Dark Past Futures Light

*.....* Thinking
"*.....*" Talking to inner voice(sounds crazy even to me)
*"....."* Inner Voice Talking(never happens to me)


Chapter 5: Questions


The next morning, Kai got dressed and headed to meet Taishi Ci to train. On his way, he was thinking about his dream *He wont feel the same way about me*, Kai thought to himself. *”you don’t know that for sure, he just might have feelings for you, but just like yourself just to nervous to admit it”* his conscience said. “* He wont when he finds out what I used to be three years ago*” Kai said back. *”I’m sure he’ll feel the same way.”* His conscience said to him trying to give Kai hope, “* I hope your right.*”, Kai said in return.
After his ‘TALK’ with his conscience, Kai noticed that he was at the palace garden. Looking around he found Taishi Ci sitting under a tree, *Hmmm…I wonder what he’s doing.* Kai thought as he made his way to his commanding officer. Taishi Ci noticed Kai walking toward him, *He’s here I should see if he has a lover at home……I hope he doesn’t though* Taishi Ci thought while standing up. “You’re early.” Kai said as he was close enough to Taishi Ci, “I come here to think, it’s rather peaceful.” Taishi Ci replied.
“How long were you out here?” Kai asked a little interested, “I’ve out here for a couple of hours now, I tend to think about things or just come to relax.” Taishi Ci answered. “Wow… that’s pretty long, I like to walk around early in the morning before going to the market to buy stuff, I tend to think a lot because by the time I get back home people are already out doing things they need to do.” Kai said scratching the back of his head.
“Can I ask you a question?” Taishi Ci couldn’t help but ask, “Umm… sure what is it?”Kai ask back a little confused. *well this is it.* Taishi Ci thought before continuing. “Do you live alone or is there someone you go home to, like a lover or family?” Taishi Ci asked. Kai couldn’t help but feel a bit depressed. “Actually I live alone my mom died about a several years ago, don’t like to talk about it too much my father can’t say much because he wasn’t around much. So before I was able to get my own place to live I stayed with my friend Li Xiang for a few years, and no I don’t have a lover still looking for the right person.” Kai said. *”Yes you have but you haven’t told him how you feel.”* Kais conscience said, “*I will but not right now so shut it already.*” Kai growled back.
Taishi Ci noticed when Kai mentioned his father; his voice seemed to have lowered as if he was hiding something but he let it go thinking it was just his mind playing tricks on him.”Why do you ask?” Kai asked curiously, “Just wondering, you look like you do so I only assumed that you did.” Taishi Ci said. “Oh… okay anything else you would like to know or ask?” Kai questioned, “Well I was curious about why you never have your hair down, and do people make fun of you?” Taishi Ci asked.
“Yea they do, people often mistake me for a woman because I look almost like my mother and have her hair.” Kai said with a blush slightly embarrassed before continuing “but I would say I am slightly more muscular but not in a way that I’m like the other generals here like you.” Kai said, blushing a bit more from comparing himself to Taishi Ci. “Would you like to see me with my hair down?” Kai ask softly, “May I please?” Taishi Ci responded a little quickly.
“Okay” Kai said, reaching back to the hair tie to take it out. After untying it Kai Finally got the hair tie out, letting his hair fall to about half way down his back. Taishi Ci was shocked at just how long Kais Hair came down now understanding why he kept it tied up. *I expected it to be longer than that* Taishi Ci thought to himself. “I started to keep my hair up for about 4 months now.” Kai said snapping Taishi Ci out of his thoughts before continuing “People would come up to me greeting me but saying ‘miss’ thinking I was a woman.” Kai said, “Has it gotten any worse than that?” Taishi Ci asked “Actually yes… I ran in to a few men that thought I was a woman and tried to go out with me, they didn’t even ask for my name they just asked if I would go out with them.” Kai said looking down.
Hearing that mad Taishi Ci angry, *How dare they…how dishonorable trying to ask him out and not even bothering to ask for his name or if he was a man or woman.* he thought looking at Kai.*Well maybe I have a chance with him after all.* Kai noticed the angry look on Taishi Ci’s face and ask “Are you ok sir?” Kai asked before thinking to him self *was it something I said?*. “I’m fine just thinking about something you said.” Taishi Ci said as a thought crossed his mind *He notice when I got angry I hope he doesn’t take it the wrong way* “Oh I would be too if someone told me something like that, but I just don’t let it get to me now like before.” Kai said.
“What do you mean ‘like before’?” Taishi Ci asked, “Well before I would get so mad when people mistook me for a woman, sometimes I got so angry I would hit them but now I just shrug it off, because I don’t want to cause trouble from hitting someone now I just tell them I’m a man and they would apologize. Sometimes I would joke around with them about it so that they don’t feel so bad or embarrassed about it.” Kai said.
“What do you do when your at home?” was Taishi Cis next question, “Well when I’m at home I don’t do much just clean go to the market to buy food go to my friend Li Xiang’s House and spend time with him.” Kai said. “Can you tell me about your friend?” Taishi Ci asked, “Well Li Xiang is a lot like me if you were to see him you would say he looks like me but he’s a little bit taller than I am he cut his hair shorter so we could be told apart. Like I said earlier he let me stay with him we would usually do a lot of things together I would go and buy food for us while he cleaned the house we would go over to watch the sunset after all the work we do.”Kai said before continuing “He would sometimes make fun of me because I look more like a girl, I would usually smack him for it jokingly not hard, we also liked to spy on the generals when they came out in the mornings and joke around about who we think should be with whom.” Kai laughed.
Taishi Ci listened while deep in thought *So that was him I saw a few months ago when I was on patrol, I wondered who were the two always hiding in the bushes, he looks so cute when he blushes I just want to kiss him but don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.* “Um…maybe we should start training sir I brought the twin rods that you gave me.” Kai said snapping Taishi Ci out of his thoughts, “Right now unlike the sword these rods are more difficult to hold. So if you are sure you want to use them then I can train you to use them and be able to handle them.” Taishi CI said.
“That’s fine I want to learn how to use them.” Kai said, “Very well then hold the weapon like you would hold a sword.” Taishi Ci instructed. Kai had trouble get the weapons in position, “Ugh…this is hard.” Kai Said trying to get them in position, “Try to put one weapon in front of the other so you get a better position.” Taishi Ci said. “Okay.” Kai said putting the rod in his right hand in front of his left. “Now tilt them just slightly so they are in front of you.” Taishi Ci said. Kai tilted the rods as instructed but was having a difficult time keeping a good grip on them.
“Now unlike a sword you will be using two weapons instead of one so when you swing you have to time it just right on when to swing the other weapon so you don’t hit the other in mid swing.” Taishi Ci said while Kai was getting into position. “One other thing, now that you are using two weapons instead of one so you will have a harder time keeping your balance.” Taishi Ci said, “Okay I think I got it right.” Kai said after getting the weapons in position.
“Okay now I want you to try and swing the rods, but remember to swing one before the other.” Taishi Ci said, Kai nodded and swung the rod in his right hand but when he went to swing with his left he lost his balance and fell landing on his side. “Ow…” Kai said as he got up “this is harder than I thought” he continued before trying again.
It took several tries before Kai was able to swing without falling on his side or on his face for that matter. “You’re getting the hang of it, just like when you had the sword step in when you attack but don’t step too far.” Taishi Ci instructed Kai nodded getting back into position and swung, stepping in as he was instructed then swung with his left. “Very good, now try doing the same thing but this time go a little faster.” Taishi Ci said
Kai got back in position and did as he was told go a bit faster but was having trouble keeping up the pace. “Don’t rush when you swing otherwise you will tire your arms out.” Taishi Ci said watching as Kai tried again. *He shows a lot of determination, but his eyes are telling me something different. He’s hiding something I know it.* Taishi Ci thought. After about 30 tries Kai was able to stay in synch with his steps and swung a bit slower so he didn’t tire his arms out to quickly.
“Good job, it looks like you’re getting the hang of it.” Taishi Ci said, “Thank you sir.” Kai said. “Alright now try to thrust your rods forward. This will be useful for when you need to shove your enemies away from you.” Taishi Ci said, “Okay Ill try.” Kai said getting back into position. Kai was having trouble keeping a hold of the rods, his first try the rod in his left hand flew and hit the guard by the entryway, the second time they flew into a nearby pond, the third try they ended up flying through a window.
“Try to keep a good grip on the rods so they don’t go flying out of your hands.” Taishi Ci said getting up off the ground. Kai nodded and tightened his grip and tried again , this time the rods stayed in his hands but he staggered a little. “Better, try and remember to step in when you attack so you don’t lose your balance.” Taishi Ci said “Right” Kai replied but before he could continue he noticed a soldier approaching.
“Excuse me sir?” the soldier said, “Yes what is it?” Taishi Ci asked. “Sorry to interrupt but Lord Sun Jian wishes to speak with you.” The soldier replied, “All right I’ll be right there.” Taishi Ci said before turning back to Kai. “Kai, I’ll be right back, for keep training and remember what I told you.”Taishi Ci said, “Okay.” Kai replied and continued his training, Taishi Ci watched a few seconds longer before turning to go meet with Sun Jian.
*Kai seems to be getting better with his training, but he still shows lack in focus but still manages to get through the training. I just wish I knew what is troubling him so maybe I can help.* Taishi Ci thought to himself as he made his way to the Throne Room. *”Maybe he’ll talk to you about it when you get back, but don’t pressure him or he might never want to talk about it.”* Taishi Ci’s inner voice said. Nodding in approval Taishi Ci entered the Throne Room and approached Sun Jian.
“You wish to see me my Lord?” Taishi Ci asked, “Yes, it seems that there were reports of bandits in a nearby village just to the southeast of here. I want you to take your unit and investigate.” Sun Jian said to Taishi Ci. “How long are we staying in the village for?” Taishi Ci asked, “You will be staying for three weeks but I might send a messenger if I want you to return earlier than expected.” Sun Jian said.
“Alright I should take my leave to make preparations” Taishi Ci said with bow to Sun Jian, “Good you’ll be leaving tomorrow afternoon.” Sun Jian added. Taishi Ci nodded before turning to leave. Taishi Ci was going over his orders while making his way back to Kai. *The village in the southeast is out in the open visible from the watchtower in the southeast, so why would bandits be seen in a village that’s out in the open rather go to the villages that are surrounded by trees or farther away?* Taishi Ci thought to himself as he made his way out into the garden.
In the garden Kai was training still trying to keep his balance when he thrust his rods forward.*I wonder what Lord Sun Jian and Taishi Ci are talking about.* Kai thought not noticing Taishi Ci arriving. Taishi Ci stood at the entranceway watching Kai train with the rods. “Why do I have the feeling that whatever Kais hiding isn’t good?” Taishi Ci asked himself *”What do you mean?* the voice said “*I don’t know but I can see it in his eyes something happened to him something that isn’t good. Also when he mentioned his father his voice lowered, I think whatever happened to Kai it involves his father.*” Taishi Ci replied with a hint of concern. *”Like you said, he’ll tell you when he is ready.”* the voice said in return.
Nodding at the reply Taishi Ci walked out into the garden. Kai looking a little tired turned to get back into position but saw Taishi Ci walking towards him. “Is something wrong?” Kai asked, “No, nothing’s wrong, but we need to make preparations to leave tomorrow.” Taishi Ci said. “Why what’s going on?” asked a little confused. ”We’re being dispatched to a nearby village southeast from here, there seems to be reports of bandits being seen in the area.” Taishi Ci said.
“Oh okay then I guess I should go home and prepare to go then.” Kai said, “You don’t need to go now we’ll do a bit more training then you can go.” Taishi Ci said. “Okay” Kai replied then went back to training. After a couple of hours Kai was exhausted. “That will be all for today, go home and pack we leave tomorrow afternoon.” Taishi Ci said, “Alright then I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon then.” Kai said before turning to leave. Taishi Ci also turned to leave before Kai came back.
“I almost forgot how long are we going to be gone for?” Kai asked, “We’ll be gone for three weeks, we might get called back early it all depends on the situation.” Taishi Ci replied. “Oh alright then see you tomorrow.” Kai said before turning to leave once again. *He seemed upset when I told him what happened when most of the people mistaken me for a woman.* Kai thought, *He was even more upset when I said that some of the men asked m out not knowing that I wasn’t a woman, I’ll talk to him tomorrow when we go on the mission.*
“Lets see I need to go buy some stuff for dinner.” Kai said as he went to the market place. He went and bought some meat and rice, then went to go buy some clothes for the mission. Afterward, he went home, upon arriving at his house, Kai started to make preparations for the mission. “Let’s see I should have enough clothes to last me at least three weeks, I can see if the people there will let me wash my clothes at their house.” Kai said after packing the last of his clothes.
After he finished packing Kai went and made dinner. While making dinner Kais’ thoughts started to wander , mostly concentrating on Taishi Ci. *I wonder if he likes me.* Kai thought to himself while making his bowl filling it with rice and some vegetables, *Because I’m starting to like him more than I should.* He continued to think while he sat down to eat.
Then suddenly he heard a different voice, one he didn’t want to remember [“No one will love you… who do think will love a whore like you? Your pathetic and weak, and you are only good for satisfying my desires and I’ll be damned to let you go.”]
Kai shook his head as tears started to fall. “He’s right, Taishi Ci will never love me. As soon as he finds out I was being used as a whore he will not want to talk to me anymore.” Kai said as he buried his head into is hands. *”Come now you don’t know that, for all you know he might be in love with you for who you are.”* his conscience said. “*Yea a whore.*” Kai sobbed back. *”You are not a whore, you are kind, caring, helpful, smart and loving, and if anyone says otherwise are cruel and don’t know the real you.”* his conscience said back.
“*I guess your right, I better get to bed I’m going on that mission tomorrow.*” Kai said as he was cleaning the table. After washing the bowl and putting it away he went to bed. Back at the palace Taishi Ci was finishing up his preparations. *Am I really falling for Kai?* Taishi Ci thought to himself while putting his stuff by the door. *I mean he is good looking, nice and very determined but I have a bad feeling that whatever it is he is hiding is really not good.* Taishi Ci continued to think to himself while getting ready for bed. “I can’t take it anymore tomorrow when we leave I’m going to talk to him.” Taishi Ci said out loud as he got into his bed blowing out the candle and very slowly drifting of to sleep before one final thought came up, *I do care…no…I do love him.*
Back at Kais’ house, Kai woke up after sleeping for less than a couple hours. “Why am I being tormented by the same nightmare, more importantly why now all of a sudden?” Kai asked himself a little worried. “I can’t take it anymore I need to tell someone or ill go insane.” He continued. *”Maybe you should talk to Taishi Ci about it.”* his conscience said. “* Your right I should, but what will he do when he finds out that I was used as a…*” Kai trailed off ending up thinking the last part to himself, *I guess I won’t know until I find out, I’ll talk to him tomorrow.* With his mind made up Kai went back to sleep, tomorrow was going to be a very complicated day.

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Holy crap I've been gone that long!? see this is what happens when you move somewhere have to wait to get new internet access and have your computer completely die on you luckily i got a new laptop for my birth day back in June and I've been getting everything put where i want it so i have more time to do this. So looks like someone's ready to talk but how will the other take it...find out maybe next chapter... CYA