Philanthropy

Otacon: What is this supposed to be?
UM, nothing, nothing!
Otacon: I saw it! Drawings of me! Tons of them!
No, no, that's not it...
Otacon: *gasp* And here are tons of drawings of Snake, too!
Okay, I admit.
Otacon: And you made all of these during class?
That's even worse, isn't it? ^_^''

***


Six

More missions came and went. We discovered more and more secret documents, but we couldn’t do much with them, as we still didn’t have a good contact at a newspaper. We hadn’t had a discussion again. But he’d never held me, either. And one day we had to leave ‘our’ apartment. For two months, because a metal gear had been sighted in Moscow. As Snake said, this was ‘the real thing.’ Goodbye, New York.

I had booked some obscure ferry for us, because the company was supposed to be reliable after all, based on online reviews. We packed our stuff. It wasn’t much. My luggage mostly consisted of my laptop and wires. His of survival stuff and a handgun.

It was a long, long trip. And boring, above that. I spent most of my time with a new manga series I had bought in New York. I tried to let him read some of it, too, and he even got through chapter one. It turned out to be chapter eleven, because he had started on the last page. I laughed so hard: Snake, doing something wrong? He smiled, too, when I explained it to him. I guess that was the first time I thought he was cute. Not just cute, supercute.
‘Anata wa kawaii desu,’ I said, but he didn’t understand it. Which was my intention.
‘Alright, you just go ahead and have fun being Japanese,’ he said and left. I followed his advice until we finally arrived in Moscow.

Another hotel room where I installed my equipment in no time. He was on the couch, watching me. He hadn’t said anything since last night, except for practical things. Maybe he was preparing himself mentally for the task that lay ahead. I felt bad for him. I was glad I didn’t actually have to be in lethal danger; I didn’t actually have to use a gun. I belonged where I was: at a distance.

We went to our beds and I got to use the bathroom first. When I was already half asleep, I heard him brush his teeth. And I wondered how many people had been with him lately. I bet nobody had been around for such a long time as me. Then I wondered how many people saw him as a friend. Then how many girlfriends he’d had. One thing was certain: more than me. I had to ask him one time. I heard him turn off the lights and enter the bedroom.

‘Hal,’ he suddenly said from way closer than I had imagined him to be. ‘If anything goes wrong, tell me. Don’t be afraid. I’ll be there as soon as possible.’
‘O- Okay,’ I said, startled and confused. ‘I’ll tell you.’
‘Good.’
I heard him get into bed when a thought occurred to me. What about the mission? Had he been trying to say he would come to rescue me, even though it meant the mission would fail?

Whenever Dave’s head touched a pillow, he’d fall asleep. I heard him snore. I couldn’t ask him about his words. So I fell asleep as well.

The metal gear was located underground, which wasn’t such a handy location for us, because it’s difficult to access. I crafted a fake ID card for Snake so he could at least get inside the first level: the building above it. I had no idea how he had to get himself underground, though. I had spent hours trying to find out, but every door needed identification or worse: a password. I guessed it couldn’t be done without the good old violence. So when Snake was in the hallway, all set to leave, I begged him to be careful.
‘Of course,’ he said sincerely. ‘I have to be careful, because we have to get back together.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You keep me on track. You make missions like these easier. Well, goodbye, then.’
We looked at each other and before he had done it, I knew he would hold me again.

It had been too long. I smelled his scent in his neck and felt how warm he was. I thought I could feel his lips touch my cheek for a moment, and my heart missed a beat. But before I was fully recovered and wanted to think it over, he was gone.

The new radar update proved itself worthy. I saw the security guys coming long before Snake had noticed them. He hid himself and managed to get to the elevator door. This is where I couldn’t help him anymore. Lucky for the mission, Snake will never hesitate to attack. He knocked someone out and used his identification to get through. It seemed to be too easy, until he regained consciousness and told everyone in the entire building about the one that attacked him. The alarms went on and I couldn’t turn them off. I saw Snake on the radar. He had nowhere to go. The red dots were closing in on him. They would see him in a moment… everything went wrong. The radar was shut down and I stared at the screen, not believing the truth.
‘No, no, nonononono…’

Bleep bleep. I had a call.
‘Snake?’
‘Hey, it’s me.’ He was laughing. What the hell?
‘Where are you? Are you alright? How did you get away from them?’
‘Relax. I’m in a box.’
‘And they don’t see you?’
‘They don’t! Isn’t it the best disguise ever?’
I laughed, too. Out of relief. ‘Yeah. Sure is.’
‘Just to let you know I’m alright. I’m back on track. The radar will go online again in a moment, I think.’
‘Snake?’
‘What’s up?’
‘Did you really kiss me?’
‘…Yes, I did.’
‘Okay. Sorry.’ Out.

Bleep bleep.

‘Otacon.’
‘What?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay, I guess.’
‘I won’t do it again.’
‘…’ Out.

The radar went back on. I watched Snake’s dot. The most important dot in the world, ever. I didn’t feel so well. I was dizzy. I took a big gulp of coffee and nearly burned myself with it.

Bleep bleep.

‘I’ve found the little bitch.’
‘You did? So quickly?’
‘It’s just that… I can’t really reach it. You see, the last floor, if it is the last floor, is like, really deep. And I don’t know how to get to the ground.’
I typed and typed. ‘Where are you?’
‘I’m currently hanging on the ceiling with my feet.’
‘Excuse me?!’
‘I think I can swing myself onto the metal gear itself. And I think that’s what I’ll do.’
‘You’re joking. Will they not see you?’
‘This is the best way, believe me.’
‘There’s a ladder on both sides of the room!’
‘The ladder on this side is kind of… broken. Grenades, you know. And the other ladder, well, I can’t go to the other side. Half the Russian army is in the way.’
‘How do you stay so calm?’ I whispered.
‘I was trained to stay calm.’ And out again.

It was the last message I got from him. For three hours, I just sat there. Watching the radar, which went on and off all the time. I tried to contact him, but he wouldn’t respond. Maybe he couldn’t respond. I bit my nails. I hadn’t bit my nails in ten years. This was the right moment to start again. When the nails had disappeared, I started to bite my fingers, and the inside of my mouth. The blood tasted nice.

The doorbell rang. My body froze. We had agreed to knock the door, and not to ring the bell. This had to be someone else. I stayed in my place, but switched off the lights, hoping I wasn’t making any sound. I had to call Snake. My shaky fingers found the frequency of his codec, but he didn’t respond, of course. After three rings, they started to knock on the door. Really loud. I called again. And again. No one answered, not even a Russian. And then they managed to open the door, picking the lock or something, because I heard boots in the hallway. They found nothing in the room, because I had my laptop here, behind the bed, where I was. But it wouldn’t be long until they’d find me. And if they could find me, how hard had it been to find Snake? Cause he had been caught. I was sure of it now. I reached for the revolver thing he had given me. I hardly knew how to use one. But when I stared right into the face of a man in a uniform, I lifted it.

‘Get out of here,’ I yelled panicky. ‘Now.’
He didn’t listen. I don’t think he understood me, either. He walked up to me. Another guy followed. He lifted his arm. But I couldn’t hesitate. Snake never hesitated. Why would I? So I pulled the trigger and hit him in his stomach. He fell to the floor. I fell as well, because of the backfire. The other man tried to point his gun in my direction, and I would never be in time to shoot him as well, but before he could fire, he was knocked to the ground.

‘S- Snake?’
‘Come on. Get up. Grab your stuff and we’re leaving.’
‘Snake…’
‘Come.’

Somehow we got out of the hotel, using the emergency exit. He carried me when I had almost fainted and put me in a car. The glass was shattered.
‘Thank god I was in time. Good job by the way, Hal.’ He watched me for a second before returning his eyes to the road. ‘I never knew you had it in you.’
I felt numb. I couldn’t speak. I would speak when we were somewhere safe, wherever and whenever that would be.
‘I dismantled the metal gear. Or rather, I blew it up. I was on my way. I didn’t know they were already there. If I had known… I’m sorry I didn’t answer the codec. I just didn’t have time.’
Silence.
‘Are you alright?’
‘Not really.’
‘Don’t worry about it. Everyone would feel the same. Let’s just hope you won’t get used to the feeling.’

I wanted to touch him, just to make sure he was there.

***