Parallax

A/n: I’m back! I turned 21… so I wasn’t writing for a while. You’ll all leave me a birthday review, yes? I have anonymous reviews turned on… since I haven’t had reason to turn them off yet… it wouldn’t hurt to leave a review now, would it? :D Also, I’ve decided that Kaidan has really damn good looking thighs… especially in Mantis armor (still looking for Predator [L M H] for mah dear team) In fact, I’m pretty sure that Mantis/Predator is gurddurn sexy on the dudes. Also (also), I decided to divide my Noveria chapter in half because I haven’t posted in a while and there’s still quite a bit more that will happen on the lovely businessy planet. The Noveria ideas have taken my brain by storm, it would seem.

“I’m sorry Commander Shepard, but currently we only have one room available,” the young woman at Port Hanshan’s hotel desk offered the couple in front of her an appeasing smile. Certainly they would at least want the one room for themselves.

“What do you mean you only have one room available?” Shepard ran her hands through her hair in frustration. Of all times for the usually empty hotel to be full, it had to be now.

“I think what she means is that all the rooms are taken, except for one,” the Lieutenant quipped.

“Hey, Kaidan,” Shepard turned to look at her Lieutenant, “Shut the fuck up.”

“Yes ma’am,” he chuckled, his face turning red as he grinned and looked away. It was so fun and easy to rile Shepard up.

“Which room is it?” Shepard asked. Her attitude switched to all business.

“Room number sixty-nine,” the hotel clerk replied, “the honeymoon suite.” Somehow the young human clerk kept a straight face. On the other hand, Shepard’s face twisted into a cheesy grin.

“Does its bathtub have jets?” the Commander enquired. The clerk nodded an affirmative. “Sold!” Shepard shouted, making the nearby businesspersons jump.

“Alright,” the clerk smiled, “I will be able to have this room ready for you within two hours. Do either of you have any special requests?”

Shepard glanced over at the Lieutenant. He was completely spaced out. She glared at him. He was supposed to shut the fuck up and pay attention, not shut the fuck up and check out on her.

“Do you have any condoms for a huge cock the size of a small ferret?!!!” she bellowed in her loudest voice possible. “And pralines. I’m going to get my period soon, so I damn well better have some pralines!!!” She beamed at the sweet-hearted clerk. Shepard would leave a generous tip in compensation for the girl’s embarrassment when she left. She turned to face the Lieutenant and one word came to mind: priceless.

“Condoms?” he whimpered. “What the hell?” Kaidan mentally scampered to collect himself. The whole room was staring at him. “Guess you can’t resist my huge cock, can you? I’ve ruined you for all those normal ones, haven’t I? I loosened the hell out of that pussy!” he replied loudly, his face reaching maximum redness.

Shepard blinked. That was unexpected. She grinned slyly at the Lieutenant.

“I’m not even mad; I’m impressed. Good job,” she drawled and sauntered up to him. Her arm snaked itself around his waist. Shepard turned and looked at the blushing clerk. “Sorry dear, we’re a new couple. You know how new couples get. We’ll be back within a few hours.” She waved and dragged the hapless Lieutenant back to the ship.

“Shepard,” he mumbled, “we’re not really a couple.”

“Nobody will believe us if we said we weren’t, now would they?” she dryly replied. The Commander was right.

“Shepard,” Kaidan’s mumbling took on a whining tone, “everyone’s staring at my crotch.”

“Of course they are, ferret,” she grinned wickedly and slapped him on his unsuspecting ass, earning a very unmasculine squeak.

The should-be couple reached the elevator and took the awkward ride down. When they stepped out, Kaidan found instant relief that nobody in this area of Port Hanshan heard any of Shepard’s bellowing. They silently walked to the Normandy to allow Shepard to announce whatever she had planned to her crew. While waiting through the decontamination scan, Kaidan wondered how Shepard would embarrass him next. He watched her walk up to the nearest intercom button.

“Listen up, Normandy,” her voice was audible to all, “I was going to get enough hotel rooms for everyone on the ship. The bad news is that there is only one room open. I have taken this room; it is room number sixty-nine. If you need something from me in the next few days…” she trailed off for a second, realizing she didn’t want an open door policy this time, “knock first.”

“That being said,” she continued, “I will not force you all to stay here on the ship while business is being conducted. You are all free to do as you see fit under two conditions. First, that you behave properly and don’t make jackasses of yourselves. I will leave your ass here on the station if I see a reason to do so. Secondly, I ask that you be ready to leave at twenty minutes notice. Once Mommy and Daddy’s business is complete here and I feel like leaving, we will leave.” Shepard removed her hand from the intercom button and turned to her Lieutenant.

“Get your shit; we’re leaving,” she said, smacking him on the arm. The Commander strode over to her quarters and packed a small bag with anything she felt she’d need in the next few days. Like always, the business on Noveria was to be conducted in a shrewd manner; this time the Spectre would be prepared. Kaidan would be helpful if they found themselves in a tough spot. When the man was in business mode, he could be a smooth negotiator. She just had to make sure not to screw with his head first.

Shepard walked toward the airlock where Kaidan waited for her. Even the Commander had to admit that the Lieutenant looked good in his Predator armor. He leaned casually against the doorframe, his legs crossed at the ankles. A bag was slung over his shoulder; the man looked like he had been waiting for a while.

“Man waits for woman,” she dryly remarked, a wry grin spread across her face.

“Of course,” he said. Kaidan uncrossed his legs and followed Shepard to the airlock.


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The ride to Peak 15 was rather uneventful. Without the presence of the geth, the Commander and Lieutenant simply drove around the winding trail of the Aleutsk Valley to reach the facility.

“It’s almost like we’re having a normal drive,” Kaidan observed. He glanced over at Shepard with a quick smile before turning his eyes back to the snow-covered road.

“Say what?” Shepard’s expression grew sly. Her hand lazily drifted over to the Mako’s rocket launcher button. The Spectre pressed the button and the rover’s main canon fired directly into the mountain in front of the traveling pair. Shepard giggled with glee at the wonderful explosion of rock and snow.

“Ok then,” Kaidan chuckled. The Commander’s delight was contagious.

Above them, the mountain began to rumble. Kaidan stopped the rover and furrowed his brow. Something felt wrong. His suspicions were confirmed when the rumbling increased in volume. An avalanche was headed straight for them. He stomped the accelerator to get away from the rapidly tumbling snow.

The Mako whipped around the corner and burst into the mountain tunnel, narrowly missing being demolished by the avalanche. The Lieutenant continued to accelerate as Shepard bounced in her seat and cheered. With the increase in speed, the rover burst out of the tunnel; it snagged the ledge and went airborne in a spiral. The unbuckled Shepard gripped her seat with all her might as the Lieutenant righted the Mako. It slammed back into the ground, right side up. The force of the impact threw Shepard face first into Kaidan’s lap.

“Shepard,” the Lieutenant said as he continued to drive, “I understand you are an adrenaline junkie of sorts, but that might have been a little extreme.” His face was drawn into what Shepard called the ‘dad face’. Kaidan’s brows slanted downward and his forehead wrinkled just above the bridge of his nose; his jaw clenched into a stern line.

Shepard groaned and sat up as the Mako coasted to a gentle stop in front of the Peak 15 garage. It appeared as if the facility was in the middle of repairs.

“I think I split my lip on your balls,” the Commander said as her hand moved to catch the blood that dripped down her chin.

“Let me see,” he sighed and put the rover in park. “Oh, wow,” he mumbled to himself, grateful for his armor’s protective cup. Kaidan snagged his glove in his teeth and pulled it off as his other hand reached for some medigel. He gently applied the soothing gel to Shepard’s lower lip.

Her eyes closed to slits as her Lieutenant’s thumb trekked across her lip. The medigel tingled on contact as it healed the split.

Yet his thumb lingered where it was.

The Lieutenant’s heart pounded as he leaned in slowly; his eyes became hooded to match Shepard’s. Her sweet smelling breath fanned across his face, beaconing him to kiss her. His hand slid away from her mouth to grasp the back of her head. Like a drowning man, the Lieutenant was helpless against the waves of confusion that battered him.

The garage in front of them opened with a crash.

They jumped back from each other and Kaidan brought the Mako into the garage. Exiting the rover, they were met by a human scientist. The awkward moment was forgotten; now was the time for business.

“Hello!” the scientist had to shout over the sounds of construction, “as you can see, the facility is undergoing repairs. Sorry for the mess. The files are down in the hotlabs at the moment. It’s much quieter there.” He turned and motioned them to follow.

The sound of the marines’ footsteps was drowned out by the nearby construction as they followed the scientist to the hotlabs. Even the multiple elevator rides were noisy, though admittedly, it was much better to hear the noise of construction than the noise of the damaged facility creaking like it did last time. The scientist led them to a desk in the hotlabs. Many empty cups lay on the desk haphazardly; a computer stood proudly amongst the debris. The smell of old coffee permeated the air.

“Our best hacker has been working on these decrypted files for days,” the Scientist wrung his hands, “I was hoping that we’d have it ready for viewing when you arrived, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. This is rather embarrassing.” He offered his fearsome company a nervous smile. The Spectre was scary enough, but her boyfriend looked equally terrifying. The scientist was sincerely worried. What would they do? He wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or shaking when Commander Shepard flashed a toothy grin at the man next to her.

“Would the nerd like to come out and play?” she cooed.

“Please?” he asked, giving her his best impression of a begging puppy. The armor he wore and the amount of firearms strapped to his body made said impression look more ridiculous than usual.

“Ok,” Shepard said in between laughs, “go ahead.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Kaidan leaped into action. He sat down at the weathered desk and briskly brushed off all the empty coffee cups; a second later, his omni tool flashed to life. The Lieutenant became a blur of typing.

“He’s a nerd at heart,” Shepard interrupted the scientist’s obvious staring. “Just because he looks like a meathead doesn’t mean he’s dumb.” She kicked an empty cup at Kaidan. He was too distracted to notice. Shepard chuckled. The Lieutenant’s focus was always perfect when he had a task to do. It was quite a shame that his technical talents were overlooked in favor of his biotics. Sure, his biotic abilities were incredibly strong for a human, but there was something special about seeing Kaidan’s smile when he worked with electronics. It was certainly more inviting than the cold, detached look he wore when he used his biotics. She looked up at the Lieutenant and decided that she adored his nerdy smile.

“Done!” Kaidan exclaimed. “Now, let’s see what we’ve got here.”

Shepard walked over to where her Lieutenant sat and squatted next to the chair. She leaned in to him to get a better view of the screen. It appeared as if the decrypted file contained many sub-files. Kaidan clicked on the first one, eager to see what information they may have uncovered.

A picture of an asari in a pinstriped suit appeared on the screen.

“This must be from when Benezia was here,” Shepard mumbled, “open the next file.” The Lieutenant nodded and clicked. Their jaws dropped at what appeared.

“That is…” Kaidan trailed off, not sure if he should be turned on or turned off.

“What the FUCK?!!!” Shepard screamed at the computer. “I wanted information, not pictures of a nip-slip from a thousand old asari matriarch!!!”

Wordlessly, Kaidan began to open the rest of the files. All of them contained some form of perverted hidden-camera photo of the late Lady Benezia in her final days in the hotlabs. He looked on in awe; apparently the asari didn’t get wrinkles or any other overt signs of aging. At the same time, the pictures were of a thousand-or-so year old woman.

“Kind of gross, but kind of hot…” he murmured, unable to affix his eyes anywhere but the screen.

Shepard huffed, slapped him on the arm, and stood up to leave. Though a tomboy, the Spectre sometimes had moments where the musings of men frustrated her. If Kaidan knew what was good for him, he would stop making comments about the asari matriarch. The woman was dead, for God’s sake! She paused as a thought came to her mind.

“Kaidan,” she addressed her Lieutenant in her business voice, “please delete those photos. It would be disrespectful to the dead to keep them around.”

“Aye, aye, ma’am,” he replied and immediately began to erase them all, “I agree.” A few seconds later, he turned around and stood up. The photos were no more.

“Thank you for notifying us about the decrypted files,” Shepard addressed the scientist with a slight nod, “unfortunately, the files themselves were not useful to our case and have been deleted, due to the nature of said files. I promise you that it was nothing of corporate or scientific significance.”

“Alright then,” the scientist replied with hesitation, “is there anything else you want from here?”

“At the moment, no,” Shepard’s gaze grew distant as she thought, “we need to get going so that we reach Port Hanshan before nightfall.”

The scientist nodded and escorted them to the garage. He watched the first human Spectre and her Lieutenant with keen eyes. He observed the Lieutenant open the door for her as if they were on a date; he even gave Commander Shepard a hand as she stepped up into the rover. The scientist nodded to the other man and watched as he entered the rover and sealed the door. Through the front windshield, he saw the couple arguing. It brought a smile to his face.

“Oh, to be young and in love,” the scientist wistfully smiled and retreated into the confines of Peak 15.

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“I don’t give a damn!” Kaidan spat, “put the seatbelt on! Do you want to split your lip again?” He knew he was out of line, but Shepard’s safety was a priority. Just because there were no geth prowling around the valley didn’t mean that they wouldn’t run into trouble. And he’d be damned if he let Shepard ride in the Mako again without a seatbelt.

“You know you want my face in your lap,” Shepard glared at him. The Lieutenant sputtered for a second.

“I know you want your face in my lap, but save it for later,” he quipped as he reached over and buckled Shepard up.

He backed the Mako out of the garage and drove down the winding, snow-covered trail, content that he had silenced the rebellious woman beside him. Now was not the time for her to act up. His eyes took a quick peek at Shepard; she sat with her arms and legs crossed, a scowl etched across her features. The Lieutenant couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Admittedly, Shepard was adorable when she pouted, though he would never tell her. It would give her an unfair advantage if she knew. His eyes turned back to the road.

“Let’s not tell Liara about those photos,” Shepard’s voice sounded to his right.

“Agreed,” he quietly supplied. There was no use in letting the young asari know the indignities that were wrought upon her mother in her final days. The indoctrination was bad enough.

A silent truce fell over the pair. The seatbelt incident was over but somehow the air wasn’t cleared between the two. The Mako’s engines droned on as the Lieutenant guided it to Port Hanshan. Shepard sighed as she looked out the window at the bleak landscape. The monotonous ride soon lulled her into a deep sleep.

They would be back at sunset.