The chance that becomes an inevitability

Sound filtered into Rufus consciousness, a soft female voice speaking out loud. Occasionally she paused, as though she was waiting for someone to fill in the gaps of her conversation. But no other voice spoke, not one that Rufus could hear at any rate. ~Alicia.~ He thought, and for a second his lips twitched into a smile. That was before his memories came flooding back to him, the expression freezing on his face.

Try as he might, Rufus couldn't stop himself from remembering the night before. He saw in vivid detail the way Lezard had used him, remembered the pain and the tears, and worst of all he could still recall the laughter. He had to bite back a sob, force himself to breathe normally, and concentrate on something else. That something proved to be Alicia and her conversation with Silmeria.

Her voice was pleasant to listen to, soft and girlish, with a soothing quality to it that almost lulled him back to sleep. But the words surprised him, and he fought not to stiffen as he eavesdropped on what was sure to be a private conversation.

"But Silmeria..." Alicia was saying, her voice holding a hint of whine to it. "Why won't you tell me what you know? I'm not a child! You know that!!" Silence as Alicia waited impatiently for the Valkyrie to answer. "I can handle what happened between Lezard and Rufus. Just give me a chance to prove it!"

She was sighing then, and even though Rufus kept his eyes closed, he imagined her shaking her head no in frustration. "If you won't tell me, I'll just ask Rufus!!" Underneath his lowered eyelids, Rufus rolled his eyes, thinking he would die before he shared with her what had happened. "What do you mean he won't tell me?!" Something hit the bed he lay on, an act of tantrum from the princess.

"Why are you always keeping secrets from me?! Silmeria!! Please...!" Her angry voice dropped down to a whisper. "I just want to help." Another sigh from her. "This can't be all that I can do....surely there's something more I..." Apparently Silmeria had a lot to say, for Alicia fell quiet for several minutes. "And you're sure you won't do anything unless he asks?"

Another pause from Alicia, and then she spoke, voice thick with annoyance. "Is Lezard's help really that valuable that you would put Rufus' state of well being, his mental health at risk?"

Rufus wondered what Silmeria had to say in response to that, the half elf wishing the Valkyrie would take over Alicia's body for her half of the conversation. "No, of course not. I don't think you're that cold and unfeeling. I never meant to imply that...but I don't always understand the things that you do!"

That made two of them, Rufus thought wryly. Silmeria often worked in mysterious ways, keeping much of her plans to herself. The Valkyrie seemed to operate on a need to know basis, remaining tight lipped and coy. In this instant he was grateful, knowing she would not be the one to educate Alicia on the matter between him and Lezard.

"Yes....I realize that you get results." Alicia was saying. "I do trust you, you know that right? But..." A sigh then. "I wish you would extend that same trust to me, and let me in on your plans a little more!"

The mattress shifted as Alicia added her weight to the bed, sitting down next to Rufus' body. The side of her arm brushed against his back, and he forced himself not to jerk away from that accidental touch. "I know you think me weak...." Alicia began. "That what happened with Rufus will be too much on top of Leone's---I mean Hrist's betrayal, but...I think I've grown stronger since we started this journey."

"What? You do?" Happiness in Alicia's voice, the Valkyrie apparently agreeing with her. "Oh Silmeria...I'm so glad you noticed." She had grown stronger, Rufus noted to himself. More confidant in her abilities, and not just that of the sword. She was braver, less prone to tears, no longer uncertain when she spoke. She was blossoming from fragile girl into a fine young woman, one that anyone would be proud to call friend.

And his dear friend was clearly worried about him, unable to keep her thoughts from Rufus for more than a few moments at a time. "Silmeria...why do you think Rufus went to Lezard's room? I mean....why not come to me if he was troubled? What? Of course I know what I am saying!" Words rushed out of her, Alicia clearly speaking over Silmeria. "My door is always open to him...I....I care for him...I would have gladly done anything he wanted of me."

Her words surprised him, Rufus fighting not to sit up and look at the princess. "I mean it." Continued Alicia. "I would have done anything to spare him from Lezard's hurt. Why? Because I lo---"

~Because what?!~ He thought anxiously, when Alicia suddenly paused. A gasp then, the princess shifted even closer to Rufus' body.

"Rufus..." The voice that spoke was not Alicia's, Silmeria leaning over the half elf. "It's not polite to eavesdrop."

Rufus forced open his eyes, seeing Silmeria frowning down at him. "So you knew..." Rufus sighed, a sheepish expression on his face.

"It would take a lot more skill than you possess to pull the wool over my eyes." Silmeria replied. "I knew almost the instant you regained consciousness."

"Why didn't you tell Alicia?" asked Rufus, watching as Silmeria pulled back from him. "I mean....you let her go on and on..."

"Perhaps I thought it would reassure you to know your secrets are safe with me." SIlmeria answered.

"Er yeah..." Rufus slowly sat up, wincing as pain flared up in his legs. He glanced downwards and saw his clothing had been changed. Clean pants and a soft cotton shirt covered his body, and through the unbuttoned collar he could make out the sight of white gauze across his chest. He started to blush, wondering if Alicia had been the one to dress him.

"Dylan was the one to change you." Silmeria said, sensing where his thoughts laid. "Fear not, Alicia and I were not present while he did it."

That was only a little better, Rufus not sure if he should be relieved another man had been touching him while he was out of it. He trusted Dylan, yet a part of him, the part that had been tainted by Lezard's perverseness feared what could have happened. "Thanks..." He at last managed, halfheartedly showing his gratitude.

"You are welcome." Silmeria replied, clasping her hands over her lap. Blue eyes peered curiously at him, making him fidget.

"So....I guess we should be going...." Rufus said, slowly starting to stand. He tried to keep his face devoid of expression, noticing the soreness in his hips. "We have to beat Hrist to Dipan."

"We can afford to delay a day or two." Silmeria surprised him with her words. "Hrist will not start the....festivities without us."

"Are you sure?" Rufus asked, not wanting to be the burden that caused them to fall behind schedule. Silmeria merely nodded at him, and Rufus looked away. With a sigh he stumbled towards the window, pulling open the curtains. Sunlight poured into the room, Rufus blinking his eyes to adjust. "What time is it?" he asked, with some alarm, seeing the position of the sun in the sky.

"It is a few hours past noon." explained Silmeria. "You have been sleeping all this time."

"What?" Rufus whirled around to stare at her. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You needed your rest." She pointed out calmly. "Not to mention your body needed that time to begin the healing process."

"I'm fine." Rufus said. "It's only some scratches."

"It was a bit more than just scratches" retorted Silmeria. "Rufus...Dylan told me about the bruises."

"Bruises..." Rufus repeated, wondering if that is why he felt so sore.

"Yes." Unblinking eyes stared at him, forcing him to look away. Silmeria seemed to be waiting for him to speak, displaying an infinite amount of patience that Alicia would have lacked. The silence was almost unbearable, Rufus turning his back to her, staring out the window. He watched the people on the streets of Crell Monferaign, walking unhurried as they moved about with their daily lives.

The silence stretched out between them, Rufus feeling as though Silmeria's heavy gaze was boring holes into his back. "Where is everyone?" Rufus asked, not really caring.

"I sent Dylan to fetch some supplies." Silmeria explained. "As for Lezard, I've asked him to remain in his room. So far he has obliged me."

"Oh..." Rufus said dully.

"For now you needn't worry about speaking with him." continued Silmeria. "You needn't do anything but concentrate on resting."

"I'm not really tired..." Rufus said, knowing sleep was the last thing he wanted at the moment.

"Of course." Silmeria replied. "You may not be tired, but at least lie down. It will help with the soreness you feel."

"I didn't say anything about being sore." Rufus protested, quickly enough.

"Rufus...with the amount of bruising you have sustained, I'd be surprised if you weren't in pain." Silmeria's words caused Rufus to tighten his fingers around the windowsill, the half elf biting back an angry retort.

"Dylan talks too much." Rufus muttered at last, watching as the color fled out of his knuckles.

"My einherjar is no idle gossip." Silmeria chastised softly. "It is out of concern for you that he spoke to me of your injuries." A pause, waiting for his answer, though none came. "And you still do not want to tell me what has happened?"

Silence was the only thing he had to offer her, Rufus glaring down at his hands. A deep sigh from the Valkyrie, a heavy exhalation of air that bore the only sign of her frustration. "Rufus...Is it because I share a body with Alicia?"

"That's only part of the problem." He whispered it softly, not intending for Silmeria to hear him.

"I know that this is a difficult situation, this sharing of a body. It would make anyone hesitant to confide in one of us, knowing the other would be privy to such secrets." said Silmeria. "But by now, I would think that both of us have proven trust worthy. I swear on my honor as a Valkyrie, your words will not leave this room."

Rufus was shaking his head no as she talked, having to bite his tongue to keep from saying something nasty to her. He was sinking into old habits, wanting to hide behind a gruff exterior, thrust Silmeria and Alicia far from him with angry words. It would be so easy to lash out, to drive Silmeria away with angry words.

"There's nothing to talk about." If he gripped the window sill any harder, something would snap apart in his fingers. "It's all a big misunderstanding."

"Why do you persist in lying to me?!" Silmeria demanded, the bed groaning as she leapt to her feet. "Is it Lezard you are trying to protect, or is it something else? Please explain this to me so that I may understand!"

He remained with his back to her, not offering her any words. How could he explain what he feared, without giving everything away? Yes, he did not want Alicia to know what had happened between him and Lezard, but Rufus found he also did not want Silmeria to know. How could the Valkyrie begin to understand mortal feelings, understand the loneliness and lust that had driven him to Lezard's arms? He feared she could not, Rufus despairing to think of her kind gaze changing to one of pure disgust.

"Rufus!" A sharp cry from her, the sound of her footsteps approaching him. "Do you remember what you started to tell me last night?"

He turned, the half elf looking at her in confusion. Aside from the sex with Lezard, the events following the act were a blur. Dimly he was aware of having spoken to Silmeria and Alicia, but the words had been unimportant to him.

"You told me things....horrible things..." Silmeria answered for him.

"I couldn't have!" Rufus protested, whirling around to stare out the window once more.

"Yes, you did. I heard you." Silmeria said insistently. "You said you told him to stop. For him to have continued..." Her voice softened slightly. "He committed a crime against you." Rufus said nothing, fighting to keep his expression blank as he stared out the window. "You do understand that don't you? Lezard is in the wrong, not you. Rufus....you don't have to go through this alone...please....let me....let US..." She corrected herself, hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. "Let us help you."

"You're wrong." Rufus said, and her hand froze in place, a mere inch above his flesh. "I don't need you, I don't need anyone helping me."

"Oh?"

He heard the compassionate tone fade away to the chill of her now frosty tone. "What happened between Lezard and I is private." Rufus said, glad she was not touching him. She'd feel the tremble in his arms if she had been.

"In other words, don't interfere?" Silmeria asked.

"Yes." It was a blunt answer, but it had the desired effect. He heard her step back, footsteps heading towards the door. Rufus fought with himself not to turn and watch her progress, pretending the view outside the window was more fascinating than anything she might do.

"You are a fool." Silmeria said at last, her words meant to goad him into reacting. He said nothing, and he heard her sigh, wrenching open the door to the room. He listened as it closed shut behind her, and then his stiff facade broke, the half elf leaning heavily on the window sill.

"Yes.....yes I am..." He whispered softly to himself. He wondered what made him the bigger fool, not confiding in Silmeria, or doing what he had done with Lezard? But when he thought about telling her what had happened, his stomach turned, doing vicious spins that left him nauseated. He had gone to Lezard's room. He had asked him to touch him. Though he hadn't expected things to be taken so far, he had still wanted the mage, wanted to be touched and pleasured by him. How could he make anyone understand that he hadn't wanted to go all the way with Lezard?

He couldn't, Rufus was sure of it. How could he explain to Silmeria that hands and mouth were okay, but not actual penetration? She would call him a tease, perhaps even say he had gotten what he had so richly deserved. Surely when a man went to another man, and asked to be touched, it led to sex. How could he have been so naive?

"Damn it!" Rufus shouted, banging his fist against the pane of the window. The glass rattled, but did not crack, Rufus leaning his forehead against it's cool surface. He sighed, staring into the reflection of his eyes. They looked so sad, so hopeless. "I have no one to blame but myself." Rufus whispered, and gave a small nod, forcing his reflection to agree with him.

There was nothing to do but pick up the pieces and move on with his life. He'd continue to travel with Silmeria and the others, never letting on what had happened between him and Lezard. He was sure the mage wouldn't talk. After all, he had kept quiet about the incident at the ruins. They would keep the secret of their night together, and no one would be the wiser.

Rufus was still caught up in his thoughts, when the bedroom door started to open. He kept his face pressed against the glass, watching his breath fog up it's surface. "Back already?" He asked. "Did you forget something?"

Silence except for the sound of the door closing. He didn't suspect anything until he heard the lock click into place. "Silmeria?" Rufus asked, starting to straighten. "What are you doing?"

"I thought it time you and I had a little chat." A man's voice said, it's familiar tone causing shivers to travel up and down Rufus' spine.

"Lezard!" Rufus spun around, his hands coming up before him in a defensive pose.

"Do calm down Sir Rufus." Lezard also raised his hands, palms outward as though to show he wasn't dangerous. Rufus fought back a snarl at seeing the mage try to pass himself off as harmless.

"Get out!" Rufus ordered, face contorting into an expression of enragement. "Leave!" He shouted, when it became apparent Lezard had no intention of going anywhere. "Or I'll scream."

Lezard let out a heavy sounding sigh, fingers raised to adjust the spectacles on his face. "You never do think anything through, Sir Rufus. Just what will you do after you scream?"

"Huh?" The half elf blinked, confused. "I won't have to do anything....they'll come and make you leave..."

"And just how will you explain why the sight of me has you so scared that you cannot even stand to be alone in the same room as me?" demanded Lezard.

"I...I'm not scared!" Rufus insisted. "I just don't want to see your face!"

"Your stutter says differently Sir Rufus." Lezard pointed out. "We'll have to work on your reactions."

"We will do nothing of the sort." Rufus said, stepping forward. Lezard watched him, purple eyes staring intently at the half elf's approaching form. "If you won't leave, then I will."

"Sir Rufus..." Lezard said, reaching out as the archer went to move past him. "I really must insist you stay and speak with me."

"Damn it, don't touch me!" Rufus hissed as Lezard's hand landed on his arm. The half elf turned, taking a swing at the mage's face. Instead of hearing the satisfying crunch of glass meeting his knuckles, he heard nothing. His hand moved through the air without meeting resistance, and Lezard was suddenly to the right of him.

"Sir Rufus, really...this behavior is most unbecoming." Lezard whispered into his ear, breath stirring up strands of Rufus' hair.

"Don't come near me!" retorted Rufus, spinning around, his fist cutting upwards in an attempt to smash into the mage's jaw. "And quit hiding behind that polite facade of yours. I can see right through it!"

"If you do not calm down, I will be forced to subdue you." Lezard answered, tone patient as he stepped backwards, avoiding the punches of the half elf. "I've merely come to talk to you, not engage in barbaric acts of hostility!"

"I have nothing to say to you!" Rufus said, continuing to swing his fists at Lezard's face. The mage went to grab Rufus' wrist, sticking his left foot out to trip up the lurching archer. As intended, Rufus tripped, stumbling forward. His arms windmilled in the air, seeking to grab onto something, anything for support. In the end he chose Lezard, and his heavier frame caused the mage to step off balance.

Lezard let out a startled cry, feet moving backwards as he tried to regain his footing. Rufus fell heavily against him, pushing him downwards. The two men crashed into the foot of the bed, mattress creaking in protest from the abuse. For one brief instant, Rufus lay on top of Lezard, a dazed look in his eyes. Purples eyes stared up at him, Lezard calmly assessing the situation.

"My goodness me. If you wanted to get me in bed, all you need do is ask." Lezard arched an eyebrow, his eyes amused.

"This was a mistake..." Rufus sputtered, staring down at Lezard in chagrin disbelief. "I didn't mean to...That is I....you....the bed..." He was sputtering, incoherent words that only made him blush.

"If it's such a mistake..." Lezard purred, and Rufus was shocked to feel him arching up against him, bumping his body against Rufus'. "Then why haven't you moved?"

Rufus blinked, slowly processing his words. He saw Lezard watching him, sly eyes that saw everything that passed over the half elf's face. Blushing even harder, Rufus started to press down with his palms, intending to push himself up off the bed. But the mage's arms were suddenly around him, a clinging tight embrace that stole Rufus' breath away.

"What are you doing?!" gasped Rufus, blinking owlishly at Lezard.

"Come now Sir Rufus." Lezard laughed. "Haven't you ever been hugged before?"

"No..." whispered Rufus, so softly that even Lezard could not hear him. In all his life, he could never remember anyone hugging him, never before had he had arms wrapped around him, and so tightly to. It left him confused, feeling a pain in his heart he could not begin to describe. He closed his eyes, and forced the words out. "Let go of me."

"But doesn't it feel good?" asked Lezard, making no move to release the archer.

"It doesn't matter what I feel." Rufus said indignantly. "I want you to let go of me!" His hands moved, grabbing at Lezard's arms, trying to pull them free of him. The mage only held on more firmly, a smug look in his eyes.

"I think not Sir Rufus..." A twisting of his lips, a smirk starting to take form. "I think I will hold onto you for just a little longer!"

"What?! Why?" demanded Rufus, starting to struggle against Lezard.

"Insurance." The answer surprised the half elf, but he didn't stop struggling. His body rubbed against Lezard's, the man raising his hips, letting his crotch bump against Rufus'. The move had the archer shivering, remembering the way they had ground their erections together the night before.

"Insurance for what?" Suspicion was in his tone, Rufus trying to ignore the heat that flared up in crotch at the insistent rubbing Lezard was doing.

"So that you'll talk with me Sir Rufus." The smirk widened, Lezard looking pleased with himself. "You dare not scream now. Not when we are in such a compromising position."

"You're the one who won't let go of me..." Rufus was quick to point this out, scowling down at Lezard.

"Ah, but you are the one who has me pinned to the bed." Lezard replied. "I say both positions are pretty damning of themselves." He gave a slight shrug of his shoulders. "I of course do not care if we are seen in this manner, but you? Ah....you I would say have more staked in the opinion of our comrades."

"Bastard!" Rufus ground out the word through his teeth, glaring into Lezard's smirking face.

"Unlike you, I know who both my parents are." His tone was flippant, Lezard not at all moved by the growl Rufus let out.

"You said you wanted to talk....so talk!"

"Tsk....where are your manners?" Lezard asked. "Did I fuck all form of politeness out of you last night?" The harshness of his words caused Rufus to let out a hiss of air, sure his face was turning redder by the second. But except for the sound of air being expelled from his lungs, Rufus remained quiet. "No matter...I would hardly expect you to remain civil after that earlier display of tantrum."

"I suppose I should have had this talk with you right after we finished our copulation." Lezard continued, sighing. "But I certainly did not expect you to break down like a maiden deprived of her virginity. That was really quite a scene you caused last night. Whatever were you thinking?"

"I wasn't..." whispered Rufus, trying not to move his hips in time to Lezard's grinding.

"That much is obvious." agreed Lezard. "At least you kept some control over that tongue of yours. However, you said more than enough for me to earn the suspicion of the princess and Lady Silmeria. That simply won't do."

"What's done is done..." Rufus replied. "We can't change what happened." He was surprised when Lezard tossed back his head and laughed, the mage's amusement confusing the archer. "What's so funny?"

"Something that your feeble little mind wouldn't begin to comprehend." Lezard told him, shaking his head. The mirth had not died from his eyes, they twinkled with laughter, Rufus staring into them, almost mesmerized by their color. Then Lezard's words sunk in, and Rufus let out a protesting cry.

"Hey!"

"But I'm not here to assess you intellect." Lezard continued. "I want to guarantee your silence about what has happened between us."

"Believe me, I am in no hurry to tell anyone about it. In fact, I'd rather forget it ever happened!" Rufus muttered. "If that is all you wanted to discuss, then let me up."

"Not yet." Lezard said, and Rufus' eyes widened to feel Lezard caressing the back of his neck. "I think you don't understand what happened between us."

"I understand perfectly." Rufus was shaking his head, trying to throw off the feel of Lezard's fingers. "You...forced yourself on me."

"Uh uh uh!!" Lezard frowned, eyes narrowing slightly. "This is exactly what I was worried about. You painting lies about what happened between us."

"It's no lie!" Rufus protested.

"You are distorting the truth. Perhaps regret has made you color the encounter to be something other than it really was." Lezard sighed as though it was a great burden on him. "I'll have to remind you of the truth."

"And that is what?!" demanded Rufus angrily.

"You came on to me." Lezard pointed out with a grin. Rufus said nothing, staring down at him in quiet consternation. "Nothing to say?" Lezard chuckled. "Of course not. You were the one to knock on my door. You were the one to ask me to touch you. You were the one who let me suck you off."

"Damn you..." whispered Rufus, feeling pure hatred in his heart. More than anything, he wanted to smash his fist into Lezard's grinning face, impale his body with a thousand arrows, do something that would make the mage scream. But instead he just laid there, feeling Lezard entwine his fingers in his hair.

"Damn me? I think not! If anything it damns you!" Lezard smirked. "How do you think Silmeria....Alicia will react when they learn you were the one to proposition me? I'll tell you. They'll hate you for it. They'll despise and revile you."

"I hate you." Rufus told him, fighting back the urge to spit in Lezard's grinning face.

"Perhaps you do. Perhaps you even hate yourself? Hmmm?" Lezard slid one hand free of Rufus' shoulder, bringing it up to press palm first against his cheek. Rufus tried to jerk away as though burnt, but that other hand was in his hair, holding him still. "Because the truth of the matter is this....you still want me, don't you?"

"N....no..." Rufus denied, head shaking as he tried to jerk free of Lezard's grip.

"Really? Then why did you go breathless when I touched you?" asked Lezard, turning his hand over so that the back of his fingers caressed the half elf's cheek. "Why does your cock twitch in interest to the merest touch of mine?"

"That's..that's just..." Rufus stumbled over his words, trying to shake his head no.

"Just what?" asked Lezard, pulling Rufus down against him. The half elf went with little protest, lying flat on top of Lezard. "Last night was all a big misunderstanding wasn't it?"

Rufus chewed on his lower lip, not saying anything. He tried to ignore the feel of Lezard's fingers stroking his face, to be indifferent to his breath in his ear, but bit by bit he was weakening. A part of him loved the feel of Lezard's gentle touches, the same part of him that yearned for something more from the mage.

"It doesn't have to end you know..." Lezard continued, merciless in his tender touches of the half elf. "We can still be together. You just have to do as I say...Do you want that Sir Rufus?"

So help him, he did want that. Letting out a shuddery breath, Rufus closed his eyes, and surprised both of them with his answer. "No."