him!

And he just shoved me off! Did he know I was going to kiss him? DID he?!? Oh god oh god oh god...

Oh my god, my stomach is rolling and I'm shaking all over. I feel like I just sweated straight through my shirt! But it was so perfect, me in his arms, on top of him, feeling him all there under me...

Fuck.

Maybe I'm just really wrong about all of this. I just don't get how we could only be best friends if he's gay and I'm gay and I like him! Why can't he just like me back!

Kairi said he would react okay! And now he's just weirded out. Shit, I didn't mean for that to happen tonight! I just... he was right there... and...

"Sora?" I hear him whisper, and he offers his hand to help me up, which I take. I have a pseudo-smile glued to my face so that he doesn't see how awful I feel. "Hey man, let's get a seat. Middle front, right?"

I smile for real this time. Riku always knows what's my favorite. "Yup!"

And for now, it looks like all that just kinda passed away.

Did he brush it off?

-----------------

He looks just as shocked as I feel, but I'm just gonna let it roll off. Besides, I'm staying with him tonight, and dammit, I'm going to enjoy my Sora time. He is, after all, in high demand.

Because everybody likes Sora.

Just not quite as much as I do.

Except maybe Kairi, but she and I already discussed all of that, and it's been pretty much decided that she thinks he and I are meant for each other.

I'm still not gonna take her advice; telling him would be such a bad idea. Talk about an awkward conversation.

'Hey, Sora, I'm in love with you. Wanna make out?'

'Um... about that... -runs away-'

Yep. That's why that is not happening.

Or he might try to kiss me again because, after all, there aren't that many gay guys on this island, plus he'd want to know how to woo whoever he has his crush on.

Because I'm just practice.

Okay. I'm done thinking about this. I'm with Sora, and now he's acting normal, and there's no touching involved.

And his laughter at the dumbest things in the movie... Well, that only makes me happy all over again.

How the hell does he do that? He's like a magician or something, the way he has such control over me.

And now I'm laughing too.

And part of me is thinking that I could laugh with him the rest of my life.

I feel something devious grow in me as I think about just how I'm going to make him laugh when we get back to his house.

He always did have a soft spot right at the base of his neck. I am going to tickle him mercilessly. After all, I gotta get him back for cheating at the race.

Among... other things.

----------------------

I'm feeling amazingly better after the Euro Road Extravaganza or whatever it was called, even though I had that really horrible awkward part with Riku.

We walk out of the theater, not really talking, but it's not all awkward or anything. I still can't believe I almost blew it. I would have totally ruined everything with that, and had to start back from square on and just be his friend.

Operation 'Make Riku Happy' would have been put a little off schedule.

He's such a stupid person. Can't he see how happy he'd be with me? I mean, I'm his best friend, and he already smiles more with me than with anyone else!

Seriously, Riku. Duh!

Okay, but right now we're still just friends. And if I have to stay just friends and take the little touches, maybe I can deal with that.

But maybe I can't! I mean, I almost kissed him back there. Could I really live through the next few weeks... years... forever! without kissing him? Touching him? Squeezing him until he pops? Shit. Maybe I'm screwed and doomed.

But I can make him happy!

Hm. He doesn't look so happy right now. I know he's not that big of a fan of ice cream either... Him and his freakish thing about not eating sweets because he doesn't like them. That's the only thing about Riku that distresses me, really, is the fact that he doesn't like sweet stuff. Who the hell doesn't like ice cream? Freak.

As we pass the beach, I get an idea.

"Hey, Riku?"

He's walking with his hands tucked in his jacket pockets. He kinda glances at me.

"Yeah?"

"You wanna go to the beach instead of getting ice cream? I mean I'm really not in the mood for it right now, and we could build a fire and tell ghost stories like we did when we were kids!" Yes! That's an awesome idea!

He stops in his tracks. "Sora, are you sure you're feeling alright?"

I turn around and look at him like, yeah, stupid, why do you ask. "Yeah, why?"

He cocks an eyebrow at me skeptically. "Since when do you ditch the chance to eat sweets? You're like a freaking sugar-addict, practically. So pardon me if it seems like a weird question, you sugar-hyped dork."

I know he's teasing because his smile is trying to peek out on his face. That smile has been playing peek-a-boo with me all night!

I roll my eyes at Riku, smiling wide at him. "I am not addicted to sugar. I don't need it all the time! Besides, you don't even like ice cream. I'm not subjecting you to two things you don't like in one night."

"Whatever, Sora. You were so the one that chickened out back there." He says, finally popping a grin.

And yeah, he's totally right. That movie scared the shit out of me... and not just because it reminded me of Kingdom Hearts... but because it was freakin' scary!

I really did almost pee myself. I tried so hard not to look like an idiot in front of Riku, but oh well. It's not like I haven't done it before, or that he cares anyway. After all it is just Riku.

And suddenly it's like lightening. I should quit freaking out about stuff to do him. Seriously, Sora! It's just Riku. He's always gonna be here.

"Yeah, so? You wanted to leave that movie too!" I stick my tongue out at him. He laughs and puts his finger in my mouth suddenly, pushing my tongue back in.

He slips it out with a 'pop.'

"Watch it, Sora, or next time I'll yank it out." He grins, and I frown at him.

"That would be so uncool Riku. I'd do something super bad to get you back... Like burn all your clothes and shave your head."

He pretends to shiver in fright, and by now I'm smiling just as much as him, because I suck at comebacks and I know it.

"Whatever, Sora. Hey, there's an outlet just up the block, we'll go to the beach for a little while if you want to." He says, beginning to pick up the walking pace a little and heading in the direction of the beach. I follow behind him, letting him sort of lead.

The stars are awfully pretty tonight.

I hope Donald and Goofy and everyone are okay. I really miss them sometimes, when I look at the sky.

But then I look at Riku, walking a little ahead of me, and I remember that I've got everything I could ever want right here in Destiny Islands.

And I jog to catch up with him, just to feel his presence beside me.

-----------------

So after a small walk and twelve worthless attempts to light wet firewood, Sora and I just give up and sit at the edge of the ocean, just looking at the stars and idly talking about random stuff. Most of it is just banter, but I'm content.

Suddenly I'm reminded of sitting on the beach in the middle of the dark nothing, just sitting with him, nothing and no one else anywhere near. I remember thinking that I wouldn't mind staying there, just with Sora.

I'd missed him so much, and wanted like hell to see him again. I knew he was looking for me, but I was so ashamed... And after what I had done, how could he take me back? How could he still be my friend?

People here still don't really know about Ansem and Maleficent, and how I betrayed Sora. They wouldn't understand.

I was just so jealous I was tossed aside for some stupid new friends... He's forgotten about me and Kairi. He just.. I thought he'd just forgotten. But he never forgot, and he never stopped trying to find either of us.

And he chased me everywhere.

I don't deserve him.

"RIKU!"

I jump slightly, and look at him. He's giving me that look he gives me every time he thinks I'm moping.

I sigh. "Don't even say it. I was just thinking about how, after the battle with Xemnas, we just were sitting on that beach. This just reminded me of that."

He looks thoughtful for a moment, before looking out at the sea.

"Yeah, it kinda does. But there's a major difference, Riku."

I raise my eyebrows, half-smiling. "What's that, Sora?"

"We don't have to wait for the light to show up. We've got it here with us."

I think on that for a second, and realize how true it is.

In spite of myself, I have to make fun of him a little. "Sora, you are such a cheeseball."

"Hey! It's true!" He says, indignant, but only kidding really.

"You know," I start, faltering and thanking the dark for hiding my blush. "Sora, I don't think I would have really minded just staying on that beach with you."

I'm not looking at him, because it's a bit embarrassing, and I hope he doesn't take a jab at me like I did him. I mean, this is my heart. As long as he's here, I'm content.

"I don't think I would've minded either, Riku." He says, and I manage to look over at him, seeing him smiling up at the sky. "But it was nice to see everyone again. Even though it was weird having to go back to school and stuff."

"Yeah," I say, agreeing. "Anyway, let's get out of here before we turn into total girls."

"Riku, you're already half-girl. Just look at your freakin' hair! Plus you're gay, so that's kinda girly too."

That's so retarded. He's gay too, and he's way more girly than me. But I won't bring that up now. "Sora, you're retarded. Tidus and I are the only gay people you know, and we are totally not girly-"

And so the conversation goes, banter back-and-forth, me whipping out kick-ass remarks and comebacks while Sora just cutely tries to stay in the game.

I love him way too much.

I wish I could be the one to make him happy.

I don't know if I could ever be the one to make him really happy.

But I'm happy now, so fuck it.

-------------------

A/N: I don't know how much I like this chapter, but it's what came out, so I'm just kind of dealing with it. This is part one of a two part chapter, because I couldn't push out six thousand words right now! Sorry guys. I'm so dead right now. Job+writing+friends = Le tired Tanny.

Leave some feedback, tell me how you guys liked it!

Much love.