Beyond the Circle

Chapter Four: Awaken

"Let it come. I am not afraid." Even she found her resolve to be admirable.

An orange and fiery figure seemed to melt upwards from the ground. It was large and hulking in stature, though she expected much larger. It looked as though it might be made from pure lava and hate.

"And so it comes to me at last. Soon I should see the land of the living through your eyes. You shall be mine, body and soul."

'That does not sound good,' she thought to herself. 'What would it do with me should I fail? I would be destroyed... or worse wouldn't I? Why... Why am I thinking of these things? I have to win. I must win.'

"It's two against one, demon. You really don't want to fight both of us, do you? Besides, if I lose the templars will cut you down. They will know the instant it happens. And then it will be over for us both." She sounded so confident. Her tone was strange even to her own ears.

"The templars are welcome to try! Do you know what will happen to you when I take over your body? You will be left here, to the demons' desires. No one will care what they do to you. They will make you live your worst nightmares. They will torture you and they will do whatever the wish to do with you to satisfy their desires. The best part is, you will never 'die' and they will never tire of you, innocent mage." The demon knew it had shocked her enough to cause her to falter. It turned its attention to the human standing beside Lita. "Andyou... I find it amusing that you have not told her of our arrangement, Mouse."

"We don't have an arrangement, not anymore," he responded distantly.

"And after all those wonderful meals we shared? Now the meek Mouse has changed the rules?" That was not what Lita was expecting to hear.

"I'm not a mouse now! And soon I won't have to hide! I don't need to bargain with you anymore," the man retorted hotly. He transformed into a bear once again before Lita's eyes and attacked the demon head on. Lita assumed a battle position through her confused demeanor. She aimed her crafted staff at the demon and three bolts of energy exploded on the surface of it. It screeched in pain as Mouse's massive claws mauled it, keeping its focus on him. Lita focused all of her power on her hands. She brought back both arms in a fluid motion, lifting her hands above her head, staff glowing gloriously. Her hands glowed with an icy coating. She cast her most powerful spell, Winter's Grasp. The frosty energy hit the demon without resistance. It froze solid. Mouse slashed at the frozen sculpture before it had time to melt. The demon shattered into a million pieces.

Lita breathed a sigh of relief as Mouse took on his human form again.

"You did it! You actually did it! When you came I hoped you might be able to... but I never actually believed any of you were worthy!"

"So... what were the names of the others you helped, Mouse?" Lita knew Mouse was not telling her everything. Something suspicious was going on long before she came along.

"What? They were not as promising as you. It was... a long time ago. I don't remember their names. You... I was just trying to survive! I would have been taken over by demons, had I not agreed to help this one. It told you the truth when it said they demons would take you, torture you. But the templars killed me while I was still here. I'm trapped. I had to avoid that devastation somehow. I had to survive."

"Yes, I guess I... understand why you did it... But they were your fellow mages... How could you?" Lita was upset. She never wanted to be the plaything of demons, but she knew she could never go so far as to kill an innocent to save her own life.

"The Fade changes you, apprentice. But... I do not wish to stay here. I... regret what I have done but I don't know where to go, how to leave... There's no body waiting for me, but perhaps with your help, there is a way for me to leave here, get a foothold outside. You just need to want to let me in."

"Let you in?" The words slipped out before the she could let his sink in.

"Back! I want to go back! Help me! They killed me, right? They'll kill you too! Can't you feel the blade at your throat? That templar is waiting for his superior to signal him. They believe all magic is evil, the Fade evil. Once you are here, you become what they fear."

She thought of what the scene must look like outside this dreamworld. Surely Irving would not allow a templar to put a blade to her neck. Would he? Who's blade was it? She hated feeling so helpless. Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Were you ever an apprentice at all?" she asked angrily but quietly.

"What? Yes! Of course I never... I think I was... Isn't that enough for you? It should be enough! Always...questioning things." The voice turned dark and demonic. "Maybe they were right about you. Simple killing is a warrior's job. The real dangers of the Fade are preconceptions, careless trusting... pride. Remember mage, the real tests are never over."

Mouse had transformed into a very large creature. It resembled a large and scaly armored snake. Fearful of his new appearance, she took a few steps back, wondering how she could possibly fight him. A bright light flashed before her eyes and she knew that it was over. She had passed, or so she had hoped. She felt a small pain at her neck, warm liquid soaking into her evening gown. The pain intensified quickly.

She screamed in agony at the sensation. Opening her eyes rendered a display of blurred images.

"I'm sorry! Oh dear Maker! I'm so sorry! No. No No. I never meant... She fell so fast it startled me! It 's never been this quick! Irving, please! Help her! Please, I'm sorry!"

"C-C-C," she tried to choke out the name, but she could not.

"It's all right, lad. This was the first Harrowing where you were ordered to hold the sword, though I'm not sure you were quite... ready." That was Irving's voice. Lita thought she was still dreaming. Things were blurring all around her. There were three people there with her: Cullen, Greagoir and Irving. The other templars were not in her field of vision, if they were even present at all anymore.

"I have my reasons for instructing Cullen to be the one do this." Greagoir's voice rang out harshly. "Like this girl is your star pupil, this boy is mine. He was ready for this responsibility. If he could carry out his duty with this mage, he would be ready for any mage. He has proven himself worthy of his title. If anything, getting ahead of himself shows how much like a templar, he truly is."

"C-Commander?" Cullen asked nervously.

Lita felt a warm healing spell being applied to her neck. It throbbed worse than any injury she had received in her life at the tower. She thought that she had failed somehow. She searched her mind for the moment when the demon could have possessed her. She found nothing.

"Don't play dumb with me, Cullen. I know what you have tried so desperately to hide over the years. Did you think you could sneak behind our backs and we would not know? There are eyes all around this tower. Peopletalk. You and this mage—"

"Greagoir, this is hardly the place," Irving said tiredly. "Or the time. Besides, mindless killing on mages is certainly not what we need."

"I'm sorry, First Enchanter. I didn't mean to..." he breathed jaggedly in fear. "Dear Maker... There's so much blood..."

The images above her began to clear. She tried to speak but a moan of pain came out instead. Cullen wore a horrified expression.

"The demon... Did I fail? I'm... sorry, First Enchanter," she managed to rasp. She did not know if anyone could even understand her. "I don't know how... I … I thought I had won..."

"Child, it is all right. You have passed your Harrowing. It was one of the quickest I've seen, that any of us have seen. But... There was an accident. You fell rather quickly, startling the templar who held the sword to your neck. We should have told you before, but our first line of defense if a demon escapes to your body is a single templar, holding a sharp blade to your neck. If you show the signs of possession, he is to slice you without hesitation. But the way you fell... You didn't help the situation by falling into the sword, dear girl. Most pass out by falling backwards. Oh, but you had to be different, didn't you?" The First Enchanter chuckled. She felt the wound was nearly healed.

"So... I was... standing...? This whole time?" She was so confused. Had she not fallen when she touched the lyrium dust on the pedestal?

"Not exactly," Greagoir commented impatiently. "You sort of float there, in a bright and blinding light."

"It... looked like a p-prison of lightning... That's... the b-best way I could possibly describe it to you..." Cullen said, not looking at anyone. He glowered shamefully at the floor.

"Yes, I would say that is accurate imagery," Irving said, finishing up with her wound. It still hurt, but it hurt less now. She supposed it was just tender. She had no idea if she had been cut deep or not. Realizing her surroundings, her face would have flushed, had she not lost so much blood. Her head rested peacefully on Cullen's lap. Despite the chainmail, she found it oddly comfortable. She lolled her head around lazily. She could not tell if Greagoir was pleased or disappointed with Cullen. She was just glad to be alive at the moment. The punishment for their "relationship" was the last thing on her mind.

"Don't strain your neck, child. There is only so much that magical healing can do for you. You know that." Irving sounded like a father, scolding his child. She supposed, in a way he was.

"Thank you, First Enchanter, for everything. Had I not remembered your words, I might not be here," Lita responded softly.

As Irving stood, he admitted fatigue. "I am glad you sought the path or truth and that I was able to help. But... Let us speak more of this in the morning. I am so very tired, as I imagine you are. I trust you will see our newest senior mage back to her quarters, Cullen. Greagoir, would you be so kind as to escort me to my own quarters? These Harrowings always wear me out."

Lita could tell Irving was trying to get Greagoir to go easy on Cullen for his mistakes and weaknesses.

"But... Irving... Should we not deal with the issue?" Greagoir was referring to the little half-baked romance between Cullen and herself, no doubt. She wanted to tell him not to worry, that Cullen would never ignore his duties or vows because of her. He was a true templar. However, Irving dealt with the matter swiftly.

"We shall deal with it in the morning, Greagoir. Right now, rest is needed... By everyone."

"I..." He sighed in defeat. "I suppose you are right, Irving. You heard the man Cullen. Get this mage back to her quarters and then return to yours... swiftly. Someone else has been told to cover your watch for the night. You... you need rest after... that. I know it was not easy."

"Y-yes Greagoir. Of course. Th-thank you."

Lita was surprised by Greagoir's nice demeanor after this Harrowing had ended. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. He and the First Enchanter set off for their respective quarters, both visibly exhausted. The door closed and he was all she could see.

"Cullen..." she barely whispered, shivering atop his lap.

"I'm...so sorry." He was whispering, not looking at her face but at the floor beside her. It was covered in blood. "I never meant to hurt you. If you had been taken over... I would have had to do it... But I never wanted to intentionally harm you. I..."

She stared into his eyes, upside down. Looking up she only saw sadness there. Weakly, she raised an hand to his face, touching it faintly with her fingertips. She put her index finger to his lips.

"No. No more sadness. Your duty as a templar called you. I... know how much it pains you that our... feelingsconflict with those duties. I can't expect you to choose me over them. But I..."

"I wish I could be more for you. I am... torn between the templars and you. You're so... beautiful and strong. And I am... so... so... so... i-in love with you, Lita Amell. But you deserve far better than I. I can never be there for you like a good man should be for his... his... erm, woman. I was never supposed to find a woman like you. Ever. I had given up before I even knew it was possible to feel this way."

"Cullen... " Her arm strength was decreasing, but it was amusing to watch him talk with her finger trying to shush him. She lowered her hand back to her side weakly. "The way you make me feel is so wonderful. And I don't know if it's love but—"

"Shh," he said quietly, pressing a naked finger to her lips like she had done to him. He had removed his gloves before she had awakened, it would seem. "No more talking now, Lita. You are weak after what has happened. I could apologize a thousand times and I would still feel awful inside. Please, you must rest."

"Well, stop apologizing. I know you meant no harm. Just... make it up to me some other way," she said dreamily, as if she were far away in thought. She opened her mouth and let the finger he was using to shush her slide onto her tongue. He retracted his hand quickly.

"You, uh, you are n-not yourself, it seems," he stumbled in speech, clearly embarrassed by the feeling her actions evoked.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what... came over me..." Her words were tired and slow again and her eyes were heavy. "We should... get back... to..."

He leaned over her face, watching her from above, upside down. No doubt he could still feel her shaking. He closed in on her lips and gently pushed against them with his own. She could feel his neck rubbing against her nose. An kiss like this was more pleasurable than she had ever thought. The tops of their tongues met and gently played with one another. He pressed on her lips like he could never get enough of them. Lita smiled at the warmness in this and sucked on his bottom lip. A tiny moan escaped from his throat as he suctioned himself to her own lower lip. It was like they were drinking in each others essence. She lightly gripped his bottom lip with her teeth and playfully let go. She knew it was not a smart idea to tease him like that, but she ravished in the pleasure. He pulled back his head hesitantly. She could feel his resistance as he moved away from her.

"Oh... no more?" Lita sleepily breathed. Cullen smiled at her as she drifted to sleep. It came upon her quicker than even she expected. Inside the comfort of sleep, she felt nothing but content. She jerked back to consciousness in the blackness of her room, feeling a pair of lips on her forehead. She shifted her head's position and pulled him closer, kissing him on the cheek before she was unable to keep her cognizance. She wanted to say goodnight, but a kiss would have to do, for the words would not form. She was too drained to even move. The darkness of sleep was upon her again, letting her recuperate all energy expended during her Harrowing. It was nice not to have to feel anything for a little while. She held onto that feeling and never really desired to awaken. With no more Fade to haunt her dreams, she felt wonderful. It seemed never-ending.