Forget Horizon

“Yes.” He’d said. Shepard had been standing before him, fists clenched, chewing on her lower lip and waiting for the blow that would hit her when he said no, it wouldn’t be physical but to actually hear it would be sure to knock her on her ass, yet she knew she couldn’t go on living not knowing one way or another it didn’t do any good to keep fooling herself.

She waited and the blow never came, she wondered for a moment if he was still stuck in that awkward silence and it was a few moments before her brain truly registered what her ears had heard. “Yes?”

Kaiden frowned, “Yes. What? Not the answer you were looking for?” He asked. A touch of bitterness crept into his voice, she’d been the one who’d kept pressing for an answer and this was all the reaction he got.

“No, I mean yes…of course it was the answer I wanted to hear it just wasn’t the one I was expecting…hell I don’t know I guess I was just bracing myself for the worst.” She replied with a shake of her head, not much of a reply to give to the man who’d just told you he loves you!

Kaiden looked just as enthused, he stood still frowning wondering where this revelation got them both. So they still loved each other what next? He still wasn’t sure he wanted to try and make something work, he wasn’t even sure if it could. Sure the Alliance and Cerberus would be working a little more closely when it came to fighting the Reapers this time around rather than competing but the organisations still didn’t trust each other and wanted to be the one in charge. Kaiden also had a feeling that the side that Shepard was one was more likely to be the one to get things done, she had a way of doing that and felt slightly embittered that it wasn’t the Alliance. He could never work for Cerberus.

“So what happens now?” He asked in a low tone that made Shepard shiver.

Now his words had sunk in she began to realise the potential of what it could mean for them, or rather her still vaguely drunken body started to realise what it could mean for that moment. She as suddenly very aware of just how close she’d stood to him, she could feel him as a line of heat barely inches in front of her and her fingertips itched to reach out and smooth over his chest. Her head however was still feeling sensible enough to tell her that was a bad idea, his declaration that he still loved her had in no way been an invitation to jump back into bed together, as much as she wanted to it still felt all to awkward, like walking a knife edge.

“I don’t know.” She breathed, clenching her fists harder nails digging into her palms to stop herself from grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to kiss her. “I just needed to know I guess.” Shepard sighed and looked up again, very serious eyes meeting his dark gaze.

There came the awkward silence again as Kaiden studied her face, those strange glowing scars that were signs of the ‘accident’; he wanted to trace them with his fingers and see what they felt like, see if her skin still felt the same as before or if Cerberus had rebuilt her differently. One thing was strikingly different and Kaiden was surprised that he had not really noticed it before, not properly at least. “You know your eyes are almost the same colour as your hair.” He said suddenly, brow still creased in a frown as he studied her strange eyes that glowed a deep red from implants that obviously gave her corpse back its sight, he even reached out and trailed delicate fingers over the dark red hair she kept perpetually piled on top of her head in a bun.

Shepard felt goosebumps rise on her scalp from his barest touch but his words hit on a nerve, something that had niggled at her ever since she woke up and learned what had happened to her. She closed her eyes and turned away from him, while still wishing she could feel his touch, heading over to the empty fish tank she pressed her forehead against the cool glass and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Kaiden asked softly, his footsteps moving up close behind her, “I didn’t meant to upset you, if anything I thought it might have made you laugh a little.”

“I…it’s just a reminder, always, of how I’m not entirely human anymore.” She whispered, “Same with the scars, I could have them healed but what difference would it make really, wouldn’t change what I am now. I guess that’s why I was so convinced you were going to tell me no.”

Kaiden raised his hands and set them both upon her shoulders, squeezing lightly then moving to caress her upper arms in what he hoped was a comforting manner. “My love for you never disappeared and no matter what I tried I knew it never would. But it’s not the same.”

Shepard sighed again, “It’ll never be the same, we’re not the same as we were before Ilos, too much has happened…” She raised her head from the glass of the fish tank and looked around at him, “We had so little time it doesn’t seem fair.”

She sounded so low and it surprised him, his Shepard never sounded defeated had it all become too much for her the bear? And, perhaps it was a little egotistical which was why Kaiden was loathe to think it, but had his being there for her before been that important, given her that strength to carry on even when things seemed hopeless?

“We have some time now.” He purred softly, sliding his arms lower and snaking them around her waist and holding her close to him so their bodies moulded together in one long line; he had forgotten just how well she seemed to fit against him and to hold her again was almost like no time had passed at all.

Shepard sagged slightly into his arms, loving the warm and comforting feel of them as they wrapped her up and made her feel safe and secure. It felt that if she could just stay there forever then everything in the universe would be ok, it was a big lie but the illusion was nice for a while, especially when the truth was so daunting. His words ignited that spark of hope inside of her again; she wanted him more than anything but she couldn’t stop asking questions of it.

“But is it enough, is love enough?” She asked still not turning around to face him yet, she had a feeling that if she did she’d want to kiss him and that would be the end of all rational thought. Jack may have been all for that idea but she didn’t think like Shepard did, well not all the time anyway. “Like you said it’s not the same. You may still love me but after Horizon…I could have been sure you’d never want to touch me again; the things you said…”

Kaiden let out a groan, frustration beginning to creep back into his veins. It had seemed to him that she had pushed and pushed for this, for answers and now she was the one questioning and resisting. She’d made him remember, made him spill out the true feelings he’d been trying to squash away and forget about and now that he was feeling it all again she was going to turn him away so she could wallow in self-pity. That sure as hell wasn’t the Shepard he knew, but she was in there somewhere and Kaiden was damn well going to find her.

With firm hands on her waist he spun her around to face him and fixed his gaze firmly with those deep red eyes; no comments about their inhuman strangeness to sink her lower this time. She gasped slightly in surprise at the sudden movement and felt a heat rise to her cheeks as she found herself more obviously trapped between the cool of the fish tank and the comparatively scorching heat of his body.

“Aren’t I touching you now?” He hissed, hands slipping lower and giving her hips a sharp squeeze.

She gasped again, more audibly this time as his fingers dug into her soft flesh, “Yes but…” She whispered, unable to speak more loudly as her breath caught in her chest.

“No buts Shepard, you pushed for this I know it’s what you wanted. No matter what you were saying back in the club I saw the consideration of Jack’s ‘advise’ cross your face. If it’s going to be someone tonight Shepard I want it to be me. Forget about horizon and kiss me.”

She didn’t argue this time, no more questions came to her lips; they could figure out the details of where they went in the morning. She wanted him and badly so it was with great enthusiasm that she complied with his request to kiss him. She shifted forwards, flung her arms around his neck and blissed as their lips collided. Her fingers snaked through his hair and her lips parted allowing him to invade her mouth beginning a war of tongues as they tried to drink each other deeper. He pressed her back against the fish tank, pinning her there and ravishing her mouth; the rising passion growing rough and urgent as he started to bite her battle chapped lips. The skin there was so cracked and fragile that it didn’t take much force for Kaiden to draw blood but it wasn’t until Shepard could taste the metallic tang on her tongue that she pulled away with a gasp of pain as it stung.

She was surprised, he’d never been so rough before but somehow her body seemed to crave it. Perhaps it was the length of time they’d been apart or the softly simmering anger that still bubbled under the surface of each others lust that added fuel to the fire, made him want to draw a little pain from her pleasure and a part of Shepard needed to feel it. Shepard drank in the sight of him, what she could see that wasn’t pressed tight against her own body at least, his lips painted a bright crimson from the smear of blood he’d drawn from her and she hungered for him even more.

Her hands reached out and tugged his Alliance issue t-shirt free of his waistband and ran her hands over his chest, nails roughly tracing the defined edges of his muscles, the silky smoothness of the odd scar here and there. Kaiden had moved his kisses to her jaw line, a fleeting touch of lips followed by a nip and scratch of teeth, biting hard enough that Shepard knew he’d be leaving little tooth-shaped indentations in her skin.

Shepard was growing desperate in her desire to feel more of his flesh, hands just weren’t covering enough of it, and was inching his shirt up higher wanting to tear it over his head and press herself to his bare chest while her hands raked his broad back. But Kaiden stopped her, he grabbed her wrists and pinned them at her sides making Shepard growl in frustration but he didn’t fail to notice her breathing hitch a little more in anticipation of what he might do to her.

For one intense moment he held her gaze, his dark eyes smouldering with nothing but lust, as the rest of their conversations and issues lay forgotten. Then he dipped his head and began to attack her neck, seeking out all of the sensitive spots he knew were there with as much fervour as he’d kissed her lips. He knew it drove her crazy, that do it just right and he could have her mewling and begging him desperately to fuck her. He kissed and nuzzled at the skin just above her shoulder, below her ear, beneath her jaw, trailing his tongue in a hot wet line and ghosting heated breath over the trail. He felt her shiver beneath him, hands clutching at nothing longing to get a grip on him and the soft whimper that left her lips spurred him on. He kissed harder, pulling the skin into his mouth with his lips, biting down gently and then harder all the while listening to her whimper and gasp as she lost control. As he bit a line from her jaw to her shoulder Shepard felt her knees buckle, she’d always known her neck was sensitive to this sort of attack but she felt like putty in Kaidens hands unable to string two coherent words together and gasping in desperate need for more.

He caught her before she fell, not that she’d fall far pinned against him and the tanks set in the wall, he scooped her up with hands beneath her buttocks and grunted slightly in surprise as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist; trapping him against her as effectively as his hips had her pinned to the wall. Wrists free again Shepard took advantage, running her hands through his hair, down his neck and raking nails down his back but she just couldn’t reach low enough to lift his shirt again.

“Ugh, Kaiden let me touch you please I want to feel skin.” Shepard moaned in frustration as he continued to attack her neck, other parts of his anatomy pressing against her and little sending jolts of pleasure up her spine, just where she wanted him but with far too much clothing in the way.

Kaiden chuckled against her neck and Shepard felt it vibrate through her skin stimulating her sensitised nerves even further. She squirmed in his grip, grinding against him; unintentionally at first but the feel of him pressed hard against her drove her mad and when she felt his reciprocating groan rumble through her skin she wriggled a little more pressing hard against him and feeling the slickness of just how aroused she had become.

Raising his head from her neck Kaiden let out a growl low in his throat as Shepard writhed against him like a cat in heat. “Eager, Shepard? You weren’t even this keen the first time.” He teased holding a firmer grip on her hips and pressing harder against her. His hardness a constant pressure against her but he held her firm so that she could not create any more friction, much to Shepard’s irritation.

“Call it a long time of knowing exactly what I was missing.” She gasped, frustrated. “Kaiden please, I don’t like to be teased.”

“Please what?” He purred, jerking his hips slightly and making her yelp with both surprise and desire.

“Please…oh please just fuck me!” She panted, “Or at the very least get out of your clothes so I know you’re not just going to leave me like this.” Perhaps she really was just as desperate as Jack had assumed but letting Kaiden know that had never been her plan and her attempt to redeem herself on that part didn’t sound all that effective when thinking back over it. She almost cringed at her own words until he laughed softly, dark eyes twinkling and a devious smile on his lips.

“Oh I’m not leaving Shepard.” He said hoisting her more securely into his arms and carrying her away from the wall. With ease he carried her down the three small steps into her sunken living area, not stumbling once, and he lay her back on the silken sheets of the bed; crawling up to meet her face so that his body hovered above her. “I’m not done with you yet.”