Frost

VI. A Quagmire III

Re-learning was not an easy process. That was a given, but...

Vincent didn't know anymore why he even agreed to this.

Akira turned out to be a very strict teacher, casting a spell or two at him meant to really hurt whenever he does a mistake, which was still bearable and understandable by Vincent's standards... But the wizard was also a slave driver, forcing unto him all household chores even at his own cottage (which, Vincent eventually found out, was truly not that far from his) and demanding even perfection at that area.

Sometimes he would find the wizard sleeping, when he's supposed to be overseeing his training, which infuriates him. But everytime he laxes even a bit at that knowledge, he would suddenly find the wizard's spell casting on him. Everytime he would attempt to rebel at the unfair amount of chores --- it certainly doesn't help that Akira would sometimes be so messy --- he would receive a no-holds barred tongue-lashing from the wizard.

It was all part of their agreement, yes --- but Vincent felt that it was all already short of Akira already physically hitting him. As if the spiteful words weren't enough.

Particularly, earlier today...

Are you really such an idiot?? No wonder you're still like that --- a lowly mage!

Fresh tears threatened to spring out of his eyes, but he had willed it down back then. Even now that he was already alone, another torturous day done, blankly staring at the reflection of the moon over the lake. The usual time when he was supposed to practice his spells even more.

He settled with his usual habit, gripping and ungripping the short blades of grass beside him.

...Yes... I am such an idiot... Easily agreeing to things...

Ten years ago was the day he first and last time he cried so hard, though only a few drops of tears ran down his cheeks.

His heart had hurt so bad that he had to run to the bathroom --- somewhere private --- so he could clutch his chest and try to breathe despite that usual foul smell bathrooms usually have. And, most of all, to hide his shame and his feeling of betrayal.

He felt betrayed that the only people he was supposed to trust, his parents, didn't accept him and shunned what he had become.

He never cried infornt of other people, even if it was his parents, and his parents most of all, as he had learned and believed that crying is a sign of weakness. A weakness that could be used against him, like his parents usually did, just like other people around him.

After that day, that belief was further nailed into him. After that day, he never cried again...

That was the day he told his parents that he was going to be a Mage...

He sighed, the tears clearly stinging his eyes now. One stray drop had already escaped and streaked down his cheek, which he angrily wiped away.

Why was he thinking of these things, now...?

He can be a good mage... he had to be. He would prove them all...

He got up abruptly, ignoring the blades of grass cutting through his hand with the movement, and stepped closer to the lake. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Yes, he was supposed to practice... He tried to reflect back on all those lessons he had learned the past few days...

...After a few minutes though, he knew he had failed. That misery... was stronger in his heart. And as long as it was there, he knew he wouldn't be able to do anything...

The same misery that haunted him every night...

He suddenly clamped his palms hard at his eyes, in a futile desperate attempt to will his pained heart from totally breaking him down. No... stop it... Anything... anything... just to stop this pain...

He suddenly remembered one thing the wizard had taught him about concentration. If all else fails, you have to be at least IN the element...

Yes. Yes... he'd do just that.

Before he even realized it, he was already stepping into the lake. The shock of the cold water almost made him draw back, but he was persistent --- as the cold had almost been enough to distract him from the misery in his heart.

Maybe... if he stepped in further more...

Or maybe he wouldn't have to, as his foot suddenly gave way at a particularly slippery part of the lake, and totally submerging him into an abrupt dip down towards the deeper part of the lake he didn't know existed.

Good thing he knew how to float at least, as he broke through the surface again, sputtering and gasping for breath as he tried paddling back to that more shallow part of the embankment, not stopping until he felt the familiar feel of rocks again at his toes before the slippery part came.

Standing up almost chest-level in the water, he wiped his face in dismay as he continued taking in those deeper breaths that had been robbed off him abruptly, and he realized he was totally drenched.

And he began to laugh.

Or was it sob? As he felt the distinct sensation of warm, salty water streaming down his cheeks, streaming through his fingers as he buried his face in his hands and waited for the shivering to finally come...


The next day was even miserable.

He was practically tripping over himself and everything else the whole day, in both chores and in his spells, almost making Akira tear out his hair in anger and lose his voice. The wizard had then marched away by noon, calling the rest of the day off in his frustration, though basically it was just to stop himself short of just backslapping Vincent.

It was though, in a masochistic way, Vincent secretly wished it did happen --- just one hit from the wizard and it would then be the final nail in the coffin, to make him decide if he should continue this... madness... or not.

Dinner came and the wizard was not yet present. Vincent cooked just for himself then, rebelliously never minding if he didn't cook for Akira --- he'd just have to bear another round of badmouthing anyway --- and cleaned up after himself.

Somehow, as he finished off this day... he felt incredibly tired.

And, though he hated admit it, it felt pretty lonely without the wizard around.

He already was sleepy, but due to force of habit he trudged at his usual place by the lake. It felt too chilly that night, he found out as he sat by the bank, and there was even a slight wind rippling the water occasionally. Maybe it will be winter soon? He looked up the sky, but saw no clouds, only the moon that was eerily white and looming so close.

Like a big chunk of ice, frozen at the sky, reflected and seemingly magnified at the water and just waiting to fall down and meet its reflection.

It was a perfect night, somehow, not one for practicing, he thought lazily. As his eyes drank in more of the moon above him, and looking down at the water the reflection didn't seem as different.

A cold cold night. Maybe... he could make the moon feel that as well?

Strangely giddy with the thought he got up and stepped into the water once again, flinching as biting cold met his feet. But he dipped it there for a minute to get even a little used to the temperature at least, before gingerly stepping further the rest of him into the water.

Being there wasn't so bad anymore, as the temperature seemed to equalize as he took a dip into the water and managed to float to the deeper part of the lake, at the very center of the big moon reflected there. No matter how many ripples he tried to make, the moon was still reflected there --- big, white, and unbroken.

He chuckled, floating back to stare up at the real moon above.

When had he last played around like this? It seemed so long...

Akira.

Somehow the thought of the wizard came unbidden, and for once he reflected on the man without fear or hate, just calmed and lulled by the moon. No matter how strict or harsh Akira had been recently, the playful side of the wizard still shone through. Whether it was through his "punishments" or brand of teasing that makes Vincent embarrassed everytime and makes him an object of Akira's laughter, Vincent could see the wizard truly enjoying himself. Though begrudgingly he acknowledges that it is at his own expense, somehow seeing the wizard happy and laughing makes him wonder most of the time instead of offended.

Maybe... he's starting to get used to it...?

Lately though... it seemed like he couldn't make the wizard contented anymore... no matter what he did...

It seemed like this time, he wasn't coming back.

Who would... with such a slow learner like me?

Vincent closed his eyes, suddenly depressed at the thought. Not really caring nor feeling himself sinking further into the water...

I feel so tired...

Moments after there seemed a bolt of light shining through the edge of his eyelid, and he felt himself being yanked away and off the water, making him cough and gasp for air at how sudden it all was as he was forced into the surface with something seeming to squeeze all the air out of his lungs.

"What the hell are you doing?? Are you trying to kill yourself?" Akira demanded, gripping Vincent afloat against his chest and seemingly looming over him long before Vincent registered it.

"I... I'm not," Vincent coughed weakly, trying to push Akira off to have some space to breathe. "Let go." Akira merely loosened up a his hold a little, but refused to free the mage.

"What you aren't?" the wizard demanded. "You almost froze the whole lake... with you under it!"

What?

Vincent found himself staring at the layer of ice that seemed to surround them. He couldn't tell how thick or thin it was, just that it was truly ice, also almost freezing some of the dew on the grasses that dipped into the water. The little watery portion that they were floating in now must be something Akira did with his power to pull him out from.

Suddenly a gust of wind skimmed over the little area of water and at them, clinging his sodden clothes to his skin and making itself known. Slowly Vincent felt how truly cold it was that night, and it was almost at that point he started to shiver.

And he started chuckling low under his breath, his forehead falling tiredly against the wizard's shoulder.

"What's so funny?" he could feel rather than hear the wizard saying... the wizard's voice seemed to sound so far away.

"...So what if I did?"

"What did you say?" he felt his face tilted up, meeting the wizard's frown. Though there was another strange expression on Akira's face, the same one Vincent couldn't name starting from the first time they met. The back of his mind felt uncomfortable at that again... as he had also let something crucial slip from his strangely tired and sleepy mind.

"I did it, didn't I?" he said instead. He didn't know if he said it loud enough though, because the wizard's frown merely deepened.

He opened his mouth to repeat it again then, but suddenly he felt wizard's warm mouth on his.

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sorry~~~ i do take quite long too update^^;;;. hopefully you're still reading this (and hopefully i will update the next chapter faster... which i think i will, haha!)

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