UB3: Greek Irony

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Universe Backstabber 3: Greek Irony

By Harley Quinn hyenaholic

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Me: Geez, I never thought I'd work out how to do this one... but finally, I'm back on the trail!

Espio: Finally!

Vector: Finally!

Charmee: Hey Harley, can I have of your beer?

Me: No, you bloody well can not! I'll need it all to write this chapter! Now, I've been thinking, it's really hard to get the story codes right without ruining the fic, especially when you're still writing it. Stuff like Furs is kind of obvious since it's a Sonic fic anyway. I'm not saying that it's good to mislabel your fic, but there are a lot of choices to make and you don't always get them right first time round.

~~~

Chapter 5: Follow The Little Blue Chao

"You haven't found anything out!" Vector rages at me.

"I found out all I could! Vector, he's a hardened criminal, and he's not going to tell us all his criminal exploits off the record! I didn't want to get into a fight with him because Nic and her baby might get hurt! But of course, you never think of things like that!"

"I'd have jumped him as soon as he came out," Vector replies.

"Look, I'll try again... but I really don't think we're going to get any more. We can't wait another week!"

"Yes we can! We can wait another week for those Chao Eggs!"

"If Miles is alive and in pain, we can't wait, you incompatible pile of green shit!"

"It could be a hoax!"

"A hoax?! Who'd spend 2,000 rings on a hoax?!"

"As long as the egg sells, I don't give a shit!"

" Someone is fucking with us here, and I don't like being fucked with!"

"Why don't you find out who this Kuri-mu is then?!"

"They're rich, that's why! They can afford to buy Chao Eggs in dozens and I bet they can afford to have us knocked off if we investigate them too much!"

"Well whoever they are, they've got some pretty crazy connections! Chao Eggs, Omochao, Club Rouge... and they think Tails is alive... if we knew who they were, I bet we could ask them where he is too!"

"Chao!"

"Chao?" says Vector.

We both turn to the window slowly. A baby blue Chao is looking at us through the window. We stare at each other.

"Lady Vanilla Cream Rabbit!" we shout together.

~~~

Vector knocks on the door, looking around for any Dark Chao that might attack his nose. We've discussed how this is Lady Vanilla opens the door, "Vector! Espio! Charmee! How nice to see you! Do come in..."

"Lady Vanilla," Vector says quietly, "This isn't a social call. We're calling about Cream."

"Cream?" Lady Vanilla looks worried, "She's not in trouble, is she?"

"Oh, no. We'd just like to know what she told you about her time in Robotnik's clutches."

Lady Vanilla looks seriously uncomfortable.

Charmee smiles, "Was she frightened into doing something?"

"Um..."

I move behind her, "Was she beaten?"

"Er..."

Vector leans in very close, "Was she raped?"

"YES!!!" Lady Vanilla bursts into tears. A pet Light Chao hands her a lace hankerchief, "Yes, she told me a couple of weeks after she came back... she told me everything... my poor little girl... such a shame to the family..."

A shame to the family? I think, What about Cream?

Lady Vanilla wipes her eyes and continues to wail, "Robotnik... we never thought he was so evil... but yes... but how could young Miles let such a thing happen..."

"Have a clean hanky, I think that one's full," I offer her one of Vector's 'business cards'.

She takes it and blows her nose delicately, "I had my agents-"

"Your Chao," Charmee supplies helpfully.

"Yes, my Chao... I had them infiltrate Robotnik's base... they found that Tails is alive... they know where he's being kept... but they can't get him out..."

"You needed someone to do your dirty work," I say, "Lady Vanilla... why didn't you tell us everything at the start? Better yet, why didn't you tell the cops?"

"My little girl... raped by that maniac... oh, the shame of it... had to keep it close... and she told me that she was sure there was more to it than Sonic said... she said that no matter what Miles had done, he didn't deserve to be Robotnik's playtoy... especially since he broke her and Sonic out..."

"And now you want us to finish the job, by breaking Tails out," says Vector.

"If you succeed, it'll be worth it," says Vanilla, "It's Cream's birthday present... to get Miles out of that horrible place..."

"How much?"

"A Shiny Black Chao Egg," Lady Vanilla glances at us, "Each."

~~~

"So, we're taking the job?" Charmee asks me.

"Sure. We follow this Chao to Robotnik's hideout, we break in, and then we break him out," Vector interrupts, "Easy as pissing yourself."

"You think so?" Charmee doesn't sound so sure.

"It's not like Fatface is expecting us. It's not like he's expecting anybody."

It's a little blue Chao that's leading us. It takes us to a dark, deserted warehouse and hovers above a trapdoor. It's not particuarly well guarded - then again, if it was, everybody would know about it. Vector opens the trapdoor and squeezes inside, turning on his torch.

"It's safe guys," he calls up to Charmee and me, "No traps," he says, then after a moment adds, "Yet."

I jump down and land with a splash, ankle deep in stinking water, then let Charmee buzz down after me. It's pitch dark until Vector turns on his torch. Now I can see that we're in some sort of sewer pipe, with smaller pipes.

~~~

Robotnik watched the radar screen with interest. He'd only fitted infrared in the sewage pipe as soon as he'd discovered it existed, several months ago.

"Two bunglers and a bee," he sneered, "We'll flush those pests right down the drain..."

He pressed a large button marked 'Do Not Press' and laughed.

"Now get your metallic asses down to the harbour and start looking for bodies," he ordered two Gamma-Rip-Offs behind him.

~~~

"You think we're in Robotnik's Secret Hideout by now?" Charmee asks Vector as we splash down the tube.

"Offhand, I'd say it's Robotnik's Secret Sewage Pipe," says Vector, "It looks as if it's been forgotten for years."

I glance at the rust and the cracks in the concrete, "From the standard of maintanance, I'd say Robotnik's forgotten about it too," I say.

"He must have done; otherwise there's be something down here," says Vector, "Like a guard..."

"Or an ambush," I add.

"Or a booby trap," Charmee finishes, "Can you hear something?" he asks us suddenly, antennae twitching.

"Like what?" asks Vector. I can easily believe he can't hear a thing what with the rap music in his ears all day and the fact that crocodiles haven't the best sense of hearing anyway.

"Like... rushing water?"

We all turn to look at the pipe, stretching off into the darkness.

"Now that you mention it..."

"Oh, shitty death!" Charmee yells, watching a massive wall of water crash towards us. He grabs me and Vector and lifts us both up onto a cracked old ledge, panting with the effort, for it's difficult to fly with drenched wings. I wish I'd worked harder at my swimming lessons in the last month, but even Vector couldn't swim in this mess; the current's just too strong.

"Well, here's that trap you were talking about, Charmee," says Vector, "We're properly fucked now, unless anyone's got any smart ideas? Espio?"

"Wait!" Charmee shouts, and points up at a drain grating, "Vector, could you punch through that?"

"Sure I could - if I could reach it," Vector answers.

The water's up to my ankles now. I pull a grappling hook out of my belt and fire it into the ceiling, "Climb up that, Vec," I tell him, "It'll hold your weight - for long enough, anyway."

Vector climbs up it with a grunt; climbing isn't his forté, but for the moment, it's our only hope. He punches out the drain grating and Charmee flies through it. Then he punches some more, and then it's big enough for him. He heaves himself through the gap.

"Hurry up, Vector!" I shout. The ledge crumbles under the onslaught of water, and I'm hanging on by the rope, and my hold is slipping.

Vector turns and bends down, yanking the grappling hook out of the ceiling to pull me up. Suddenly, there's another rush of water, this time actually bringing an abandoned car with it.

"Oh, fuck," I manage, just as the line snaps, I smash through its rear-veiw window, and my forehead slams into the steering wheel. Everything fades to grey...

"Espio!"

~~~

POV Change: Charmee Bee

I watch, horrified, as the grappling hook's line is snapped, and the hook itself slices Vector's hand neatly.

"Espio!" Vector roars again, into the drain. He's about to dive in there after him by himself, but I manage to hit him over the head with the drain grating. He turns to me instead, "Charmee!"

Since Espio isn't here, I guess I have to be the voice of reason, for a little while at least, "You can't just dive in there, Vec!" I tell him, "You'll probably drown! If Espio's alive, he's alive, if he's dead, he's dead, and the only thing we can do for the moment is go down to the harbour and hope like hell that he comes out the other end of the tube safely!"

Vector glares at me, but he can see my point, "Good thing it's only about a mile to the harbour," he mutters, "I hate running in wet shoes!"

~~~
End of Chapter Five

Me: Yay! I never thought I'd think of it all, but I managed! And I got the rating wrong - there's not going to be any Male/Female concensual sex in this fanfic either. Maybe next time... I'm sorry I got it wrong, but if you're reading this fanfic, you probably won't mind.

Espio: I mind.

Vector: Damn! Does one of us have to get raped?

Me: Why the hell else would I have furries working for Robotnik? Or would you prefer robots... or even Robotnik?

Vector: Well, I kinda hoped they'd be part of the plot...

Espio: Why's it always me who gets the shitty end of these things?

Me: Because you're more attractive than Vector or Charmee. And on another, lighter note, here's some advice to my readers, in case you're ever put in a position where rape is a very real possibility - empty your bowels. Very few rapists will persist after that.

Charmee: Ew!

Me: Now stay tuned for more Universe Backstabber after the break!