The Soul and its Maker

Chapter 5

Luke’s POV

I fell asleep on the couch of Peony’s study with thoughts of Jade invading my dreams. His delicate, slim fingers, gentle even after wielding the deadliest of spears, surging with powers in his artes, caressed my cheek lightly through his elbow length gloves, the sensation of its slick, silky fabric only dividing my face from the heat of his flesh. Were his hands calloused, soft or scarred? You can tell much about a person by their hands. The sound of his gloves sliding off his arms sent shivers up my spine, intensified to tingles washing over when his fingertips, with their feather light touch ghosted across my face smelling sweet from oil. My eyes fluttered open clouded by dreams, my lips parted uttering his name, “Jade…” I whimpered in lost tones.

Possessed by thoughts of him I couldn’t sleep even if I tried. My body told me otherwise by the ache mounting in my pants. The more I ignored it tossing on my side, the more it protested hardening against the confines of my clothes. Then I remembered what Guy told me, I could alleviate my ache through touch in those regions of my body, stroking away the fire until at last I found release. Yes, I could do that, pretend my hand was Jade’s, that he was there telling me he loved me, felt the way I did even if he never dared voice it.

I shifted my position, fumbling with my belt, allowing my hands to stray, closing my eyes, imagining as best I could his hand really there. A few waves of pleasure coursed through, strictly bodily, leaving my heart empty. No, it didn’t work, I wanted him more, feeling as if I myself occupied this lonely universe, without another to reach out and touch my pain. My heart sank in that image, while my mind retorted back, you know how cold Jade really is. There’s no way in hell a jerk like him would really care. Any moves he’s laid on you by sending you to Guy, is really his way of getting rid of you, stupid boy.

“No, Jade, please tell me its not true,” I cried softly to myself sitting up, alone in the darkened room of Peony’s study, where just next door Jade was out in the living room, maybe the kitchen engaged in some reading or artes.

“Stop being afraid, you’re finally alone with him, if you don’t approach him now you’ll never have the chance again,” I told myself, gliding through the dark to the single crack of light from the next room over.

The old metal knob of the fancy wood stained door creaked as I turned it, pushing it open on its hinges inch by frightful inch. I steeled myself for a blow, a mental imaginary one flying straight at me the moment I entered his space. Only embers dying in the fireplace that glowed like fireflies, dying shadows that flicked off the mansion’s scarlet-colored walls, retreating in corners like phantoms greeted me lacking words. My sight darted over in front of the couch where Jade and I reclined, where I thought he might be, only to find the depressions of where we sat still imprinted in its cushions. Hearing papers shuffle the next place in the kitchen, I raced there on my feet to spy him alone in study.

“Yes, Luke?” His blood red eyes shot up from over the edges of a manuscript, one I guessed in ancient Ispanian by the curvature of its text. His gaze hit me directly, without his glasses laid aside a pile of manuscripts on the table. A small candle illuminated it its space, otherwise dim as if swallowed in shadow. The little flame flickered nervously off Jade’s face, hair and clothes in a thin, ragged line, a glow just off the edges of his form.

“You’re glasses, Jade, you’re not wearing them,” I remarked, feeling in the confines of my pants that ache start up again at the sight of his beauty and grace. “You look so young without them on. You’re face is really…beautiful…” I murmured dreamily.

“I thought my face was always beautiful, even with them on.” He gestured to himself, holding back a grin. His sight skimmed down me taking some mental note. “I see the level of your blood fonons has increased dramatically in, shall I say, certain regions of your body, meaning you’re—”

“Don’t say it! I know,” I growled. Aroused.

“Say what? I had no intention of saying any such thing,” he feigned, breaking out in his grin. “Since you unwittingly cast me into the role as your teacher, perhaps I should continue your lessons where Guy left off, answering a question children often ask: where do babies come from?”

“My god Jade, SHUT UP!” I exploded, ready to knock him out. “When we first met, I thought you were just some obnoxious four eyed fool, but now I know you’re really scary, inside and out, all of you!”

He chuckled innocently as if I were the one at fault, rising to his feet over me. “Sexuality is fascinating to study. Does it embarrass you, Luke? In fact, I was just studying the sexual practices of Dawn Age culture in that manuscript.”

I froze feeling a blush the shade of a tomato color my face so red, I thought it might really burst.

“I see my answer is yes. It holds an interest for some people, much like human organs do for autopists,” Jade continued. “Relax, Luke, you may give yourself a heart attack, or spontaneously combust, then I’ll have to clean you up, or perform an autopsy to determine the cause of death. Did I ever tell you, Luke, it was my childhood dream to be an autopist?”

I rolled my eyes at his comment, closing the distance between us. “No Jade, but I guess that’s what makes you…different,” I said with a smile, not meaning to hurt him.

“No, cold,” he admitted with such candor, I felt truly bad. “It’s the truth, so I wonder, how come you’ve developed feelings for one such as myself?” eying me with wonder.

“I guess cause I was an empty replica…” My voice softened and gaze fell to Jade’s feet. “But when you say I have a special place in your heart, that you’re traveling with me to right Master Van’s wrongs, that I have as much right to exist as my original, I feel happy cause…I’m needed.”

I smiled sadly, hugged him burying my face in his chest. He hand traveled up the pulse in my neck, resting below my jaw. He angled it up ever gently so our eyes met and I lost myself deep in his blood red pools. Yes, Nephry might have found them frightening, even monstrous but to me they were…beautiful, with the light of a single flame from the candle on the table dancing in their depths like glowing rubies, alive. I took out the selenia from my jacket I offered him before, the one with my tears I cried on, running its petals along Jade’s lips.

“For me?” he mused sweetly, inhaling its scent.

I nodded, leaning up to kiss kissing his lips through its petals. “It’s a symbol that I’ve changed, I’m searching for my reason to live.”

“Indeed, your tears are part of its essence,” Jade whispered, lowering the selenia between us and claiming my lips directly. “If something should happen to us on this perilous journey we’ve embarked, let us promise to place it on the grave of the one who looses their life in remembrance.”

A rare display of emotion I never imagined possible shone through Jade’s reserved features, expressing his masked affection. He was never one to show feeling like this but when he did, he meant it allowing an icy layer of his heart to melt, letting me in just a little further. It’d take a long time to melt it all, perhaps I couldn’t but the thawing of this layer was another step towards reaching inside him.

I knew excessive sentimentality annoyed him, giving him a reason to make fun of me but I couldn’t help welling in feeling. We are so opposite, it’s a wonder we find any cohesiveness like fire and ice melding together. “Jade, no one’s going to die, we’re making it through this together,” I uttered in desperation, tightening the circle of my arms around him.

“Yes, but don’t underestimate Van’s resolve,” he reminded, ever the realist, letting his chin drop down to rest on my shoulder and eyes slowly close. “Since the destruction of Hod, Van has known only the loss of his people and hatred of the Score that tragedy couldn’t be stopped. He wants back his family and home, even if they’re replicas. I too, have endured my share of tragedies like Van, including Nebilim’s death and that of the Tartarus when the god-generals first attacked. I knew those men from the time I entered Malkuth’s military, fighting by their side like their fathers, sons and brothers…”

“Just like me at Akzeriuth,” I sniffled. “Drowning in all that pain, Master Van’s become so blinded, thinking people can never change. He was such a great man, Jade. Tear told me he’s like a father to her. She loved him cause he always came back to visit her even from the Outer Lands. But one he when he left, she told me he changed. What caused such a great man, my sensei to fall like that?”

“As if grace existed before sin,” Jade remarked cynically, releasing me. He reached for his glasses on the table, laying the selenia there, slipping his spectacles back up the bridge of his nose, his warmth vanishing and coldness masking his face. “The simple fact remains we face a skilled enemy, dangerous in his resolve to create a replica world at the cost of its originals, every human being alive. Do you believe such an enemy is worthy of the mercy you so cherish?” He narrowed his eyes through his glasses eyeing me harshly.

I stepped aside under the heat of his gaze, following my intent. “No,” I cried, shaking my head, “He shouldn’t. But I still respect him. At least I used to when I loved him like a father, like Tear did. When I see his indifference tearing her apart, although she acts so tough, how Guy wants him to be the friend he used to know, I hate him seeing him cause my friends so much pain!”

I almost burst into tears; reaching behind to draw my blade in battle as if Van were in front and I could strike. “Since Akzeriuth I’ve felt empty, having no mentor to guide me like Van did. Maybe in our relationship I unfairly put you in that role.” My arms dropped to my side, I sighed feeling stupid in Jade’s controlled presence.

“It’s true, Luke, I dislike teaching, but I have something to gain from our friendship as well,” Jade assured gently, his warmth returning in his arm around my shoulder. He guided me towards the front entrance where we first entered into the living room. “There’s something I wish to discuss in regards to that. Come, let’s go outside for a breath of fresh air.”

A lump formed in my throat, constricting my breath, my heart racing as he helped me slip into a fur-lined coat to protect against Keterberg’s bitter cold. He dressed himself in one before stepping out with me onto the mansion’s front porch. Its broad eaves sheltered us from snowflakes dancing down, alongside memory particles glowing like brilliant fireflies of every color, a sign the Sephiroth were weakening, that the vibration of the planet’s core intensified, leaking memory particles through the Radiation Gate northwest of Keterberg, mixing in the atmosphere.

“I’ve never seen actual memory particles,” Jade exclaimed, catching one in his palm, stepping out into the street. “They’ve witnessed the planet’s birth, the struggles and triumphs of humanity throughout the Dawn Age and today. They are what merged with the first through six fonons, giving birth to the Seventh, which is what composes your entire body, Luke.”

The memory particle glowing in his hand flew towards me melting into my body as warmth rushing through my chest.

“See? They are drawn to you as am I, but unlike them, I can’t go there.” Jade held his hand over my thumping heart. “Because even though you say you love me and truly mean it, I fear I’ll never be able to do the same. That is why I called you out here to tell you, perhaps a romantic relationship with me may not…work.” Again, a rare hint of emotion made itself known in his tremulous voice, quivering lips, and hesitant red eyes.

I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. Jade told me before he didn’t really understand what it meant for living things to die, that it was something he lacked in his nature. I should have realized he meant the same with love. He wanted to stop me from falling in love deeper with him beyond the point of no return, when it would be too late for me to realize he couldn’t love me back. After all, he’s so disconnected from his emotions like he locked them up, stuffed them deep down inside, and stopped feeling them after poor Nebilim’s death. Her passing must have been to him what Akzeriuth was to me, a tragedy so great it wounds your soul haunting you forever.

“Maybe you’re right, Jade…” Pain choked my voice, my emerald eyes grew watery, and sinuses stuffed. “But I believe people can change, even though you tell me you can’t feel for me what I do for you. After all, no one can force another person to love them, just as they can’t change, like Van staying the same forever. You said, Jade, you learned a lot by watching me. If there’s anything you’ve realized, I want you to know people can change, even you.”

I closed the distance between us in the street, in the dance of falling snowflakes and memory particles, placing my hand on Jade’s beating heart. “Because in the time I’ve known you, you’ve changed, even if you don’t realize it yourself,” I whispered, gazing at my reflection mirrored back in his lovely crimson eyes. They glowed an eerie, but hauntingly beautiful shade in the night, catching the light of the street lamps amidst the snow.

“I…” His breath caught in his throat, clasping his hand over mine, lifted from his chest.

/Peony once said the same thing to me many years ago when he told me, Jade, I love you I want to be with you forever/, Jade thought to himself, gazing at my hand in his. I said I couldn’t love again after Nebilim’s death and pushed him away. /So he came after Nephry as a way to be close to me instead. And Nephry was devastated cause she thought Peony really loved her/.

“Luke, perhaps you are right, but I have much to think need to think about,” Jade explained, stroking my cheek gently.

I knew from his touch he told the truth. There was nothing else I could do at this point to show my respect by giving him his space. The old me would of complained and yelled, but I knew better now since Akzeriuth.

“I understand, Jade,” I replied, smiling sadly, kissing the back of his hand on my face. “I think I’ll head back to the inn. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He nodded in acknowledgement and we parted ways. I noticed on my trek to the inn someone snuck out in the middle of the night, their tracks made recently after mine judging by how filled in they were with snow. They were small, the size of a girls, with something dragged behind her, Tokunaga. If it was Anise, what was she up to? I should have known my absence along with Jade’s would draw attention. And Anise is always poking her nose in peoples business when it comes to romantic relations. But I was too tired to do anything. I’d let Jade handle it as I headed back to the inn.

After I left Jade noticed the tracks, following them to the side of Peony’s mansion, where the road stopped in a dead end behind other houses on the periphery of the town. His keen sight took in a doll lying at the end of the road there, soaked in water from the snow, somewhat muddy from lying in the road.

He sighed, bending over to pick it up. “Anise,” he chided in a fatherly tone. “It’s not smart to let Tokunaga get damaged like that, even if he’s a toy since he is still your weapon.”

A shiver echoed behind some bushes hugging the side of the mansion.

“Anise, if you don’t come out, I’ll tell your mom and dad back at Daath you’ve been bad, and they’ll cut back your allowance. Perhaps I’ll even keep it and buy myself some new fontech glasses from Belkend,” Jade teased, waving Tokunaga to draw her out. “Yes, Tokunaga, you think they’d look good? I could sell you there for extra gald as well.”

“Colonel, you’re so mean!” Anise whimpered, stumbling out into view. She frowned grabbing her doll.

“No, no,” Jade chuckled, raising it out of her grasp. “Not until you tell me why you followed Luke. It isn’t very ladylike to eavesdrop like that, my dear.”

“I…I’m sorry, but I was curious,” she gave in, dropping her head in shame. “Luke spent a lot of time with you, so I wanted to see what happened. I just saw you and him outside His Majesty’s mansion, that’s all.” Anise cleared her throat growing serious. “But I also want to tell you I think the Order’s been on our trail ever since we left Daath. Mohs may be trying to kidnap Ion again, or is having someone follow us.”

“Yes, a soldier must always be on their guard. Not easy going like us.” Jade smiled, lowering Tokunaga into Anise’s grasp. “My senses picked up some fonon disturbance a good mile behind us since we escaped on the Tartarus by sea. Even now, I feel it a ways out of town. It’s been too strong for an Order’s spy, most likely one of the god-generals. If it were Sync then Guy’s curse slot would be affected. Or Ash, Luke would’ve heard his voice. The fact we’re seeing memory particles from the Radiation Gate leaking out isn’t a good sign either…”

“And Colonel, those earthquakes are growing worse, like the land’s gonna fall,” Anise cried, hugging Tokunaga to her chest like a child. “Ion’s been getting sick, the more we’re releasing the Daathic seals, too. I’m so worried!”

“But the Fon Master will be okay if he rests,” Jade assured her. “You mustn’t tell anyone else, even Luke of what you know. We must be on our guard, departing at daybreak as soon as the Tartarus is operational. That way, hopefully we can move before our spy catches on.”

“That stupid Mohs, all he wants is his war,” Anise growled, kicking up mud and snow on the road.

“Calm down,” Jade ordered, grabbing her shirt from the back. “Tonight you and I will take turns keeping watch outside. It’s the least we can do to protect ourselves.”

TBC