Addiction

‘Thank God, no one is here to see this…’ Adah thought tiredly as she tried to hold herself up against a jutting rock at the bank of the riverbed until her knees gave way.

This had to have been the longest dry heaved filled morning she’d ever experienced… Even the subtle movements of removing her soiled red dress that reeked with the dripping remains of her breakfast sent a painful wave of queasiness across her belly. It all started about a week ago with a constant headache upon waking, but now it had morphed into something more and the runny evidence of it was slowly being rinsed from the front of her dress with the rivers steadily flowing current.

The morning started as simple as any other would these past three long months. It was a morning filled with a hopelessness that was mostly fueled by the fact that she was still living in Masyaf, surrounded by its murderers lurking around every corner of the city. Their grey and white hoods were very effective at hiding their identities yet it did nothing to alleviate her anxiety of once again being trapped as one of their kind. Yet no matter how much she tried to imagine otherwise, she could not escape the fact that she might not and most likely never would be leaving. Altaïr simply would not allow it.

A surge of cold river water rose around Adah’s knees slowly as she sat at its edge, waking her from her sickness induced trance. She watched the water come forth with the tide for a long moment before finally looking away and into the distant trees of the riverbed. She refused to look into the water directly as it pooled gently around her calves to seep below the white pebbles littering the shore. It was too unbearable looking into her miserable reflection gracing the water’s surface, almost serving only to make her disheartening situation ever the more apparent...


+++Flashback+++


The heavy downpour of the winter storm still had not slackened up as she stood in the cold rain, gazing uselessly at the dark pathway leading beyond Masyaf’s protective gates. Altaïr hadn’t even bothered following her after she fled from their lustful encounter in the cargo room. There was no point to it. He knew there was nowhere else for her to go and his decision to bring her here only reinforced that fact. The war against the Crusader’s was plaguing the land outside the Assassin’s territory and her incident in the Saracen’s camp only helped to ensure there would be no means of escape.

As she stumbled along the deserted streets in search of shelter from the freezing rain, she really didn’t have much choice than to consider the circumstances of her plight. It was cold and the water was like ice, chilled with the fast approaching winter. She could either freeze to death by morning or return to the man that seemed to be draining the life from her since the day they’d met. No matter where she went, the odds appeared to be against her. Even nature was trying to force her stubborn mind to seeing that perhaps this little fantasy she had of gaining independence was just exactly.

A fantasy.

And the final piece to help her much needed decision along was when her tired feet found themselves planted before the old but never forgotten wooden door of Bushra’s home at the bottom of the hill. She would never stop missing the old woman and her wise words that always seemed to guide her in the right direction. Right now she would give anything for her advice even if deep down she was already aware that it was time to stop running from the only person she had left in her life...

Not too long after slumping loudly against the rickety old door of the home, it suddenly lurched opened to reveal a rather ill-tempered young woman staring at her with a look of revulsion as if she were the lowliest vagabond from the streets. Her wet tangled hair and unkempt appearance undoubtedly the cause... The new inhabitant of Bushra’s home regarded her for a long moment, her expression sour as if she was staring at the most pathetic looking creature she had ever seen. Adah lowered her eyes as she leaned against the doorway. Her arms tightened around her waist as the degradation commence to roll off her own body in waves. To add even more salt to the wound, the woman quickly ushered her to shoo and said that she had no money to support a common whore! Adah made a start as the wooden door was slammed in her face. Taken aback, Adah gathered her bearings and darted away, ashamed.

That had been the final crude reminder to bolster the fact that her wonderfully comfortable life with Bushra was no more...

Soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold, she reluctantly looked back towards the hilltop and the towering stronghold that called to her with a voice loud enough to be heard over the pounding rain. She didn’t want to go back to it or the painful memories of so much heartbreak from her past. This wasn’t how her life was supposed to be! But It seemed Mother Nature’s merciless ways had helped bring forth her dreaded decision whether she wanted to accept it or not. So with a heavy sigh she regretfully trudged back to the castle and inwardly surrendered herself to Altaïr by choosing to remain exactly where he wanted her to be.

In the middle of this lethal playground that he called home…

She found him sitting against the windowsill of his quarters, staring down at the garden that was quickly turning into a very large mud puddle right before his eyes. He didn’t look at her or even acknowledge her entrance but he knew she was standing there. The noisy droplets of water that dripped off her small shaking form spoke volumes and had given her away long before she even came through the door.

There were no words, no apologies or even barbs to pass between them as she removed her wet clothes and climbed underneath his blankets in a desperate search of warmth. He was in a foul mood after her earlier display when he’d explained the piece of Eden to her. His golden brown eyes didn’t even bother seeking her out within the small lump of covers until she was burrowed securely from his view. After a while, he rose from the windowsill and stalked quietly over to the wet naked girl hiding beneath his bedding. Inwardly, his violent nature wanted to yell at her, her to yell at him. He wanted to hurt her the way she was hurting him... Maybe even allow her to strike him so he would have an excuse to unleash his angry thoughts but instead she did none of those things and for some reason that was worse than the hardest slap in the face she could ever deliver. Letting his belligerence get the better of him by tearing her from the bed and riling her up would only create an all out war tonight when in actuality, all he truly sought was peace. Tired and resigned, he lifted his long sleeve tunic over his head with a bit of difficulty due to his bandaged shoulder and calmly inched his way within the covers, the small tremors of her shakes silently telling him that she was still awake.

She tensed when she felt his long fingers sliding over the soft bronze skin at the crest of her hip. They stayed there for a long time and when he didn’t move further or make a sound, she began to wonder if he was waiting for her to give the acquiescence to touch her, which she found odd since he hadn’t bothered asking the night she came to him in Jerusalem. She slowly pulled the covers from her head and rolled on her back to meet his tired, half-lidded gaze.

She knew now that Altaïr did care for her and would show it in his own ways. Such as the way the usually cold and stoic features of his face would soften as he looked at her with a gaze he would not dare show any other. Just like he was doing now…

But even though Altaïr may care for her, she on the other hand didn’t know if she could feel the same way for him again and that was the constant flood that would keep tearing their dam apart.

They weren’t married. She wasn’t even sure if she loved him but just like so many other factors in life, everything must come with a price. So since Altaïr had taken it upon himself to choose a path for her, her decision to stay in the city had also chosen a path for him. If he was going to maintain a hold on her life then she made an oath to keep an even stronger hold on his heart by taking everything that he had to give until she had destroyed it as he had once done to her own.

And as deranged as that may seem, it was oddly the closest to a truce that they were going to get...

Altaïr’s eyes traveled along the soft features of her face as though he was trying to recommit her to his memory once again despite the fact that she had only been gone for a few hours. During her stay here with him these past few weeks, he had been trying to bring the young woman back to her shell yet the wary hazel eyes that met him from behind her thick smoky lashes were those of a soul becoming lost in a depression induced void.

At first his own irritable mood only seemed to worsen as the gloomy storm poured into the night but it all began to fade the moment his fingers came into contact with her supple feminine skin that was like the most soothing and addicting aphrodisiac ever known to man. He was amazed to find that even to this day her presence never ceased to bring some sort of comfort to him despite their quarreling and couldn’t help but wonder if there had been a reason she was brought back into his world... Against his best efforts to return that same reassurance however, his fingers were met with tense and untrusting muscles.

Adah continued to remain speechless even as the pad of one of his fingers began to trail up her lower belly and dip into her belly button. Unmoving she watched his slightly parted lips slowly lean over in an attempt to join them with hers, his fingers creating a nice diversion until she suddenly looked away before he got too close.

Altaïr’s eyebrows furrowed displeased, his good arm darting around her naked waist and pulling her damp shivering back to his warm chest and stomach. She went limp in his arms. “I know my Adah from childhood is still lurking somewhere deep inside that hollow husk you pretend to occupy now....” he whispered quietly, “Why do you still shield it from me?”

“I have to... It’s the only thing I have any control over anymore...” she replied dolefully. “And I refuse to lose that to you too.”

And that was exactly how she wanted it to be... She’d abide by her oath. She wouldn’t give him anymore of her than she had to and keep her defenses as high as possible. Even if he managed to draw her into another sexually charged moment similar to that of the cargo room, he would be merely chipping away at her shells surface. And in spite of his best efforts, those walls would never fall.


+++End Flashback+++


Although that was months ago, things were still pretty much the same. The only difference between now and then was that now she had at long last grudgingly accepted that this was where she will always be and that regardless of how much she tried, there is no changing that cold hard fact.

But just when she thought she had finally gained a leg up on her destiny, fate instead decided to turn the tables and play an entirely new and frustrating game with her. This was the second time this morning her rebellious stomach decided to rid itself of the breakfast she had barely been able to force down. This new disturbing development only added to her already mounting frustration and sadly, the most she could do was pray she had not contracted some sort of illness.

That is if someone upstairs was actually listening this time, but with her luck she wouldn’t keep her hopes up.

In any case, she was at least thankful she could suffer in silence for the time being. Altaïr had left for travel to Jordan several days before with one of his highest ranking advisors to search for a similar artifact like the Piece of Eden he’d shown her before. It would take them at another day to return which would hopefully give her time to recover.

To her surprise, she thought about the orb more often than not. Its existence was puzzling and intriguing while at the same time just as equally terrifying. It had the capability of changing the eyes of an entire country for good and possibly put an end to the war if wielded by a responsible hand that could resist its temptation of wrong doing. But after his previous incident with Al Mualim, Altaïr didn’t appear to want to risk taking that chance. Since taking over the role of their Master after Altaïr took Al Mualim’s life, Altaïr had been ruling over the Assassin’s without the slightest difficulty. He was a hard but fair leader, molded from a young boy to an adult in the ways of politics and murderer. He was able to provide the necessary structure his followers needed to ensure their Order continued on to purge the Holy Land clean for its people. As an upside for her, his demanding duties offered a welcoming reprieve throughout the day by allowing her some much needed time away from him and his incredibly persuasive fingers.

She noticed how his craving to sleep with her was occurring more and more lately like he was afraid he would never get another chance. He didn’t seem to care when it was occurring, whether it be a quick rendezvous in the darkened passageways of the fortress when he was free of his duties or a lengthier coupling in his chambers at night. She would patiently await his return in his rooms that overlooked the garden behind the fortress as he instructed, feigning sleep until the telltale sign of his stealthy entrance to signal what was to come. It was then followed by his eventual slip underneath the covers to pull responses from her all too willing body. And every time she gave in to the pleasurable sensations he offered, the hated words of being called nothing but a harlot by that black-hearted Lieutenant from her first attempted escape would flutter throughout her mind.
But she didn’t care because maybe that was all she was and for a person with so many failures during her time, that seemed to be the only thing she was truly good at...

Pulling her stained dress from the river, Adah stood shakily and rang out the garment to let dry over the rock while she fought off another overwhelming wave of nausea. The idea of leaning down to grab her sandals quickly turned into regret when her stomach then twirled upside down to create another fit of heaves. The feather light footsteps of a pair of hard leather boots approaching from the narrow path behind her that led into the alcove fell on deaf ears.

Altaïr had caught glimpse of her from the rocky cliff above as he traveled on horseback and became infuriated to find her here alone and defying him as always by wandering the outskirts of the city after returning early from an unsuccessful voyage. Many times he had advised her to take his guards with her if she felt the need to linger beyond the city gates, as long as she remained within his territory where he could ensure her safety. He swore she was the most stubborn woman he’d ever come into contact with during his long years although somehow he knew he would never want her to behave any other way. Unlike the other timid women that lived in their husband’s shadows, Adah was like an untamed spirit that boldly spoke her mind and did her best to do exactly as she pleased. She possessed a strong will and that alone was what made her different from all the rest.

Slowly he emerged from the surrounding foliage not far from the water’s edge and barked out her name as he approached, but didn’t think better of it until it was too late. Instead of her reacting to him and providing the awaited explanation he was expecting from her, she let out a yelp and spun around too quickly for her easily aggravated tummy, forced to turn back to the water to evacuate it once more. His eyes narrowed.
‘She is ill, in the middle of nowhere, and practically half clothed. Why?’ he thought annoyed as he hurriedly advanced in her direction.

After giving up the will to fight off her dizziness, she clumsily stumbled a few steps backward from the water and abruptly dropped on her bottom. The long white tails of his robe quickly invaded her vision until he finally knelt down in front of her to look her over, his hands grabbing at the small of her exposed waist to help hold her upright.

“What is the matter and why are you not dressed?”

He was furious and yet slightly relieved to see her again after so many days of being away even though she was out on her own in a land plagued by war and worse, clad in only her undergarments! He frowned. After all this time, she still hasn’t changed a bit. No matter how many times he thought he had figured her out again, she would present some new twist up her sleeve to aggravate him with.

She covered her mouth with a hand to hide the high pitched hiccup that leapt from her throat and groaned. The most she could do was desperately hope that he would not look in the direction where her breakfast was now resting near the shore.

“What brings you out here?!” he questioned loudly again, his anger returning after he heard no response to his previous interrogation although he really hadn’t given her a chance to answer. Alarmed, she jumped at the sound of his firm and heavy voice.

“W-well I needed some time alone but on the way I became ill and have been here ever since.” she blurted, embarrassed that he witnessed her regurgitating by the rock and sheepishly looked to the ground to avoid his penetrating golden brown gaze. She hated losing control of her stomach and to have Altaïr, of all people, see it happen couldn’t be any worse!

“My dress has suffered the worst of it. I did not have much warning the first time it happened... It is over there by the rock to dry.” She finished and glanced in its direction.

“Adah... You know it is unwise to wander so far alone. I tell you of these things for a reason, not to give you a new excuse to be disobedient.” he chastised as his ever watchful eyes scanned the alcove and surrounding areas.

She merely gave him a look of indifference and pitifully attempted to shrug away his hands in order to lie on her side and settle her escaping stomach. She felt drained and wasn’t in the mood for his scolding and overprotective attitude towards her being out here. But she had to get away, if not for a little while. The smothering environment in Masyaf was about to take her to wits end if she didn’t get some time away from it. Even though she gave him a cross expression, she was actually glad he was here.

“I see you have returned early... I take it you were successful in your search?” she whispered.

“Not at all. The second orb lay buried within a newfound region that no amount of bargaining would allow us permission to cross. For now it will have to wait, but I will deal with that at a later time. I must return you to the city and question who allowed you to wander this far alone in the first place.” he replied in a relatively frustrated tone.

“Do not be cross or punish them, Altaïr. I assure you the guard does not know of my disappearance...” she admitted and closed her eyes, comforted by the feel of his cool fingers smoothing away the damp strands of hair from her forehead.

“Which is even more reason of why they will be discussing it with me.” he concluded, ending the conversation and knitting his eyebrows together as he evaluated her condition.

Everywhere he felt, her dark skin was hot to the touch and her breathing had become labored. Plus her flushed face accompanied by not being able to hold anything down was certainly not a good sign…

She heard him rise and walk around her unmoving body to gather the few items she’d brought with her before disappearing off into the distance. Her mind began to wander after a while as the soft babbling of the slowly river lulled her nerves. What exactly was happening to her? If something she ate disagreed with her, it had to have been removed by now but she still felt as though any minute her stomach could easily go for another round. What if it didn’t leave and instead got worse? When her stomach began to bubble hotly she clutched her middle and moaned quietly. She began to question if this was fates way of making a joke and if so, God could go ahead and do her a favor by ending it right now, right by the river’s edge. Although the real question was whether or not he could make it as quick and painless as possible before Altaïr came back... Truthfully, this sickness made her feel weak, vulnerable and she didn’t like the idea of him seeing her that way. But of course her prayers were never answered anytime the Assassin was involved. She felt a familiar pair of large hands pull her up to a sitting position and she looked at him curiously when he crouched down with his back to her, his hands cupping behind him to urge her to get on.

Altaïr was actually surprised when she didn’t object and slowly climbed on to nestle comfortably against the broad muscles of his back. His hands immediately grasped her tightly under her bottom when he stood and her small fingers clutched tightly to his robes as she lay her head against him and closed her eyes. It was almost as though she were worried he might disappear if she let go. Was she actually afraid and silently asking for his help? Or just too tired to put up a fight? He was about to ask as he glanced back into her passive face but pushed the thought aside since it was that kind of thinking that usually rocked the boat and their waters were already rough enough as it is.

Quietly he carried her back up the trail with him to collect his horse and advisor waiting patiently for his return.

“Altaïr?” he heard her in a small voice.

“Hm?”

“I don’t know what is happening, but I... I thank you for being here.”

His silent response to her vulnerable confession told her of the unusually stunned expression probably plastered to his handsome face and for the first time in a long time the idea of it almost made her want to laugh.
Almost.

+++

“Master!”

The guards of Masyaf’s watched as their Master trekked seemingly on auto-pilot through the gates with a young girl balled in his arms, his mind long ago having wandered off. Altaïr’s was very much concerned for her. Adah’s stomach had escaped her once again while on horseback to Masyaf. In spite of this, he couldn’t believe how thankful he had been when she scrambled to the ground and darted into the bushes before they were both covered in it.

“You have returned to us, Master!” came a loud and winded shout from over his shoulder. Altaïr stopped in his tracks and turned towards the voice running at full speed from the merchant’s district.

‘Jalil...’ he thought irritatingly. He had more important matters to attend to at the moment as he issued orders to his guards who offered assistance in retrieving a healer and Jalil was only making himself a very annoying obstacle right now. The young man had been constantly trailing him around since his initiation, asking questions to which he should already know the answers to. He wasn’t proving to be a very resourceful recruit and was in fact, getting on Altaïr’s nerves. One day he’d even gone as far as to asking him about the Piece of Eden which he should only know a limited bit of information considering only those of the highest ranks still knew of its existence.

“Peace be upon you, Jalil... If there is something you are in need of assistance with, look to your instructor Kadar as I am very busy at the moment. He is your point of contact until you are ready for what I have in store for you.” Altaïr quickly instructed and started back for the path of the stronghold.

“Wait, were you successful in retrieving the next piece of the orb?” Jalil questioned anyway as he reached up to pull his grey hood back, his feet pacing quickly after him to keep up with his Master’s long stride.

“I was not... “

“Then where is it?”

Altaïr continued walking. He had already given his instruction, Jalil need only to follow it. He was unconcerned with his students babbling for now and more for Adah’s condition. She had barely moved since entering the city...

“What has happened then?” Jalil pushed again, his voice rising with frustration from Altaïr’s continuous brush offs. He watched as his Master looked down at the still woman in his arms.

Still no response.

“ANSWER ME and stop worrying over that retched girl!” he yelled and grabbed roughly at Altaïr’s shoulder, bringing him to an immediate halt.

Adah opened her eyes at the pause in movement to survey the scene unfolding before her. She wasn’t quite sure what was going on in her dazed state, but her half-lidded eyes widened as she watched Altaïr turn on Jalil and give him a menacing glare that even she would have been proud to sport.

“My apologies... Master.” Jalil responded, the tone of his voice now in check as he backed down after his outburst and bowed apologetically.

“Do as you are told and you may be prepared for a briefing later....” Altaïr stated and fought to suppress the tone of a threat from his voice.

“Yes, Master.”

They watched as the young Assassin pulled his grey hood lower over his eyes, took a slight bow and quickly retreated back towards the merchant’s district.

“He has always been so impatient and loose of tongue.” Adah commented quietly.

“Indeed, yet he also is aware of his boundaries and has been crossing them much too often these days. He needs to learn his place before that tongue of his is cut out... And I do not mean by me.” Altair added when her hazel eyes looked up at him in surprise after resuming his path. “Jalil has been making many problems for himself within the ranks. He is defiant and too hesitant to follow orders which will only result in getting himself killed... Kind of reminds me of someone else I know.”

She looked up just in time to catch the crooked grin plastered to Altaïr’s face at his comment about her. She was about to throw a bad remark his way but instead shot a hand over her mouth to push back the wave of nausea tied to being jostled about in his grip. When he felt her hand twisting into his robe, he immediately let her go and watched her jump out of his arms, darting up the pathway towards the fortress in a red and brown blur. When was she ever able to move that fast?

Adah burst through the double doors leading to their quarters and made a bee line for the washroom, slamming the metal door and closing herself inside.

‘When will this end?!’ she thought as her stomach lurched to remove any remnants of liquid that had the audacity to collect within her upset stomach. Achy and exhausted, she rinsed her mouth in the pail of fresh water and staged back into Altaïr’s room noticing how it began to spin. Suddenly she collapsed across the cold, patterned tile.


+++


At first the room was blurry and mixed in various blotches of light that pulsed in and out of focus to match the thumping headache pounding at Adah’s temples. She noticed there was a cushy softness underneath her head that was quite different from the hardened tile she remembered smashing against upon her exit from the washroom.
She blinked several times until her hazel eyes lazily came into focus and found a short middle aged man with dark skin and a thick salt and pepper beard feeling around her exposed chest and belly. He appeared to have a bit of wealth judging by his elegantly designed robes. Why was she naked? She shook her head to clear the fog a bit and heard the man next to her mumbling something under his breath as he squeezed and prodded around the raised hump in her lower belly. What was going on and who is this man touching her?! She was so confused and woozy and couldn’t seem to shake off the overwhelming desire to sleep. She tried to sit up to take in her surroundings and most importantly, find out what happened to her clothing, but a painful flash of white passed in front of her eyes .She looked up towards the offending culprit whose hands were pushing her back down into what appeared to be Altaïr’s bed.

“What are you doing, Altaïr...?” she called out tiredly once, unable to struggle against his strength once she recognized who it was. When she was relaxed he released her and tugged his red afghan up to cover her blatant nudity, his fingers smoothing her long locks from her eyes.

“Tell me what is going on?” She called out more loudly to get their attention.

She watched the middle aged man approach the bed once more and dropped a large black satchel onto the bed with the symbol of healing and the characters Muntasir written delicately along its side. Was she that ill to require a healer?

“Now calm down. There is no reason for you to become so upset, young lady... In fact, you should be prepared to celebrate!” he began, the corners of his eyes crinkling from the large cheerful smile that broke its way through his beard.

“You are expecting...” he finally finished.

Altaïr’s cold and piercing eyes swept over Adah for a moment and once his mind processed those words, he suddenly felt as though someone had just struck him in the back of the head with a club. The man’s hand lavished attention upon her rounded belly by rubbing small circles over it then grabbed his satchel and moved for the door. But even in her weakened state Adah was faster than he and had all but torn herself from the bed before the man’s bag could fall completely at his side.

“Expecting WHAT?” she hollered from the corner of the room, completely forgetting about her nakedness. What was this man talking about? Had he lost his mind? Surely, he wasn’t suggesting what she thought... Perhaps she was dreaming.

“A child, my dear. With symptoms such as yours and the obvious hints of showing, what did you think was happening?”

The room remained quiet for a minute until the bearer of bad news broke the silence once again.

“Apparently, this is too much for you to take in at this time so I will take my leave. Do not be afraid to come by if you have any questions...” he finished and finally exited the door.

Adah glanced at the guilty Assassin still glued to his spot at the foot of the bed who seemed to have vanished into his own little world. Her shaky fingertips slowly rose to examine the small bump that was making itself at home within her belly without her permission. She wasn’t crazy... She knew well enough that their “activities” were the cause and to make matters worse she knew she was just as much to blame for this as Altaïr was. Pulling herself from the corner, she reached under the bed and pulled out a small leather bound book and hurriedly flipped it open to the most recent page. She chewed on the tip of her fingernail nervously as her eyes scanned frantically, desperately to count the markings scrawled from page to page, each one tallying the days after the last record of the time she bled. When she reached the first mark that started the next line of several notches too many, all color slowly began to drain itself from her face as one single question screeched to a grinding halt at the forefront of her mind...

What was she going to do now?

+++

A/N: Wow I know this was a long wait between updates and I’m sorry! So much has been going on this past month and I had to put it aside for a little bit, but now I’m back and ready to continue on. I hope everyone who likes this fic is enjoying it as much as I am in writing it. I really appreciate everyone’s feedback and thoughts towards this story for those that are following it. You guys are awesome! So much drama in A&A’s lives... Poor girl, it’s just one thing after another. Well there’s even more on its way so please stay tuned! :D

The Rusty Peach