And So...?

As I pack my bag this morning before school (going straight to Sora's right after to spend the night), I can't help but think about just how weird these past few days have been. And I don't really mean weird in a bad way, because if I really think about it, it's all in a good way...

But, take for example the other day when Sora grabbed my hand and dragged me to his house. My heart did flip-flops and all that, and then I just had to realize that this is Sora and he gets excited and he doesn't think sometimes.

And he sure as shit didn't mean it in the way that I wanted him to.

So it's a few hours before his mum has dinner ready, and we decide to play some video game or other (of course I completely owned his soul the entire time... Okay, so maybe I let him beat me once.Or twice. Maybe more than that. Shut up!) and instead of taking his normal seat on the far side of the couch, he dominates the entire middle of it.

I can tell you exactly how many times our knees knocked and how many times a playful smack on my shoulder lingered for unusually long. 24 and 14, respectfully.

So, I'm thinking this is a little strange. Is Sora trying to figure out how comfortable he is around guys? Flirting with guys?

Am I just his flirt toy?

Youch. That one stings a bit.

But it doesn't end there. He sits next to me instead of across from me at dinner, and I could swear he kept looking at me funny, but I could never quite catch the little twirp in action. I chatted with his mum and dad, and Sora would interject something ridiculous every now and then.

And, of course, when his grades came up, the rest of his food went in his mouth and that was over.

But the strangest thing of all was when I left after dinner to go do homework.

"Riiiiikuuuuu don't leave! You still owe me a rematch in Street Fighter! I knowyou were cheating!"

I sigh. Tonight has been rough enough on my stomach (fucking butterflies, again), as well as my emotions (really Sora, a flirt toy?) and I actually do have a paper to write on some book I haven't read.

"Sora, for the millionth time I was so not cheating. You just totally suck at that game." I smirk, ready for the kill. "Besides, I don't even have it and I still kick your ass."

He 'hmphs' and suddenly I'm faced with indignant Sora.

"I do notsuck-" But Sora, I think you might think you do, "at Street Fighter. I beat you at least ten times! Even though you were cheating!"

"Psh. Was not."

"Were too."

"Now you're just stalling." I smile. It's nice that he wants to keep me around, if only because he gets bored at the drop of a hat and needs some Riku to keep him entertained.

"So maybe I am. Pleeease don't go Riku, it's just a dumb paper! I didn't do my paper the other day, remember?"

"And what is your grade in that class, Mr. Smart?"

"... Shut up, Riku," He looks away, embarrassed. Damn, he is so adorable. He brightens suddenly though. "But you'll stay Friday, right? Stay the night I mean! I want to go see that new movie and then get ice cream then we can come back here or go to the island or see what Kairi is up too-"

"Rambling, Sora," I say. What's interesting is that first part sounded pretty much like he was asking me on a date.

What am I, some sort of boy-toy practice? Ugh.

But maybe it isme he's interested in. But after all I put him through, how could he ever feel that way about me?

Depressing. Gonna have to journal when I get home.

"Besides," I continue, "That sounds kinda like a date." I smirk at him, knowing to expect his face to turn pink.

But the flaming red wasn't quite expected.

"NO! It's.. erm... not a date. Can't two guys go see a movie and get some ice cream without it being a date? You know how I am about action movies. I need sugar right after."

Crap. Not even practice toy... Just a friend. Always a friend.

Can't you be gay for me, you oblivious little dumb head?

'Dumb head?' Shit. Sora must be rubbing off on me.

No pun intended, seriously.

"Yeah, sounds good," I shrug, "But I really gotta get home now. I'll see you at school tomorrow.

But before I can turn around, he grabs me in a bear hug - something, I must mention, is very unusual - and then yells out 'BYE!' before slamming the door in my face.

My face which is very red. And my body which is all tingly from the Sora warmth that he always seems to radiate.

And then I turn to go attempt to do work, Sora all over my mind with depressing thoughts about how I'm just practice

And now I'm packing up. I hope he doesn't try all this again, because I don't know if my stupid heart can take anymore mild attacks.

Maybe I should talk to Kairi about this. That incident the other day seemed a bit too suspicious to me.

-------------------------------------

There I am at the bus stop, cogitating again. I hope I'm not turning into Riku

But talk about things being really hard lately! (Hehehehehe!) Can you imagine having the biggest crush you've ever had, and having to avoid glomping them on a daily basis because it's your best friend and it would scare him and send him running the other direction?

Well, that's what's going on with me. And it major sucks. Big time.

He's just so hot. And I still can't believe I'm saying this about Riku. Riku, who I grew up with. Riku who I've wrestle with, swam with, been to hell and back with.

And more importantly, myRiku. I'm gonna have to have a little chat with Tidus about this whole checking out Riku thing. Cause that's so not cool, especially when he knows that I have a way bigger crush on Riku then he could ever have in his whole life ever.

Ever.

I mean, the other night when I had him over for games and stuff, I tried out some things. Just little touches. And once I started I couldn't stop! He would just look so cute sitting there, all serious and pissed when I beat him, or triumphant and cocky when I lost (stupid Riku, why is he so good at stuff?), and I just couldn't help smacking him and then touching him just a weetiny bit longer.

I mean, can you blame me?

And everytime our knees touched, it was like heaven and cute Riku all over again. Though sometimes he'd look at me like he knew I was doing it all on purpose, with his eyebrows all furrowed and his face scrunched up.

But sometimes it was hard to tell because of his stupid hair that's soooo long and I want to run my fingers through it!

I get so excited about these things, but then I remember that Riku is so ungay it's not even funny, and that this will probably lead no where.

Maybe I could turn him gay?

Gah, no Sora. You're so stupid sometimes.

Well, anyway, the best was saved for last! Well, I guess the most awkward was saved for last... When I hugged him.

So it's normal for me to tackle him, or grab him unexpectedly into a tight behind bear hug where I try to pick him up (and succeed, thank you!), but it's practically never that I actually get to hug him.

But when I did, even for that brief second, it was like my face exploded. Literally, I was probably as red as I've ever been in my whole life.

So I slammed the door in his face. Super smooth, right?

I wonder if I'm being too weird? But I just can't help it anymore! It's like when I used to like Kairi (maybe I am bi? But I don't look at boobs anymore... Hm.) and I was always wanting to sit next to her and stuff.

Come to think of it, it wasn't that unusual for all three of us to hold hands. I wonder if Riku would mind if I really heldhis hand again. He just seems a little skittish still.

Am I being obvious? Does he know I'm gay?!?! Does he think it's weird? Shit! Shit!

"Okay, Sora, you need to chill. This is absolutely ridiculous. Stop thinking so dumb! Of course Riku's not-"

"I'm not what?"

Oh, shit! Oh, there goes my stomach.

Bright smile.

"Hey, Riku! What's up?"

He looks at me like I'm silly, smiling slightly. I'm not sure if I resent that look.

"I'm waiting for the bus." He's standing pretty close, and I think I like it. "So what movie do you want to go see tonight."

I scratch the back of my head, thinking fast about what movies are out and which one would be good. But then, I have a brilliant thought.

"I was kinda gonna see what you were interested in."

He looks thoughtful for a moment, then gives me a small smirk.

"I thought our date was your idea. So youshould get to choose the movie."

"You guys are going on a date!" Oh, greeaatt Kairi, perfect timing. Thank you for walking up at this exact moment.

Riku looks extremely amused, "Oh yes Kairi, Sora and I are going on a date because we loveeachother." Then he gives her some funky look that I have no idea what it is.

She blushes horribly though. "O... Oh. Sorry, I guess I was just... I was... Um, I misheard? Sorry I didn't get the joke."

I can feel myself sag. I don't like that joke very much.

It's not funny at all.

------------------------------

Sora looks like he just got beaten down and is a defeated puppy.

Well, whatever. Just because I'm his date-buddy whatever thing so he can practice being gay... He deserves to feel like that.

But not really. Sora never deserves to hurt.

"So what are you guys doing tonight?" Kairi asks, then sees my extra bag. "Riku staying over?"

Sora seems to brighten, just the smallest bit. "Yep! We're gonna go see some movie.. I haven't decided yet though on what we're gonna see... And then I'm gonna kick his ass at every game he brings on!"

At this I can't help but chuckle.

"Who one the battle the other night, So-ra? Was it you, because I really don't recall. Maybe you could remind me?"

He glares at me in the small way Sora is capable of glaring.

Nowhere near the Riku Death Glare of Hell.

"Riku, once again, you suck."

And, once again, Sora, yes, I do in fact suck. On whatever you like.

I shake my head, hard. No thoughts like that at least until ten in the morning.

The bus. Thank god. Now I can go comatose listening to music while Sora chats with everyone under the sun.

But today is different. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, and he's staring out the window, looking like he's thinking.

I bite back a pang of hurt when I realize he's probably thinking of his crush.

You know, the person that isn't me.

But as long as he's happy, so am I.

Most of the day after the bus stop incident is passes pretty easily. The only strange thing that's happened was during lunch. It's sixth period now, Calculus, and I can zone out and think for a bit.

Sora and I wait in line for food, going back and forth as usual like guys do. We sit down, and that pre-meal quiet sets in, and I'm feeling content to be eating with my best friend, and, consequently, my secret love.

Secret love? How soap opra. Lame.

Anyway, everything is going fine. And then Sora, mid-bite, actually puts his food down and looks at it, blushing slightly before looking up at me.

"Riku, can I ask you some stuff without you making fun of me?"

I give him a look. He knows he can ask/tell me anything. Which is one of the reasons I'm so irritated that he won't tell me he's gay. Kind of a big deal, Sora.

"Sora, you know you can tell me whatever you need to."

He sighs, takes a deep breath, and out comes in a gust "Haveyoueverkissedanybody?"

Did I hear that correctly?

"Come again?"

He blushes insanely.

"WHAT?!?!"

Huh?

Oh. Hahaha! Come again. Look at him all flustered and cute.

I swear he's like one of those really cute puppies that you want to squeeze sohard, but you know you can't because it would hate you forever or possibly even die.

Which would be really bad.

But anyway.

"Sora, don't be an idiot. I didn't hear what you said." I say, flicking my balled up napkin at him from across the table. It bounces off his head and his face flushes a second time.

"Have you ever kissed anyone, Riku?"

Hm. Now there's something I wasn't expecting. And yeah, I guess it's a little embarrassing but, "No. I didn't exactly go make out with Maleficent or the heartless," my appetite suddenly dissipates, "And no one here really interests me that much."

He frowns, and looks a bit sad.

"You don't like anyonehere enough to kiss them?" He asks, sounding a little weird. I can't quite put my finger on where he's going with this.

I sigh. "Sora, did Raquel put you up to this? Because seriously, she needs to get over all of this because I'm not interested."

Should I blow Sora out of the water? I mean, I have been complaining because Sora hasn't told me he's gay. So what's the harm?

Plus it'd be funny to see him react.

"In fact, just go on and tell her I'm gay, thanks." I take a bite out of my sandwich right as soda sprays all over the table and my face.

Well, not the hilarious reaction I was hoping for, since it got me all sticky.

"What? Riku, are you really gay? And since when does that girl have a crush on you? You're GAY? Seriously, you really have to tell me! Right now!"

His voice had started as a whisper, and then got to normal volume, and by the time he finished he was almost yelling. Good thing we were eating outside today.

I face him calmly, but inside I'm falling apart because I know he thinks it's weird, and I know it's going to change us forever.

What if he asks me not to stay over?

"One," I start calmly, "Could you hand me some napkins? Thanks. Two, yes, I really am gay. As in I don't like girls. And three, Raquel has had a crush on me sine I got back and probably before that too."

Why the fuck did I think it was a good idea to tell him?

I get my napkins, and feel like I want to cry. Though I'm not going to, since I don't actually think I can anymore.

I look up, and Sora has sat himself back down with a smile on his face and mouth half full of sandwich. He grabs my hand, which is trying to wipe up some of the mess he made, and holds it firmly.

Oh all that cheesy shit happening in my body. Electricity, the works.

"Riku, that's not a problem for me. You just caught me off-guard. After all, you're like the most ungay person I know... So you can see why I'm surprised." He says, very soothingly. I almost think his thumb is trying rub gently over the back of my hand. Before I can investigate the feeling, he's let go.

I ask him tentatively, "So you don't mind me staying over still?"

He smiles, then laughs at me outright. "Why would I? I mean, I know I'm so irresistible and all, but I hardly think you're gonna try anything with me."

Unfortunately, Sora, I won't. Because I'm scared to.

No more shocks for me today. I laugh at the joke he made on himself while simultaneously agreeing with the fact that he is irresistible.

But I think I'm done with lunch now.

Sora isn't though. Another bite, another mouthful conversation.

------------------------------

In my head: He's gay, hurray! Riku's gay! Hurray! He's gay, hurray!

And the best part is that he's totally serious, cause if it were a joke he would have made it around more people. Besides, gayness isn't funny to joke about and he'd have to face me and Tidus on that one.

Gah, I'm even grouping myself with Tidus now.

But back to the action.

"Hey Riku," I say, mouth still half-full of potato chips, "I decided what movie I wanted to go see."

He raises his eyebrows at me, looking tired. Don't be tired Riku!

"Don't talk with your mouth full," He says, looking all mopey. "What did you decide on?"

Mopeyness will not do at my lunch table.

I look at him sheepishly, noticing for the first time just how much soda I splattered on him.

"Sorry about that."

"Huh?

"About the soda, I mean." I say.

"Oh," he says, looking down at his shirt. "No big, I don't have an extra uniform shirt but there's only two periods left. I'll just shower when we get to your house.

Please do!

Can I come too? Damn, how did I not notice how awesome he was before? Not only is he the coolest person and my best friend, but he's also got an amazing body.

And, don't tell him this, cause he'd probably shit a brick, but he's sopretty.

"But I want to go see that new slasher movie, you know the one with that guy who's got the mask and the various knives?"

I know what's coming next, because i inherently hate slasher movies because they remind me too much of how many heartless, how many things I had to kill. And even if they were evil, all that killing can get to you.

I wonder how Riku deals with it?

"Sora, you hate those kind of movies."

I know, that's why I can cuddle up with you! (Kairi's idea, she's super-smart.)

"But I reaaaaallly wanna see this one. We'll go at like seven so we'll eat before we leave." I say, finishing off my food and grabbing my books. "But sixth period is about to start so we better get going.

And with that he goes to calculus and I'm off to hell... er... history.

And with my new found knowledge, I think tonight might actually work in my favor. So I'm whistling the new song I made up, running the words in my head.

'He's gay, hurray! Riku's gay, hurray! He's gay, hurray...'

A/N: Well, this came out quite a bit faster than I expected it to. Sorry it's a transition chapter! I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Leave some feedback, if you would like, it really does speed me right along in the writing department!

Much love.